Some things I've been engaged in to occupy myself.
Currently I'm reading "The Life of Pi". I first heard of this book several years ago and, at the time, thought it was about the mathematical term, 3.14. In a way, I was correct in that it is the story of Piscine, portrayed as a young boy and adult male, who goes by Pi or 3.14 in order to escape the teasing that comes along when your name, pronounced with that Indian accent, sounds like "pissing". I am enthralled with this book. I am deeply engaged with the main character. I am taken away with the narration and in particular, the discussion of religion. This is a story of faith and adventure. It almost blinds me with its realness. I have to say I haven't been this taken away with an author's writing style since I first read Hemingway.
We watched a very simple yet moving film last night called "Opal Dream". Set in Australia, it tells of the story of a little girl who spends her time playing with her (supposed) "imaginary" playmates, preferring them to her classmates while her dreamer father has moved the family in order to stake a claim in search of Opal's. All moves along quite nicely until the little girl's two friends disappear, where upon the little girl becomes very ill. What follows is a story of sibling connection, and ultimately, faith in the midst of judgment, struggle and controversy.
Tonight we watched a rather bizarre yet compelling short film called "Light and the Sufferer". It's the story of two brothers, one a college dropout, the other a societal dropout. Upon reconnecting, the two decide to score some quick cash and get out of town. Their plans are diverted, in part by their own choosing and in part by a strange other worldly cat-like being, known as a Sufferer, who are said to follow those who are suffering, who don't believe they have any purpose or worth. Check it out.
Facebook. Yeah, I sold my soul and signed up. I don't know why. I'll likely cancel. I really don't have anyone from my past with whom I can see myself reconnecting with. I have a few local friends who are on Facebook, but I see them enough to not really need to communicate with them in that manner. One friend said it was a great way to connect with friends from the past, especially high school.
Gulp.
High school was a prison for me. College, not much different. In fact, since signing up, I feel like I'm back in those days, at one giant party, where I'm on the outside looking in. Seeing many of my old classmates registered on one another's page is like walking into a giant tub of salt, with me being a giant open wound. For whatever reason, I've never been one to have a large circle of friends. I certainly tried during childhood, but for whatever reason(s), instead of friendship from me, the kids instead wanted me as one of their targets for teasing. Either that or I was simply ignored. As a result, I grew into my teen years moody, rebellious against anything that was considered popular or hip. I discovered solitude was where I could truly be myself without hassle, so I became a bit of a loner, that is until I discovered weed and beer in my late teen years. Then I became the life of the party. However, those relationships made during that time were no more significant or meaningful than the ones made when I was sober. I had a tiny circle of friends who I thought were going to be there for the long haul. However, after I opted to divorce my last husband, they split. Since that time, I've become even more selective in who I allow into my life. And sometimes, I wonder just who I really am. Am I really this sensitive, hesitant introvert or did I become that way as a result of my experiences with relationships? Having long ago opted for sobriety in dealing with groups of people and new faces, I still face those social anxieties and prefer the company of animals, meaningful books, movies and music, and like-minded/like-souled introspective, sensitive nerds. So far, I haven't found such people on Facebook. They're probably out there, like myself, waiting for someone to come to them instead of doing the reaching out.
7.13.2009
Corvallis: A Sustainable City?
One of the popular buzzwords flying about these days is "sustainability". In other words, let us create a way of living that can last for the long term with minimal impact on the environment and one another. Corvallis is certainly no exception when it comes to using this word. And yet, from my perspective, the term sustainable, when applied to Corvallis, is used more to imply you're part of the "cool" lefty crowd than it is about true sustainability.
Corvallis is one of the most expensive cities in the state in which to live, with low wage paying jobs and grossly inflated housing prices. Today alone, I saw an ad to rent a townhouse in the CoHo Ecovillage, all for a whopping $1250/month (which, according to the individual who wrote the ad, is a bargain considering the home, pardon me, the townhome, is for sale for only $285,000). I also saw an ad to work for the Corvallis Environmental Center, another organization very much into the "sustainability" movement. The wage? $10/hour.
Both of the entities behind these ads promote "sustainability". And yet, it's basic common sense that $1250/month for rent, $285,000 for the cost of a townhome and $10/hour for employment ARE NOT SUSTAINABLE. These folks need to expand their vision and think long and hard about their concept of "sustainability" because, despite all of the hype, they're missing the boat.
Our local Co-Op, another local entity into the "sustainability" movement, when being questioned by folks in the community via their monthly newspaper, The Thymes, often uses the term "providing a living wage" when referring to their employees. Well given the majority of their advertised positions start between minimum wage and $9/hour, they cannot use that term truthfully.
The folks in the sustainability movement need to expand their viewpoint, turn the mirror on themselves and get real. I realize most are well-intentioned, but having good intentions whilst wearing blinders does not produce positive, lasting results. They need to embrace the concept of money. They need to address the affordability factor. For if even just part of the movement is exclusive, then it cannot be considered sustainable.
Corvallis is one of the most expensive cities in the state in which to live, with low wage paying jobs and grossly inflated housing prices. Today alone, I saw an ad to rent a townhouse in the CoHo Ecovillage, all for a whopping $1250/month (which, according to the individual who wrote the ad, is a bargain considering the home, pardon me, the townhome, is for sale for only $285,000). I also saw an ad to work for the Corvallis Environmental Center, another organization very much into the "sustainability" movement. The wage? $10/hour.
Both of the entities behind these ads promote "sustainability". And yet, it's basic common sense that $1250/month for rent, $285,000 for the cost of a townhome and $10/hour for employment ARE NOT SUSTAINABLE. These folks need to expand their vision and think long and hard about their concept of "sustainability" because, despite all of the hype, they're missing the boat.
Our local Co-Op, another local entity into the "sustainability" movement, when being questioned by folks in the community via their monthly newspaper, The Thymes, often uses the term "providing a living wage" when referring to their employees. Well given the majority of their advertised positions start between minimum wage and $9/hour, they cannot use that term truthfully.
The folks in the sustainability movement need to expand their viewpoint, turn the mirror on themselves and get real. I realize most are well-intentioned, but having good intentions whilst wearing blinders does not produce positive, lasting results. They need to embrace the concept of money. They need to address the affordability factor. For if even just part of the movement is exclusive, then it cannot be considered sustainable.
7.12.2009
Japanese Railway Workers Face Smile Monitoring
I don't know what's creepier. Enforced smile scans on the workers or being greeted by person after person with fake smiles.
I wonder if they offer a good dental plan for workers who have less than appealing teeth.
I wonder if they offer a good dental plan for workers who have less than appealing teeth.
Biggest Landowner On The Planet
Ah, to be a rich royal elitist wench. QE II takes the cake on this one with an ownership of 1/6th of the planet's land mass.
7.05.2009
Sunday Ramblings
Well, another 4th of July has come and gone, my desire to celebrate as dismal as the local fireworks display. You see, I keep growing into this thing called "conscious awareness" and as such, I question everything. Is it really ok to light these fireworks? Each year, I hear dogs howling in distress upon having to be exposed to the noise. Last year, I recall seeing this poor traumatized dog running up and down the street frantically. I wasn't able to catch it. Last night, I couldn't even walk outside and breathe without being exposed to the smell of sulfur. And then there's the whole "freedom" mantra. We aren't free. Well ok, unless you believe in the idea of "freedom is a state of mind", but that simply glosses over the darker side of life. While we always have a choice, sometimes that choice can lead to those who disagree with our choice to interfere with our free will and impose something upon us. And then there's the whole americana bravado that goes along with such a celebration.
Look, I could get into the whole celebration of America had a history of honoring and practicing such things as freedom, truth and justice. But we haven't. So instead of pretending, let's use the 4th of July to truly celebrate the birth of America by looking with an honest eye at where freedom, truth and justice are missing in our culture and creating something new whereby such values are not just words but rather, played out through action. And perhaps, we could find some new practices that don't include getting shit-faced (especially on crappy beer) and watching things blow up while hootin' and hollerin' at the top of our lungs late into the evening hours.
***
I read up more on the upcoming flu swine vaccine, which is set to be released by Baxter this month. Ridiculous, all of the hype and fear, especially since the regular flu killed thousands more than the swine flu did this year. Of course no clinical trials were done, so we're playing russian roulette with another vaccine. The immune system is quite resilient and, for most people, is a much better protector of disease than any vaccine will ever be. I guess vaccines could have their place - if they were to be preserved with natural, safe and organically-based properties. But that isn't the case. And it likely won't be in any foreseeable future.
***
Ok, where in the hell is the consideration with today's youth? I'm not talking about the behavior we all engaged in during our young years. The partying. The loud music. The rebellion. I'm talking about taking ownership of ones behavior. I'm talking about consideration for others. I remember when I would hang out with friends and party. We would hang out in some abandoned field where no one was around or we would hang out at a friend's house and make sure we turned down the noise after a certain hour. Why? So as not to disturb the neighbors. The idea of consideration for others was drilled into my head, as it was for my friends as well. Don't just think of yourself. Think of others as well.
Many of these young people I am speaking of are the same generation of kids I used to care for 15-20 years ago during my stint in daycare. At the time, I saw a trend appearing that I knew was going to result in a generation of kids not having authentic consideration for anyone except for yours truly. These children had both parents working full-time and as such, were in the care of other adults 8-12 hours a day, 5 days a week. I remember thinking "who in the world do these parents think is really parenting and raising their children?" It isn't just quality of time. Quantity is equally as important.
What I saw were tired parents picking up their children, their children begging mommy and/or daddy for x y or z, mommy and/or daddy too tired to argue, too worn out to even deal with, feeling guilty for believing they couldn't spend more time with their children (with many of these families under the illusion they could have it all NOW) and more times than not, child got his/her desire. I could tell which children had learned how to use this to their advantage and as such, were turning in to demanding little tyrants, totally self-absorbed.
I'm not saying it isn't possible not to raise considerate children when both parents are working full-time, but it does take a fairly unique adult with an extra amount of energy to spare and a willingness to do what it takes to make sure such behavior is not allowed to continue. And just as important is a childcare system where the student to teach ratio gap is a small one. The place I first worked had a 17 to 1 student/teacher radio for the preschool room, which I felt was ridiculous. Also equally important are teachers who are willing to step outside of the politically correct box now and then and stop such demanding behavior at the onset, even if it means employing their own instinctive measures that may be contrary to policy. I recall one episode where the Assistant Director was helping me out in the preschool room. One of the moms arrived to pick up her son, a sweet little boy but certainly a demanding little tyrant when he wanted to be. Well, little boy wasn't ready to leave and told mommy "no", to which mommy sighed and again, repeated her request that he get his jacket. Little boy again said "no", only this time with more anger in his voice. Mommy sighs. If looks could speak, she would have said "I don't have the energy to deal with this!"
What proceeded was a round of mommy quietly repeating her request, her voice sounding more weary with each attempt, which only served to add fuel to little boy's repeated refusal to comply. Well finally, the Assistant Director had had quite enough, so she walked over to little boy, picked him up, and, despite his screaming and kicking, took him out to mommy's car, placed him inside and shut the door. All without saying a word. Mommy looked at me as though she were about ready to cry, and, with her head down, walked over to get little boy's belongings and left.
Assistant Director had returned. "Well done," I said, knowing full well as she did that if the Director had caught her doing such a thing, she would have faced possible termination due to the long list of policies, many of which are unnecessary, of the daycare establishment.
"I couldn't take that scene anymore," she said. "Someone had to do something."
Excellent advice.
***
It's been very hot and dry here, temperatures in the mid 90's. Today though we are having the start of a much desired cooling trend. Our natural a/c, the Pacific, has pushed in some clouds. Temperatures are expected to hover around 70 degrees for much of next week, which after 90 plug degree heat, is going to feel refreshingly cool. Oh how I long to live someplace where the temps don't get out of the 70's. Such heat didn't seem to stop people from enjoying outdoor activities, such as the Portland Waterfront Blues Festival, where I watched people on television listen to spectacular music (the best blues band I have heard to date, the name having since slipped my mind, perhaps even better than Stevie Ray Vaughan himself, was heard 1998 Blues Fest on July 4th)...all the while sitting in lawn chairs in the 90 plus degree heat, surrounded by like-behaved folks, bodies glistening with sweat.
Ugh. Not my idea of fun. When I attended, temps were around 70.
***
I thought of something today. My desire for and on-going pursual of self-employment. Whilst this is getting a foot out of the system, my other foot is still in it, helping support the very element that needs to be removed: the banking system. Like the ocean, where everything we throw into the street and waterways ends up there, with every dollar we create or spend (or save for that matter), it all ends up at some bank. Self-employment is very much a positive trend. However, how positive is it really when the very system that is causing so much unnecessary struggle and suffering is allowed to continue on its merry way?
Look, I could get into the whole celebration of America had a history of honoring and practicing such things as freedom, truth and justice. But we haven't. So instead of pretending, let's use the 4th of July to truly celebrate the birth of America by looking with an honest eye at where freedom, truth and justice are missing in our culture and creating something new whereby such values are not just words but rather, played out through action. And perhaps, we could find some new practices that don't include getting shit-faced (especially on crappy beer) and watching things blow up while hootin' and hollerin' at the top of our lungs late into the evening hours.
***
I read up more on the upcoming flu swine vaccine, which is set to be released by Baxter this month. Ridiculous, all of the hype and fear, especially since the regular flu killed thousands more than the swine flu did this year. Of course no clinical trials were done, so we're playing russian roulette with another vaccine. The immune system is quite resilient and, for most people, is a much better protector of disease than any vaccine will ever be. I guess vaccines could have their place - if they were to be preserved with natural, safe and organically-based properties. But that isn't the case. And it likely won't be in any foreseeable future.
***
Ok, where in the hell is the consideration with today's youth? I'm not talking about the behavior we all engaged in during our young years. The partying. The loud music. The rebellion. I'm talking about taking ownership of ones behavior. I'm talking about consideration for others. I remember when I would hang out with friends and party. We would hang out in some abandoned field where no one was around or we would hang out at a friend's house and make sure we turned down the noise after a certain hour. Why? So as not to disturb the neighbors. The idea of consideration for others was drilled into my head, as it was for my friends as well. Don't just think of yourself. Think of others as well.
Many of these young people I am speaking of are the same generation of kids I used to care for 15-20 years ago during my stint in daycare. At the time, I saw a trend appearing that I knew was going to result in a generation of kids not having authentic consideration for anyone except for yours truly. These children had both parents working full-time and as such, were in the care of other adults 8-12 hours a day, 5 days a week. I remember thinking "who in the world do these parents think is really parenting and raising their children?" It isn't just quality of time. Quantity is equally as important.
What I saw were tired parents picking up their children, their children begging mommy and/or daddy for x y or z, mommy and/or daddy too tired to argue, too worn out to even deal with, feeling guilty for believing they couldn't spend more time with their children (with many of these families under the illusion they could have it all NOW) and more times than not, child got his/her desire. I could tell which children had learned how to use this to their advantage and as such, were turning in to demanding little tyrants, totally self-absorbed.
I'm not saying it isn't possible not to raise considerate children when both parents are working full-time, but it does take a fairly unique adult with an extra amount of energy to spare and a willingness to do what it takes to make sure such behavior is not allowed to continue. And just as important is a childcare system where the student to teach ratio gap is a small one. The place I first worked had a 17 to 1 student/teacher radio for the preschool room, which I felt was ridiculous. Also equally important are teachers who are willing to step outside of the politically correct box now and then and stop such demanding behavior at the onset, even if it means employing their own instinctive measures that may be contrary to policy. I recall one episode where the Assistant Director was helping me out in the preschool room. One of the moms arrived to pick up her son, a sweet little boy but certainly a demanding little tyrant when he wanted to be. Well, little boy wasn't ready to leave and told mommy "no", to which mommy sighed and again, repeated her request that he get his jacket. Little boy again said "no", only this time with more anger in his voice. Mommy sighs. If looks could speak, she would have said "I don't have the energy to deal with this!"
What proceeded was a round of mommy quietly repeating her request, her voice sounding more weary with each attempt, which only served to add fuel to little boy's repeated refusal to comply. Well finally, the Assistant Director had had quite enough, so she walked over to little boy, picked him up, and, despite his screaming and kicking, took him out to mommy's car, placed him inside and shut the door. All without saying a word. Mommy looked at me as though she were about ready to cry, and, with her head down, walked over to get little boy's belongings and left.
Assistant Director had returned. "Well done," I said, knowing full well as she did that if the Director had caught her doing such a thing, she would have faced possible termination due to the long list of policies, many of which are unnecessary, of the daycare establishment.
"I couldn't take that scene anymore," she said. "Someone had to do something."
Excellent advice.
***
It's been very hot and dry here, temperatures in the mid 90's. Today though we are having the start of a much desired cooling trend. Our natural a/c, the Pacific, has pushed in some clouds. Temperatures are expected to hover around 70 degrees for much of next week, which after 90 plug degree heat, is going to feel refreshingly cool. Oh how I long to live someplace where the temps don't get out of the 70's. Such heat didn't seem to stop people from enjoying outdoor activities, such as the Portland Waterfront Blues Festival, where I watched people on television listen to spectacular music (the best blues band I have heard to date, the name having since slipped my mind, perhaps even better than Stevie Ray Vaughan himself, was heard 1998 Blues Fest on July 4th)...all the while sitting in lawn chairs in the 90 plus degree heat, surrounded by like-behaved folks, bodies glistening with sweat.
Ugh. Not my idea of fun. When I attended, temps were around 70.
***
I thought of something today. My desire for and on-going pursual of self-employment. Whilst this is getting a foot out of the system, my other foot is still in it, helping support the very element that needs to be removed: the banking system. Like the ocean, where everything we throw into the street and waterways ends up there, with every dollar we create or spend (or save for that matter), it all ends up at some bank. Self-employment is very much a positive trend. However, how positive is it really when the very system that is causing so much unnecessary struggle and suffering is allowed to continue on its merry way?
7.01.2009
Metallicized Particles Show Up On Doplar Radar: Western Oregon 6/30/2009
While watching the weather last night, KEZI Meteorologist Justin Stapleton explained that, what looked to be rain showing up on radar yesterday was actually metallicized particles resulting from some Coast Guard activities off the Oregon Coast.
Mr. Nina and I of course wanted to know more.
What was in these particles? What were they comprised of?
What were these activities being done by the Coast Guard?
And why on earth would such a thing show up on radar as rain?
Considering Mr. Stapleton has a Masters in Geosciences, you would think he would have more knowledge to share. Likely he does and just as likely, his corporate bosses wouldn't allow him to say anymore more than that.
Mr. Nina and I of course wanted to know more.
What was in these particles? What were they comprised of?
What were these activities being done by the Coast Guard?
And why on earth would such a thing show up on radar as rain?
Considering Mr. Stapleton has a Masters in Geosciences, you would think he would have more knowledge to share. Likely he does and just as likely, his corporate bosses wouldn't allow him to say anymore more than that.
6.30.2009
Seeking A New Life
I should really rename this blog to "rages of fury". Or perhaps "awakening has lead to rages of fury now I seek something better."
After spending yet another spring and early summer in this dry, pollen-infested valley, whereby I have had to hole up inside the past 7 weeks, only to be nailed by a god damn cold virus because some people are simply too inconsiderate at times and don't stop to think that "hey, i'm getting sick, perhaps i should STAY HOME" (honest to god am i the only person who actually thinks this way??)......where was I? Oh yes, pissed off, sneezing and coughing. Holed up for health reasons. Unemployed. Fed up with the system. No, DONE with it. Want my own system. Or at least want the system to really start working FOR me so that I may achieve those things that I desire. I am fed up with being 40 something and still RENTING, still searching for where I fit in, where I belong.
Do I want the mountains? The beach? Both?
It's easy to say what I don't want. Pollen. And valley's. Desert, too. Yuck. Give me cool clean air. I'm tired of having to rely on a/c.
Upon each visit to the ocean, something w/in me says "home". I cry each time I leave. I find myself each time I visit. People say "don't go to the coast. Global warming. Beach erosion." I'm to the point of saying "So what? It's always going to be SOMETHING that will threaten to destroy this planet." I'm done with living life, always looking to see if something dark will ruin my plans. Fuck it. Time to follow my heart. Throw some caution to the wind. Take a chance. I'd rather live 20 years at the coast then another 40 plus years in the valley.
I think.
Better a shorter life lived where you desire than a longer life lived where you don't like.
I think.
How about a long life living where I desire.
Yeah.
I've found some emerging communal-type communities, but so far, they're in the Southwest or other parts of the country that are hot and humid or hot and dry or nowhere near the ocean.
I figure if my vision of some asian-pacific invasion happens, the little army dudes will likely want to head inland.
I like to say "give me a trust fund of a million dollars and I will live just wonderfully."
Can't buy happiness.
Bullshit.
Well, ok, you can buy security and security is contentment and when content it is easier to feel happy.
What would I do if I were to come into a million dollars?
Move.
Well, no, first I'd buy a new car. Newer car, I should say. 2006 Civic Hybrid. '66 Mustang Convertible. 2008 Subaru Forester.
Then I'd sell off--likely give away--a lot of my old crap, hire some movers and go buy myself a chunk of land (5 acres should suffice) on the coast, inland, up in the hills, with a spectacular ocean view where I would build myself a totally off-the-grid home. 1500 square feet should be just fine. I'd have a greenhouse for year-round food production. Chicken coop. I'd spend my days writing and tending to my property. A yurt or two on the property for a music studio/artist studio and for guests.
If money were not necessary or if I were to come into/create that kind of money, that is the life I would build for myself. That is the life I would seek.
That is the life I am ready to live. Now.
That being said I have a simple invention idea. It isn't a green product. It's simple. For women. Cheesy little thing. Not a need, but a want (although it would provide for a bit of simplicity). Totally Americana. Totally would go contrary to a part of my value system, but what the hell. I can't do this lifestyle anymore. I'll do what it takes, even it means putting aside a part of my "soul" for a year or two. With the right marketing it could get me the kind of money I seek to build that life. Heck, I'd even sell the rights to it for the right price. I also have a few books I'm working on, including an e-book. And a demo CD awaits to be given to the right person and/or singer. Once I feel well again, I'll be pursuing all of it with fiery.
After spending yet another spring and early summer in this dry, pollen-infested valley, whereby I have had to hole up inside the past 7 weeks, only to be nailed by a god damn cold virus because some people are simply too inconsiderate at times and don't stop to think that "hey, i'm getting sick, perhaps i should STAY HOME" (honest to god am i the only person who actually thinks this way??)......where was I? Oh yes, pissed off, sneezing and coughing. Holed up for health reasons. Unemployed. Fed up with the system. No, DONE with it. Want my own system. Or at least want the system to really start working FOR me so that I may achieve those things that I desire. I am fed up with being 40 something and still RENTING, still searching for where I fit in, where I belong.
Do I want the mountains? The beach? Both?
It's easy to say what I don't want. Pollen. And valley's. Desert, too. Yuck. Give me cool clean air. I'm tired of having to rely on a/c.
Upon each visit to the ocean, something w/in me says "home". I cry each time I leave. I find myself each time I visit. People say "don't go to the coast. Global warming. Beach erosion." I'm to the point of saying "So what? It's always going to be SOMETHING that will threaten to destroy this planet." I'm done with living life, always looking to see if something dark will ruin my plans. Fuck it. Time to follow my heart. Throw some caution to the wind. Take a chance. I'd rather live 20 years at the coast then another 40 plus years in the valley.
I think.
Better a shorter life lived where you desire than a longer life lived where you don't like.
I think.
How about a long life living where I desire.
Yeah.
I've found some emerging communal-type communities, but so far, they're in the Southwest or other parts of the country that are hot and humid or hot and dry or nowhere near the ocean.
I figure if my vision of some asian-pacific invasion happens, the little army dudes will likely want to head inland.
I like to say "give me a trust fund of a million dollars and I will live just wonderfully."
Can't buy happiness.
Bullshit.
Well, ok, you can buy security and security is contentment and when content it is easier to feel happy.
What would I do if I were to come into a million dollars?
Move.
Well, no, first I'd buy a new car. Newer car, I should say. 2006 Civic Hybrid. '66 Mustang Convertible. 2008 Subaru Forester.
Then I'd sell off--likely give away--a lot of my old crap, hire some movers and go buy myself a chunk of land (5 acres should suffice) on the coast, inland, up in the hills, with a spectacular ocean view where I would build myself a totally off-the-grid home. 1500 square feet should be just fine. I'd have a greenhouse for year-round food production. Chicken coop. I'd spend my days writing and tending to my property. A yurt or two on the property for a music studio/artist studio and for guests.
If money were not necessary or if I were to come into/create that kind of money, that is the life I would build for myself. That is the life I would seek.
That is the life I am ready to live. Now.
That being said I have a simple invention idea. It isn't a green product. It's simple. For women. Cheesy little thing. Not a need, but a want (although it would provide for a bit of simplicity). Totally Americana. Totally would go contrary to a part of my value system, but what the hell. I can't do this lifestyle anymore. I'll do what it takes, even it means putting aside a part of my "soul" for a year or two. With the right marketing it could get me the kind of money I seek to build that life. Heck, I'd even sell the rights to it for the right price. I also have a few books I'm working on, including an e-book. And a demo CD awaits to be given to the right person and/or singer. Once I feel well again, I'll be pursuing all of it with fiery.
6.26.2009
Some Thoughts On Michael Jackson
I didn't think I was going to have the desire to post about his death given I'm not one who goes ga ga over the whole celebrity thing, and actually find the whole obsession factor to be very unhealthy to society (although it keeps the class/worship system going). However, his death has given me some things in which to ponder that I have decided to share. Please forgive me if I don't make much sense at times. I'm dealing with a nasty cold virus of some sort that has left me feeling wiped out.
I'm a musician/songwriter/composer and writer. Just like those who share my talents, I'm very sensitive. I tend to pick up on little nuances of human behavior that go unnoticed by most. I have a very strong sense of fairness. I see the "holes" of our system and see how they can be fixed or at least changed to be more equitable and gentle. My emotions tend to be dramatic and large leading to some spectacular displays of mood (others would likely change "spectacular" to pain-in-the-ass). Such emotions are also the driving force behind my creations.
I was wondering about Michael Jackson and others like him, those in the public eye, those in the creative fields and how many succumb to early death for a variety of reasons (suicide, accidental drug overdose, etc.). Being sensitive can be a real challenge in a world that has a system outlined in cold hard individualism. Add to that design being out in the public eye, you're going to have all sorts of people around you, many of whom are simply along for the coat-tail ride in order that they may profit. Unless you have a solid support system around you and have a strong sense of self, it can be easy to break down and lose it altogether. It certainly didn't help he was thrust (pushed in many ways I believe) into the spotlight at such a tender age.
While there has been no conclusive ruling on the cause of his death, my immediate thought, upon hearing it was due to cardiac arrest, was "accidental heart failure due to ongoing use of pharmaceuticals". (Do you ever wonder if the pharmaceutical companies employ some little evil demon to sit behind a desk and count off the number of deaths associated with their products?) Who really knows all of the dynamics behind his death. I just know he was a very misunderstood person living in a world where, unfortunately, people will prey upon you, use you until you can be used no more, spit you out then move on to the next person.
(And isn't it interesting that he become so vilified years ago, but now that he's dead, he's being paraded on every channel, where people are reacting as though Jesus Christ was just pronounced dead.)
I remember listening to him speak years ago, addressing the allegations of child abuse. While thinking he had some serious childhood issues still (understandably) displaying themselves in his behavior, I didn't believe he was a child molester. I recall listening to the interview with a friend and, upon hearing Michael speak about sharing a bed with someone, child or adult, was a very loving thing to do, my friend said something like "Oh, now that's just wrong!" I didn't add anything to the commentary, but I did think about it.
What is so wrong with sharing a bed with another? Couldn't it be a very peaceful, loving thing to do? Must we be so caught up in our western world sexual dysfunction that the moment we think of an adult and non-related child sharing a bed we automatically think something sexually ugly is going on?
Who knows if he molested any of those children. My intuition always said "no", but sometimes such feelings are, of course, wrong. I was more interested in examining his comment and the harsh backlash he received from Conservative Americana. While it's important to be aware there are dark energies and desires waiting to prey on children, to automatically assume one is a molester simply because they enjoy spending time with children and, on occasion, share the same bed, is ridiculous. I've spent a lot of time with children over the years, snuggled with them, even climbed in bed with them. No one's blinked an eye at this, likely because I'm female. However, remove female from the picture and insert male and we freak out. Why is that? Is it because most molesters are male? Is it also because, as a society, we have so dumbed-down our men to the point where it has become uncomfortable (because it isn't "proper" or "masculine") for them to show universal human emotions and behaviors such as affection, softness, tenderness?
I'd say a bit of both, although I believe the latter is one that seriously needs to be examined.
Well, ok, my brain is drifting off into another dimension (the one that says "SLEEP") so I need to wrap this up. And Michael, wherever you are, may you allow yourself to be free of those earthly attachments that left you in pain, physical, emotional and likewise. Keep on going and exploring until you find peace. Don't listen to any being who tries to tell you that you gotta go through judgment or share your lessons or that you gotta turn around and come back again because you either didn't complete your contract or because karma requires you to do so. It's all bullshit, very similar to the bullshit you dealt on this planet. Be free. That's all you gotta do.
And here on earth, I'll be keepin' an ear open to hearin' some new tunes comin' out of the Heavens...
I'm a musician/songwriter/composer and writer. Just like those who share my talents, I'm very sensitive. I tend to pick up on little nuances of human behavior that go unnoticed by most. I have a very strong sense of fairness. I see the "holes" of our system and see how they can be fixed or at least changed to be more equitable and gentle. My emotions tend to be dramatic and large leading to some spectacular displays of mood (others would likely change "spectacular" to pain-in-the-ass). Such emotions are also the driving force behind my creations.
I was wondering about Michael Jackson and others like him, those in the public eye, those in the creative fields and how many succumb to early death for a variety of reasons (suicide, accidental drug overdose, etc.). Being sensitive can be a real challenge in a world that has a system outlined in cold hard individualism. Add to that design being out in the public eye, you're going to have all sorts of people around you, many of whom are simply along for the coat-tail ride in order that they may profit. Unless you have a solid support system around you and have a strong sense of self, it can be easy to break down and lose it altogether. It certainly didn't help he was thrust (pushed in many ways I believe) into the spotlight at such a tender age.
While there has been no conclusive ruling on the cause of his death, my immediate thought, upon hearing it was due to cardiac arrest, was "accidental heart failure due to ongoing use of pharmaceuticals". (Do you ever wonder if the pharmaceutical companies employ some little evil demon to sit behind a desk and count off the number of deaths associated with their products?) Who really knows all of the dynamics behind his death. I just know he was a very misunderstood person living in a world where, unfortunately, people will prey upon you, use you until you can be used no more, spit you out then move on to the next person.
(And isn't it interesting that he become so vilified years ago, but now that he's dead, he's being paraded on every channel, where people are reacting as though Jesus Christ was just pronounced dead.)
I remember listening to him speak years ago, addressing the allegations of child abuse. While thinking he had some serious childhood issues still (understandably) displaying themselves in his behavior, I didn't believe he was a child molester. I recall listening to the interview with a friend and, upon hearing Michael speak about sharing a bed with someone, child or adult, was a very loving thing to do, my friend said something like "Oh, now that's just wrong!" I didn't add anything to the commentary, but I did think about it.
What is so wrong with sharing a bed with another? Couldn't it be a very peaceful, loving thing to do? Must we be so caught up in our western world sexual dysfunction that the moment we think of an adult and non-related child sharing a bed we automatically think something sexually ugly is going on?
Who knows if he molested any of those children. My intuition always said "no", but sometimes such feelings are, of course, wrong. I was more interested in examining his comment and the harsh backlash he received from Conservative Americana. While it's important to be aware there are dark energies and desires waiting to prey on children, to automatically assume one is a molester simply because they enjoy spending time with children and, on occasion, share the same bed, is ridiculous. I've spent a lot of time with children over the years, snuggled with them, even climbed in bed with them. No one's blinked an eye at this, likely because I'm female. However, remove female from the picture and insert male and we freak out. Why is that? Is it because most molesters are male? Is it also because, as a society, we have so dumbed-down our men to the point where it has become uncomfortable (because it isn't "proper" or "masculine") for them to show universal human emotions and behaviors such as affection, softness, tenderness?
I'd say a bit of both, although I believe the latter is one that seriously needs to be examined.
Well, ok, my brain is drifting off into another dimension (the one that says "SLEEP") so I need to wrap this up. And Michael, wherever you are, may you allow yourself to be free of those earthly attachments that left you in pain, physical, emotional and likewise. Keep on going and exploring until you find peace. Don't listen to any being who tries to tell you that you gotta go through judgment or share your lessons or that you gotta turn around and come back again because you either didn't complete your contract or because karma requires you to do so. It's all bullshit, very similar to the bullshit you dealt on this planet. Be free. That's all you gotta do.
And here on earth, I'll be keepin' an ear open to hearin' some new tunes comin' out of the Heavens...
6.22.2009
Just Who Do We Think We Are?
One of my on-going questions I ask myself is "Who Am I?" I don't know if I'll ever figure it out, let alone grasp it, in my lifetime, but I continue the exploration.
I was listening to a David Icke interview a few nights ago where he was talking about the reptilian influence on the human species. He claims (and there are many other sources that back this up) that a group of Reptilians incorporated some of their DNA into our own and part of that process left us with the inability to see and understand Dark Matter. Upon hearing that, I had one of those inner "hmm yes" moments. Something within resonated with his observation. I had an insight several weeks ago that some time ago, the human species lived a rather communal existance in complete peace - that is until these other wordly beings forced themselves upon us, engaging in a battle. Rather than controlling the planet directly, they opted to control us by implanting some of their DNA into us. As a result, our brain grew what is known in the fields of Human Behavior and Psychology the Reptilian Brain, that part of us that is always ready to react to anything it perceives as a threat, real or imagined. That part of us always on guard, distrustful, willing and able to attack or even kill another without thought.
While of course many people in such fields believe this part of our brain to have originated during the period when we were running from sabertooth tigers and the like, however, there are growing numbers of people who believe this may not provide the entire story:
"Recent work by Russian biologist Piotr Garjajev and some Russian linguistic experts suggests the same thing, and, more specifically, this research may show that junk DNA, rather than being a discard, is “a computer hologram that works with laser-type radiations.” In short, DNA is an extraordinary generator of perceptions, an instrument of virtual reality.
By accepting the link between DNA and emotional and mental activities, we may begin to imagine DNA as a complex program that directs the life process (regulating our metabolism, for instance), but impedes our consciousness from complete manifestation. (see "Possession and Predation - Aliens, Flyers, Clones, and Reptilians / The Enigma of Extraterrestrial Parasites")
Research testimony that includes ancient representations, suggest that DNA was implanted in humanity by Manipulative Extraterrestrials. The fact that over 95% of DNA does not support vital biological living processes suggest that it is conceivable for biological life to exist without any DNA."
So perhaps, not only do we not need 95% of our DNA but that in and of itself, it is interfering with our ability to be who we really are. Pure Consciousness. Pure Awareness. Able to see and know everything.
I know that at times when I want to understand something and struggle to grasp it, a part of me simply knows that anything I desire to know is within my ability to know.
All of which brings me back to my question: Just Who Do We Think We Are?
Is it the clothing on our bodies?
Is it the car we drive or home we live in?
Is it the church we attend?
Is it the color of our hair and eyes?
Is it our opinions?
Is it the foods we like and dislike?
Is it even our beliefs?
I say "no" to all of the above. Who I Am is awareness. I Am the observer. I Am pure consciousness. And it is this knowledge that has been bred out of us, or shall I say that through DNA manipulation, this knowledge has been suppressed from us. How can you ever remove Pure Awareness?
I know at one point I was in a body and could come and go at will. I was in total awareness of all there is to know about the Universe. This isn't some ego observation. It's a deeper knowing.
Religions for years have said our inner voice is small and quiet. Bullshit. It's powerful and ever-present--when it hasn't been covered up via manipulation.
That isn't to say I'm gonna sit on my ass and just observe. How boring would that be? I'm here, I may as well care for and use this body for some enjoyment. And I believe the human species as well as this planet is worth fighting for.
I asked myself today "why do I keep coming back here?" Is it due to lifetimes of conditioning by a system that says I either get one chance or I have to come back in order to learn lessons or even out karmic debt or in order to evolve spiritually. (How is it possible for Pure Consciousness to evolve? How is it possible for The All Knowing to evolve?) Is it due to a desire to keep on returning until I can break free of that prison and alert others, help break free the human species and see it return to what it once was?
Likely a bit of both. Although I do believe in this lifetime, it's certainly more of the latter.
I was listening to a David Icke interview a few nights ago where he was talking about the reptilian influence on the human species. He claims (and there are many other sources that back this up) that a group of Reptilians incorporated some of their DNA into our own and part of that process left us with the inability to see and understand Dark Matter. Upon hearing that, I had one of those inner "hmm yes" moments. Something within resonated with his observation. I had an insight several weeks ago that some time ago, the human species lived a rather communal existance in complete peace - that is until these other wordly beings forced themselves upon us, engaging in a battle. Rather than controlling the planet directly, they opted to control us by implanting some of their DNA into us. As a result, our brain grew what is known in the fields of Human Behavior and Psychology the Reptilian Brain, that part of us that is always ready to react to anything it perceives as a threat, real or imagined. That part of us always on guard, distrustful, willing and able to attack or even kill another without thought.
While of course many people in such fields believe this part of our brain to have originated during the period when we were running from sabertooth tigers and the like, however, there are growing numbers of people who believe this may not provide the entire story:
"Recent work by Russian biologist Piotr Garjajev and some Russian linguistic experts suggests the same thing, and, more specifically, this research may show that junk DNA, rather than being a discard, is “a computer hologram that works with laser-type radiations.” In short, DNA is an extraordinary generator of perceptions, an instrument of virtual reality.
By accepting the link between DNA and emotional and mental activities, we may begin to imagine DNA as a complex program that directs the life process (regulating our metabolism, for instance), but impedes our consciousness from complete manifestation. (see "Possession and Predation - Aliens, Flyers, Clones, and Reptilians / The Enigma of Extraterrestrial Parasites")
Research testimony that includes ancient representations, suggest that DNA was implanted in humanity by Manipulative Extraterrestrials. The fact that over 95% of DNA does not support vital biological living processes suggest that it is conceivable for biological life to exist without any DNA."
So perhaps, not only do we not need 95% of our DNA but that in and of itself, it is interfering with our ability to be who we really are. Pure Consciousness. Pure Awareness. Able to see and know everything.
I know that at times when I want to understand something and struggle to grasp it, a part of me simply knows that anything I desire to know is within my ability to know.
All of which brings me back to my question: Just Who Do We Think We Are?
Is it the clothing on our bodies?
Is it the car we drive or home we live in?
Is it the church we attend?
Is it the color of our hair and eyes?
Is it our opinions?
Is it the foods we like and dislike?
Is it even our beliefs?
I say "no" to all of the above. Who I Am is awareness. I Am the observer. I Am pure consciousness. And it is this knowledge that has been bred out of us, or shall I say that through DNA manipulation, this knowledge has been suppressed from us. How can you ever remove Pure Awareness?
I know at one point I was in a body and could come and go at will. I was in total awareness of all there is to know about the Universe. This isn't some ego observation. It's a deeper knowing.
Religions for years have said our inner voice is small and quiet. Bullshit. It's powerful and ever-present--when it hasn't been covered up via manipulation.
That isn't to say I'm gonna sit on my ass and just observe. How boring would that be? I'm here, I may as well care for and use this body for some enjoyment. And I believe the human species as well as this planet is worth fighting for.
I asked myself today "why do I keep coming back here?" Is it due to lifetimes of conditioning by a system that says I either get one chance or I have to come back in order to learn lessons or even out karmic debt or in order to evolve spiritually. (How is it possible for Pure Consciousness to evolve? How is it possible for The All Knowing to evolve?) Is it due to a desire to keep on returning until I can break free of that prison and alert others, help break free the human species and see it return to what it once was?
Likely a bit of both. Although I do believe in this lifetime, it's certainly more of the latter.
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