Haven't had much of an urge to blog lately. It isn't like there is a shortage of topics. The upcoming prez inauguration, which in the coming months, is going to leave a growing number of people wishing they had voted for Nader or McKinney instead. There's the genocide taking place on the Palestinian people and the unbelievable number of folks, both in and outside of the government, who really believe the Israeli's to be the chosen ones. Snap out of the illusion and USE YOUR OWN MIND! No one is more "chosen" than the next.
And yet, topics based conversation don't seem to be my thing at the moment. I know what's going on at the surface level of society. Most days I say "let 'em have their chaos I want no part of it" while keeping some level of consciousness open to at least understanding how it will effect me.
I've been at a crossroads as far as what to do with my life. I've been exploring a small biz idea. And yet I also have moments where I feel a calling to change at least one aspect of the System. I am the type of person who is an idea person. I have many go through my mind. Sometimes it is overwhelming. I know this: my longing for a mentor has steadily increased. Someone to talk to about all of these ideas of mine. I visualize and think on this daily. Perhaps I need to add this person to my Vision Board.
I had a very visual dream the other night. A being visited me--one who has visited me in the past, on one occasion, visiting me while I was awake as a young girl. She always presents herself looking like my mom, likely to comfort me and ease any fear I may have. In this particular dream, I was wanting to drive a super slick, revved up muscle car out with the masses. She then appeared and began driving the vehicle. Normally in such dreams I would have felt small, or angry, feeling I wasn't in charge of my life. However in this experience, I felt ok. I didn't feel controlled. I resisted a bit at first though, saying "hey don't you wanna see me drive fast down this hill?" She just smiled, remained calm, then pulled the car over, telling me to remain calm and ride out the storm. We sat there in the car. I grew impatient. Why are we just sitting here, I wondered. I wanted to continue on my journey. Suddenly, I looked out the front window and saw these cars begin to spin out of control. It turned into a madhouse of cars not seeing the other cars around them. Some headed towards the nearby river. Most simply crashed into one another. I looked out back and cars were racing down the hill behind us, doing the same thing. I became terrified. And horrified. This being however remained calm and told me if I would remain calm, I would be ok.
In time, the insanity came to a standstill. People were walking around, in a daze. At that point, I got out of the car. I felt the need to help those around me. I had watched the whole scene unfold in front of my eyes. The being then exited the car, removed some of the wreckage around and on the car to pave the way for me. I even helped and found it was quite easy. She smiled and then rose above the car. The dream then ended.
A metaphor for what's to come? If anything, I embrace the idea that staying calm in any and all situations is important. But was this my guide? Some "divine" assistance? I don't know.
I'm not sure what to believe these days. My spiritual beliefs have been deeply challenged the past year. I don't know what's "out there", both in this dimension and in others. How many dimensions are there? Obviously there is other intelligent life. Who are benevolent, who are malevolent? Is there a separate God? Or are we simply just one consciousness "divided up" in these bodies spread out throughout the Cosmos? Is there an alien race attempting to control us? What thoughts are mine? I am already aware about the brainwashing/control dogma's found in our churches, in our schools, the media, entertainment, etc.... However, what about technology such as sonar, microwaves and the like. Secret dark groups sending out "thought bubbles". I recall reading some warning for folks not to mass organize and send out positive thoughts (which now I've come to believe as ridiculous). There is a massive amount of information about all of this and as always, varying opinions, and as always again, each organization or site claiming THEY are right. Frankly, I've come to believe anyone claiming to hold the truth, especially about such elusive topics where facts or any information other than opinion are missing, while dismissing all others is half awake and likely still a prisoner of the "matrix".
And yet, really, what is Truth?
I haven't been able to answer that one.
I've read up on Universal Laws. Somewhere, something tells me nothing is ever so rigid and unwavering as a law. Take karma. What you put out you get back. I see truth and flaws in this, which makes me wonder about the idea of free will and other conscious beings either helping or hindering. This brings up the question "how powerful are we?" As an individual, how powerful am I?
All of this makes my head spin. At least I do know this: I no longer take ANYTHING at face value. I no longer blindly embrace things. I take it for how I have perceive it and mull it over, chew on it like I would gum, seeing how it feels to me. And when I am honest, lately, the answer I receive is "I really don't know".
Maybe there's nothing to nail down, nothing to know. Maybe all there is to do is be who I am now. For maybe the idea of nailing down some truth is an impossibility given we're all really energy and energy is always on the move, always changing in some way shape or form.
I just know the search for truth has become a frustrating experience for me. Like holding water in my hand. Just when I think I have it, it changes into something else.
And I thought I had nothing much to say. :)