Go to the address below to collaborate with Washington, Lincoln, JFK—as well as other Slate readers—to write this year’s Inaugural Address.
I received this in my e-mail box a few days back. Honest and for truly the website above is giving people the chance to help write the inaugural speech. Really and for true! Write something beautiful and brilliant and maybe, just maybe, Obama will be inspired to use it. Afterall, he is the "CHANGE" we've all been seeking, right? Oh, ok, so he's appointing Washington Insider Puppetheads. But who cares? All of that "Change" mantra sunk in our psyche's to such a level that we still believe, right?
Of course it's all tongue and cheek given these speeches are written well in advance and any deviation away can get an individual in trouble with the PTB. But hey, it could be a fun activity to compose your own speech. Hmmm now that I think of it, I'm inspired to do just that. But what would I want the man to say? What little scene is playing out in my mind as I type this....
January 20, 2009
Our New President's Speech
(inspired by the movie Tootsie, starring Dustin Hoffman and Jessica Lange)
"My fellow Americans:
"I stand before you today, proud and humbled. Proud to accept your nomination as Commander In Chief, President of the United States of America."
"Proud to be a Citizen of the Greatest Country On Planet Earth."
"And proud to know I step into the shoes of the Greatest Leaders this world has ever known."
"And yet, I am also humbled. Deeply, deeply, deeply humbled to have this opportunity to serve this Great Nation as the Highest Leader. Deeply humbled to be standing before all of you who have been so supportive of me and my family these past two years. And perhaps most importantly, even more deeply humbled to know you have put your trust in me to step into this position at this most historic time in history."
"And yet my Fellow Americans, this day is not about fanfare and celebration. This day is about taking this country in a new direction. It is about tearing down the walls that we have erected, walls that divide us, young and old, male and female, republican, democrat and independent, rich and poor. It is about restoring this government to a place where the virtues of honesty and integrity are again echoed in the halls of Congress and the Oval Office, exercised in the behaviors of our political and business leaders, and embraced by each and every American, embraced because they know their leaders extole once again such virtues."
"And as such, I would like to take this opportunity to be honest with you. For you see"
"I am not just an african-american."
"I am not just a man."
"I am a man-in-becoming."
"For you see, I wasn't born Barrack Hussein Obama."
"I was born..."
"Barbara Emira Obama!!"
"And with another surgery and continuining hormone treatments, by months end I WILL BE a fully fledged man!"
"I'm The Dark Lord! I'm The Dark Lord! Great Satan Almighty I have no soul. Let the truth be known I AM THE DARK LORD!"
"I'm a fake! I'm a fake! I don't give a shit about any of you! I take your money and I spend it on ME like, take for example, this ridiculous haircut and on my housecleaners who, by the way, I DO NOT TIP AND I DO NOT CARE!"
"Ditto! US TOO! We're all fakes! We're all fakes! We don't like you! Don't care about you! Hell we don't really even WANT to represent you! But we do because the perks are UNBELIEVABLE!"
By this time a massive hysteria has enveloped the crowd (and in some places, orgies, which catch the eye of Bill Clinton). And yet meanwhile, back at home on a little ranch in Crawford, Texas, a bumpkin watches the scene unfold and has the following words to say:
"Well I'll be damn. Them weather forecasters called for light drizzle and there ain't a cloud in the sky. But that Obama, he sure does have a pretty smile don't he?"
Grumbles: "Lucky SOB got to walk. I had to be escorted in a damn limo by the Secret Service." (uses a mocking tone when saying "secret service")
Looks over his shoulder and calls:
"Hey Laura, bring me a Coors from the box and a Grilled Cheese Sandwich will ya?"