Sitting outside today in the sun, I listened to some tunes and enjoyed a good glass of wine. My brain was weary, my mind tired, my heart pained, my soul seeking refuge. It has been a tough week. Oh hell, who am I kidding, it's been a rough month. Year. LIFE. It's a lonely road being the black sheep. Of the family. Of the neighborhood. Of the community. Of the world.
There have been health issues to contend with without so much as a nickel of insurance coverage. The car has once again let us know that it does not like the ethanol we are forced to use (don't you think car insurance should include financial help when cars get sick?) The kitchen light decided to stop working. And the $100 plus shower filtration system we purchased decided to break. 6 weeks past the one year warranty. Which means showers of rusty chlorinated h2o. Small issues compared to what many are facing, but enough to threaten to toss me over the edge. Of course it isn't like we didn't already have a full plate of crap. Two out-of-work individuals seeing the economic crisis unfolding thinking wtf is there to do once unemployment runs out or the state suddenly announces "sorry, we simply don't have the $$ for unemployment".
Oh yeah. It was my birthday week. Happy fucking birthday to me.
North Korea has announced they have enough plutonium to make 4 nuclear weapons. Israel continues its slaughterfest while western politics on both left and right vow to support Israel at all cost. Over half a million jobs have been lost the past month, that number expected to continue throughout the year. While the world goes bankrupt, our political leaders are handing out blank checks in the hundreds of billions to the banking cartels. Small banks continue to have their assets seized while the big bully banks gobble 'em up.
The value system of our society, of our people, is so fucking out of synch with the principles of freedom and love and peace. You know, all that is beautiful, fair and kind. I feel alone and freakish in it.
People are speaking out against Obama, and yet it isn't with any real clarity, originality or intellect. It's the right wing nut jobs doing their McCain/Palin support. Damn, shut the hell up already folks. Where are the Nadar, the McKinney supporters to add real intelligent dialogue, to add the missing pieces? All I can hope is that this mania will continue even once the masses are shown the deep change that is needed is not gonna happen.
We're just getting different icing for the same 'ole cake job.
The banks will continue to rule (albeit there will be less of them, the ones left to stand will continue the powerful rule). Insurance companies will continue their corrupt rule playing doctor and in determining whether you and I are worthy of help if we should need medical care and help paying for it. Schools will continue to feed our children's minds with unnecessary crap, politically-correct/freedom of speech dismantling rhetoric, and distorted information. The vaccination disease will continue to grow in number and cause havoc on our children's health. Our infrastructure will continue to slowly resemble that of 3rd World Nations, despite Obama's financial pledge to help reverse the trend (his pledge being very meager compared to what is truly needed). And wars will continue to be waged to continue the spread of American Dominance and Imperialism. Although I don't know how much longer that will last given our collapsing economy and in truth, the lack of financial means to correct it is going to leave America very vulnerable for a REAL attack/invasion. We're bankrupt. Piss off the wrong nation (China comes to mind) and watch out.
There's my own search for creating an income. I'm thinking my own ideas aren't so practical, even though what the hell, they're only my dreams. I'm quite used to my dreams being crushed, so what's another one, right? What do people need right now (other than a big 'ole hug, a million dollars and a place far away from the fucks who run the global show)? Something tangible. Something they deem worthy investing in. Finding a need and fulfilling it.
I don't know. I just don't fucking know.
But I will tell you what I do know. For certain. I am fucking fed up....FED UP...with trying to come up with innovative means of creating an income. I'm tired of thinking about it. I am burned out thinking about it. My mind can't take much more.
I also know something else as well. For certain. I am burned out looking for work, fed up with seeing the bullshit strings you have to go through all for a low paying, go nowhere lame ass paper pushing desk job, all designed to make bossy rich. Fuck that shit, as my sweet hub loves to say. FUCK THAT SHIT.
And I will also tell you one other thing I know. For certain. The days of being told "no" are also over. Being polite in the face of such "no's" is most certainly over.
And one last thing I know. For certain.
What I experienced today.
Sometimes...a glass of good wine is the answer.