Ban Bottled Water. Ban Nestle and Coca Cola Products Until Further Notice.

I learned some very disturbing things this evening while watching an awesome documentary, Flow, which details the planet's global water crisis. More on this wonderful film in the following post. This post is about the dirty little secret behind the bottled water industry.

Two big multi-national corporations, Nestle and Coca Cola, are just two of the giants behind the bttled water industry. Here's a breakdown of how they typically operate.

They will locate a water bottling plant into a community, install wells that then pump out water from, check this out: local waterways, lakes, streams, rivers and the like. And guess what? They don't pay one dime for the water. Nestle has these wells located throughout the United States. The effects are what you might imagine. They essentially take the water the local residents use for drinking and farming and in many cases pump waterways dry. They also create sink holes. In a town in Michigan, Nestle set up such a plant. The results were damaging to the water supply and to the people, so the people rallied together and fought to remove the plant. They won their original case in court. Nestle appealed and won the appeal. The people appealed to the Michigan Supreme Court. Nestle argued private citizens cannot sue a corporation unless their personal property were damaged (the arrogance of such a proclamation is beyond my comprehension). Unfortunately, Nestle won.

Coca Cola set up a similar plant in India, moving in and taking the water away from local residents, who, like the folks in Michigan, rallied together and fought back. This time, the people won. Coca Cola shut its plant. Score for the people!

Obvious points:

*It is DEPLORABLE for any business to move into a community and not only take a natural resource away from the people, but to not pay a dime for that resource (unlike local residents) and profit off it in the end. It is no less then criminal. A raping of the planet and of the people.

*People buying bottled water are still under the illusion that this water comes from pure sources when most of the time they are simply buying the same water they get out of their tap. RIDICULOUS.

The United Nations estimates it would require an additional $30 billion a year to provide clean drinking water to the entire planet. In 2007 alone, we spend THREE TIMES this amount on bottled water.

So there you have it folks. STOP BUYING BOTTLED WATER. PLEASE. You are helping continue a cycle of corporate abuse upon the people and the planet (not to mention the toxic platic bottles they come in). Plus you are WASTING YOUR MONEY while continuing this illusion that you are somehow drinking something fancy. And stop buying Nestle and Coca Cola products until these folks pull out of the bottled water industry.

Nestle Brands: (note: There may be a repeat or two. It's late. It took me 25 minutes alone to compile this list for Nestle alone. Some are not available in the states or in your neck of the woods.)

baby ruth, bit-o-honey, butterfinger, buitoni, carlos v, chunky, coffee-mate, gobstoppers, goobers, hot pockets, jamba juice, lean cuisine, lean pockets, lik-m-aid fun dip, laffy taffy, libby's pumpkin, nips, nerds, nescafe, anything with the nestle label of course, o henry's, oompas, pixy stix, raisinets, runts, sno-caps, stouffers, spree, sweetarts, taster's choice, wonka, 100 grand. perrier, purina, kit kat, power bar, aqua panna, aero, alpo, arrowhead, beneful, boost, baci, baeren marke, belte, buxton, buitoni, cailler, carnation, cat chow, cerelac, cheerios, chef, chamyto, chef mate, chocapic, ciniminis, coffeemate, clinutren, contrex, dar natury, davigel davifrais, deer park, dibs, dreyers, drumstick, everyday, extreme, fancy feast, felix, fitness, friskies, gerber, gourmet, haagen dazs, herta, ice mountain, impact, juicy juice, jenny craig, la cremeria, la laitiere, levissima, lion, maggi, maxibon, milo, minor's, movenpick, mucilon, naturenes, nero, nestum, nido, nutren, optifast, peptamen, perrior, perugina, poland spring, pure life, resource, stouffer's, smarties, s. pellegrino, tidy cats, taster's choice, thomy, trio, vittel. I also read where they own the Body Shop but that was not on their site.

Coca Cola Brands:
Andina/Andina light
Andina Fortified
Andina Fresh
Andina Frut
Andina Nectar
Aquactivede Aquarius
Aquarius Active Diet
Aquarius Freestyle
BACARDI Premium Mixers*
Bajoru Gira
Big Crush
Big Tai
Bimbo Break
Bird's Nest*
Bom Bit Maesil
Bright & Early
caffeine-free Barq's
caffeine-free Coca-Cola
caffeine-free Diet Coke/caffeine-free Coca-Cola light
Canada Dry
Caribou Coffee*
cherry Coke
cherry Coke zero
Country Club
Crystal Blank
caffeine free Coca-Cola
caffeine free Diet Coke/Coca-Cola light
Canada Dry
cherry Coke
cherry Coke zero
Caribou Coffee*
Daizu no Susume
Delaware Punch
diet A&W
diet Andina Frut/Andina Frut light diet Andina Nectar/Andina Nectar light diet Barq's diet Canada Dry Diet Coke, Diet Crush diet Dr Pepper/Dr Pepper Zero diet Fanta/Fanta light/Fanta Zero/Fanta Free diet Freskyta diet INCA KOLA diet Kia Ora diet Krest diet Lift/Lift light diet Lilt/Lilt Zero diet Master Pour diet Mello Yello diet Nestea/Nestea light* diet Northern Neck diet Oasis diet Quatro/Quatro light diet Schweppes diet Seagram's* diet Sprite/Sprite light/diet Sprite Zero/Sprite Zero diet Squirt diet Tai/Tai light diet Vanilla Coke Diva Dobriy Dogadan Dorna Dr Pepper E2 Earth & Sky Eight O'Clock Eight O'Clock Funchum El Rayek Enviga* Escuis Eva Water Fanta Fanta Verdia Far Coast Finley Fioravanti Fire Five Alive Flavor Rage Fontana Fresca Fresca 1 Frescolita Freskyta Fresquinha Fress Frestea* Frisco Frugos Frugos Fresh Fruit Solutions Fruitia Fruitopia Fruktime Frutina Frutonic Full Throttle Full Throttle Blue Demon Full Throttle Coffee Full Throttle Sugar Free Furusato Dayori FUZE Healthy Infusions GEORGIA GEORGIA Club GEORGIA Gold GEORGIA Grande Gini Girios Gira glacéau fruitwater glacéau smartwater glacéau vitaminenergy glacéau vitaminwater Gladiator Godiva* Belgian Blends
Gold Peak
Gold Spot
Golden Crush
Goulburn Valley
Guaraná Kuat light
Guaraná Kuat Zero
Haru No Mint Shukan
Hi Spot
Hot Point
Ice Dew
Illy Café
Izvorul Alb
Jaz Cola
Jet Tonic
Jolly Juice
Just Juice
Karada Meguri-Cha
Kia Ora
Kola Inglesa
Kropla Beskidu
Kuat Guaraná
Kuat light
La Jolla
Leao Green Tea
Leao Guaraná Power
Leao Iced Tea
Lift Plus
Lift Plus light
Love Body
Mad River
Mare Rosso
Master Chill
Master Pour
Matte Leao
Matusov Pramen
Mello Yello
Mezzo Mix
Minute Maid
Minute Maid Active
Minute Maid Antiox
Minute Maid Deli
Minute Maid Duofrutas
Minute Maid Fruit Plus
Minute Maid Heart Wise
Minute Maid Juices To Go
Minute Maid Just 10
Minute Maid Light
Minute Maid Mais
Minute Maid Multi-Vitamin
Minute Maid Nutri+
Minute Maid Premium
Minute Maid Soft Drink
Minute Maid Sojaplus
Minute Maid Splash
Mori No Mizudayori
Morning Deli
Mr. Pibb
Nanairo Acha
Natures Own*
Nestea COOL*
Nestea Choglit*
Nordic Mist
Northern Neck
Nos Entendemos
Peats Ridge
Pibb Xtra
Pibb Zero
Planet Java*
Play Engery Drink
Pocket Dr
Poiana Negri
Polar Brew
Presta light
Pulp Orange
Pumped Enhanced Hydration
Quwat Jabal
Real Gold
Red Flash
Royal Tru
Royal Tru light
Safety First
San Luis
Sensun Gazoz
Simply Apple
Simply Grapefruit
Simply Lemonade
Simply Limeade
Simply Orange
Southern Sun
Sparletta Iron Brew
Sprite 3G
Sprite Duo
Sprite Ice
Sprite Remix
Sprite Zero/diet Sprite/Sprite light /diet Sprite Zero
Stoney Ginger Beer
Su Voce
Sucos Mais
TaB energy
TaB X-Tra
Ten Ren
The Wellness From Coca-Cola
Thums Up
Tian Yu Di/Heaven and Earth
Valser Viva
Vanilla Coke
Vanilla Coke Zero
Vital O
Winnie the Pooh*
Yangguang Juicy T

MUST SEE Documentary: Flow

I'm going to get right to it. You MUST watch Flow. It discusses the water crisis we are facing. And it is a crisis NOW, not something to be concerned about some 100 years from now. Here are some highlights:

*We are running out of fresh drinking water. Much of our drinking water is polluted. In the United States alone, it is estimated that up to 7 million people get sick from tap water. Some 40% of flu/stomach viruses originate from drinking tap water.

*Fish. In Texas alone, every fish sampled had high levels of prozac. In the Seine, fish are changing sex. Today there are no more male fish.

*The number one contaminant in our drinking water here in the states is Atrazine. It is manufactured by Syngenta, a Swiss company, one of the largest agro-chemical businesses on the planet. Altrazine has been shown to reduce sperm count, increase the risk of prostate, ovarian and breast cancers and act as a "chemical castration" on frogs and fish. Interestingly enough, the E.U. (European Union) banned Atrazine, but still sell it to the States. A 2006 EPA report claims that "no harm will result" from Atrazine.

*As many know, water is becoming privatized around the globe. Three of the big companies (European), Thames Water, Vivendi and Suez deliver water for profit mostly to developing/poor countries. The World Bank funds these projects and threatens communities that unless they agree to welcome the privatization of their water supply, they will cut off the supply. The results of this privatization are pretty predictable. The water supply is polluted and costly. Another note of interest: these water companies are created by Bankers. Hmmm haven't I been talking about the BANKING CARTEL and how they own our global economy?

I digress. On with more information.

*Most of us look at dams and think nothing of them. They look benign, right? Wrong. My eyes were certainly opened up when I learned we are messing with nature by stopping the flow of water, which by it's very nature needs to move, needs to flow. This still water begins to rot and creates methane gas, which contributes to the greenhouse gas problem. And quite often dams displace local populations. It is estimated that upwards of 80 MILLION people were displaced during the 20th century. And yet another little tidbit. Guess who is behind most of the dam creation and financing? The World Bank.

*In 1997 an elite club of individuals from the World Water Council, The World Bank (there they are again), the IMF (International Monetary Fund) and big water companies met to discuss privatizing the world's water supply. These people are profit-driven only and have absolutely no regard for human life. Learn about them. Learn which of your political leaders/representatives engage with these private groups. You will be surprised.

*Parts of the United States face total depletion of water supplies, including New Mexico (which is set to run dry in 5-10 years, depending on whether they continue building golf courses and the like), California (who is set to run dry in 20 years), Arizona, Colorado and other states who rely on the Colorado River.

There are solutions though, solutions that can be developed and created at the local level. For that is indeed the answer. Working together locally, small communities creating their own means of sustainability. That is why I look at this current global crumbling of modern age Rome's with some sense of hope and optimism: What must fall offers the change to rebuild.

Please check out this wonderful documentary (we rented it through Netflix) for more information, including what you can do. Here are a couple of websites: flowthefilm.com and freeflo.org


Oregon Poverty Statistics By County

Sobering. Heartbreaking. Maddening. And yet ohhhhh so fixable with right thinking, open hearts and expanded consciousness.

Just out today, January 28, 2009.

Baker—Nearly half, or 46 percent, of the county's schoolchildren qualified for free and reduced price lunch, an increase of 10 percentage points from 2000.

Benton—The number of people living in poverty increased 41 percent over its 2000 level.

Clackamas—The poverty rate increased from 6.6 to 9.5 percent, a sharp rate of increase that affected 13,498 more people than in 2000.

Clatsop—Forty percent of households headed by single mothers lived in poverty.

Columbia—Three quarters of the people identified as homeless attributed their homelessness to unaffordable rents.

Coos—Fifty-four percent of families headed by single mothers lived in poverty.

Crook—Poverty increased four percentage points between 2000 and 2007.

Curry—Two-thirds of families in poverty had children younger than 18.

Deschutes—Deschutes County families needed incomes of more than twice the federal poverty level just to pay for a basic family budget.

Douglas–Poverty in the county increased from 13.1 percent in 2000 to 14.3 percent in 2007.

Gilliam—The number of people receiving food stamp benefits grew from 11 percent of the county population in 2004 to 14 percent in 2007.

Grant—Nearly half of all public school students qualified for free or reduced-price lunches.

Harney—Fourteen percent of people age 65 and older lived in poverty, significantly higher than the state average of 8 percent for that age group.

Hood River—More than 3,000 Hood River County residents lived below the poverty line in 2007, or 14.5 percent of the population.

Jackson—The number of children receiving free and reduced-price lunches grew eight percentage points between 2000 and 2007 to 42 percent of all students.

Jefferson—Poverty in Jefferson County reached 18 percent of the population in 2007, with one-quarter of the county's children living in poverty.

Josephine—Fifty-seven percent of households with children under 18 and headed by single women lived in poverty.

Klamath— One quarter of all children lived in poverty in Klamath County in 2007.

Lake—Twenty-two percent of the county's population enrolled in the federal food stamp program.

Lane—Half of all low-income households spent more than 30 percent of household income on housing.

Lincoln— Between 2000 and 2007, the population in poverty in Lincoln County increased 30 percent

Linn—A single-parent with a preschool-aged child needed to make more than $15 an hour to afford child care, healthcare, transportation and other necessities.

Malheur—Twenty-three percent of Malheur County's children lived in poverty in 2007.

Marion—Twenty percent of Marion County children lived in poverty in 2007.

Morrow—Sixty-five percent of Morrow County students qualified for free or reduced-priced lunch in 2007, up from 49 percent in 2000.

Multnomah—Nearly 30 percent of Multnomah County residents with disabilities lived in poverty.

Polk—Among the Polk County residents identified as homeless in 2008, 78 percent attributed their homelessness to unaffordable rent.

Sherman—Sherman County had no primary health care providers.

Tillamook—Fifty-two percent of Tillamook County's school children received free and reduced-price lunches in 2007, up from 43 percent in 2000.

Umatilla—A two-parent family with one child needed a combined hourly income of $16.56 to pay for basic expenses. Two adults working full-time at minimum wage did not earn an adequate income.

Union—From 2005 to 2007, poverty averaged 16 percent for the population of Union County. This rate reached 23 percent for people with disabilities.

Wallowa—One in five children in Wallowa County lived in poverty in 2007.

Wasco–An alarming 27 percent of Wasco County residents with disabilities live in poverty.

Washington—Washington County faced some of the highest costs in the state. A single parent of a preschooler needed to earn $16.90 and hour to afford necessities such as housing, food and childcare.

Wheeler—Nearly two-thirds of Wheeler County school children received free or reduced-price lunches.

Yamhill—A single mother with a young child needed to make $31,620 a year to pay for the basics; more than she would make at the county's typical entry-level job.

State Of The Economy

Media outlets are coming up with all sorts of little slogans and cutsie phrases to hide from the dismal reality of our current economic "crisis" (put in quotes because hey, it has been manufactured/created to fall apart).

Here's just a few of their little catch-all phrases.

*Deep recession.

*Lingering recession.

*A recession not seen since___ (fill in with the date of your choice--that date changes depending upon who you're watching)

And my personal favorite:

*Our New Economy (meaning this is how it's gonna be for a long time folks so get used to it)

I'd like to include my own little phrases now:


*A sewer drain of shit to oblivion.

*Take The Money And Run

*Highway To Hell

*Dazed and Confused

Care to add your own? Please feel free to do so. Work off a little frustration while you're at it. The most creative (as I deem so) will take home a jackpot of $1,000,000 paid for by Bank of America's top Executives.



...is a Cream Cheese filled Chocolate Eclair made by the awesome kitchen staff at the Co-Op. One bite and you know you have found heaven on earth. A tongue-gasm if you will.

Seriously these things are SO FRIGGING WONDERFUL! The ingredients are pure. Dark organic chocolate. Real organic cream cheese filling. Instead of 58 ingredients (of mostly chemical garbage and unnecessaries) for a simple pastry you have 7 or 8. Mr. N recently picked up a package (they come in packages of 2). It was a rather funny trip. He picked up the eclairs, potato chips and a snack mix he found in bulk. Me? Mango's, bananas, salad greens and organic apple juice. On the way home I said I bring the healthy light of food into his life and he brings the sweet dark temptation of food into mine.

A rather nice balance.

UFO Seen Over Skies On Inauguration Day


Perhaps part of Obama's new administration?

Secret galactic adviser's?

Ensuring GW and Company actually left DC?

Leave your theories in the comment section, whether of the legit or tongue-in-cheek kind.

I did read where this is not the first time a public appearance by Obama has brought forth UFO sitings. I have my own theories which I will keep to myself. However, I will offer this. I do not think it was a coincidence.

Kip Schoning and Bula Enterprises: The Fall Of An Empire

A continuation of justice for so many taken advantage of by these folks.

I haven't posted about these people for many moons. I originally decided to do so after reading numerous person's accounts of deplorable living conditions while renting from the Bula Enterprise couple. I had already spoken with the local City Housing Representative on a whim who could only say "the stories I could tell you" about these people. Having looked at a few of the Red Door properties ourselves and being horrified at what we found, I decided what the hey. Write up a little piece about them. Encourage those speaking to speak louder, those who weren't yet speaking to do so.

The talk continued to increase in loudness and in numbers.

To this day, I still receive regular hits on my blog by people around the globe (you read that right--around the globe) from folks googling "Kip Schoning".

Hats off to Bennett Hall for sharing the stories of the renters and for exposing the community to the business practices (lack thereof) of Bula Enterprises and Kip Schoning.

Sometimes speaking up loudly and continuously does render some justice. YAHOO!!

Mercury Found In High Fructose Corn Syrup

Yet another reason to avoid this stuff as much as you can.

"(Jan. 26) – Almost half of the corn syrup tested in a new study contained mercury, according to HealthDay News. And a third of commercial food products with corn syrup had mercury as well."



Time to lighten things up a bit.

I was thinking back to the first time I was drunk. I don't know why. Weird random thoughts run through my mind quite often. Some of them kind of pop out and say "Hi!" This one did. Maybe it was that part of me that likes to gently barge into my head and say "Hey, chill out. Relax. Yeaaaahhhh." Remember when...

I was 14 when I first learned what it meant to hug the porcelain god. Until that time I had visions of adults running up to some statue carved out of porcelain in the figure of a male. I didn't know it meant hugging the toilet while thanking it after-the-fact for being so cool to the touch.

My girlfriend and I, who otherwise had a million other things to do such as call some boys, watch a movie on the VCR (beta--wahoo!), walk to the video arcade or talk about our pick of future husbands and how many children we would have, decided instead to learn for ourselves what the big fuss was all about when it came to drinking. We were at her house and her folks were gone for the evening. So we did what any teen that age does. Search mom and dad's house for alcohol.

It wasn't difficult to find. Her parents had bottles of sour smelling liquid in them in a variety of colors. I picked up the bottle with the bright green liquid. Peppermint liquor the bottle read. It looked a bit like listerine, but the color was prettier. It smelled minty.

After a swig I realized color and minty freshness is not a determining factor in the taste department. It was horrible. Time to try another. This time I headed for the brown liquid. Rum. There ya go. I'd heard stories about Rum. I took a swig.

Whew someone get me some H2O fast! Mouth on fire! Throat on fire! I ran to the kitchen sink and by the time I got the glass and filled it up, my mouth and throat were no longer in heat. In fact, I was starting to feel very warm inside. It tickled my tummy, I thought, giggling. Hey, this stuff wasn't so bad. But I being I was curious and had a short attention span (today I would likely have been slapped with the ADD label), I wanted to continue my exploration into the world of alcohol.

I reached for bottle with the clear stuff. Tequila. Oh, yeah. As I unscrewed the lid, my friend yelled "Hey, I watched my sister drink that stuff once. She called them tequila poppers."

Sounded fun to me.

So my girlfriend, who had been chugging a beer while I explored the harder stuff went to the cupboards and took down a couple of shot glasses.

"Oooh, those are so CUTE!" I exclaimed, holding one close to my face. Little cups that looked like they were meant for babies, I thought.

I put it on the table.

"So what do we do with them?" I asked, ready to go.

"Um, well, I think we put the tequila in there," my friend said.

The two cute little baby glasses get filled up with tequila.

My friend looked at me, her cheeks rosy. I could only assume mine looked much the same way considering how warm my face had become. She smiled. I hadn't stopped smiling since the heat of the rum turned into that wonderful warm tummy tickle.

"Now what?" I asked.

"Um, I think you slam the glass onto the counter and yell TEQUILA. Then you drink it fast," she said.

Unbelievable, I thought. How much fun life could be! Adults have it SO good.

So we slammed those cute little cups that looked like they were made for babies onto that counter and chug-a-lugged. The sound it made was wonderful. SOOO adult I felt. That is until the taste buds spoke.

Holy crap. This stuff was AWFUL!

So out it came from my mouth, much to the sudden burst of hysterical giggles from my girlfriend, who had managed to keep the tequila in her mouth.

"Quick, fill mine up with some of that Rum. This stuff is TERRIBLE!" I announced.

So in went the Rum into the glass then down the hatch.

This went on a few more times, in between long stretches of giggles and the occasional belching, before the room began to do strange things. Suddenly I did not like how I was feeling. Standing had become a challenge. And the giggles were quickly gone only to be replaced by a rumbling in my tummy.

"I don't feel so good," I said weakly, running, make that stumbling, to the bathroom.

Oh no, I thought. This can't be happening. Please don't throw up please don't throw up please don't throw up, I pleaded inside my head. I even prayed to God, Jesus, Budda, the President. Anyone in the position of authority who, in those few drunken moments, I thought could possibly stop the growing inevitability.

Well not even the President himself was able to stop the outcome. Into the toilet it all went with me clinging to it, thanking it for being so cool and well, for being there. And it was there I remained for the next couple of hours, sleeping.

When I finally awoke I went back out into the living room. My girlfriend had passed out on the couch. She had escaped the part of throwing up. Lucky her considering she had mixed hard alcohol with beer.

I cleaned up the mess and managed to get the two of us into bed before her parents arrived home, which they finally did at 2am. I began to think how lucky they were to be able to stay out as late as they wanted. Then I thought about the evening, the alcohol, the spinning room and the results at the toilet. I remembered how I had thought how good adults have it. That freedom to drink.

Yeah. Drink then puke.

Maybe they didn't have it as good as I thought.

Technology Has Made It Easy To Behave Inconsiderately

I feel quite annoyed today.

The following scenario's push my annoyance button:

I reply to an advertised job via e-mail as requested. I wait and wait and wait for some response. After a couple of weeks I reply, inquiring as to the status. I receive nothing. Or I reply after a few days to ensure the e-mail went through. I receive nothing. I'm tired of kissing the potential employer's ass while I receive silence in return for my, well, ass-kissing. Give me something, people. A simple: Yes it was received. If we are interested we will inquire with you further. There ya go. Quick and easy.

Next scenario:

I am doing business with an individual at a local agency. I call to speak with the person. I receive their voice mail. I leave a message. 24 hours pass. 48 hours. 72. No reply. So I phone again. And wait. And wait. And wait. Finally two weeks later I receive a response. And yet, no apology. If I point out the obvious--I have had to leave two messages and wait a considerable time for a reply--I am met with some lame defensive answer. "Oh, I've been busy." How about "I apologize for my late response" and leave it at that. Short and simple and to the point. No excuses. They make you sound uncaring.

And yet another:

I read an exchange between people online. What starts off as an offered opinion turns into a game of "who can insult the other the quickest". The basic tenets of the argument get lost in an exchange of insults and assumptions.

And my favorite:

The e-mails sent out with specific questions and the responses that come back to you that do not address the questions. So ok, you think perhaps they didn't read carefully the e-mail. So you re-send. And don't hear back. Or you do hear back and again, all questions aren't addressed.

What does this world need? A new book of manners in the technological age? "Achieving Adult Maturity In This Era of Technological Adolescense". Hey, that's a pretty catchy title, eh?

Technology has made us lazy, folks. Lazy and inconsiderate. The energies of consideration, grace and concern have been replaced by what-the-fuck-ever-i-will-do-whatever-i-want-without-any-self-responsibility-or-careful-thought. I am in e-mail contact with a couple of folks through some professional organizations here locally. Their response times are appalling slow. They often misspell my name. And their punctuation and spelling are outrageous at times. Where did these folks attend school? E-Mail University: where anything goes and the rest, out the window, including spelling, punctuation, grammar, etc.

And I needn't mention the cell phone issue considering I've blogged enough about it in the past, but what the hey. It's a new day. People having their loud conversations next to others out in public places, in line at the stores, in banks, not to mention the very foolish folks who think they can drive effectively and responsibility and talk on their cell phones at the same time. (Newsflash: A recent study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Applied, put out by the University of Utah concluded that "drivers using mobile telephones are as impaired as drivers who are legally drunk." And despite what many folks think, "a hands-free device does not lessen the risk.") Not surprising considering the near-misses I've experienced by such drivers. I shudder when I think of the near-misses I've seen with such drivers and bicyclists. I despise Big Brother, but I support bans on texting and talking whilst driving only because people are often blinded to their own behavior. A common mindest: "Oh, I can do that just fine. It's other people who can't."

Logic flaw 101: Thinking one is superior to others in order to avoid facing the truth.

We all do it, don't we?

Then there are the people who visit your home and during the middle of a conversation, their phone rings. Rather than do the polite thing, which is to turn it off, they instead answer the phone and proceed to have a conversation, leaving you sitting there twiddling your thumbs. The last time this happened, I turned on the television and engaged myself in a program. Upon termination of the call, my guest said they were ready to resume the conversation. Oh, sorry, you will have to wait until I am finished watching this, I announced.

You are in my home. You have come to visit me. Unless you are expecting an emergency or important call, shut the damn phone off. Or let it go to voice mail. Certainly when I have guests over and the phone rings, I let it go to voice mail (it's there for a reason folks--USE IT). If I am expecting a call, I apologize and say as such. If it is not the expected caller, I say I have company and end the phone call. Why do I do this? Specifically: because I have already committed my time to the individual in my home. Generally speaking: I think about how my actions may affect others. A behavior I find to be grossly missing today.

Yes, perhaps my recent behavior was a bit immature. It certainly wasn't one that was as honest as I would normally like to be. But damnit, I should not have to point out this behavior. Sometimes perhaps a dose of their own behavior thrown their way will be the wake-up call they need. I have noticed a trend in this regard: that some folks simply respond more to that kind of behavior than they do with a respectfully given, honest assertion of ones opinion.

As my girlfriend says at times "I should not have to scream to be heard."

Ah, sadly, sometimes we do.


Portland Mayor Sam Adams Scandal: A Perspective

I don't live in Portland so I don't know much about Sam Adams other than he's the first gay mayor, which is a cool thing in and of itself. It shows progress!

Being we receive the Portland news station affiliates on our television, I've been watching this scandal, and, as I usually do with such things, I mull it around my mind before coming to any conclusion.

For starters, the term "lying politician" is of course an oxymoron. Actually the term "lying human" is an oxymoron. We all lie. It isn't the fact of lying that I like to consider. It's what was lied about and how that effects me. I also want to know if the lying or the events that lead up to the lying caused others to be unnecessarily hurt.

From what I've heard and understood, Adams had sex with a former intern. At the time of their meeting the intern was said to be 17 and Adams is reported to now be claiming he told the intern they needed to wait until he was 18 before engaging in a sexual relationship.

Here's what I'm thinking. If this had been a straight middle aged white man who had been showing interest in a 17 year old girl and saying the same thing: gotta wait until you're 18, there would be a huge backlash. Most on the backlash side seem to be citing the fact that he lied.

So what. There's something more bothersome in this to me.

A young teenager, who, if like the typical teen, is vulnerable, impressionable. I realize the idea of maturity and being an adult can be fuzzy in terms of one's ability to truly watch out for themselves and protect themselves from harm. Maybe this young boy was wise and mature beyond his years in terms of adult sexual/emotional/romantic relationships and all of the ramifications that go along with that.

I have serious doubts about that though. And, most young adults typically engage with other young adults in such relationships.

I know what I was like at that age. I know I would have been easily taken with and flattered by the attention of some well known older adult male with clout and power. As such, I also could have very easily been taken advantage of.

Thinking along the lines of a parent, I also know if I had a 17 year old and knew that a middle age man (or woman) was showing interest in my child, sexually, I would have huge red flags about that. Actually who am I kidding. I would be incensed with rage and would have fantasies of castration.

And comeon. What on earth would someone Adam's age have in common with a 17/18 year old that would lead Adams to desire and explore a sexual relationship?

The likely answer? A beautiful, hard body and a trusting, innocent spirit who obviously was very supportive of Adam's and his political desires given the young man's position as Intern.

Something about this doesn't sit right with me.

So back to what I do when I am lied to. Sam Adams lied to the public about this relationship.

1) How does this effect me? It doesn't, other than raise concerns. But putting a dent in my life? Nope. Even if I lived in Portland, the lie itself wouldn't put a big dent in my life.


2) Did the events leading up to the lie, in this case a sexual relationship with an 18 year old intern, cause unnecessary harm to the young man?

That is the unanswered question. That is what I want to know. That is what I want to see the public and media go after.

That being said, as I keep coming back to, something in me is very uncomfortable with all of this. Middle aged men having sex with 18 year olds, male or female, especially having begun courting them or even discussing a relationship with them at the age of 17 just feels wrong. Creepy and wrong.

Obama + Change = Lie

Before I begin, let me add a caveat to the potential new reader: I voted for Nader. I voted for real change, not the same 'ole crap in different packaging. I considered not voting, but I went with my idealistic stubborn side. Now, I'm under no illusion that my vote had an impact. That won't happen until more people look, ask, look, ask and look and ask some more.

Ok folks, here it is. The "Change" we've wanted to see in D.C. Let's take a looksie at some of these Obama Cabinet picks and their years in D.C. and well well now, whattya know! What a coincidence! Why most of these people have been affiliated with the Clintons and/or served under the Clinton Administration. Doing some googling on this subject, I came across several articles by Obama supporters who ain't so pleased.

*Eric Holder. Obama's pick for Attorney General. 32 years in D.C. Former Clinton era Justice Department Official.

*Rahm Emanuel. Obama's pick for Chief of Staff. 10 years in D.C. Former Clinton White House Senior Advisor.

*Timothy Geithner. Treasury. 16 years in D.C. Served as Undersecretary for International Affairs during the Clinton era.

*Gregory Chair. Obama's pick for White House Counsel. 37 years in D.C. Led Clinton's defense during the impeachment hearings. Friends of the Clinton's since their days in law school.

*Larry Summers. National Economic Council. During the Clinton years, held positions in the Treasury Department.

*Janet Napolitano. Homeland Security. Was appointed U.S. Attorney for Arizona by Bill Clinton.

*John Podesta. Transition Team. 32 years in D.C. Clinton's last Chief of Staff.

*Hillary. Secretary of State. Do I really need to talk about her affiliation with Bill?

For more insight and to see the entire list, check out this site.

While Obama has added in some newbies (unknown to you and I that is), overall he's simply installed people who have been part of the D.C. Disease that have bankrupted our nation.

Change? Change from reversing some of the Bush Administration policies, yes.

But real change? Change we need to create a legitimate honest government of and for the people?

As Jerry Seinfeld would say, laughing: I don't think so.


Thoughts on Democracy and Cosmic Connection

I know the title's strange, but please read on.

I find I often get those quiet insights when I'm near or in water, whether it be at the beach, near a lake or in the bathroom. I was thinking about the concept of democracy earlier today.

I once read a thought that has stayed with me. "Democracy is really mob rule." At first I was offended by that assertion. And yet, today, I realize there's truth in it. While I may remove the word "mob" and instead use "majority", that really is what Democracy looks like. Majority rule.

And yet, that leaves a group of individuals feeling on the outside, where often times their voice, their wants and their needs go overlooked, neglected, often ridiculed.

Something about this doesn't sit well with me. Even if I happen to feel I am in the majority (which I am under no illusion that I am), how just, how fair is it for those who feel on the outside?

We're all connected. Remove the beliefs, the labels, the earthly "things" and we're all Cosmically connected, for better, for worse, for everything in between. And as such, what I do effects you, what you do effects me. That effect can be much less hindering and harmful if we were to embrace Freedom.

All of this has my creative juices flowing, the wheels in my mind turning. Perhaps we need a new way of "governing" ourselves. Perhaps we need to forgo the notion of a federal government and even of states altogether. Perhaps instead we need to simply create communities of various sizes of like-minded individuals, whose beliefs, needs and wants are similar/alike and create government's around such communities whose purpose is to ensure those needs and wants are provided for. The caveat: The principles of Freedom must be followed.

All of this is idealistic of course. As a species we are nowhere near the level of wisdom and self-awakening to live so freely, to live in such a way as to know neighboring areas are living quite differently and, most importantly, to allow that without interfering. But it is possible if we were to embrace the truth of what Freedom is. Live and let live. No imposing of one's will. Do no harm.

So in the meantime, there will continue to be folks like myself who feel on the fringe of society, who feel left out, who feel neglected, kicked to the curb simply for holding a different vision and higher ideals (while the masses continue to applaud certain folks and political figures who mislead them by claiming to hold a higher ideal when their version of "higher" is half a step at most or what is usually the case, new packaging for the same 'ol crap, er, ways). Folks like myself who wish for something as described above but see that the majority around them either aren't ready, don't believe it's possible while wishing for it in some way, or are completely opposed to such an idea. And as a result, their will is interfering with my needs, my wants. Their support of the "way things are" interferes with my need for "the way things could be."

We are all connected. If you believe you support freedom, you must support it for all. And I don't see this happening. A truly free society isn't about Democracy. A truly free society recognizes the common connection we all share, sees our varying beliefs and says "I respect and support your right to live your life as you see fit in so long as doing so allows me to live the same".

Think about that one for awhile.

Keith Olbermann: Obama Must Prosecute Bush Administration

It won't be happening of course given Obama already said this is an issue he won't be pursuing, but at least one journalist is showing signs of riding his ass to do just that. Below is the transcript. Of course he's blinded by the notion of this nation being a :::cough gasp::: people's democracy, but hey, at least he's removed a large portion of his head from the sand. And given the Obama Mania sweeping the nation from those looking upon him like the next Messiah and as such, aggressively defensive towards anyone who may offer the slightest criticism, this took some guts. Rock on Keith!

"Sadly, as commendable as the intention here might seem, this country has never succeeded in moving forward without first cleansing itself of its mistaken past. In point of fact, every effort to merely draw a line in the sand and declare the past dead, has served to only keep the past alive, and often to strengthen it. We compromised with slavery in the Declaration of Independence, and, fourscore and nine years later, we had buried 600,000 of our sons and brothers in a civil war. After that war’s ending, we compromised with the social restructuring and protection of the rights of minorities in the South. And a century later, we had not only had not resolved anything, but black leaders were still being assassinated in the cities of the South. We compromised with Germany in the reconstruction of Europe after the First World War. Nobody even arrested the German kaiser, let alone conducted war crimes trials then. And 19 years later, there was an indescribably more evil Germany and a more heartrending Second World War.

We compromised with the trusts of the early 1900s, and today, we have corporations too big to fail. We compromised with the Palmer Raids and got McCarthyism, and we compromised with McCarthyism and got Watergate. And we compromised with Watergate, and the junior members of the Ford administration realized how little was ultimately at risk. And they grew up to be Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney.

But, Mr. President-elect, you are entirely correct. As you say, what we have to focus on is getting things right in the future, as opposed to looking at what we got wrong in the past. And that means prosecuting all those involved in the Bush administration’s torture of prisoners, and starting at the top. You’re also right that you should not want your first term consumed by what was perceived on the part of Republicans as a partisan witch hunt. But your only other option might be to let this sit and fester indefinitely because, Mr. President-elect, some day, there will be another Republican President or even a Democrat just as blind as Mr. Bush to ethics and he will look back to what you did about Mr. Bush or what you did not do, and he will seek precedent or, as Cheney saw, he will see a not to get caught next time. Prosecute, Mr. President-elect, and even if you get not one conviction, you will still have accomplished good for generations unborn because merely by acting, you will deny Mr. Bush what he most wants, right now, without prosecutions, without this nation standing up and saying this was wrong, we will atone, Mr. Bush’s version of what happened goes into the historical record of this nation: Torture was legal. It worked. George Bush saved the country. The end.

We have tortured people. You and I, Mr. President-elect. This is a people’s democracy. We are the people. These were our elected officials. That they did not come to us and ask to act thusly in our names is unfortunate and indeed criminal, but it is almost irrelevant. They worked for us, they tortured people, and so we have tortured people. Thus, beginning tomorrow, it is up to you, not just to discontinue this, but to prevent it. At the end of his first year in office, Mr. Lincoln tried to contextualize the Civil War. For those who still wanted to compromise with the evils of secession and slavery. "The struggle of today," Lincoln wrote, "is not altogether for today. It is for a vast future also." Mr. President-elect, you have been handed the beginning of that future. Use it to protect our children and our distant descendants from anything like this ever happening again. Good night and good luck."


A Letter from Michael Moore

...along with my comments in brackets...

"We have made it through the Dark Ages and here we are, in one of the most redemptive moments history has ever witnessed. Barack Obama is our best hope to get it right, to heal our national soul, to reach out to the rest of the world with an olive branch instead of shocking brutality. [Actually, Ralph Nader, Cynthia McKinney, Ron Paul or Dennis Kucinich would have been more suitable for this role given they were the only candidates for presidency speaking about such things as the bank cartel, the federal reserve, the stupidity of having a currency not backed by gold, the deeply dire situation much of our nation's infrastructure is under, the crimes committed by the former administration, the damaging effects of NAFTA and the WTO, etc. etc....]

I want to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of you who has worked to make this day happen. For many, the madness goes back, not eight years but twenty-eight years, to the tragic day Reagan was sworn in to dismantle our precious "government of the people" and our beloved way of life. [I'd say more like 50 years.]

To all of you who have spoken up and spoken out, who have written letters and marched for peace, for all of you who never gave up, you are the true heroes today. Many of you have suffered great economic losses. Some of you have endured a loved one being shipped overseas to senseless and shameful wars, and thousands of you have seen those loved ones returned home, no longer alive. It has been a heartbreaking time. [Our entire history as a country has been one of heartbreak. Freedom, in it's purest form, has yet to be achieved for We The People.]

But the sun comes out at noon today. The disgraced outgoing president will slide out the side door and head to Crawford to sell the Hollywood set known as the Bush "ranch" before he settles down in an exclusive neighborhood in Dallas. I would encourage Mr. Bush to issue one final pardon before noon today -- his own. He had better issue a blanket pardon for all crimes that may have been committed since 2001 by himself, Cheney, Rumsfeld and the whole gang. Serious laws were broken, a war was concocted on a lie, and now, please, justice must be carried out. [Don't count on the Obama administration do carry out any of that justice. He's already announced he will not be pursuing that agenda, or did you miss that little comment? What do you surmise we do now, Mike?]

So let us move forward and fix the horrible mess we are in. We are fortunate to have a new president who is smart and kind and committed to serving his country. Take a moment today and think about what you can do to join him in helping him do his job. We're all in this together. Our country has been so profoundly wrecked by an administration who decided to mug our constitution and then steal what they can for their Wall Street cronies on the way out the door.

Here is my plea: Let's not leave Barack Obama alone to clean up the mess. As he takes his oath today, please take one yourself -- to work harder than ever to end these wars, create universal health care, save our planet, end poverty, increase knowledge and establish a true government "of, by and for the people" (instead of "of, by and for the lobbyists, the bankers, and the war profiteers"). [Well if you wanted that kind of a government, you wouldn't have voted for Obama. And for the McCain voters, you wouldn't have voted for him either. If you had done your homework and checked out the groups, both government and private, that Obama has been a part of, the people he has been using as advisors, seeking for counsel, you could not in good conscience have voted for him for you would have seen we were going to continue to see a government of the bankers, the lobbyists and the war profiteers. Who do you think $$ backs Obama? You see Mike, I did my homework. I didn't rely on the mainstream media, left or right. I kicked off my leftist liberal boots (while never ever in my LIFE wearing conservative republican books) and got down to business. I voted for Nader. I release any and all responsibility from here on out in terms of what happens to this nation now. That responsibility, I put on you and all others who voted for business as usual, both Republican and Democrat while continuing to dismiss me and folks like me. I sent you quite a few letters, Mike. If they were read, the words obviously went ignored. That being said however, if....when (always the optimist I am) you do further awaken, I will be more than willing to point you in the direction of the research I engaged myself in. Perhaps at that time I would be willing to work together at removing the ongoing, appointed, elitist, dollar/ass kissing business-as-usual folks in D.C. and democratically electing real leaders.]

On a personal note, it's no secret that I have had to suffer an avalanche of hate and attack as I stuck my neck out to simply do my job. Some day I will tell you what the true cost of this has been for me, but not today. Today is a time for celebration and optimism and hope. I'm glad we all lived to see this incredible moment. And I thank each of you for your support of my work and your dedication to our democracy. [I hear ya, although my level of anomosity I received for speaking out against Obama mania or anything challenging the left and right was nothing compared to what you have had to endure. I offer my sincerest empathy and compassion to you and your family for whatever ugliness you have faced simply for speaking your truth. It's deeply saddening that one still cannot speak their truth without risking such attack. Forget the american patriotism diatribe. It is against the deepest fabrics of our beings to throw hate and threats against those with whom we disagree. It's easy to engage in. It's even celebrated. An evening journeying through the internet and television reminds us of this celebration. Respect even in the midst of strong differences. We can do it. It is a lesson for all of us to embrace and vow to do better on.]

12:01pm can't come soon enough! Happy Inauguration Day! [It came. It went. Let's move forward to our tomorrow's with eyes and mind wide open while remembering to carry respect in our hearts, actions and words. Happy day to you.]


Bush Exits. Now Who Will We Joke About?

It just hit me. Bush is leaving. Yeah great and all of that, but suddenly, with great shock and sadness, I realized:

Who will I poke fun of now?

I don't do much of that here on this blog, but I do at home, with friends and family.

I've enjoyed doing the laughing shoulder shrug/snort.

I've loved saying "nucular".

I've laughed seeing his verbal mishaps, hooted while watching him walk offstage to a nearby door that was locked only to stand there like the goofball he is waiting for someone to remind him "pssst George, try the other door".

Will any of us ever be able to look at a monkey in the zoo with the same eyes?

I mean people, think about it. This is really a sad moment in history.

Smirking will now be out of fashion...

My Pet Goat won't be known anymore for literary brilliance...

Red neck talk and misspelled words will stop being funny and will now become annoying again...

Hearing a President say "we're kicking ass" will now seem rather strange...

And hey, who will we now have at which to throw our shoes?

I mean Obama is going to end up pissing us all off (some later than others), but you know, he's just too damn smart, too excellent of an orator, so thrown shows simply wouldn't make us laugh.


So this is it, Georgie Boy, ya pompous narcissistic little tyrant. This is farewell. Whatcha thinking tonight? Are you having dreams of new adventures? Or are you having your usual dream scenario of grilled cheese sandwiches? You were a soul-sucking nightmare for so many people, but I gotta say: you will be missed. In some strange, twisted way that I don't wish to even touch much less explore, you will be missed.


Sometimes A Good Glass Of Wine Is The Answer

Sitting outside today in the sun, I listened to some tunes and enjoyed a good glass of wine. My brain was weary, my mind tired, my heart pained, my soul seeking refuge. It has been a tough week. Oh hell, who am I kidding, it's been a rough month. Year. LIFE. It's a lonely road being the black sheep. Of the family. Of the neighborhood. Of the community. Of the world.

There have been health issues to contend with without so much as a nickel of insurance coverage. The car has once again let us know that it does not like the ethanol we are forced to use (don't you think car insurance should include financial help when cars get sick?) The kitchen light decided to stop working. And the $100 plus shower filtration system we purchased decided to break. 6 weeks past the one year warranty. Which means showers of rusty chlorinated h2o. Small issues compared to what many are facing, but enough to threaten to toss me over the edge. Of course it isn't like we didn't already have a full plate of crap. Two out-of-work individuals seeing the economic crisis unfolding thinking wtf is there to do once unemployment runs out or the state suddenly announces "sorry, we simply don't have the $$ for unemployment".

Oh yeah. It was my birthday week. Happy fucking birthday to me.

North Korea has announced they have enough plutonium to make 4 nuclear weapons. Israel continues its slaughterfest while western politics on both left and right vow to support Israel at all cost. Over half a million jobs have been lost the past month, that number expected to continue throughout the year. While the world goes bankrupt, our political leaders are handing out blank checks in the hundreds of billions to the banking cartels. Small banks continue to have their assets seized while the big bully banks gobble 'em up.

The value system of our society, of our people, is so fucking out of synch with the principles of freedom and love and peace. You know, all that is beautiful, fair and kind. I feel alone and freakish in it.

People are speaking out against Obama, and yet it isn't with any real clarity, originality or intellect. It's the right wing nut jobs doing their McCain/Palin support. Damn, shut the hell up already folks. Where are the Nadar, the McKinney supporters to add real intelligent dialogue, to add the missing pieces? All I can hope is that this mania will continue even once the masses are shown the deep change that is needed is not gonna happen.

We're just getting different icing for the same 'ole cake job.

The banks will continue to rule (albeit there will be less of them, the ones left to stand will continue the powerful rule). Insurance companies will continue their corrupt rule playing doctor and in determining whether you and I are worthy of help if we should need medical care and help paying for it. Schools will continue to feed our children's minds with unnecessary crap, politically-correct/freedom of speech dismantling rhetoric, and distorted information. The vaccination disease will continue to grow in number and cause havoc on our children's health. Our infrastructure will continue to slowly resemble that of 3rd World Nations, despite Obama's financial pledge to help reverse the trend (his pledge being very meager compared to what is truly needed). And wars will continue to be waged to continue the spread of American Dominance and Imperialism. Although I don't know how much longer that will last given our collapsing economy and in truth, the lack of financial means to correct it is going to leave America very vulnerable for a REAL attack/invasion. We're bankrupt. Piss off the wrong nation (China comes to mind) and watch out.

There's my own search for creating an income. I'm thinking my own ideas aren't so practical, even though what the hell, they're only my dreams. I'm quite used to my dreams being crushed, so what's another one, right? What do people need right now (other than a big 'ole hug, a million dollars and a place far away from the fucks who run the global show)? Something tangible. Something they deem worthy investing in. Finding a need and fulfilling it.

I don't know. I just don't fucking know.

But I will tell you what I do know. For certain. I am fucking fed up....FED UP...with trying to come up with innovative means of creating an income. I'm tired of thinking about it. I am burned out thinking about it. My mind can't take much more.

I also know something else as well. For certain. I am burned out looking for work, fed up with seeing the bullshit strings you have to go through all for a low paying, go nowhere lame ass paper pushing desk job, all designed to make bossy rich. Fuck that shit, as my sweet hub loves to say. FUCK THAT SHIT.

And I will also tell you one other thing I know. For certain. The days of being told "no" are also over. Being polite in the face of such "no's" is most certainly over.

And one last thing I know. For certain.

What I experienced today.

Sometimes...a glass of good wine is the answer.


Not Much To Blog About Lately

Haven't had much of an urge to blog lately. It isn't like there is a shortage of topics. The upcoming prez inauguration, which in the coming months, is going to leave a growing number of people wishing they had voted for Nader or McKinney instead. There's the genocide taking place on the Palestinian people and the unbelievable number of folks, both in and outside of the government, who really believe the Israeli's to be the chosen ones. Snap out of the illusion and USE YOUR OWN MIND! No one is more "chosen" than the next.

And yet, topics based conversation don't seem to be my thing at the moment. I know what's going on at the surface level of society. Most days I say "let 'em have their chaos I want no part of it" while keeping some level of consciousness open to at least understanding how it will effect me.

I've been at a crossroads as far as what to do with my life. I've been exploring a small biz idea. And yet I also have moments where I feel a calling to change at least one aspect of the System. I am the type of person who is an idea person. I have many go through my mind. Sometimes it is overwhelming. I know this: my longing for a mentor has steadily increased. Someone to talk to about all of these ideas of mine. I visualize and think on this daily. Perhaps I need to add this person to my Vision Board.

I had a very visual dream the other night. A being visited me--one who has visited me in the past, on one occasion, visiting me while I was awake as a young girl. She always presents herself looking like my mom, likely to comfort me and ease any fear I may have. In this particular dream, I was wanting to drive a super slick, revved up muscle car out with the masses. She then appeared and began driving the vehicle. Normally in such dreams I would have felt small, or angry, feeling I wasn't in charge of my life. However in this experience, I felt ok. I didn't feel controlled. I resisted a bit at first though, saying "hey don't you wanna see me drive fast down this hill?" She just smiled, remained calm, then pulled the car over, telling me to remain calm and ride out the storm. We sat there in the car. I grew impatient. Why are we just sitting here, I wondered. I wanted to continue on my journey. Suddenly, I looked out the front window and saw these cars begin to spin out of control. It turned into a madhouse of cars not seeing the other cars around them. Some headed towards the nearby river. Most simply crashed into one another. I looked out back and cars were racing down the hill behind us, doing the same thing. I became terrified. And horrified. This being however remained calm and told me if I would remain calm, I would be ok.

In time, the insanity came to a standstill. People were walking around, in a daze. At that point, I got out of the car. I felt the need to help those around me. I had watched the whole scene unfold in front of my eyes. The being then exited the car, removed some of the wreckage around and on the car to pave the way for me. I even helped and found it was quite easy. She smiled and then rose above the car. The dream then ended.

A metaphor for what's to come? If anything, I embrace the idea that staying calm in any and all situations is important. But was this my guide? Some "divine" assistance? I don't know.

I'm not sure what to believe these days. My spiritual beliefs have been deeply challenged the past year. I don't know what's "out there", both in this dimension and in others. How many dimensions are there? Obviously there is other intelligent life. Who are benevolent, who are malevolent? Is there a separate God? Or are we simply just one consciousness "divided up" in these bodies spread out throughout the Cosmos? Is there an alien race attempting to control us? What thoughts are mine? I am already aware about the brainwashing/control dogma's found in our churches, in our schools, the media, entertainment, etc.... However, what about technology such as sonar, microwaves and the like. Secret dark groups sending out "thought bubbles". I recall reading some warning for folks not to mass organize and send out positive thoughts (which now I've come to believe as ridiculous). There is a massive amount of information about all of this and as always, varying opinions, and as always again, each organization or site claiming THEY are right. Frankly, I've come to believe anyone claiming to hold the truth, especially about such elusive topics where facts or any information other than opinion are missing, while dismissing all others is half awake and likely still a prisoner of the "matrix".

And yet, really, what is Truth?

I haven't been able to answer that one.

I've read up on Universal Laws. Somewhere, something tells me nothing is ever so rigid and unwavering as a law. Take karma. What you put out you get back. I see truth and flaws in this, which makes me wonder about the idea of free will and other conscious beings either helping or hindering. This brings up the question "how powerful are we?" As an individual, how powerful am I?

All of this makes my head spin. At least I do know this: I no longer take ANYTHING at face value. I no longer blindly embrace things. I take it for how I have perceive it and mull it over, chew on it like I would gum, seeing how it feels to me. And when I am honest, lately, the answer I receive is "I really don't know".

Maybe there's nothing to nail down, nothing to know. Maybe all there is to do is be who I am now. For maybe the idea of nailing down some truth is an impossibility given we're all really energy and energy is always on the move, always changing in some way shape or form.

I just know the search for truth has become a frustrating experience for me. Like holding water in my hand. Just when I think I have it, it changes into something else.

And I thought I had nothing much to say. :)


School Days and Childhood: Reminiscing

I was bored earlier, so I decided to browse around my former high school's website. I don't know why. I don't know what I was looking for. For some crazy reason, I registered as an alumni several years ago. I say "crazy" because high school was hell for me. I went to a school that was full of kids who came from wealthy families. The parking lot was often filled with newer BMW's and VW's. My family wasn't rich. At all. My dad was just good at pretending we were.

There was a group of prissy little cheerleaders who, for some reason, liked to pick on me. They first began to pick on a friend of mine, then suddenly found me more interesting. I hid the pain and embarassment by writing nasty things about them on the bathroom walls, stuffing used kleenex into their lockers, that sort of thing. One evening, I got up the courage to ask the leader of the pack to "take it outside" after a confrontation inside of a pizza parlor. At 5'5" and 115 lbs, I obviously wasn't a giant, but at 4' 11", I towered over her. I looked tough but inside I was shaking. Apparently I fooled (and frightened) her for she shrugged me off. However, she pretty much left me alone after that episode. Her friends though picked up where she left off. Where young girls get this urge to bully and belittle I haven't a clue. Gossipy pretentious little attitudes--I find it all sickening. But I was at the receiving end of such treatment from grades 5 to, believe it or not, college graduation. No joke. The other strange factor: each of the girls were blonde. To this day if I meet some petite blonde, young or old, alarms go off inside and I have the urge to punch her lights out. Thank goodness for adult onset wisdom and discernment. :)

Lately I wonder how life would have been for me had I been allowed to go to school where I wanted. Had my dad hadn't packed us up and moved us across the river to the "elite" subarbs where he could erase his memories of his poverty-stricken childhood, where he could then show to the world "See, I am somebody!". Thanks to dad's decision, my life completely changed after that. Before that move, I had many friends, male and female. I was well liked. I loved our neighbors. I loved the school I attended. After that move though, my school years slowly turned into a never-ending nightmare, each year becoming more challenging.

Reading some of the alumni's discussions of the "wonderful" high school with the "awesome" teaching staff we attended makes me shake my head, much in the same way I shake my head towards those who don't see the political movement afoot. What on earth was there to brag about at this particular school? Overall, the teaching staff was terrible. We had the pervert who would watch the girl's asses as they walked out of the room and look down their shirts when they would bend over at his desk to speak with him. We had the teacher who dated (openly) a student. We had the algebra teacher who obviously hated teenagers and teaching. Then there was the alcoholic biology teacher who, when he wasn't having one of his rage attacks or slurring his words, would hide in the closet and drink while we watched 1960's black and white films on the wonderful world of amoeba's. There was his best friend and drinking buddy, our Vice Principal, who, for some reason took a liking to me, which came in handy when I would get busted for skipping class (which I did a lot after my sophomore year). He'd take one look at me and say "this sweet young thing skip class? Never! Let her go!" Our principle was an ignorant twit who overlooked all of the problems and lived in a bubble whereby he sent us regular messages on the loudspeaker about how we were to have "PRIDE" for our school.

I tried, unsuccessfully, for all 4 years of my high school "career", to convince my parents to pleasssseee send me to another school. I relayed my concerns, but they blew them off as just a case of teen angst and a bad attitude. That coupled with the teasing I received left me with a chip on my shoulder and lead me to a world of drinkin' and smokin' herb, which I did both whenever I could. Despite the fun I was having during these partying ventures, inside I was crying out for help, but no one noticed. I desperately wanted someone to notice me, someone to care enough to ask if I was ok, to ask what I needed, to ask what I wanted for my life. Someone to say "you are an amazing, talented young girl. You deserve better than this what can I do to help?" I wouldn't be lying to say that I still don't have that same longing. Eventually I got so bold, I put alcohol pictures all over my walls, left bottles in my closet with the door open, came home drunk, high. Nothing. Again, all likely just chalked up as normal teenage angst.

Oh well, my concerns were validated when 3 years after I graduated, there was a big shake-up with the school and the school board. The result? Over 25% of the teaching staff was fired (including the pervert, the drunk, the algebra teacher, the vice principal and principal). I remember rushing home to tell my folks and was deeply disappointed in their response of "mmm hmmm." Mmm hmmm? My 3.5 gradepoint which slowly slipped to a 2.00 by the time I was a senior wasn't just about me. They were also about the quality of the teachers I had had. Didn't they see that? Didn't they care?

Painful it also was to me to see people from my class talk about the wonderful bonds they had with one another. I tried fitting in, but after two years of attempts to "be somebody", I stopped trying. I accepted my role as the wallflower, the invisible one. I had a few friends, acquaintances really, when I look back on it. I remember this one girl who used to dress all in black. She was so mysterious to me. She both frightened and intrigued me. She dressed the way I felt. Despite being open with the substance use, I was fairly conservative in my dress. It was the early 80's. Preppy was in.


As I said at the beginning, sometimes I wonder what my life had been like had my dad stayed put in our wonderful little house. Would I have continued to fit in? I remember once going to a party hosted by some of kids from the high school I would have attended had we not moved. I had an awesome time. I, well, I fit right in. I wasn't ignored. I wasn't teased. That was one of the nights I came home, begging my parents again, pleassssssse let me transfer schools.

The idea of a life "do-over" may not be possible, but if it is, in some cosmic way, I would sure like the chance. While I obviously have no desire to repeat my childhood as it was, I would like the chance to do it over, my way, in a way that suits my needs, with the knowledge I have today coupled with that childlike innocence.

If that were possible, would you do it? How do you think your life would look? What would you do differently? I'll post my thoughts on that at a later time.

True Hero's: Israeli Soldiers Object To Slaughtering Innocent Civilians

This is the way we end wars that serve no one but fascist empires. Soldiers who can still think for themselves refusing to participate in genocide, refusing to fight the battles of their leaders. Bravo to these young men!