Discretionary Spending: Senator Calls For Freeze

Senator Evan Bayh (D-Ind.), makes an urgent plea to Obama, calling for a freeze on discretionary spending.

'"The president could say in his State of the Union address, I'm going to include in my budget a freeze on discretionary spending, I'm drawing a line in the sand, and I'm going to use my veto pen to enforce that," Bayh said on Bloomberg's "Political Capital."
Pressed by host Al Hunt if Obama would actually make such a statement, Bayh said "I think there's a fighting chance that he will."
Obama is expected to address jobs and the economy in his State of the Union address on Wednesday. A large portion of voter anger over the economy has centered around the $1.4 trillion deficit, a post-war record."

I would say an even larger portion of voter anger over the economy is the dismal job market, declining dollar (while health care and other COL factors continue to climb) and the broken promises of this administration.

Did You Know...

*Did you know that I am not the only brilliant mind on the planet? Apparently there are other people who are also using the banking industry term "too big to fail" when it comes to the attitude of NBC and Jay Leno.

*Did you know that certain mountains in Cali now have more snow than certain mountains in the Northwest?

*Did you know that miracles can happen, sometimes even after 30 years of waiting?

*Did you know that the body does indeed have some switch that, when overly tired, kicks in and puts you to sleep regardless of where you are and how you are physically situated?

*Did you know that being pregnant is sometimes like being a puppy or a small child in that you eat a lot and play hard all day only to crash and burn by 7pm?

*Did you know that doing the hokie pokie really is what it's all about?

*Did you know that swearing when in pain has now been shown to be effective in reducing the pain?

*Did you know that concentrated hemp oil (not the hemp seed oil found in stores) has been shown to cure cancer?

*Did you know that it is, right now, 8:28pm on a Saturday evening, the skies are clear, the air smells like a mix of cool creek water, moss and wood smoke, my dog is sleeping and my spouse is running the kitchen sink?

Life Happenings Update

You may have noticed a couple of new things about this blog:

*One, I have some rather large fonts (which as I glance at them are a bit annoying so I will have to make it a point to fix that) off to the right, appearing as ads or ads-to-be. I have signed up with AdSense and I am awaiting authorization to begin the program and begin collecting my millions. It is one of a few things I am doing to bring in money.

*Two, I have added a PayPal donate button. It rather sucks doing that and I feel a bit awkward in sticking out my hand and saying "please may I have some of your money" but being my life is no longer just about me and Mr. Nina but about me, Mr. N and the little one, I'm putting aside all sense of embarassment and pride. Mr. N is without health insurance and is in need of medical procedures if he is to hold down any sort of employment, which given this little baby is due to arrive in a few months, needs to happen soon. At this point, we're just biting the bullet and getting things taken care of, one at a time, in the hopes we receive financial assistance through the hospital, or that his name be drawn in the OHP lottery (so that he may register with the state health plan, which currently there is a waiting list and thus, the state is doing lottery draws every month or so) or that we come into that kind of cash...somehow...someway.

This situation brings to mind the heartfelt, inspiring, and what seemed to be a bit spontaneous of a speech delivered by Keith Olbermann last year about the health care fiasco in this nation. He summed it up brilliantly and eloquently by saying that simply because he (Keith) makes a very good income, which allows him (and anyone in his family) to receive the best medical care around, that such a situation makes him no more worthy than anyone else, regardless of that persons financial status/situation, of having access to health care. In a nutshell, no one should ever ever ever have to put off medical treatment simply because they lack the financial means to pay for it. At the time I applauded him. Today, it has taken on a much more significant meaning.

The little one is 6 months and making herself felt throughout the day. Aside from the financial pressure/concerns, all is well. Thank you, as always, for reading.

Mama-to-be Nina and family

Jay Leno: Too Big To Fail?

I gotta tell ya, following this whole Jay Leno debacle has me thinking of the term banking executives and government officials were saying about the need to bailout the banks, claiming they were "Too Big To Fail".

Jay Leno (and company) weren't able to maintain his edge during his new show's 10pm line-up, and instead of admitting defeat like legitimate folks in the world of business (yes, including folks in the entertainment business), he's allowing the television execs to make him look like an absolute ass by removing Conan O'Brien (who, in my opinion, is a far more talented comic) from Leno's former spot on The Tonight Show so that Leno can have the former time slot, albeit it at half the running time.

Excuse me, but isn't anybody thinking "Ok, you took a risk. And the whole thing failed. Admit defeat and walk away. And for all that is good, leave O'Brien where he is. He earned it."

You know, BE AN ADULT. BE A MAN. Do what's respectful and responsible.

While Leno's entire persona has been leaving bitter tastes in my mouth for some time, from his blatant sexual/lewd gazes he casts upon some of his sexier (and often quite younger) female guests to his "lookit me mr. 800 million dollar man who is such a humanitarian by giving a homeless guy iIsee on my way into work each day a whole dollar" (while common folks grounded in reality say "oh yes such a wonderful gesture must be sooo difficult to cough up a whole DOLLAR") to his recent displays where he has shown utter disregard and gross detachment from the current economic realities where he has insulted folks (of the male gender) who must work at Walmart and the like, and/or move in/live with their parents, implying who on earth would even think of dating such a "loser"...where was I? Oh yes, while his persona, not to mention his lack of authentic talent as a comedian doesn't put me in his "fan" category, this latest has me thinking even less of him as a person.

His attitude (or certainly his agreeance with studio execs) of "Too Big To Fail" is disgusting. It is every bit as arrogant as those of the banks.

Nope. Sorry Leno, but you are not too big to fail. And I can only hope that enough Americans are fed the farm fuck up with this gross sense of entitlement elitists think they somehow are, well, entitled to. I can only hope even less people will tune in and watch program in that new time slot. I can only hope that as you pass by that homeless man each day, some of that man's humble reality will seep into your heart and soul, give you a good mental ass-kicking and remind you that you are no better than/worthy of/entitled to than anyone else and that, perhaps, the gracious thing to have done would have been to allow Conan O'Brien to continue on with his journey he (and his staff) were creating, to give back to him what you have allowed to be taken so greedily away from him. Yes, the decent thing to do would have been to walk away, quietly. With grace.

That, in and of itself, will earn you oh so many more accolades, the kind that really count, than the extra views your new time slot and show (may) bring you.

Friday Musings

I have been receiving a very high number of spam in my comments section. I'm glad I decided to do the "verify comment before being allowed to post" option as I would typically forget how to delete posted comments. Oh well. Some leave some very pretty foreign characters. Most though are interested in seeing me have the biggest penis possible, usually growing from my own body.

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I recently purchased something I never thought I would do: a pregnancy back support belt. Read more about this adventure on my other blog. One term sums it up: AAAHHH.

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I learned the most I can go without good sleep (which these days for me is at approximately 4-5 hours of uninterrupted sleep) before having a nuclear meltdown is, as of today, 4 weeks, an improvement over my pre-pregnancy days where just 3-5 such nights left me ready to strangle cute little kitties. I had such a meltdown this week and, after crying loudly for about 15 minutes and expressing my worries and concerns with Mr. N., I fell asleep for 2 hours (7pm-9pm). Again, I do believe nature has a way of prepping us for the arrival of baby. Number one on my list will be tending to her needs. Number two, FREQUENT NAPS. For yours truly. As I've already told Mr. N, the house is either gonna go messy and the refrig empty or you will have to take up the cleaning, shopping and the like for the first couple of months. He's more than willing to pick up the slack.

Or so he says now. We may both be needing FREQUENT NAPS and may as such be having local friends/neighbors do our grocery shopping for us. As for the housecleaning, well, our puppy pooch is quite smart and talented...

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Hey, did you know studies show that children raised by gay couples are no more likely to be harmed or abused than their straight couple counterparts? In what I call "News Of The NO DUH" land, check out this article fmi.

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In other news, I found this piece interesting. In the first of its kind, a man is suing his neighbor for refusing to turn off her wireless devices when not in use. Why? He says he suffers from Electromagnetic Sensitivity, or EMS. Not surprising one bit. I saw this happening 20 years ago. We are, after all, beings of energy at every level and given the electromagnetic soup we're exposed to every day, it's only to be expected that such over-exposure is going to disrupt our own energy patterns and fields, with some being more sensitive than others.

Makes you want to toss that wi-fi computer, cell phone, blackberries, blah blah blah and the like, doesn't it? I know whenever I see cell phone towers, I want them removed. Not only are they an eyesore, they emit huge EMF fields. And besides, cell phones have made us rude, lazy and completely detached from our surroundings and one another. A CB radio or walkie talkie is often all that's needed if one finds themselves in a vehicle emergency (and the generosity of a passerby). Toss the damn cell phone. WE DO NOT NEED THEM.

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Life is grand. Love is "all that". Connecting with one another is the best thing around. Always has been, always will be. Little one concurs. She just gave me a little kick to let me know she agrees. Peace to ya all!

Montsanto's GMO Corn Linked To Organ Failure

Not surprising. When I first heard of these folks back in 2000, the hair on the back of my neck stood up. I knew this was a company intended on taking over the food supply (already happening), who had no regard for the health of the consumer (already been shown) and will be allowed to have their global health destruction monopoly continue on while the FDA et al stand by and let them (that's what's been goin' on). At the time I shared my thoughts with a co-worker, who thought I was completely over-reacting. I wonder what he thinks today...

On the same day I read the above linked piece, I read another article on GMO foods and how to avoid buying them. Since food manufacturer's still aren't required to label their foods as such (which is insane in and of itself), there are things you can do to avoid this crap if you so choose.

1) Buy organic.
2) Buy foods labeled non-gmo.
3) Avoid or at least greatly reduce processed food items.
4) Watch foods that contain corn and soy products. Unless labeled as non-gmo or organic, odds are they have been genetically modified.

(I would also suggest writing food manufacturer's whose products you otherwise want to buy but who either don't label their food items or use GM ingredients and make it clear to them that unless they stop using GM ingredients, you're switching brands.)

The most popular food items that have been genetically modified are corn and soy products. I also read where papaya from Hawaii (non-organic), zucchini and crooked neck squash are also now being grown with genetically modified seeds. You can add potatoes to that list as well.

I read this could be turned around if 14 million people here in the States would stop buying GMO products altogether. I'm not sure if that's nearly enough people, but it's worth a try. I would also suggest people write food manufacturer's whose products they otherwise wish to buy but who either don't label their food items or who use GM ingredients and make it clear that unless they stop using GM ingredients, you will be switching brands. I would also suggest people create Truth In Labeling Legislation in their respective states.

Doesn't the whole thing sound sinister to you? That's because it is. Whenever humanity attempts to mess around with genetics, with the DNA of any life form, whether for benevolent or malevolent purposes, the results are never good.

Guess Baby's Gender

Anyone care to guess the little one's gender? We don't know if the little one is a boy or a girl and won't until delivery, but our intuition has consistently and strongly said "girl". We already have a name picked out as well as a room theme, which means if "she" turns out to be a "he" we're going to be scrambling for a name and swapping out the elves and fairy theme for, well, something else. Although the fantasy theme can be very beautiful for girls and boys.

Appetite update: I can now eat 2 eggs, 4 links of sausage, a bowl of oatmeal, an 8 oz glass of juice, half an orange and a banana for breakfast. I can eat 3 small lunches, 1 dinner and 1 snack after that. Then I can start all over again in the morning. If I eat light for just one day, the next day I make up for it by essentially eating on the hour every hour. It's rather unreal--and I will admit, very enjoyable. Then when I'm done I plop on the couch, sit like a guy, expose my belly and belch. Mr. N gets a big kick out of all of this.

Movement update: She seems to be active around 10pm (I've felt her several times in the past few minutes) and 6am. I'm likely too busy during the day to feel much, given at this point, her movements feel more like little butterfly strokes against my belly. It's so dang beautiful!

MY movement update: Today I noticed, when bent over to pick out some tissue from a bottom shelf at the local store, I had to struggle a wee bit to stand back up. And make a grunting noise. Sometimes when getting out of bed the past couple of weeks I've noticed I have to push off from the bed. The term "heave ho sailor!" goes through my mind.

I feel great love for this little being already and cannot imagine what the feeling will be like once she's decided to make her way out of my uterus and into my/our arms. Pregnancy has the potential to draw you closer to your partner and let me tell you, this has certainly been our experience. I feel this strong bond, this unity for the threesome we are creating. It's pretty wild how such things can magically create themselves within you, almost through no conscious action on your part.

Bottom line, as Mr. N and I have been saying more and more of lately: Why Did We Wait So Long For This?

Of course most will say the real work has yet to begin. And I agree with that. However, like the line from that awesome movie, How To Make An American Quilt, I am betting on the love we have for one another to see us through the journey.

Frustration.

Currently we are experiencing unnecessary frustration from well-meaning (sort of) but clueless and, as it turns out, disrespectful relatives who are contently retired and are trying to give us job-seeking advice.

I ask all of my readers who are unemployed and have been for the long-term and know what it's like today to try and create some sort of a consistent, stable income for ourselves, either through traditional means and creative, new means, to come forward, write your story so that I may pass it on to these inconsiderate morons. (I say inconsiderate because I have consistently asked them not to offer up any advice--that if they are truly interested in helping they need to ask us what we need. THAT HAS NOT BEEN HEARD and I am royally fed up at this point and done w/it all.)

That being said the best thing I can do for myself is accept them for who they are (grrrr) and delete all further incoming e-mail from them. They won't end the conversation? I will.

I cannot imagine seeing any of them suffer or struggle in any way while ignoring their stated needs and instead telling them what I *think* they should be doing (even if it is something they are doing/have done). When any of them have shared personal information with me about something they are undertaking, I listen. I ask what they need. And on the occasion where I do offer up advice, I make it clear--just some information--if you can use any of it, great. If not, toss it. (Such things have usually been related to some health issue they or someone they care about are dealing with.)

I recall something one of these folks said to me a few years ago. She was talking about how it was in her day, how oh so much easier it was to afford a home, health insurance and raise a family. I succintly recall her saying "I don't know how young people do it today. Even two adults working isn't often enough. There is no way I would want to be starting out or starting over in today's world."

"There is no way I would want to be starting out or starting over in today's world". And yet this same person today can judge us because we are struggling in a world that is even more uncertain and unstable than it was when she made that comment?

What's even more of a difficult pill to swallow is that, up until we became pregnant, I RARELY HEARD FROM THEM. I usually had to call or e-mail them. There was little, if any, interest shown in our lives. But now suddenly they think they can intrude in our lives with unasked-for advice? What's this really about? Our well-being and the baby's well-being or their hidden guilt for being lousy in the helping department?

I'm fed up with being dismissed. Done with being disrespectfed. Done with being abandoned. Done with being silenced.

This is family???

No. This is what happens when you happen to share a bond through blood and/or marriage with pretentious, selfish folks who have a table full of fillet mignon and freshly squeezed lemonaid and offer you up a piece of day-old bread and some room temperature water.

I'm truly done with them all. Anyone care to claim them?

Measures 66 and 67: Rugged Individualism and "Blame The Victim" Mentality Alive and Well

On my area's craiglist rants and rave section has been an on-going heated discussion regarding two very important and controversial measures on our ballot - Measures 66 and 67 which, in a nutshell, raise the corporate minimum tax from $10 to $150 as well as raising the personal income tax of individuals making over $125k ($250k for households) by approximately $180.

I'm going to intentionally avoid getting into the politics of these measures. I wanted to address two common social themes in our western culture that I see coming through loud and clear in these arguments: Rugged Individualism and Blame The Victim.

Rugged Individualism (RI) is this sense that ones success is defined solely by the individual. It is this attitude of "pull yourself up by your bootstraps alone" when dealing with difficulties. It is this sort of thinking whereby one assumes his/her success is self-created only.

Along these lines, Blame The Victim (BTV) is a common theme shouted by those who cling to the concept of rugged individualism who seek to blame others solely for problems they may be experiencing. Such BTV attitudes arise when the RI way of life proves itself to be false. Such people blame those who are most struggling without even knowing the individual's story. It is, afterall, much easier to blame someone (which is no different than passing judgment). That way the RI doesn't have to dig deeper to see the many dysfunctions of the economic models and social/political policies and ieals that create many, if not most, of our societal ills.

Not to bypass the idea of personal responsibility, for when it comes down to it, that old saying applies: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make her drink it.

The RI, however, will tell the horse to go find his/her own damn water and if the horses are not successful, they get blamed by the RI for their own misfortune.

Some days as I think about such themes, I shake my head in an appalling manner that such ridiculous viewpoints are still a part of our society. They are utterly contrary to peace, justice, kindness, fairness and equality. Plus, they are false ideals based on short-sighted thinking and illusion.

Those who are against these measures seem to fall into the RI and BTV categories. They offer up the simpleton logic of "work harder" to those who aren't rich. They toss out very short-sighted comments like "you're just jealous" to those who aren't rich and who are (rightfully and justifiably) pissed as hell about the ongoing hoarding of the wealth on this planet. (Kip Schoning, local slumlord extradoinnaire, has been quoted as telling those who have sued him that they are "just jealous" of his wealth. Talk about avoiding the issue!) The RI and BTV folks completely ignore the stats, which clearly show wealth has been funneled to the top, ever-so-slowly for decades, where today the rich have much more wealth and the middle and the bottom, much less. One individual made the comment that "Wealth is capital" yes failed to go into detail beyond that. Yes, wealth IS capital--capital manipulated, controlled and in truth, stolen.

More than anything, I am disgusted with these RI/BTV folks who hold this sense of entitlement, who are blind to the fact that NO ONE makes it on his/her own, who are equally blind to the fact that MANY WORK THEIR ASSES OFF only to find themselves in dire financial situations through no fault of their own. And more than anything, such folks have forgotten what we teach our children about sharing, generosity, helping out our friends and neighbors. Their mentality is a sickness that has plagued this planet along enough. If I had the power, I would give them the opportunity to change, to expand their minds and open up their hearts. If not, I'd ship 'em off this planet in a heartbeat for their limited, judgmental, rigid and blind mentality has ruled this beautiful earth long enough. It is long past time for something new.

Ramblings

We have a new law here in Oregon that's been in effect for the past week. No longer can one drive and talk on their cell phone at the same time. I am not one for gov't intrusion into our behaviors, but good lord, if I had a dollar for every near-miss I have experienced and witnessed as a result of these idiots who think they are equipped with special talent the rest of us don't have, I would be the owner of a cell phone as well as the most expensive cell phone plan in all the land. Just yesterday, some guy, thinking the law didn't apply to him, was talking and driving in front of us. He failed to see the light change to green. He then proceeded to swerve a few times, tapped the brakes when he didn't need to, then suddenly turned w/o signaling. I also read an article in a local rag (The Alchemist) about some guy, a teacher, who claimed he simply had to drive and text (!!!) and talk at the same time. Why? He was registered w/some service that calls him up when a teaching job becomes available. He must respond immediately.

Apparently he's never thought to PULL OVER. His argument was without any merit. And this guy is teaching our children (not to mention he's on the road regularly)? Yikes...

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How does a glass jar leave your house completely in tact, placed in a cloth bag, put on the front seat, only to arrive just 3 blocks later down the street shattered? I did a bit of shopping tonight and was very careful with this bag, placing it in the front of my shopping cart. A few minutes into my shopping experience, I reached into the bag to pull out the jar. I was going to use it to refill some yummy maple syrup from the bulk section. Well, I didn't even feel the cut. What caught my attention was that warm liquidy feeling running down my hand. So after a sloppy but quick rummaging through my pockets and purse with the non-bleeding hand (while holding up the bleeding hand) I was able to locate some tissue, which I wrapped tightly around the offended finger and proceeded to do the rest of my shopping left-handed.

I still don't know how that damn jar shattered like that...

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Local friends had their baby yesterday. He weighed in at...get ready folks...ELEVEN POUNDS.

Eleven. Pounds.

Hearing that made me rub my belly and reaffirm this little one will be, well, not that big!!

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Our brilliant prez wants to employ more security measures (i.e. continue to kiss our privacy rights buh-bye) at local airports. One of the ideas in the works is mind-reading technology. Anyone thinking "Minority Report"? When I first saw that movie I had some double-speak going on in my mind. One side said "no way" while another said "yep, probably so some day".

Frankly, I'm more concerned about drunk pilots and the "occupied" sign appearing on the bathroom door when I really need it...

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Lately I want to hug children of all ages - even college students. I find myself calling them "sweetie".

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Anyone have an unused (running and in good condition) car sitting around they would be willing to donate? I will make you cookies of your choice each month for a year for your generosity!

It's My Belly and I'll Show It If I Want To. Or "I Show, I Glow".

While taking a walk today, I decided to lift up the lower portion of my shirt, thus exposing my belly. It's been a bit mild here lately. And being one of the side-effects of pregnancy is increased body temperature (to which I can only say thank the cosmos I will not be pregnant during summer), as well as the urge to be naked, I suddenly felt the urge to expose my bulging belly to the elements.

I certainly was not doing this for all to see, however, as Mr. N seemed to imply when he shook his head, smiled and told me others may find offense at such a gesture and I should be prepared for that.

While I may be temporarily losing some of my ability to walk without waddling a bit at times, I still have the full function of my middle fingers, which is what I told him I would be saluting anyone with if they decided to approach me outloud with such a ridiculous judgment.

It isn't like overweight men are criticized when they expose their bulging bellies. While many may cringe, few, if any, would ever think of saying anything. And besides, a pregnant woman's belly is beautiful. An overweight man's belly is simply fat.

(gasp) Alert! Alert! A pregnant female has exposed her belly in public!

Aahh, did it feel good. And in a way, I believe my little growing one was also behind this ever-growing desire. She's already hidden snugly and safely in her little cave. I must believe, I do believe, she feels the effects of the sun and daylight when mama's belly is exposed.

After I made the remark about my middle finger (which brought forth another smile on his face--the kind I know well--the kind that says "that's my lady"), I finished the conversation by saying he best be prepared for more to come, for once springtime hits, I plan on wearing baggy shorts and comfy tank tops, pushed up to just the right location, thus allowing that warm, bountiful, life-giving energy of the sun to shine upon me and the little one.

A more beautiful, meaningful representation of spring, of new life, I cannot imagine.

Sarah Palin Ain't Got A Thing On Me

So ok. I've now had enough people tell me I look like Sarah Palin to look into this further. As I mentioned on my pregnancy blog, any physical similarities end there. Well ok, unless you don't count for her love of the outdoors and her ability to hunt and gather her own food. Well, again, ok, so I've never shot an animal for food. I've caught a lot of fish though and I have no doubt if hunger were an issue, I wouldn't blink an eye at shooting a wild pig or deer. Well, again, ok I would blink an eye once or twice until the pains of hunger kicked in and took over. Then there's the idea that we've both been pregnant in our, (ahem) more mature years. Only I'm actually showing. Very much so. More each day. Trust me.

I've had people say "Your hair looks like that Sarah Palin's hair" and "Hmm something about you just looks like Sarah Palin." The truth is, she has MY hair and she looks like ME.

Not the other way around.

Aside from that, how different we are.

*I believe in a woman's right to choose at all times, not just when it's convenient.

*I could never ever ever kill a wolf unless it was about to kill my dog, child (mine or any other's), my spouse or someone else I cared for.

*Good lord I could never vote Republican.

*I believe Canada's Health Care System kicks ass over America's.

*Along those lines I don't believe in visiting another country and telling them to adapt some business standard of America's.

*If I wrote a book about my life, it would take a good 2-3 years. I'd also write it myself.

*If I flub up what I'm saying I don't toss out silly phrases like "oh gosh darn golly". I get to the point. "Crap, I'm sorry, let me say that again," is more my style.

*More Oil? Hell no. Hemp is best. Oh how it is best.

*I don't dye my hair. (cheap jab)

*Joe Six-Pack? That's the best example her camp could come up with to best portray America? Some simpleton carrying around a watered-down cheap six-pack of beer? At the very least I would have given him a good micro-brew and perhaps a chaser of good Scotch. And a name like Albert or Jeremiah. Yeah. Jeremiah "Amber Ale". Tokin' on a stogie while reading Aristotle, his partner Andrea "Rogue River Valley Chablis, 1997", with her head slightly tilted, reading glasses resting gently in the neck of her handmade hemp gauzy top, pondering real solutions to end poverty.

Bankrupties Jump 32%

And this news is surprising?

But, wait. I thought the economy was recovering. Silly me.

Read my lips. We're in a depression. A manufactured god damn depression. Any other POV is worthless and without merit. But as long as there's you and me, there is hope. As long as we have our minds and can use them to create, we can form our own means if self-sufficiency. But good lord it ain't gonna happen as long as we isolate ourselves or continue to hold onto the illusion that things will just fix themselves. Or worse yet, we desire a return of how things were.

As Mr. N says, tear it all down and start over again with new ideas. The old didn't work for all. Never did. Let's only be open to things that work for ALL where ALL benefit.

Or is that all just a POV that is worthless anymore, too?

On This Monday...

So here's a little more reality to toss out at those who still care to read. It's again directed at the thoughtless fucktards in our life who see the huge and I mean h u g e financial pressure we are under and who aren't offering up a god damn thing but who oh so clearly can. I'm to the point of making it clear: Please help. If not, you won't be seeing us or our child-to-be again. Ever.

Imagine this: Your own parents who say oh how they wish they could offer you more in the way of financial assistance but simply can't. Why? They're on their way down south to their luxury condo's for the winter. And oh yes, wait, that's after the visit to the Rose Bowl game. And yes there's the daily round of golf. Etc. etc. etc. But I do recall my ever-loving papa once telling me he wasn't willing to give up any of his luxuries to help me out regardless of whatever it was I was facing.

Can't offer up any assistance, my lilly white ass. (And to the individual who found my blog, who called to tell me about said find, who tried to convince me a year ago the only people in my life who ever have been there for me financially are these same assholes and that I owed them my presence because they more than earned it--you fucking understand now? You still under that insane, delusion impression? Too little, too late if you do.)

So today...Mr. N goes for another interview at yet another company who offer yet another assembly-line style of job seeking. Fill out an application whereby you're told to wait outside (it was raining, btw) for up to 2.5 hours. What if you took the bus? Too damn bad. All of this for a minimum wage job. And said interview is just a few minutes. So Mr. N goes through the routine along with the other 100 plus individuals who, according to his calculations, ranged from age 18 to 65 or so. He's never seen anything like it. He even drove me by the place. I as well have never seen anything like that. Not even during the intial recession of 2001, which we never recovered from which has lead to today's (intentionally created) Depression. Back then I was competing with approximately 500 people per job. That was the total number of applicants on average. Today it's more like 500 people PER DAY--especially when there's an open-window of just a few days to apply in person.

What's so sad (if not ridiculous) is the very few wonderful people in our lives who HAVE helped in their own way and who have said they really wish they could help more but like us, they're at the bottom of the bucket in the financial department as well. A more humbling, grateful experience I cannot imagine: Someone in need themselves offering you help.

To make this clear: Those who have, those who are comfortably secure, hoard. Those who have live the high life and turn a blind cheek to those they claim to care about. Those who have donate their extra money to their fucking church first and foremost, to god damn dogmatic pretentious church walls. None are stepping up to the plate in the way loving folks are supposed to. And yet those who don't have, WANT to help and have helped out in ways that are oh so much more difficult on their pocketbook than those who have. Call them on any of this and you either receive the silent treatment or defensive diatribe and rage.

I am so utterly completely deeply to my core thoroughly disgusted I can't put it into words, not to mention the deep hole of abandonment I feel, which can only be described as unbearable sadness.

To wrap it up: We need money. Mr. N needs medical attention (which includes surgeries) and unless he receives it, he cannot hold down employment. Unless the hospital agrees to comp the care, we're screwed. He has no insurance and is currently on the reservation list for the state plan. Our car either needs replacing or several hundred dollars in repair. We also need a better place to live, one that isn't infested with mildew and mold. The bedrooms are the worst. I don't want our baby to be breathing that crap but unless we can find a rental that is AFFORDABLE and isn't a run-down slummy little shack, it looks like we don't have much of a choice in this regard. An outside investigation showed a huge dark stain on the side of the house where the mold comes through in what is going to be the babies room. This shit is inside the walls. And lest it is black mold, we have absolutely no recourse to get it fixed. Our computer seems to be on its last legs. If I didn't need it to sell our collectibles and other items (got a small biz idea I'm creating--handcrafted items--and need start-up funds for that), it wouldn't be much of an issue. But it is. We're going in the hole. We're asking for help. Please. I simply don't know what else to do at this point.

A Life Too Real For The Weak

There's a line from The Sound of Music that I just love. Maria is sharing some of her distress with the Reverend Mother. Paraphrased, she says: "But what's even worse, I can't help saying what I think and believe." Reverend Mother brilliantly replies: "Some would call that being honest."

Mr N and I often fall into that category of saying whatever we are thinking at the moment and it's often gotten us a lot of flack. We've really stepped up the pace given the situation we're living and the huge struggles on our plate. Afterall, it isn't just about he and I anymore. We have a little one on the way so the "well what will they say if we tell them the truth of what's going on and what we need" has been tossed out that proverbial window.

I cannot tell you the number of people who are simply too weak to handle hearing what we're experiencing. It isn't like we're exagerrating. We're simply telling things like it is. I mean come on, when someone you've known for years and/or you consider a friend wants to know how things are going, you tell them the truth, right?

Apparently not. Apparently these weak-minded folks are simply lying when they ask how you're doing and what's new.

Maybe it isn't a matter of weakness. Maybe it's a matter of a lack of empathy. Maybe it's all about lifting the veil of illusion that's been between many of the people in our life (friends and family) so that we can see their TRUE intentions. And in a nutshell, most of these folks have shown us we can't rely on them unless what we're experiencing has happy rainbow sunshine smiles all over the place.

One of my favorite sayings is "Shit Happens". Not because I ENJOY it when such things happen (and especially when the S H I T is not of your own doing but of the system itself), but because it hits the nail on the head about life. Shit happens. We're dealing with some shit. Can you help?

I posted a few weeks ago about life THEN and life TODAY and how we've shared that with certain older individuals. The response has been one of silence. For awhile I thought 'they're just clueless'. But today it hit me. They aren't clueless. They simply don't care. Or perhaps they care MORE about being in denial than they do about our well-being.

Either way, it makes them snakes in a snake pit. And how any of them can claim themselves as members of our family is disturbing and sickening.

I found this card I received when I was 18 from my grandmother. In it she wrote this beautiful letter to me about how the family was always there for me, no matter what, no matter when. That turned out to be utterly false. I remember the first time I really opened up to this same grandmother about a life issue I was struggling with. I made one specific request of her and she agreed to it. Well that agreement lasted that phone call for the next time she spoke, she totally violated my request.

Never trust sweet older women who greet you with cookies and a warm couch. They ain't always so innocent. Often times they're just spinning some mantra or being amicable in the moment. And sometimes an ugly manipulative vindictiveness comes to surface when you call them on their actions. Goodness knows I've encountered that one by my mother.

I know we all have our weaknesses and our issues. I just know that whenever someone, regardless of how much I know the person, shares with me some struggle they are going through I ask if there's anything I can do to help. And it doesn't stop there. Once the conversation is over, I spend time thinking of ways to help, doing research of organizations and the like, and passing along the information. And if there is something concrete I can help out with, whether it's money (even if it's just $20 which for me at times throughout my life is a lot), food, a place to stay for awhile, I DO THAT. That's what love does. And I admit such offerings ain't always easy. I simply do not understand it when someone wants to hear what's going on with you then walks away w/o a word or fails to bring it up again or worse yet, abandons you altogether.

And uglier human trait I simply cannot fathom.

Tough Interview Questions

These questions aren't your standard fare of questions created by over-paid 20-something writers with atrocious spelling and syntax on those cheesy career websites. I mean come on already. We all know to be prepared for questions such as:

"Tell us a bit about yourself."

"What is your biggest asset."

"What is your biggest weakness?"

Blah blah blah.

Yaaaawwwwwwnnnn.

Here's some tough ones Mr. N has encountered lately:

"You're way over-qualified for this position. Why did you apply?" (I wonder if Walmart asks such a question of the PhD, Master's and Baccalaureate candidates who have had to resort to applying there.)

"Your previous position looks like a good one. Why are you no longer there?" (Is it considered taboo to say "because my boss was an ego-maniacal abusive dictatorial prick"?)

His recent interview consisted of a literal assembly-line of candidates whereby one had 5 minutes of the manager's time (which was interrupted by knocks on the door of potential candidates wanting to apply for the one position so in truth one had maybe 3 minutes total of the manager's time) only to be shuffled off to another location to fill out an application, which allowed candidate number 478 to have his/her 3 minute shot at employment fame. The ad requested that the candidate be willing to talk for awhile about why they wanted to work there. Share their ideas and their values. It was also requested the candidate bring their portfolio (it was for a creative position). Was Mr. N asked why he wanted to work there? Was he given a chance? Was there ANY time offered for him to share his ideas and such? Did they look through his portfolio? The answers to those questions are "no" and "no" and "no" and "for perhaps 10 seconds".

And this was for a reputable employer.

Perhaps there are no reputable employers out there amongst the masses of the insane. Perhaps a life of crime is what this nation is coming to in order to survive. All I can say to those who don't have to work is to thank your lucky stars. And to those who have employment they enjoy and can do, ditto. Folks in both categories are lucky. Nothing more, nothing less. And frankly, none have any business giving advice to another soul in the opposite corner.

The Fall Of America (dot net): Profiting Off The Collapsing Economy

I've been receiving this series of e-mails, which I am assuming came to me via David Icke's e-mail list. In it is a link to a website, thefallofamerica.net, where I can purchase, for only $79, a DVD compilation of what's really going on behind the curtain, along with a huge list of things I can do right now to ensure my safety and survival during the upcoming chaos that's going to be visiting us soon. (As if it isn't already chaotic and insane enough.)

I must make it clear that I'm on the same page as these dudes. I agree we're being lied to in such a perverse manner, which is to say the government and their corporate media whores are LYING to us daily by saying the economy is improving, which is of course what THE PEOPLE (i.e. the victims) WANT to hear. Hell, we ALL want it to improve. No one (but the mentally deranged) wants to suffer or struggle and certainly no one (again but the mentally deranged) wants to see others suffer or struggle (well a little suffering and struggle for the PTB ain't such a bad idea). But nonetheless, these hopes of ours are being falsely placated in a gross, ugly, vile, evil manner. And that's what the authors of this DVD are doing as well IN THEIR OWN WAY is playing on our fears by essentially saying "BUY OUR DVD AND PROTECT YOURSELF!"

I CAN SAVE YOU. SEND ME MONEY.

WTF?

Know what? If I were privy to such knowledge AND ways to HELP the people--I WOULD GET THIS INFORMATION OUT THERE AT NO FUCKING CHARGE! Or at the VERY least I would give it away for NOTHING TO THOSE IN FINANCIAL NEED! Ask for donations. God--I'd get CREATIVE so that EVERYONE WHO WANTED MY INFORMATION COULD GET IT!

I mean jesus fucking christ already! They essentially say: "We know times are tough. We know millions are homeless. Millions are losing their homes, their savings, their jobs. Millions are without insurance and in need of medical care. The system has CREATED this. But WE CAN HELP!....just give us $79 first."

They even have the GALL to say $79 is AFFORDABLE. Affordable for WHOM?

Fucking bastards. Every last one of them. You don't throw FEAR and URGENCY in someone's face, say "I can help you but FIRST you gotta pay me". I'm so fucking sick of that. I'm sick of idiots (WHO PROFITED OFF THE SYSTEM AND ARE SECURE THEMSELVES) who give advice that is completely NOT DOABLE FOR MANY OF US. I'm sick of these same idiots who are only out for their OWN survival, who are in the POSITION of TRULY offering CONCRETE HELP (money, shelter, food and the like) to those who are in need but instead they're totally unaware of their own brainwashed rugged individualistic conditioning, they sit on their fat asses preaching nothing but obvious dribble (to those of us who are awake) without offering up ANYTHING OF VALUE. Many will though--IF ONLY YOU PAY THEM.

Fuck that. That isn't love. That isn't kindness. It isn't compassion. It's EVIL. It's every bit as evil as those who created this capitalistic system. And I'm fed the farm-fuck up with 'em all.

Such folks need to realize that the growing populace of victims may just begin to hit up THEIR estates first and foremost when they become desperate enough. And of course it doesn't have to be this way if only THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE would UNITE WITH THOSE WHO DO NOT. But that would require REAL authentic connection. REAL compassion. REAL effort. And my experience has been such folks don't want such things. They want their money. Their security. And they want to be left alone. In a way an understandable feeling. But certainly not a very evolved one. Some day...sooner than later most likely...they will see the error of their ways.

Sunday Musings. Or, I Blog Therefore I Am.

20 weeks is upon me. 21 is around the corner. Mr. N's clothing is now something I take interest in as is anything with a drawstring waistline. I no longer roll out of bed without some sort of help from my arms and/or legs (I tried 5 times tonight just to show Mr. N I could still roll outta bed like everyone else. I did not succeed.) People I know see me from the front and now they smile, sometimes patting my belly. (That being said, most have said I am still quite small. None of course are actually pregnant.) Some days I feel beautiful. Other days, frumpy. I now get why women used to wear those mumu's. Ugly as anything but comfort takes on a totally new meaning when your belly is expanding every week. Some days I feel like I'm carrying a small basketball. Other days, a bowling ball. Doing yoga-often daily-is something that is becoming not just a pleasure but a necessity. Things like constipation and indigestion are to be avoided in the same manner in which I avoid religious fanatics. Gentle belly rubs by daddy-to-be are about the best thing I can imagine right now in terms of calming comfort. I can now look at my body in the mirror, sideways, without gasping. Usually I smile but sometimes I still think "oh my god..." I am very protective of my personal space, in particular my belly. A very primitive, instinctive feeling. Reading stories and singing songs to the little-one-to-be are new activities Mr. N and I are really enjoying. Amazing that just 2.5 months ago we were so resistant to this whole experience. Now it has--this little baby has--become the center of our world. And that makes us smile. When we're not still a bit overwhelmed by both the reality and surrealism that is...

***
Listened to a piece on C-Span earlier in the week. Host was interviewing Steve (puke) Forbes and folks were calling in discussing the economy. One guy was nailing truth after truth, showing the obvious flaws and controls of our "free" market capitalistic system. He was cut off after a few moments which left Mr. N and I saying "Hey, let the guy speak!" Mr. Forbes brilliant response was packaged in a nice little system spin game of verbal puppet speak, praising the results of capitalism, worshipping it for how it has allowed for such great achievements and advancements. Of course he left out it has allowed for such things FOR THE FEW AT THE EXPENSE OF THE REST. And of course, his spewing verbage was presented with that evil smile he is known for along with those tiny little lying, lifeless little slits of flesh known to you and I as "eyes". (A surefire way of really reading someone on television is by covering up the lower portion of their faces and looking only at their eyes. The eyes never lie. And for fun, try it the next time you're at church or listening to some globalist give a speech. Just make sure to ask permission to touch their face.)

***
Listened to another interesting piece on The Research Channel today. A female Climatologist was telling the audience the main driving indicator behind today's current changing climate is the Sun. She explained how the ocean and the tundra are the two largest reserves of CO2 and given the fact that temps have indeed been rising due to natural earth cycles, it is the ocean and the tundra that are releasing the most CO2. Not you and I and our automobile and incondescent lightbulb usage. However, that being said, she also added that humankind is indeed speeding up this process. Her belief is that we will continue to see the warming (although the earth is trying to balance herself out by showing signs of cooling but it isn't enough to balance out the scale) before plunging into an Ice Age. Such a setup is simply following a pattern Earth has gone through before.

Some common sense insight. On television. Finally.

As I've said before - follow the money and positions of power behind those who say global climate change is caused by humans. Watch who they blame. Watch how they sit back and enjoy the unnecessary divisiveness both sides of this issue engage in, letting their emotions get the better of them whilst refusing to find any sort of balance OR common sense OR logic from the opposing side--all the while missing the real agenda behind the curtains. Watch as they tell YOU to change whilst they head off to their next million dollar lecture in their limo's and private jets only to return home to their over-sized mansions and rarely used tennis courts and pools. Follow these folks and the stringent policies and controls they are forcing upon you and I while allowing the MAIN polluters (i.e. big biz) to continue on with their destructive ways. Watch as these same folks dismiss REAL change such as allowing for the worldwide growing of Hemp, which could eliminate the need for such environmentally destructive items such as cotton, coal and oil. Power With Hemp, baby.

CNN to Lou Dobbs: Resign Or You're Fired.

Well, this is what happens when you don't have cable and don't spend much time watching mainstream media. You miss out on some things. I just received an e-mail stating Lou Dobbs got canned. (In reality, he resigned, albeit it under pressure. According to this story, CNN had been trying to find a way to remove Dobbs because he had become a liability about some of his "controversial" views on Obama and immigration.)

Oh, boo fucking hoo, CNN. Isn't being controversial what authentic journalism is all about? A search for truth? CNN is no better than Fox and the rest of that ilk. Whether you like Dobbs or not, he had the balls to speak of those things unspeakable. I put Dobbs in the same category as I do Beck. While I think some of his views are whacked and while I think his sudden attack on this current administration while essentially dismissing the hell from the previous 8 years, I admire the guy for talking about the collapsing economy and the Big Brother agenda.

Oh Say Can You See...The End Of My Country

Some stats I've collected to put to rest the pointless arguments of those who still have and the elite (who are still going after the "still haves") who claim if only you just apply yourself you can have the new car, the new house, that fantastic good paying job with benefits. blah blah blah

*Between the years 1997-2007, real wages increased only 75 cents an hour. This, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

*During this 10 year period, cost of living increased 26%. Of this 26%:
Housing increased 29%
Day care/child care increased 52%
Gas increased 134%
Medical insurance increased 43%

(And need I mention that food costs have jumped approximately 25% in the past two years alone.)

*Real value of the minimum wage peaked in 1968, when it was worth $7.73 in today's dollar.

*In 1972 you could buy a 3 bedroom, 2 bath split level home in a nice subarb in Lake Oswego Oregon for $17,000. That same home today sells for well over $300,000.

*Along the lines of the previous, in 1966 the median home price for the country was $21,000. As of 2008 it was $232,000.

*Along the lines of the above housing costs, in 1966 the average income was $7600, more than adaquate to afford a $21,000 home. As of 2008, the average income was $58,000, grossly falling short of affording that $232,000 home.

*There has been a downward trend in real wages since 1974, with only a temporary increase in the late 90's, during Clinton's second administration.

Where's all that wealth going? Well of course most readers of my blog, being the intelligent folks you are, know. But for those who haven't quite figured that one out, here's a little stat to help point you in the right direction:

*In 1978, the average CEO's pay was 78 times that of the typical minimum wage worker. By 2005, that same CEO's pay was 851 times that of the same worker.

Huh?

I read something spoken by a homeless Vietnam Vet. He said he still believes in "hard work and earning wages" as a means of supporting oneself. And yet, he applied that ethic to his own life and he's now homeless.

And yet he still believes in this ethic? This western capitalistic individualistic ethic that failed him along with millions of others (numbers only growing). And here he still sits clinging to a dying way of life. Awake, yet still somehow asleep.

The Left and The Ostrich Effect

If this is your first time reading, I don't want the title to cause you to assume I'm a rightie, ok? I'm not. I'm beyond both the right and the left, off in my own little field where seeing behind smoke and mirrors, political double-speak and other bullshit is the norm. Labels only divide and that's exactly what the PTB want amongst the people: Division.

That being said....... I've been watching the left frantically hang on to the last little threads of rope, desperately trying to avoid the inevitable - that their "Mr. Change We Can Believe In" sold them a bag of lies. Gitmo is simply being relocated. Nation invading remains part of U.S. foreign policy. Sucking the wealth from the people and passing it along to the elite continues. The crimes of the previous administration are simply being swept underneath the rug. Jobs continue to leave this country with absolutely no real solid, long-term, permanent jobs policies having been created. Despite his pledge to back off on medical marijuana raids, his DEA buddies have only increased their war (on the people) in Cali.

Need I go on?

To quote Michael Moore (regarding Obama and his Afghanistan policy): "Our president cannot be drinking the same kool-aid as Bush. I refuse to believe it."

And that's the problem. Mr. Moore and his well-meaning ilk are exhibiting the Ostrich Effect, which is the refusal to see the truth when it's as clear as the sun in the sky in the middle of a hot summer day.

Hey, realizing we were fooled is difficult to admit in this individualistic society of ours. And owning our own mistakes, all the more difficult.

While I have sympathy for these folks, there is no time to waste. These folks simply must pull their heads out of the sand and own up to the fact that they were called to vote for this man for the following reasons:

1) He's black. (Own it folks. You know that's a part of it.)
2) He orates beautifully. Well ok, he orates better than Bush and after 8 years of such brutal assaults on the english language, any improvement was going to provide a sense of attraction and relief.
3) He tossed around the "I was against the Iraq war from the start" mantra.
4) He used the word "change" 10,356 times (my stat).

In short, he played on the people's desperation, their sense of hope and faith.

And that should have all of you Obama supporters even more upset than realizing the theft of the 2000 Election by Bush and Co. One is subtle, another more blatantly obvious. I mean come on, Bush himself even stated he would be taking Florida. You could "mark" his word on that.

So what's it gonna be? You ready to remove that head from the sand and join in with the folks who see the light? If so, you will be eagerly welcomed.

Insurance Companies: Constitution Molesters

As I looked through our latest insurance bill and noticed my car policy has jumped up, I recalled a couple of bills passed by our brilliant legislatures in Salem which increases the property damage liability limits, minimum uninsured motorist property damage limits and the minimum personal injury protection. All of this bullshit is simply another means for the insurance companies to steal more of our money as they hand out dollars to the very legislative twitheads who passed this bogus legislation to begin with. Oh sure, they did it under the guise of "protecting the consumer" (by claiming a family whose one family member was riding in a vehicle involved in an accident did not receive the full benefits of the policy due to family exclusion limits) but we all know such lines are smoke and mirrors, meant to keep us even more regulated and controlled. And besides, since when on earth did the injury of a citizen ever truly effect our legislature? Like they care about the people's well-being?

Give me a break.

Mandated insurance (of any kind) is unconstitutional and these folks know it. (Note to Obama supporters who voted for him while knowing he planned to mandate that all of us carry health insurance: You getting the picture yet?) Knowingly causing such damage to our rights is simply another form of molestation, hence the term "Constitution Molesters".

Orb in Photo?

Mr. N took this photo of me and baby-to-be last month. We're taking monthly photos to watch our growing baby and my expanding belly (doggie Shilo wants to be in the photos too). After uploading this one onto the computer, I noticed the bright circular object in the upper left-hand corner and immediately felt a chill. The next picture he took showed another circular object of the same size, not nearly as bright (quite faint actually) same height only it had moved a bit more to the right. Was this the spirit of our baby wanting to be in the picture, wanting to appear as something more than just a bump on mama's belly? I'm not totally convinced, but that is my hunch. I e-mailed the photo to a place that investigates orbs and haven't heard back yet.

What do you think?

A Peek Inside Being Pregnant in America

While I plan on putting this up at my other blog, I decided to post this here as well as it's a subject most aren't aware of unless they go through the experience directly or indirectly. As regular readers know, Mr. N and I are pregnant, expecting our first baby next spring. I thought the early stage symptoms of fatigue and nausea were stressful. Little did I know, dealing with the medical system was going to add its own stress.

From the start, we have been adamant in our decisions to not vaccinate the baby, to bypass genetic testing, to have a natural delivery and unless it is medically warranted, to forgo any medical intervention and very recently, to forgo any additional ultrasounds.

So far, while our decisions have been respected, our choices have not been met without a fight, without fear being put into our faces and with all of these supposed "studies". While they claim it's all about empowering ME, it's really about covering their asses (meaning they won't want me to sue them).

To begin with, these "studies" they cite have not been shown to me, despite my asking to see:
1) The actual results.
2) Who was behind the study.
3) Who performed the study.
4) Who funded the study.

Just this past week, we had a Doppler. For those not familiar with the procedure, it's a little hand held device that looks like a microphone attached to a Walkman. It sends sound waves into the womb, into the amniotic sac, to detect heart rate. Prior to this, we had had two ultrasounds.

With the first ultrasound, the baby was about the size of a pea, so movement was really not noticeable. However, with the second ultrasound, what began with the image of a calm little fetus, gently sucking, suddenly took an interesting change. After a few moments of sending the sound wave signals into my uterus, our calm little baby began to thrash violently. It kicked, punched and even flipped from its back to its side and back again. It caught me off guard.

"Is that normal?" I asked.

The midwife assured me that yes, it was indeed normal as they are quite active.

"Yes," I said, "But she seems to be bothered by the ultrasound."

Oh no need to worry. She hardly feels a thing. She's safe and protected in there.

Hardly feels a thing?

Wrong. I found studies (PLURAL) that claim otherwise. In one study, scientists mimicked the sound alone and determined that when ultrasound waves are passed into the womb, the sound decibel is equal to that of a subway train. That's a very loud sound to an adult. Imagine what that can do to a developing baby.

Not only is the sound terribly loud, but the heat coming from these ultrasound machines raises the heat in the amniotic sac and can damage to developing tissue. The FDA even issued this following warning in 2004: "Ultrasound is a form of energy -- and even at low levels, laboratory studies have found it can produce physical effects in tissue, such as jarring vibrations and a rise in temperature." (This despite their allowance of an 8 FOLD increase in power output, to which so far no tests have been done to test for any long-term adverse effects.)

Unfuckingbelievable. And yet, not really given this is western capitalism at work.

As any pregnant woman will tell you, we are warned by the VERY SAME MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS WHO GIVE US THESE ULTRASOUNDS against exposing ourselves to things that raise body temperature, such as sauna's and hot tubs. Even having a fever over 100 for any extended period of time is supposed to be brought down as soon as possible to avoid potentially harming the growing baby. Again, these very same medical "professionals" use ultrasound technology regularly throughout the pregnancy, particularly in the very critical, early stages of fetal development?

I N S A N E.

With this Doppler we had this past week (which I wasn't aware was along the lines of the same technology as ultrasounds), I noticed the same pattern as we experienced with the previous ultrasound. What began at first as nothing but a strong, solid, precious little heartbeat took a different turn. Again, within moments, we heard this "BAM BAM BAM" sound as though the baby were violently kicking.

"Oh isn't that cute? It sounds like she's hiccuping!" the midwife said.

"Hiccup?!" I said. "That sounded more like a kick to me." (And HELLO!? "CUTE"??? I don't THINK so.)

Well the kicking only continued for the next few moments so I said, "Enough! I don't think she likes this!" and pushed the thing away from me. Daddy to be and I discussed this on the way home and our parental instincts were both on the same page: She doesn't like these ultrasound procedures. We both overwhelmingly, strongly just KNEW and KNOW this.

So..no more ultrasounds or dopplers...

Which I relayed to my doctor's office the next day while also stating we would not be doing the 20 week ultrasound (which checks for abnormalities, not to mention it is an HOUR LONG PROCEDURE).

60 minutes of hell when our baby has made it clear after just a minute or two she does NOT like the crap coming out of these "advances in medical science". NO FUCKING WAY. (FMI see this link and this link on ultrasound technology and its risks. They're powerful articles and I was absolutely horrifed, as was Mr. N, after reading them. I can only pray that we haven't unknowingly harmed our baby through the god damn ignorance of medical "professionals". I am remaining positive that our little miracle is well and thriving. I don't often ask for prayers, but I am now. Any like-minded thoughts sent our baby's way is very much appreciated!)

Well, within an hour, the phone rang. It was the midwife who ordered the test. She just wanted to make sure I was making an "educated" decision. Yes we are. Question is, are you?

After making attempts to somehow "justify" our decision, I finally thought 'I don't need to justify SHIT to these people' so I said: "I'm done discussing this. Our decision is made." I thought the conversation was over. I was wrong.

The conversation quickly turned into me needing to be "open" to such testing if I haven't delivered by week 38 or 40. Apparently my chances of delivering a stillborn rise significantly if I go past this time given my "maternal age" (a term i am SO FUCKING SICK OF HEARING). Again, I asked for the stats and again, she didn't "know them off the top of " her head. So get them and present them to me, I said. She said she will. She did mention it is probably something like a jump from 1 in 1000 births to 3 in 1000 births. So, statistically that is a threefold jump even though the chances are so overwhelmingly significantly low. Yes, she agreed with that.

So then WHY FILL MY HEAD WITH SUCH FEARFUL SHIT?

(I decided to do my OWN research on the subject and found that yes, the jump, while being 2-3 times higher in women over 35, is still overwhelmingly small. In fact, you see the majority of this jump in more "deprived" areas where medical care isn't routine. So statistically, I have about the same chance of delivering a NORMAL HEALTHY baby without having to worry about the stillborn issue as ANY OTHER WOMEN UNDER 35.)

Again, all of this is to "educate" me.

Oh yeah? If you want to EDUCATE me, how about you PROVIDE ME THE PROOF of these studies? How about you PROVIDE ME THE SAME INFORMATION I FOUND OUT ABOUT THE ULTRASOUND TECHNOLOGY, INCLUDING SOME PROOF FROM OUR VERY OWN GOVERNMENT?

Then there's the whole vaccination debate. While we don't have to "worry" about that much with this particular clinic (we've found a pediatrician who is respectful of parent's decision to not vaccinate, which is a growing trend even in our neck of the woods--a relief for certain) in that the baby will only have just the one interaction w/them and that is at birth, we've still had to undergo questioning as well as their "opinions" on the matter. Hospital policy (aka standard procedure) says at birth, newborns will receive (unless parents say otherwise which believe you me we will!) the hepatitis b vaccination, along with an injection of vitamin k as well as an eye treatment of an antibiotic cream. We're saying no to all three, the last two ONLY being allowed if, again, it is medically warranted. (You find yourself saying that term a lot when you're a parent-to-be who thinks like us). The vitamin K injection is given in case (hospital speak for "cover our ass") the baby experiences injury/bleeding. Newborn baby bodies don't clot well during the first hours. I asked the midwife if the hospital provides the oral dosage of vitamin K, which after doing my own research, I learned was the best, most obvious, most effective means of providing this vitamin. Doing so in a shot in muscle tissue doesn't work well and has in fact been linked with newborn jaundice, a benign condition (a ridiculous term considering no babies have ever been asked "did this skin yellowing cause you any pain or discomfort?"). Midwife said "No, the hospital only injects it via a needle."

"Why?" I asked.

"That's just the way it's done."

"Yes," I continued. "But I read where oral injection is the most beneficial and doesn't have the risks or side-effects."

She couldn't disagree with me. FMI on Vitamin K injections, check out this link. I also learned that the first breastmilk provides an ample supply of vitamin K. Since I plan on starting to breasfeed immediately upon delivery, I think she will be ok. Think the midwife offered me this information? Nope. I had to inform her of my awareness of this. She confirmed this fact. Sigh.

Nature knows what she's doing, doesn't she? Miraculous and beautiful.

Then there's the hepatitis B vaccine insanity.

"Why on EARTH would we give our baby this vaccine when it is only caught through the sharing of bodily fluids, usually through sex and sharing of needles?" Mr. N boldly spoke up.

The midwife could only shake her head in agreement, but then went on to say the following rather haunting statement:

"Their idea is that they will catch everyone at birth when they're in the hospital setting and in that way, wipe out hepatitis B altogether."

Holy crap. "Catch" everyone? As though babies are cattle to these "they" folks. Oh wait, you and I are so why not babies, too?

I digress.

"But there has never been any solid evidence to show that vaccines of ANY kind actually work AT reducing or eliminating disease," I pointed out.

As a medical professional, she had nothing to say to that.

As far as the antibiotic eye-ointment, which is used, again "in case" of an eye infection which can happen as baby goes through the womb and comes in contact with my bodily fluid and bacteria. Ok, I thought, I can be open to that possibility occurring and need for such a cream. However, Mr. N and I once again used the magical term (drum roll please): Only if "medically warranted."

I swear to you all, we have spent MORE TIME talking about what COULD go wrong and defending our positions than we have about actually talking about what is going RIGHT. There has been next to no discussion about my health (which at this point is excellent), about my nutrition (very good), about exercise (I'm doing 45 minutes of prenatal yoga 3 days a week, plus walking and dancing, doing some hand weights and modified core training on my yoga ball on occasion). And...Not ONCE has anyone asked how I FEEL emotionally and mentally about being pregnant, delivery and being a mother. And my goodness there are a host of studies that show all of these factors are FAR MORE IMPORTANT than maternal age alone.

Thankfully I had the knowledge to know about doula's. We're interviewing our (potential) doula next week. She's from The Netherlands and gave birth to two of her children at home, without medical intervention. Talking with her over the phone, she said giving birth here in the States is a totally different experience than it is in The Netherlands (although sadly, she said that is changing as things become more corporate/westernized/fear-based). In dutchland, birth is viewed as it should be: A natural event. Fear isn't put into the minds of the birthing mothers as the people over there know this only adds to the stress mothers can experience. That was the one big difference, she said. Over here, pregnancy and delivery is to be feared. In The Netherlands, pregnancy and delivery is not something that is feared. Medical intervention is only used when, again, medically warranted. She sounds just awesome and just what I'm looking for. (And even my midwife said she is wonderful.) She will be my sounding board (along with Mr. N) during my delivery, when I will be completely immersed and absorbed in birthing this beautiful little baby I am carrying.

NY Judge Sticks It To A Bank By Wiping Out Couples Mortgage

A Judge with balls for sure. Maybe this be the beginning of a trend. May this set a precedent which will grant such dismissal to ALL struggling homeowners. Then once we clean up that mess we can focus on the millions of us who must rent simply due to greed and misguided values.

"Suffolk Judge Jeffrey Spinner erased $525,000 in mortgage payments that OneWest Bank was demanding from the couple. That includes $291,000 in principal and $235,000 in interest and penalties. The decision leaves the couple completely debt-free on their home. The Horoskis were only paying interest on their mortgage after falling behind due to health problems and a change in their interest rate, WABC said...Spinner slammed the bank's "harsh, repugnant, shocking and repulsive" acts and said the bank "must be appropriately sanctioned so as to deter it from imposing further mortifying abuse against [the couple],"..."

Did Ya Hear About...?

...the 40-something year-old woman from Ontario who died two days after receiving the H1N1 vaccination? And yet the headlines read "Ontario Woman Dies From Swine Flu".

Uh huh.

p.s. Don't forget to check out my new pregnancy blog (and leave a comment too if you want).

Pregnancy Blog Has Moved

Here's the link to my new/updated pregnancy blog. mamavictoria.wordpress.com The old one is being deleted upon posting this post.

I must say, I like wordpress better than blogger. But I'll still be keeping my musies and obsies up and going, while returning to my original username of Nina (ninja princess warrior).

Potpourri

Not much blogging lately. Focus has primarily been on this pregnancy deal, researching the normal things an expectant parent does plus seeking out other parents-to-be for support, laughter and the like. (If you haven't done so, check out my new pregnancy blog for exciting updates and humorous commentary. I'm thinking of moving it to another site so I can get this one back to Nina. I'm thinking wordpress and will post if/when I do.)

We had quite the experience with Qwest a couple of weeks ago. In a nutshell, we were lied to by the salesperson. We had signed up for a bundle deal on phone, cable television and high speed internet. It was a very good bargain, less than what we are currently paying. We were told there were absolutely no contracts, that all three services were month-to-month and we could cancel at anytime. When we asked about the cable, Direct TV (which we did not know was satellite--we don't pay attention to such things), we were never told it was Satellite TV. "This is cable television, right? That's what we have with Comcast and that's what I want to keep." I said. Yes, the sales clerk responded. We were assured there were no other fees hidden inside this great deal. After spending about 45 minutes on the phone working everything out, we spent much of the afternoon getting organized...gathering e-mail addresses, internet sites we visit. I composed an e-mail notifying people of our upcoming change of e-mail address.

Around 5pm, I noticed an e-mail from Direct TV. I opened it and read through it. First I was surprised to learn they're a Satellite provider. Next, I was additionally surprised to read of our TWO YEAR contract and $70 MONTHLY FEE (Qwest said it would be $34). There was also a list of extra little fees for equipment rental and the like.

WTF? I thought.

So we called Qwest and were informed that, yes indeedy, we were locked into a 2 year contract with Direct TV and that yes indeedy, their pricing information was correct. When we informed the CSR what we were told, he said "she was wrong".

So just as quickly as we thought we were getting a great deal, we canceled the entire package and thanked the CSR for allowing his company to waste our time.

Still not being totally satisfied, I decided to phone them up again and file a complaint. The gentleman I spoke with was profusely apologetic. He took the report and said it would be passed along to his Supervisor. However, he did nothing to attempt to rectify the situation. He made us no other offers, even after I said we would be going with their competitor.

So there you have it. Qwest sucks. They lie to their customers to get that sale. And when you're screwed over, they make no attempt at resolving the situation like. (And by the way, if you do decide to look into Qwest for one of their bundle packages, run like wild if you get hooked up with Stephanie from Idaho.)

***
We've had several near-misses with bicyclists lately in our town. There's this sense of aloofness (perhaps it's a bit of entitlement) some of these riders have. They don't think the rules of the road apply to them. They've run stop signs, causing us to slam on our brakes. They don't use hand signals (there's battery powered turn signals these folks can buy for a very reasonable price). They dart out in front of cars and they don't get right if they happen to be riding down the middle of the road, under the speed limit and you wish to pass. I'm tired of being flipped off when I point out their error (I'm pregnant and emotionally unpredictable. I may just get out of my vehicle and give one of these folks a good spanking.). Do they not care that, if they continue this behavior, they only increase their chances of getting hit? Is this what they want? Is it what they're looking for? The road belongs to us all and simply because you're on a bike does not mean you don't have to share it or follow the basic laws. These folks are as dangerous to road safety as are the folks who drive and talk on their cell phones. (I've already ranted about them enough on this blog so no need to do that now.)

***
There's a group of folks advocating for an end to homelessness in our community. Next week they're holding a meeting that I am thinking of attending. You see, I have an idea. It's practical and could be simple if only people would think outside of the box on this issue. (Most people in positions of power lack this skill.) My idea is to get the University's Sports Program, in particular the Football Program, to cough up a million dollars (or two) to buy some land and build a large apartment-style shelter. There would be room for garden space, including the space and ability to own some chickens, something the residents would be required to attend to (if physically able). I realize some who are homeless really do choose that life, based on who they are today as a result of their life experiences. But most don't want to have to figure out how to eat and where to sleep on a daily basis. The resources are already there to ensure no one has to ever ask themselves such questions. Instead of ripping up land to put up another unnecessary strip mall or build more of those tacky looking monstrous homes, let's instead use that land to provide for REAL human need, for those MOST in need. We can do it!

**
There is a real lack of authentic humor in today's media outlets. I'm so tired of sarcastic, crude behaviors disguised as humor that only really serve to insult. This is humor? Whenever one insults another in an attempt at being humorous, they lose me and only serve in making themselves look insecure. There is absolutely no humor to be found when someone is feeling ashamed, angry or in pain. Not saying I'm a prude as I enjoy some of the antics of south park-type humor on occasion (and in small doses). But that kind of humor has taken on a life of it's own whereby crude is now cool and authentic humor (along the lines of seinfeld, cosby and the like) is for sissies. Anybody can do crude. It doesn't take much talent. But to truly make someone laugh where no one gets harmed, now that's where real talent lies.

Olbermann and Matthews: One's A Hero. One's A Putz.

I happened to catch a couple of pieces on MSNBC the past week. I say "happened to" catch because I rarely watch mainstream media of any sort. Sometimes I channel surf just to see what's going on. Last week, during a brief evening surf, I stumbled upon a long, passionate rant by Keith Olbermann where, in a nutshell, he nailed not only what is fucked up about health care/health insurance but what is fucked up about this system: Simply because one makes more money than another does NOT entitle them to the rights of health care, housing, food, clothing, education and the like. As Olbermann so eloquently and truthfully stated (paraphrased): "What kind of a country do we want? This is America. We're supposed to help out and share with those in need. I want my tax dollars going to help out those in need. Just because I happen to have the privilege of making a very good income does not mean I am more deserving of having access to the best health care in the country." He shared a couple of personal stories related to health care. Each point he made was sincere and spot on. I hope he continues on with his mission.

Then there's the flip side. That idiot Chris Matthews. He had on a constitutional lawyer who has organized a group of 2nd Amendment supporters whose purpose is to ensure the government does not impose martial law, enforce concentration camps and to ensure that our freedom's and liberties are not stripped away from us. Matthews accused the guy of creating hysteria while conveniently bypassing the guy's legitimate questions then interrupting and engaging in his typical egotistical bully-speak. Clue to Matthews: This isn't hysteria. This is a group of individuals who know their rights and who care enough about this country and its inhabitants to ensure federalism doesn't further spread it's slimy fingers into our lives. The lawyer had weak arguments. I was even hollering out points of truth for this guy to help him out. It was a classic case of bully vs. wimp. The funniest of all though was when the lawyer pointed out the Patriot Act and how that has ripped apart parts of our Constitution. Matthews response was to stumble for a bit before saying (paraphased): "Well yeah but that is currently being discussed in Congress to see if changes need to be made." Such a brilliant man. Sure. Trust the same idiots who passed this bogus piece of legislation to "discuss" it and make necessary changes. Right. Uh huh. Too many stage lights shinin' on Matthews fryin' his puppet brain.

Not that Olbermann isn't clueless himself in his own way. He doesn't see the real agenda behind the scenes. He thinks pro-gun groups are right wing nuts. He thinks any discussion of concentration or FEMA camps is hysteria. He would read through this blog and similar others and quickly assign the label "right wing" whilst totally bypassing all of my very otherwise "socialistic" ideas. It's really impossible to put a label on me you see, and those still asleep behind the wheel simply cannot stand not being able to label someone. It makes it that much easier for a person to keep stuck in their own mind thought and opinions.

New Blog Link

Here's the link to my new blog. The title alone tells you what's been going on and why I haven't posted much. It likely won't suit the interests of current blog readers, but if you know of anyone who may be interested, could you please pass it along? I'm looking to expand it and, hopefully, make some sort of an income out of it! I don't know how much I will be posting here at this point given how my focused has changed. So for the interim, political and social musings will likely be on hold. That is lest I find some (social/political) situation that relates to my current "condition" that I decide to muse about... : )

Free From Facebook!!

After weeks of contemplating, I finally canceled my F/B page. Overall, I found the experience to be a waste of time where I felt I was at some pretentious cocktail party. I'm not into cocktail type talk, certainly not with people who aren't in my real world experiences. I want to know what people THINK and FEEL. I want REAL exchanges, not p/c crap. I was hoping to reconnect with certain people but I found out that was just not going to happen. Sometimes you just can't go home. But that's ok. Home just takes on a new meaning.

In addition, I realized how crazy it was to give out my full name to the world whilst sharing personal beliefs that are contrary to the way things are. May as well walk around with a bullseye on my head saying "Here I am!" F/B is also full of bugs and cookies and other nasty things geared to slowing down your computer. You really want to be monitored? Sign up with F/B. Since signing up, my computer suddenly became quite slow. It also took me 20 minutes to deactivate my account. That's how controlling F/B is. I kept getting a page error warning. Likely they do this to everyone who wishes to cancel, figuring most will simply give up and give in, keeping their account open.

Of course, it is impossible to fully cancel your account. All you do is deactivate it. All I have to do is sign back in and it will all come back up for the world to see. That is so utterly invasive. If I had known this, I never would have signed up to begin with.

I'm on to other things. A new blog is being created, which I will link here shortly. In the meantime, cheers and peace!

TGIF. Not Really.

In the midst of this hellhole called third dimensional living, the truth is we're all alone.

Not that anyone really cares what I think. (Yeah, I know--passive-aggressive behavior. Today, simply do not care.)

I want to throw in the towel. Give up. I have no close family connections. Given up on that one. I feel old and tired. I have to push myself to even WANT to get out of bed. Most mornings I awaken, only to sigh. Damn planet is still here and I on it. For 20 years I've searched for my purpose. I've done the self-help stuff. Done the affirmations and the visualizations. Made the vision boards. Done the journaling. In short, I've done the work. And this is the result?

Maybe the whole "what is my purpose" concept is nothing more than a distraction. I have some acquaintances. I've learned it's next to impossible to really make friends once you're into your adult years. Most people I know are friends with their siblings or family or friends from their younger years. Or else they aren't really wanting a friendship or don't have the time or energy to expand their current circle. Or else they move.

Yes, I am creating quite the pity party for myself. But as I said above, I simply don't care. It is at it is. I feel as I feel. I don't feel like I own my life. Hell, I don't even know who I am anymore or what I really want. When I think about that, all I get is "I want a million dollars". Seriously. That's what comes to me.

I've searched out avenues for help and support and gotten burned as a result. I know people whose lives have been simple(r) or full of support don't get this. In fact, I can bet any such person would have already stopped reading by now. Who wants to see a person suffering and actually do something?

I need a hole to crawl into.

And an angel would be nice, too.

"Expert" Says To Land A Job One Must Engage In A Massive Campaign Of Massive Effort To Land Massive Interviews In The Hopes Of (Perhaps) Landing A Job

I could only shake my head as I listened to this dude on television tell the long-term unemployed they aren't doing enough. "You've got to engage in a massive job seeking campaign. You must take massive action in today's market. Massive interviews. Anything less will not suffice."

If that doesn't make you want to smack the blowhard (for at the very least supporting the current system without saying "hey wait a minute this situation is totally fucked..."), then this one will. His second piece of advice was to go into an interview and tell the employer exactly, in explicit detail, what and how you will do for them as the best employee. Not only that, what and how you will do such and such NOW. Today. This second. You must be willing to totally commit yourself 150% to the employer's bottom line.

This is nothing more than "how to continue to sell your soul and continue the work-for-a-living slave system" rhetoric.

The audience, of course, was full of pompous-looking system-blind folks who could only shake their heads in agreement while the unemployed folks cast their eyes downward as though in shame. Yep. Haven't busted my ass enough. Haven't quite yet sold my soul or exhausted myself to the point of hospitalization. Just not doing enough apparently.

What's next? Offering to work for free for 6 months?

(Oh wait, that's already been given as advice.)

More Reasons To Rethink The Monetary System

For many moons now, as I have watched Relationship "Expert's" (loosely defined term) on television discuss money and how it is notoriously listed as being the number one cause of stress in relationships, I cannot help but think "Why do we continue to teach people how to deal with this stress? Why not just eliminate the stress altogether?"

It isn't as though money is really needed. As it is today, it is. But as I always say: "Things do not need to be this way." That is one quote that truly sums up who I am. Accepting of reality, but when reality sucks, looking for ways to create something different.

Today I've seen all sorts of segments on "Recession-Proof Your Marriage." Give me a fucking break. No one is immune from the current unfolding fiasco taking place. NO ONE. To say one can "recession-proof (not to mention the truth is we're in a depression) their marriage" is every bit as ridiculous as stating:

"How to avoid being laid off"
"How to stop your job from going to India"
"How to ensure your health insurance company doesn't increase your premiums by another 30%"
"How to ensure your health insurance company doesn't decide to drop you because you're considered a high risk customer."
On and on and on.

And of course these pompous windbags typically have on the easy fixes. People who make close to $100,000 a year and up and who live in a 4,000 square foot home they bought for over half a million dollars. They also have 25 credit cards which they have used to buy totally unnecessary things like lavish cars, boats, 25 pairs of designer jeans for their teenage daughter and now they are whining "helllllllllppppppp meeeeeeee". Etc. etc. etc. They're suffering?

Please.

Not once have I seen someone who has lived within their means but simply cannot keep up with the increased cost of living. I have yet to see a family whereby one or both of the adults in the household lost their job(s) and they were already living very modestly and simply. Or what about the family where the health insurance was lost and they are now bankrupt due to a health issue. Such pompous windbags don't really want to deal with people like that. Too difficult. It's much simpler to deal with irresponsible idiots who really do have solutions so blaringingly obvious, the drunk on the corner could counsel them.

But back to my point. The best things in life are free. A nice sentiment. But of course full of shit when you think of the people who aren't ABLE to enjoy these "best things" when their entire life is revolved around making money to ensure basic survival. Yes, money is the biggest source of stress in our lives. We get that, oh holier than thou windbags. So how about this. Instead of tooting your horn of "DUH NO SHIT" level of advice (while you see another cool million pass into your lap for dishing out such obvious stupidity), you really dig deep and put your mind to real use. Get real yourself. Start questioning the very existance of money. Begin to think outside of the box (And oh god have I heard that phrase tossed about by these windbags. "Gotta think outside the box here folks."). Present new ways of living. New ways that would make the lives of your clients much more conducive to mental, emotional and physical health.

You're in a position of power. Start using it wisely lest you wish to be drug through the mud on blogs such as mine. You may be fooling your blind, naive followers. But you aren't fooling me.