Help Write Obama's Inaugural Speech

If you've ever wanted to be a presidential speechwriter, now's your chance:

Go to the address below to collaborate with Washington, Lincoln, JFK—as well as other Slate readers—to write this year’s Inaugural Address.


I received this in my e-mail box a few days back. Honest and for truly the website above is giving people the chance to help write the inaugural speech. Really and for true! Write something beautiful and brilliant and maybe, just maybe, Obama will be inspired to use it. Afterall, he is the "CHANGE" we've all been seeking, right? Oh, ok, so he's appointing Washington Insider Puppetheads. But who cares? All of that "Change" mantra sunk in our psyche's to such a level that we still believe, right?

Of course it's all tongue and cheek given these speeches are written well in advance and any deviation away can get an individual in trouble with the PTB. But hey, it could be a fun activity to compose your own speech. Hmmm now that I think of it, I'm inspired to do just that. But what would I want the man to say? What little scene is playing out in my mind as I type this....

I wonder......


January 20, 2009
Our New President's Speech
(inspired by the movie Tootsie, starring Dustin Hoffman and Jessica Lange)

"My fellow Americans:

"I stand before you today, proud and humbled. Proud to accept your nomination as Commander In Chief, President of the United States of America."

pause for applause

"Proud to be a Citizen of the Greatest Country On Planet Earth."

pause for more applause

"And proud to know I step into the shoes of the Greatest Leaders this world has ever known."

pause for applause and yet also prepare for some hissing and thrown fruit

"And yet, I am also humbled. Deeply, deeply, deeply humbled to have this opportunity to serve this Great Nation as the Highest Leader. Deeply humbled to be standing before all of you who have been so supportive of me and my family these past two years. And perhaps most importantly, even more deeply humbled to know you have put your trust in me to step into this position at this most historic time in history."

assuming people are still paying attention, pause for some applause

"And yet my Fellow Americans, this day is not about fanfare and celebration. This day is about taking this country in a new direction. It is about tearing down the walls that we have erected, walls that divide us, young and old, male and female, republican, democrat and independent, rich and poor. It is about restoring this government to a place where the virtues of honesty and integrity are again echoed in the halls of Congress and the Oval Office, exercised in the behaviors of our political and business leaders, and embraced by each and every American, embraced because they know their leaders extole once again such virtues."

this will wake up the crowd again. pause for more applause

"And as such, I would like to take this opportunity to be honest with you. For you see"

unbotton jacket

"I am not just an african-american."

loosen tie

"I am not just a man."

unbotton shirt, revealing bra

"I am a man-in-becoming."

remove shirt

"For you see, I wasn't born Barrack Hussein Obama."

remove bra

"I was born..."

fling bra into the crowd

"Barbara Emira Obama!!"

smile brilliantly

"And with another surgery and continuining hormone treatments, by months end I WILL BE a fully fledged man!"

look over at Hillary and wink. This prompts her to run to the stage screaming

"I'm A Lesbian! I'm A Lesbian! Great God Almighty, let the truth be known I AM A LESBIAN!"

This act of courage prompts Dick Cheney to run to the stage with his own little revelation

"I'm The Dark Lord! I'm The Dark Lord! Great Satan Almighty I have no soul. Let the truth be known I AM THE DARK LORD!"

As if a chain reaction is taking place, Nanci Pelosi feels inspired to get in on the action

"I'm a fake! I'm a fake! I don't give a shit about any of you! I take your money and I spend it on ME like, take for example, this ridiculous haircut and on my housecleaners who, by the way, I DO NOT TIP AND I DO NOT CARE!"

This inspires 95% of Congress to run up on stage, chanting

"Ditto! US TOO! We're all fakes! We're all fakes! We don't like you! Don't care about you! Hell we don't really even WANT to represent you! But we do because the perks are UNBELIEVABLE!"

By this time a massive hysteria has enveloped the crowd (and in some places, orgies, which catch the eye of Bill Clinton). And yet meanwhile, back at home on a little ranch in Crawford, Texas, a bumpkin watches the scene unfold and has the following words to say:

"Well I'll be damn. Them weather forecasters called for light drizzle and there ain't a cloud in the sky. But that Obama, he sure does have a pretty smile don't he?"

Grumbles: "Lucky SOB got to walk. I had to be escorted in a damn limo by the Secret Service." (uses a mocking tone when saying "secret service")

Looks over his shoulder and calls:

"Hey Laura, bring me a Coors from the box and a Grilled Cheese Sandwich will ya?"


Ted said...

The nation owes more than thanks to three unlikely modern day patriots: professional poker player, musician, and retired attorney, Leo Donofrio; life long Democrat and former Pennsylvania assistant attorney general, Phil Berg; and Soviet emigree and attorney, Dr. Orly Taitz (she’s also a dentist).

While Mr. Donofrio painstakingly established the airtight case that BHO could not be an Article II “natural born citizen” (at BHO’s birth, dad was British/Kenyan, not American, citizen) Leo’s Stay of the 12/15/08 electoral college vote was denied by SCOTUS as procedurally unripe.

Nevertheless, since no congressman and senator objected on 1/8/09 to Congress’ count and certification of the electoral vote which would have turned resolution of Obama’s eligibility issue over to Congress — rendering moot the Berg and Taitz (Lightfoot) cases — Berg finally does achieve standing on the issue of actual harm, to be addressed at the Friday 1/9/09 SCOTUS Conference on Writ of Certiorari. Obama’s failure to submit evidence of his constitutional qualification for the 1/9/09 conference will mean he cannot thereafter challenge Berg’s request to enjoin the 1/8/09 Congressional electoral count and certification, albeit retroactive, scheduled for SCOTUS conference Friday 1/16/09. Moreover, Chief Justice Roberts has scheduled a full Court conference on the Lightfoot case Friday 1/23/09 in the event there needs to be a Constitutionally mandated action, the Inauguration itself, to enjoin retroactively.

Now that BHO is in checkmate and cannot be POTUS, he can be a patriot as well. He need not subject the nation to the expense and trauma of requiring SCOTUS to overrule his ‘Presidency’. BHO can and should voluntarily step down with Biden becoming Acting POTUS under the 20th Amendment, and under the agreement all potential claims by the Government for itself and on behalf of others against BHO are released.

Pugs in Space said...

Outstanding blog Nolocontendre! hahahah!

Pugs in Space said...

Oh god this is hilarious. I thought I was reading Piglipstick's blog and was just wide eyed with glee because it was just so out there for him! hahhah then I realized it was you! hahahah. Bravo on the masterpiece. I cannot stop laughing. Great writing bwwhahahah!

Nina said...

:) thank u pug woman.

ted--that's just one of the reasons i have a sign on my car that says "don't look at me-i voted 4 nader".