I am particularly perturbed with the world at large for not being more understanding of mama's. We work harder and do more before noon than any of our soldiers do all week long. Even in battle. Every other profession gets an assigned break at some point. And sleep isn't an issue for any other profession - certainly not an ongoing situation of LACK OF. Despite all of this work, where's our glory? Where's our recognition? All the world has to offer us is one stinkin' day? THAT'S THE BEST OUR SOCIETY CAN DO? Give us just one day? And usually on that one day we're still stuck doing the daily chores and childrearing. Find me a mama who actually gets the day doing what she wants and I'll say "that's a mom whose children have left home!"
Not only are we deserving of glory and at least a purple heart of some sort (ever chase after a toddler? THAT'S a battlefield!!) - WE SHOULD GET PAID FOR IT. Let me tell you if men carried and birthed and nursed children, THEY WOULD GET PAID FOR IT. The system would ensure them of this. Every WEEK there would be a national holiday surrounding mama's (or papa's).
Nope. This is a man's world baby and ANY mama will tell you that. I always knew this to be true before I was a mama, but since becoming one, it's even more obvious. If it were more slanted towards the feminine, we would see the following: 1) Free and/or affordable childcare for ALL. 2) $ubsidies for all mama's the first 5 years of the child's life if mama chooses to stay at home. 3) Or hell, the elimination of money altogether and in its place, a system whereby every citizen gets EVERY SINGLE THING EVERY MAMA WANTS FOR HER CHILD: safe, secure shelter; healthy food and water; clothing; health care; a rock solid education; respect and any other emotional need met to ensure the child's happiness.
As a mama, I'm always in a hurry. I rush to take a shower. To pee. To eat. To get my child in and out of the carseat.
Ah, getting in and out of the carseat. Now THAT'S an adventure. Try doing it in a crowded parking lot with impatient assholes doing their best to be patient while you attempt to (ok I need to take a time out - mama duty calls - fussy baby who wants to nurse)...back. Where was I? Oh yes, loading up the little one in the carseat. I have a small car which means a small backseat which means I have to sit sideways to put in the baby which means I have to keep the car door open which means sometimes people have to wait to pull out while I put in the little one. Sorry. That's just the way it is. It's been humbling for me because I used to be one of the occasional impatient ones while another mama would load up her little ones in their carseats. I never said anything - I'm too scared and too damn polite to do that. But I certainly projected my impatient thoughts on that mama.
As such, I'm a much more tolerant and patient person of people, mama's in particular. And yet I'm less tolerant and patient with others who support any sort of this world that makes my life more challenging, difficult and downright (some days), impossible. But I'm about to get political and I try not to tarnish my soul anymore with such foolishness. Ok, not foolishness. Cause it isn't foolish. I just have to try and watch where I project my energy for energy that is too charged up is energy I simply can't create. Too tired to.
No one worries more than a mama. No one can possibly know what it's like to both have your heart broken and burst wide open all at the same time. No one but a mama knows what it's like feel such fear and concern over the future of this planet. No one but a mama TRULY wants what is BEST for our children. For ALL children. Sure, lots of people (often childless or men) spout the "we must do what's best for and right by our children" but such folks don't really do what's really necessary. They still support the same 'ole same 'ole. Again, about to get into the political/social commentary so I'll stop. Scroll up and re-read the "what every mama wants for her child" sentence and you'll get what I mean.
Want to know what offends me? When I'm asked "so, what do you do?" Even when I've said "I'm a mama" I have still had people (male and female) ask, "no, what do you DO?" I just smile and say "As I said, I'm a mama. I just don't get PAID for my work" while thinking 'you stupid fucking idiot'... (Oh, how I'd love to just sit down w/someone like this and share w/them all of the ideas and attempts I have made to make $$ - just in the past year alone. Maybe I should start adding "professional money making attempter" to my "mama" title.)
Want to know what else offends me? How often I'm asked "oh, are you going to have more?" Or some folks have been gutsy by stating "oh you are going to have more, aren't you?" I know these people are well-intentioned. But god damn, I'm tired as hell, ok? LOOK IN MY EYES, I want to say. SEE the bags and wrinkles??? LOOK AT MY 3 MINUTE LAME ASS HAIRDO. LOOK AT MY FRUMPY CLOTHES. See how my pants bag on my ass?? That's because I've seemed to LOOSE this particular body part since giving birth and can't afford new pants! And I ain't a spring chicken. Being pregnant took a toll on my body in certain ways. Not that I wasn't as healthy (or even more so) than my younger mama friends during their pregnancies - just that well, time has a way of not being so nice to our bodies. Especially when we're forced to carry around extra weight for 9 months. The knees in particular. And my knees were never my strong point...
Geesh! Re-reading this, all I can think is "someone give this girl a vacation and a massage and a paycheck!"
Want to know what hurts though? No one and I mean no one asks me about ME anymore. Since when did becoming a mama mean I lose things about myself - like my hobbies, my ideas, my thoughts, hopes and dreams? My spouse is in school so that's a topic for people to discuss with him ABOUT him. But me? Oh, I'm just the mama. You know - the one who has nothing of value to share apparently. Oh sure, others will empathize w/me over my sleep deprivation (while more experienced mama's whose children have left home will laugh over at times which makes me want to hand them my little angel and let them spend a few hours with her THEN we'll see if they're laughing upon my return). But still - that sleep deprivation is because OF my little one. IT IS NOT ABOUT JUST ME.
Yes. Come on world. Give this girl a vacation. Give her some massage treatments. Ask her about things that have only to do with HER. For yes, I love being a mama. I am in love in a way I have never been before. But that doesn't mean I have to stop loving myself. Does it?