All The Leaves Are Brown......

only the skies aren't gray but rather bright blue. and no trails today either. planes are releasing only vapor trails today.

being it was such a nice day i decided to tackle the leaves. our house is situated in an idealic place. idealic if you are a leaf or twig or particle of dust looking for a place to call home. it seems as though the wind is always blowing in the perfect direction to gather all unwanted yard waste from our surrounding neighbors yards and placing it promptly in our front yard. after last year, i made the decision to wait until mid-november to rake. last year i swept and picked up every other day. it really was a waste of time and i know those damn leaves were laughing at me as they fell to the ground, slowly replacing the pile i had just dumped into the yard waste container. well i know it isn't mid-november yet, but the weather was dry and sunny and being we have trick-or-treaters visiting tomorrow night, i thought it would be a good idea to see the ground again.

2 hours later, back throbbing, hands cramped up and full of slivers (couldn't find the gloves) i was seriously rethinking my decision. the yard looks great--at the moment--but my body was and is in desperate need of a massage followed by a long soak in a hot tub. i have access to neither, so i am, um, visualizing.

as i swept, a song went through my mind. the landlord song. we aren't required to take care of the property outside--one of landlord's family members is supposed to be out every 2 weeks to do that. we're lucky if he shows up once a month. being my body was aching and i was no longer enjoying the warmth of the sun (it was making me sweat) or the crisp autumn air (it was making my nose run), i began to think how nice it must be to be a landlord................."oh i want to be a landlord, a landlord, a landlord.........i want to be a landlord, yes indeed.........it must be nice to own a home and have someone else take care of it..........it must be nice to own a home and have someone else pay for it.........it must be nice to dictate the price, dictate the price, dictate the price........and when all is said and done i will be laughing my way to the bank........oh i want to be a landlord, a landlord, a landlord.........i want to be a landlord, yes indeed!"

i noticed a bunch of acorns...............we've had a curious squirrel frequent our yard......my hub says it's to gather nuts........i think he has an alterior motive--to torment our dog......oh well, he will be disappointed to know most of his nuts went unplanted...........

being i was sweeping leaves into a pile and putting them into the yard waste, this meant i did a lot of bending and stooping over. i was wearing jeans--the kind that sit low on the waste. i love them--as long as i don't have to bend over. when you do that, you inevitably must pull them up as you pull yourself upright. and if the jeans sit low enough, you have to pull up the undies as well. my girlfriend says to wear a thong with the low-rider jeans. i simply laugh. men--ANY woman who tells you they are comfortable or that you get used to them is LYING. L Y I N G either that or having fabric shoved intentionally up her ass for hours at a time has cut off some oxygen supply to her brain, enabling her to think or speak clearly.

so.........i probably painted an unusual picture...........bending over, putting a hand on my lower back and moaning/groaning/swearing, straightening back up pulling up my jeans and undies then wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve...........what a sight of femininity, eh?


singing the election song.......

if you could hear me sing, i would sound like a howling coyote. not a howling coyote searching for a mate. not a howling coyote making myself known. nope. i would sound like a howling coyote who is experiencing pain.........

i'm holding this voters ballot. it is my anger that wishes to rip it up. it is my pain that wishes to speak to the pretty pictures of the candidates. "WHY?! why have you spoon-fed we the public your campaign promise drivel when you need to be speaking about the system for what it is: FUCKED UP. why haven't you spoken of real campaign finance reform--you know what i'm talking about--the kind of reform that puts a MAXIMUM DOLLAR (i like $50--it's a good number) on the amount any individual, organization or corporation can donate in any political election year. not day. not second. YEAR. why haven't you said the capitalist system has created a system of division. of discrimination. equal opportunity for all? give me a break! why haven't you said every person is deserving of a clean, safe home. clean clothing. healthy, abundant supply of food. safe transportation. and health care. all without being based on their income, sexual orientation, religion, race, political affiliation, size of their nose, whether or not they have a tattoo, etc. etc............"

there is so much talk from the progressives who seem utterly convinced that putting democrats back in charge will fix what has ailed us the past 6 years. sigh. this country's been ailing for DECADES. we're just seeing the effects more clearly now. take the bush and reagan administrations. these dudes got into power and created the "trickle down" theory. you know the story--allow the rich to have more of their money, they'll in turn spend it, pumping more money back into the economy which by some miraculous powers will find it's way to the starving african-american neighborhood, whose homes have been built next to a waste facility because some powerful zoning expert deemed it "safe".

these same two dudes also decided to put an end to the "finding the cure for cancer" cause. oh it was brilliant, what these two did, destroying all evidence that had been put together by some major universities back in the 1970's that showed the active ingredient in marijuana, THC, had been shown to both reduce and eliminate certain cancer tumors. we need to understand why this was done though. they had a war to start. the war on drugs. or as it really is, the war on people.

of course that was a republican administration. but 8 years of clinton didn't fare us any better. (perhaps he should have inhaled.) he was a supporter of NAFTA afterall. ship them jobs overseas. he continued to support the elite while he hid behind some supposedly middle-class american family policies. the family leave act. and let's not forget his supposed attempt, along with wife billary, to establish a national health care plan. what did he do with the poor, other than to proclaim "i feel your pain?" oh that's right--he made it tougher for welfare-recipients to stay on assistance--forcing single mothers to go to work for minimum wage, having to find a way to provide day care for their children. oh, but they were "success stories"--the welfare-to-work program. i always wondered why the term "livable wage" was never included in that scenario.

so the dems may regain the house and perhaps the senate. who knows. who really cares. think they'll talk about the issues that really matter to you and i? (i found it interesting to see a poll that showed the majority of americans polled put homeland security and the war on terror on the bottom of the list of topics presented and yet the pukaticians continue to banter away on winning this unwinnable war--totally side-stepping the concerns of the people.) think they'll put aside their own obsessions with money and power and will begin to work for you and i? you know, we the people?

so back to my ballot. my choice to vote. do i or don't i. there's a saying that goes something like this: "if you don't vote, you have no right to complain." if only the author of that saying could see what the process has become today. he/she would likely think differently. come up with a new saying. "if you don't vote, well my friend, i hear ya. i hear ya............"

a myriad of ramblings.....

sick again today. woke up with a sore throat. being spouse works with the public and the clientele who visit the store are too inconsiderate to stay home when they're sick (they need their alcohol after all), he brings home all sorts of nasty germs. of course it could also be due to the trails that were laid in our skies all weekend. no one is positive what they contain. all sorts of wild theories and speculations. only person i know who to believe anymore is myself.

i am in the process of a grievance complaint filing with a staff member of a local government agency. one of my complaints (a minor one in a list of some pretty major episodes) was having to withstand the person's body odor. her grooming habits were deplorable. her hair was usually matted--rarely combed--stringy. her clothing was old and wrinkled. she usually appeared as though she had just rolled out of bed. no shower. nothing. utterly disgusting. i would have asked for another person but i was assigned her and was told she was my only choice. i was told this was the week she would be meeting with those investigating my complaint. ironic as it is, a friend of mine was at this agency a couple of days ago and happened to see this woman. my friend called me up and said: "i hardly recognized her. her hair had been cut and washed and she curled it, too."

bitch. i truly despise that kind of mentality. so phony. she only put herself together because she knows she is meeting with a group of her peers to discuss a compliant that has been lodged against her. apparently it's ok for her to look like shit and smell even worse for her clients. but when it comes to a staff investigation, she finds the energy to make herself presentable. what a joke. i hope these folks are smart enough to notice this feigned act...... and it is saddening to me given i used to feel empathy for her in this regard. i thought she dressed like this because she was too depressed (and in need of help) to find the energy to put herself together. jokes on me apparently.

had to once again get assertive with the idiot who owns our home. major plumbing clog this week--couldn't take a shower without standing in 8 inches of water. he found a plumber for us, a time was scheduled. we were good to go until idiot calls us up and said the plumbers had to reschedule. he said if it was a problem, give him a call. well, it was a time that wasn't doable for us, so spouse calls him up and said as such. idiot then begins whining "but that's the only time the plumbers can come". spouse ended up saying "want me to call the city? you get a plumber out here this afternoon as originally discussed." idiot whined more, stating he'd have to call every plumber in the book. spouse said "that's not my problem." well, i don't know if he had to call every plumber or not, but one did arrive in the time slot we had put aside.

we've had to start saying "that's not my problem" to the idiot. he whines to us why he can't fix this or that. he whines why he's late. he whines why he doesn't show up as scheduled. "sorry, not my problem. just fix what needs fixing." he has the nerve to complain about his financial situation when he owns two homes, has a very good job with benefits (as does his wife) and owns two cars. last time he tried to pull that crap on me i interrupted and said "you could be in our situation. one car that needs a lot of repairs. crappy employers that grossly underpay us and provide us no benefits. and half of our income going to housing." he had nothing to say. of course not. it's his greed that is part of our equation of struggle.

jesus christ, so many people in need. i belong to an e-mail list where we swap things we no longer need. the majority of the e-mails contain items wanted rather than offered. and many are big ticket items. furniture. cars. clothing. sometimes even jobs. and a growing number of people needing information on private insurance. one woman wrote, saying she was pregnant and had been unable--UNABLE--to find a private insurer because her pregnancy was a "pre-existing condition" and therefore, pregnancy claims would not be covered. !!!!!

it is no wonder the united states has an unsually high infant mortality rate.

ah, the thrills of living in an individualistic, capitalist society. i swear, before i leave this planet, i am going to write a book that will change the thoughts of others. (i'll even put in subliminal messaging if i have to. just kidding!) in all honesty, it is my desire to see our world, at the very least our country change to one that is less individualistic and more focused on connection. it is a deep need i have. i often see the numbers 9:11 on my clock. it strikes me as odd--and i have often wondered if it means there's another attack in the works. however, i have come to believe it has a deeper meaning. i have been seeing it to remember how i felt on that day and the days that followed 9/11. i was utterly unable to look at others and feel fear or feel the need to compete, to judge, to hate. i wanted to embrace everyone with whom i came in contact. i felt that common connection. i saw us all together in that one boat--so in need of one another, yet so afraid to acknowledge it. even when i believed the government's story, i didn't wish to see retaliation. i wanted justice--accountability--but not more of the same violence that was behind the events of that day.

perhaps it is time i write that book..........


my cherie amour

stevie wonder needs to be president. why? he's a fantastic songwriter. he has a tenderness to him that i find beautiful. and who can resist that voice?

imagine any the bullies, the dictators, the tyrants being in the presense of this blind man, hearing him sing. hearing him speak his thoughts on love. who wouldn't release the disguise of hate and fear and melt back into a beautiful, peaceful soul???



let it hereby be declared that i, nina, shall now no longer return phone calls in a timely manner......nor shall i keep my word and do what i say i will do.........i will no longer be returning e-mails in a timely manner...........and i will no longer take responsibility for any harm i may cause on another.
in doing so, i leave behind the disappearing world of consideration, respect and honoring of one's word and instead, jump right into the current mess that is today's way of being.


a trip to the park

there is something special about a trip to the park on a fall day. i took my little pooch to one of our local parks to play ball, which happens to be her absolute favorite activity in the whole world. even tops eating. NO JOKE

the weather was perfect. sunny and mild. the wind occasionally blowing. in between throwing the ball, i would watch the leaves fall from the trees in a variety of dances. some spun and twirled rapidly, desiring to reach the ground quickly. others took their time and sort of sauntered in the wind, in no hurry to reach the earth.

at one point, i sat down on a park bench. closing my eyes, i looked directly towards the sun. ever notice how difficult it is to look at the sun and not smile? even if you don't intend to, the squinting action alone seems to bring out the urge to smile. perhaps it's instinctive. perhaps it's a reminder of the connection we share with the sun and how important we intuitively know it to be for our survival.

ok, my little puppy is sitting right here next to me, giving me a look. she seems to want to be included in this piece............ she says the grass felt really good today. the mid-week rains we had gave it an extra cushiony coolness. and she says she loves running through the leaves, although she doesn't particularly like it when the ball gets lost amongst them. ok, she's also telling me i need to bring more balls in case i lose one, which she is reminding me we have done at times. she appreciates the water breaks, but says she is often not thirsty when i think she is. and yes, she can admit that she cheats a bit. she really does know how to bring the ball right to my feet. she just chooses not to. she likes to get up and running before i have the chance to throw it.

ok, now she is telling me she needs a snack............and she is having another hankering for some ball action.

oh, to be a dog!

ozone hole, invisible cloaks and cell phones, OH MY!

human activity has caused our ozone hole to reach the size of north america. i don't know what's more disturbing: the idea that the hole is so large or the idea that the human-made chemicals that created this sad mess linger up to 100 years. (imagine what they do to the human body.....)

hiding from the world may soon become easier. an invisibility cloak, as made popular in the harry potter books and movies, may be a possibility in the near future. i wonder what the price tag of something like that would go for. i imagine the possibilities, which range from innocent fun to dark, covert operations...........

no article to read for this next one. just my personal experiences of today with cell phone users and their automobiles. one individual was driving and talking. 35 mph zone. going 20. weaving some. not keeping up with traffic. the conversation was obviously quite animated, too. her right hand (which should have been on the steering wheel) was waving wildly. another individual blocked the driveway i wished to exit. she had plenty of room to pull forward but obviously her cell phone conversation took priority over watching the road and her surroundings. another individual was inside the store, so, uh obviously not in her car. but i still chalk up what happened due to her cell phone use. she was walking down the aisle, headed my way, chatting away on her phone while trying to operate a grocery cart (packed full of items, i might add) with one hand. she was obviously having trouble. as she passed by me, her elbow flung out as she attempted to guide the cart, again with one hand. in doing so, she elbowed me in the shoulder--in that particular spot that is prone to the charlie horse. i actually said "ow!" and stopped to rub my shoulder. i even said "excuse me"--not in a sarcastic way but in a "i am sorry" way. it's automatic with me. i apologize for things even when i am not at fault. childhood curse.

she kept right on going, didn't stop to look back to see who she had just ran into. did she not feel our little collision? she had to.

oh, wait. she was on her CELL PHONE. focused elsewhere. that's right.

i despise government intrusion. just as equally so, i despise this sort of irresponsible inconsideration. something must be done. days like this i wish to see cell phone use restricted inside of public places. designate an area within a store or outside of a store for people to have their "important" conversations. if cell phone users must use their phones while they are driving, then pull the fuck over. my right to drive in a safe environment supercedes your right to engage in a phone conversation while you are driving.

i visited a health food store today. i was in search of a particular herbal supplement. they were out and suggested another store. the clerk asked me if i had a cell phone so that i could call the other store. i smiled and said "i don't own one," and she said "you don't? neither do i!" recognizing one another as fellow public cell-phone-user despisers, she and i compared experiences and gripes, both concluding they are hazardous to the safety and health of both users and non-users. (for more information on the health hazards to the users, check out this little experiment. if it isn't enough to make you eliminate or at least cut back on your usage, i don't know what would be. if you have children who use cell phones, you will want to check this one out as well.)

other weirdness: i heard a news briefing state that some local farmer hopes we the consumer will be open to eating meat that comes from cloned cows. SURE! FIRE UP THE GRILL! good lord........

they're laying down trails today in our beautiful skies. nice big fat one right over our street. 30 minutes later it had turned into a pretty looking "cloud".

sigh. i could sure use one of those invisibility cloaks today.........complete with a super power, such as the ability to fly.


a plethora of thoughts......

so yesterday i was angry and apathetic...........i just gotta give myself the time to go into those funky spaces...........i find when i dive right in and swim around without judging myself i find my life raft: HOPE.
as i thought about the word hope, i thought it's a good acronym for Holding On desPite the Evidence....there is a lot of evidence around me that says we are losing a lot of what we once held to be precious about our country, our planet.......our world......and yet, damnit, i still have this little voice that says "don't give up." hope.
hope for a global chance on consciousness. hope that we can all remember our connection. hope that we will remember how fragile and special and wonderful we are. hope that we will remember how incredible of a home we can make this planet if only. if only..........
the potential is there.
i was driving home today. i've been a bit sick the past week or so. one of those really weird viruses that linger. you think you've kicked it out of your system for good so you get back into the swing of life again. as you do so, you feel a wind being knocked out of you, that nasty little virus rearing it's head saying "he he! not so fast sister! i'm still here partying with your immune system!" anyway, i had done quite a few errands and as such, i was feeling bloody tired. which means i am prone to being pissy............ so i'm driving home and come to an intersection. some car (with a person in it of course) was sitting at the intersection, not budging. what the hell is your problem?? i'm thinking. "GO MORON!" i said outloud, waving them through. it wasn't until i saw the smile and the wave that i realized it was my neighbor. suddenly i felt a sense of remorse and guilt. i wanted to shrink into my seat and disappear. she had arrived at the intersection and decided, upon seeing me, to let me go first.
i smiled and waved back, thinking "i'm sorry!" over and over again. i thought about that experience as i drove home. she went from being a clueless moron to my sweet neighbor in a matter of moments. did she do anything to cause this change? not really. she just made herself reconizable. but for some reason, i was more forgiving, even remorseful, because i knew her. i asked myself if this had happened a year ago, prior to her moving in next door, prior to my knowing her, would i have changed my thoughts and thus my reaction?
likely not. she would have remained the clueless moron female driver i encountered on my way home.
i wondered about the possibility of treating everyone as though i knew them. i'm often preaching to others about the importance of remembering our connection. heck, i even refer to that in this blog piece. maybe it's time i put my own advice into practice.
ok i just have to bitch about this one. the cost of pizza. ok, i take that back. the cost of good pizza. the kind of pizza that isn't laden with grease. for a large in this town, this will cost you between $20-$25. that's a lot of dough (pun at first unintended--now intended upon recognition) for someone on our budget. i added up in my mind what it costs me to make a pizza from scratch, which i will be doing tonight after looking at our bank account. for a large pizza: flour, maybe a quarter. tomato sauce, around a dollar. throw in some cheese (for me that would be fresh parmesan and mozzarella), oh i'd say $1.50. add some mushrooms, a bell pepper, a couple of tomatoes and some sort of meat (ground hamburger or slice ham), another $3-$4. so for $5-$6 i can make at home what i would pay over $20 for.
of course there are labor costs to consider........... until i can think of a plan to get our government to pay me for my cooking responsibilities, making a pizza for my family remains a labor of love.


anger and apathy

perhaps it's because i am sick..........

perhaps it's because of the political corruption..........

perhaps it's because of the never-ending violence and wars and human suffering and injustice.....

perhaps it's because of the blind fools who ignore the violence and political corruption........

perhaps it's because of those richie-rich types who claim to see the problems and hold all sorts of lavish gatherings and events promoting their agendas when that money would be better spent on the people and their unnecessary situations of suffering............

perhaps it's because of the mortgage industry scam, lenders taking advantage of people who aren't dressed the part, have lower credit ratings and/or simply are unaware of the legal terms in their contracts.............

perhaps it's because of my spouses utterly pious, cruel, neglectful parents..........

perhaps it's because of my families neglect..........

perhaps it's because half of our pitiful wages go to live in a house that is in desperate need of repair and is owned by a slumlord who regularly doesn't show to fix said repairs or arrives hours late and who promises each time to change but has yet to date............

perhaps it's because i feel a giant void from the universe where i once felt some sort of a connection.........

perhaps it's because i no longer feel that energy to attempt to make something of my life..........

perhaps it's because i'm f'ing sick of the enormous competition from all avenues in life...........

perhaps it's because we are unable to afford to have a child and buy a home and do all of the other things our families so easily did 30 years ago............

perhaps it's because i scream these things on a regular basis and yet nothing changes.........

perhaps it's because of this shit and so much more that today i simply feel angry and apathetic.


Fairness & Consideration

these two behaviors have seemingly been removed from our society. at the current moment, both my spouse and i are sick because someone chose to come to a gathering in which we attended and this person was sick.

my spouse has no sick leave (because he works for a corporate-type greedy little twit). being 50% of our income goes to grossly inflated housing, missing just one day puts a damper into our already tight budget. but hey, if we were paid a fair and livable wage, that wouldn't be so much of a problem. but put together the reality that we're underpaid with the ever-growing high cost of living and you have a recipe for anything but fair.

the opinions of the "blame the victim" chanting that our society oh so likes to spread goes through my mind as do the "oh now shush and focus on what you are grateful for" chants.

the truth is, i have had it with being victimized by people who are inconsiderate. i have had it with being victimized by a system that is focused on anything but fairness. i have had it with being usurped so that the rich can continue on with their gluttunous, lavish lifestyles. and anyone who does not see this reality, especially at this point in time, is not living it or is choosing to remain blind.

my spouse's employer is currently on vacation. 30 day vacation. why is he able to afford this? because of his employees.....you know.... the ones who actually DO the majority of the work, the ones who receive no vacation days. i'm not saying he isn't deserving of this vacation. what i am saying is that his employees are deserving of the same or similar reprieve. when i first found out the length of time he would be gone and the dates he would be gone, i was even more distressed. this is the beginning of their busy season--and i mean busy. when my spouse wished to take vacation last month, he was told he had to do so prior to the end of the month. had to. and here the owner feels he can break his own rule??

i read this powerful statement--a statement that resonates strongly with my values. called the universal declaration of human rights, it basically states that everyone has the right to housing, food, clothing, medical care, necessary social services and security in the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, old age, widowhood or other lack of livelihood circumstances. and everyone is deserving of these rights and freedoms without distinction of any kind.

i read this and gasped. I LOVE THIS

i then asked myself: why isn't this taught in schools and in families and preached in boardrooms and lived out in government policies?

of course i know the answers. rugged individualism is our way of life. resources are not distributed in an equitable fashion. and given our current system, this isn't feasible.

i cannot begin to express how i long for something different and new. i used to subscribe to the rugged individualism concept. i used to believe i could do anything on my own. i used to believe that if i fell down, it was up to me to pull myself up. me and no one else.

when i realized that wasn't working so well for me, i got into buddism. new age thought. i then began to realize these methods, while stating how we are all connected, were really no different than the rugged individualism concept. the words were just gentler. actually, i came to believe some of this talk sounded like someone speaking out of both sides of their mouth. "we are all connected." and then: "no one can affect you or your life unless you allow them to." huh??

life is balance and i believe we can pull together some of the basics of both ways of thinking/believing. while it is important to know how to motivate oneself, it is equally important to allow oneself to rely on others when self-reliance is simply not an option (due to whatever circumstances). while it is important to know the power of our thoughts and what we think about ourselves and the world around us, it is also important to remember the thoughts and decisions of others affect us as well. i heard this summed up so brilliantly by a medical doctor who said: "thought is energy. that means our thoughts create. but we also have to realize there is a lot of interference from the thoughts of others."

in other words, it is a mess out there. i wouldn't want to be the universal force that attempts to keep it all straight!

i ask myself the following question: how powerful are my thoughts when what it is i desire and declare for myself is contrary to the way things are? for example, how can i create affordable housing for myself, how can i find that home on a piece of land for under $100,000 when the reality is, land alone goes for $100k and up?

if it is indeed true that the universe doesn't judge these thoughts of ours, then i certainly cannot rely on the universe to change the hearts of those in charge, those whose focus is on greed and power, those who make the policies and the rules that directly effect us. if i cannot rely on the universe for this, who or what can i? i can always hope for these folks to remember who they are and say "hey, you know what? there are a lot of people needlessly suffering. we can do something about that by making a few changes." that's about all i can do.

until such time, what do i do in the interim? i am tired and worn out from trying to focus on the positive when i have this huge barrel of negative that i must deal with daily: lack of family support or concern......lack of livable wages.........expensive housing.......lack of affordable health insurance........and then there is the entire political storms brewing that, irregardless of how much i attempt to disconnect myself from this energy, i still feel it.

and why is that???

because we are all connected, that's why. and until we "get that"--until we truly get that--open to those moments when we know this and feel this and experience this--we will continue to isolate and insulate our hearts from those who we think are beneath us or less than. less deserving. or simply turn our hearts away because it is safer to keep our heads in the clouds or in the sand.

feeling that connection is an awesome experience. i highly recommend it. i have those moments now and then. while it doesn't remove the anger or the pain i feel over the lack of fairness and consideration i and so many others unnecessarily experience, while it doesn't change my thoughts i hold dearly about what i believe to be the rights for all, it does soften me and open me up to seeing these people as people just like myself at some level.


sunday potpourri

speaker hastert following in the shoes of foley? i gotta admit that i wasn't aware what hastert looked like. when i got a look at him last week, i first thought he was foley. something in me just knew--he's a pedophile.

that gut instinct of mine is more often right than wrong.

if this isn't enough to make your stomach churn, here's a little piece that will make your head spin. i've worked with kids in the past and thus had those times when parents were late picking up their child. the only time social services or the police were called happened after the parents were 30 minutes or so late AND after attempts to contact them failed. here we have a school who wants the children held at the police station and social services contacted if children are not picked up by 6:30pm (after being released at 6:15pm). this certainly doesn't sound like a school that is interested in the well-being of their children or their parents. this sounds like a school that wishes to run like a military training camp.

now that i've touched a nerve in both your stomach and your head, here's one that will have people saying "hey is that a computer chip on my ass?!" the maker's of levi's wish to implant RFID chips in their clothing. just another reason to buy those jeans at the goodwill.

i hereby announce that the world is now officially insane...........


i must get this off my chest.......
















(ran out of breath there..........excuse me as i compose myself again....)

ok now............

it's on tv almost nightly.........

our town.........holy cripers..........flags everywhere.........pom pom's............the t-shirts.........glorification in the newspaper.........if this much passion and attention and focus was put on, oh say the homeless and the unemployment/underemployment and poverty problems, we'd have it all solved in 48 hours!

people, please! it is just a game. repeat after me: it is just a game

no other sport incites such rabid response. it's obsessive. and weird.

we visited some friends today. we had to fight the "football" traffic so we arrived later than we had anticipated. upon arrival, i collapsed on the couch and (stupidly) said: "i wish to god football did not exist!"

now i have to admit, i have foot and mouth disease--always have, likely always will. you know what i am talking about: open mouth and insert foot.

given the looks i received................given the silence that immediately filled the room..........

it was then that i realized the pom pom's on the table and the local team's football jersey t-shirts on some of the guests. oh shit, i thought and quietly went outside to play with the dogs. thank god for dogs. they often end up being my companions at parties. or kids if no dogs are to be found.......

what was funny was what happened when we got ready to leave. the game was about ready to come on tv. "you're going already?" we were asked. "but the game is about ready to start!" this time it was my husband's turn to show his version of foot and mouth disease, for he said "yeah, we're gonna go. we really don't like football."

it was then that i realized my spouse and i have a very unique gift. we can render a room silent in 2 seconds.

so.......................just in case my point was not sufficiently made..........

i do not like football,
i do not like it with cheese,
i will not watch it, oh please!
i would not play it with a mouse.
i would not play it with my dog (i know, what a louse!).

i do not want to see it here nor there.
i do not want to see it anywhere.
i will not watch or play football,
i do not like it,

drowning in political ads and candidate choices......

i have discovered a way for people to kick the tv addiction: subject them to endless political ads.

if that doesn't cause 'em to grab that clicker and turn the thing off, i don't know what will....

the question of course is "who do i vote for?" i am so utterly apathetic towards the entire political system, i haven't a clue. i do not have faith that my vote really counts for much. sure, we can swap the political parties. but will things really change?

not really, no. oh sure, we may have a few more dollars funneled towards social programs and we may actually get a withdrawal plan for the troops in iraq. perhaps some of the provisions of the patriot act may be tossed and some other "constitution destroying" bills may be repealed.

however, will we ever see a livable wage, universal health care, repealing of laws to reinstate workplace democracy once again, affordable housing, real working solutions to eliminate poverty, a change in the tax system so that, for starters, corporations finally get their welfare checks cut off and that money returned to the people-those who really NEED the money. ???

not as long as we have this two-party system. oh sure, i'm not the only one who believes this. but i really do not believe, at this time, there are enough of us to elect the number of third party candidates who support such (democratic?) ideas.

so that leaves me with the option of writing in a candidate. i remember when i was a little girl, my parents and a group of their friends (obviously as apathetic as i am today) wrote in donald duck for president. at the time i thought it was very funny. i was also very excited. was it really possible that donald duck could be nominated for president? i remember hoping gleefully that he pick goofy for vice president.

hmmm.......writing in a candidate. can i think of anyone for my district's seat in the state? there is the checker at the local health food store i often shop at. she is one of the nicest people i have met. always remembers who you are, always asks how you are and not in the typical way you, as a customer, are asked. she really wants to know. and she thanks you with a sincerity i simply do not see in the service industry. however, she is so purely sweet, she would likely get eaten alive. so i'd have to say in answer to my question, nope.

so then, can i think of anyone to represent my state back in d.c.? there are some regular letter-to-the-editor writers who i think absolutely rock. however, they seem to be the type who live simply and wish to share their ideas without having to expose themselves in the political limelight. so again, i'd have to say "nope".

so here is my quandry. i do not like the options i am presented with. and i can think of no one in which to use as a write-in. so.....i guess that leaves me with just one question: donald duck or mickey mouse?



all i am trying to do

is learn how to format

my blog

so that

when i hit the return key


i actually get it





friday ramblings

help wanted: donut fryer.......courtesy clerk...........deli clerk......barista.......night clerk.........part-time positions..........must be available all shift, any shift, every day (even the night clerk position)..........background check.........drug screen..........

uh huh. next..........

these school shootings..........i heard some public official wack job say last night that his answer is to arm the teachers. sure! great idea! we will let our public school system do even more damage to the minds of our children by saying "NO" to guns all while teacher packs a 9mm. a room full of 35 plus children and one teacher.........how easy it would be for a child to look for and find that gun. i've worked in enough classrooms to know how easy it is to be distracted and how utterly impossible it is to monitor every child every moment. i cannot imagine any parent going for that idea. hopefully it will get filed in the trash can. and the answer is not increased school security. that hasn't done a thing except create an atmosphere of fear and distrust and that is what we need LESS of. the answer lies in getting into the psyches of these people and finding out the WHY's, only (coincidentally??) they always end up commiting suicide.

yesterday afternoon was one of those perfect days........the sun was out.........the temperature was as close to perfect as you can get........i went for a long, leisurely bike ride then stopped in at the local co-op to pick up some plums.........nothing like eating a juicy piece of fruit on a warm fall day after you've exercised your body.......had one of those "life is good" moments........those have been missing in my life and so i try and create them when i can.......and hold onto it as long as i can....

i had a weird experience this week..........a few years ago i had a dream about asian-looking men invading the pacific coast line, dressed in fatigues..........it was one of those dreams that i have kept alive in my mind.........at the time i thought it was due to my fear of war given i had the dream about 6 months after 9/11......

well, i stumbled upon a website of articles as listed on a fellow blogger's page and one of the articles was a list of predictions by some woman in germany.........she too had had a dream/vision of asians (from china) invading the NW united states along the pacific coast line. what added to this "strangeness" was that the night before, i happened to share the dream again with my spouse......

twilight zone music please...........

who knows!?

well i have a vacuum calling my name..........and work is next in line so i'm gonna close up the mouth shop for now.....


what gives me hope........

children. the fact that there are children, a continuous lineage of children, gives me hope.
i thought about this today as i drove home. i was stopped at an intersection, waiting for the light to turn green. i was signaling to take a right hand turn and noticed a group of children, boys and girls, ages 8-13 or so, waiting to cross the street. when my light turned green i waited as they crossed. i watched them in their youthful innocence and natural enthusiasm and gusto for life. so beautiful. so precious. hard to imagine the adults i have come to question, shake my head in wonder at were once so like them......
i watched these children and wondered if they had any clue what was going on outside of their own safe lives. i wondered if they knew about the iraqi children, what they have to face daily. the growing number who are orphaned. i wondered if they knew about the decisions being made by our government, decisions that continually take away the power (rights) of the people and pass it on to the corporations.
a part of me wanted to protect them from the unnecessary perils and evils of current society. and a part of me wanted them to know. to be informed. not to scare--but to prepare them so that they don't have to be blindsided in the way many of us have been.
i looked over and noticed what appeared to be the oldest of the group--a young girl, 13 or so--running. powerfully determined is the phrase i would describe coming from her. her long hair flying in the wind. she had on a hat. i felt bittersweet as i thought about how many innocent years she has left before going out into the adult world. i wished for her to retain that strong enthusiasm. that zest. i wished for her a better, safer, more loving world. a heavy feeling of doubt nagged near my heart. by this point, i was crying. i watched the other children, running behind her, some with dedicated looks that said "i will catch up with you". some with looks of frustration. but all of them with that same free-flowing enthusiasm. their focus on running in the wind, the warm autumn sun on their sweet little faces. not a care in the world at that moment except for running.
the heavy feeling of doubt left my heart and was replaced by hope. while i have no idea what these children will do with their lives or the people they will become, i still had hope. i know that as long as children are a part of our world, that energy of enthusiasm, of innocence, of intense, playful focus will be a part of our surroundings. and that, now that gives me hope. perhaps one day enough of us will watch the children and know it is the hope they instill in us that can save us from ourselves.

one more time..........with feeeeeeeeeeling........

AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!! i cannot stand this anymore!!! i cannot stand seeing one more employer stating that if i wish to work for him or her i must subject myself to background checks, credit checks, drug screens, must provide proof that i possess every single skill they are seeking. cheezits wipes I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE!
i still remember the days before big brother stepped in and allowed employers to take away the rights of employees and potential employees............back when a resume, a reference or two, a smile and a handshake were the only requirements for landing a job. i "proved" myself once i was hired and actually did the work.
this has gotten out of control. utterly out of control. employers are taking advantage of today's all too often desperate job seeker. this has to stop now. NOW. we need a government that begins to work for WE THE PEOPLE again. we need to take some of those rights employers have been granted and return them back to the worker. workplace democracy now. NOW.
it truly and utterly blows my mind and weighs heavy on my heart there are so many who continue to support the rugged individualism and capitalist concepts. i don't get it. isn't there anyone out there who wants to see an environment where the happiness and well being of the people are the most important values???? we may wish to think we're each in our own little boat (or huge yacht depending upon who you ask) and while that concept may be able to sustain itself for awhile, eventually the boat will sink. until we realize that we are truly ALL IN THE SAME BOAT TOGETHER, the disconnect, the abuse, will continue on as "the way things are".
i don't know about you, but i am looking for another boat someplace else, although i realize that is just a temporary escape...........albeit a temporary escape i am hoping will carry myself and my family for the remainder of our years here on this planet. i am simply worn out from the boat we have created in this neck of the woods.......


lost in the land of selecting a health plan........

holy crap cheezits wipes................talk about an overwhelming search!
hub and i are searching for private health insurance. we are too "wealthy" to qualify for the state plan. however, there is a pretty cool program here in our particular state that will pay 50-90% of your monthly premium if your monthly income is below a particular amount. we waited for a year to receive our application. lots of folks in need and hopefully the funding for this program will remain in effect.
so the arrival of the paperwork warranted my search. the endless, annoying, shocking, traumatizing search of a health plan that is both reasonably affordable (a laughable term at this point) and provides a good, fair amount of coverage (another laughable concept).
my god...........the cost..........the unbelievable cost............for so very little in return...........some plans charge $800/month for a married couple. that is half a month's salary for many folks.
i am suddenly feeling very tired..........
i found a plan that seems reasonable. however, it doesn't include vision or dental care, which we are in need of. my glasses are old and heavy and my contact lenses, well, being i don't know exactly where they are, i can only assume they have done their "biodegradable" thing somewhere in the house. and being i stepped on my husband's glasses last week, well you get the picture...........
so fuck. fuck fuck fuck. no reason why our country cannot offer a national health plan. if only people could learn to swallow the term "socialist medicine". capitalist, market-driven, and individualism are terms that are the backbone of our government, our society. funny how so many think we live in a democracy. that would mean the priority is focused upon the good of the collective whole..........
one of these plans states they will not take tobacco users. nothing about having a higher premium. simply that they will not take 'em. another reason for my hubby to Q U I T..... however, that seems rather discriminatory. doesn't feel right to me. what about people who drink alcohol on a regular basis? or what about people who are angry most of the time? or who eat bacon every morning?
then there's the "pre-existing" clause in some of 'em, which is a real bummer to me. i have a deviated septum that desperately needs fixing. i also have a nasal cyst, which has caused me a lot of sinus pain. a simple out-patient procedure will make me all better and i have worked up the courage to get it done. however, it's a pre-existing condition.........if you can call having a crooked inner nasal passage since birth "pre-existing"........
sigh..........oh well, i am sure we will find something that suits our needs. at least in some way........until then, i am off to make some bacon for dinner. better enjoy it now before some health plan decides to exclude those of us who are bacon consumers......


longing for the simple life........

i've been having john denver songs roll through my mind lately, most particularly "sunshine on my shoulder". ah............ how i long for that energy of simplicity. there's something about a john denver song that returns me to nature. that returns me to the simple things. that returns me to my truth of who i am and how i wish to live.
i struggle a lot with the truth that most of my values clash with the system. how can i exist in a world that pains me so much? how can i exist in a world that tells me "no" to so many of my ideas and values? perhaps i am not alone. perhaps many people do share in my values but are, like i once was, "asleep" to who they really are.
i desire a world where every one of us enjoys the following basic rights: work of our choosing that aligns with our desires and talents. (that's a big one with me.) an income that allows us to own our own home/land. health care that either our government pays for or an employer and/or income that provides this. clean air to breathe. healthy, abundant food. clean water to drink and bathe in.
studies have shown that countries whose governments are socialistic have a much smaller gap between the incomes of the rich and poor. workers have more rights. the health of the citizens is by and large better. infant mortality rates are much lower. a real democracy exists.
in countries whose governments are more geared towards the market, just the opposite is found. we simply cannot have a democracy--a true democracy--in a capitalist system. the two are incompatible for the capitalist system favors profit and a democracy favors the people. when will the citizens of the united states embrace this?
a world where the well-being of people is what matters most. not money. not power or prestige. the simple life. this girl is worn out from trying to find yet another way to make money so i can help provide for my overly-priced housing and other over-priced basic necessities, so i can continue to carry the tax burden so that the wealthiest may continue to stuff their pockets and their bank account. i simply do not see the point anymore. too many things about our society no longer work for me and haven't for quite some time now. the question i ask myself is: now what?
i sure wish i knew the answer to that one.............