Question #1:
Why did you leave your last employer?
Your response:
Well technically I didn't leave of my own volition. I was asked to leave the premises-immediately.
Question #2:
What do you think to be your best talent?
Your response:
I can put both ankles behind the back of my head. Wanna see?
Question #3:
Why should I hire you?
Your response:
Because I'm armed. (Point to your holster carrying your loaded 9mm.)
Question #4:
What can you offer us that no other applicant can?
Your response:
A long history of state-mandated psychiatric evaluations.
Question #5:
What's your worst trait?
Your response:
...shrug... (You don't have any. Remember that at all times.)
Question #6:
We will be conducting a background check, which includes a drug screen. Are you willing to undergo such testing?
Your response:
Um, well, yeah, but can that drug screen thingie wait a week or so?
Question #7:
Would you be willing to take a cut in pay?
Your response:
Question #8:
For insurance purposes, would you be adding any dependents?
Your response:
Excuse me, but I am way too young to be wearing those adult diapers.
Question #9:
What was your biggest accomplishment with your last employer?
Your response:
Well, I'd have to say it was a pretty big deal that I didn't smack the fucking shit out of my boss.
Question #10:
If I were to contact your previous employer, what would they have to say about you?
Your response:
How the hell should I know. I'm not psychic. Oh. Wait a minute. This isn't a job for one of those psychic hotlines is it? Cause, well, you know, I was told not to call those numbers anymore.
Question #11:
Ok, well thank you for your time. We'll be in touch soon.
Your response:
Ok, but can you make sure you don't call before noon? I don't really get out of bed until then.
Here are some other pointers for guaranteeing you leave an impression unlike no one else:
*pick your nose.
*burp. then giggle.
*for one question, interrupt after every word.
*when invited into the office for the interview, skip while humming a little tune.
*when leaving and offering up the traditional good-bye/thank-you handshake, place your hand firmly in the potential employer's hand, smile big and say "you're the man!" (or woman)
4 comments:
Or better, start asking THEM the weird, unanswerable questions, like, "what would you do if I just stood up and punched you in the tooth?"
Nina-cant tell you how much I have come to enjoy Musings and Obs! so glad I linked to you-thanks fo supporting me at my place too! right now i am off to find an article by larry pinkney to see if there is a link to it that i will post at my place for all my net friends-it was a wonderfully written article-all the best to you as always!
Had to come back to this one Nina-hehe I love the drug test and 'can it wait a week' :-) best to you as always!-thanks also for posting your UFO sightings info on your blog and i really appreciate your comments about your experiences at MFM!
whenever i read "MFM" i think "male for male". lol how did you come up with my fav. monsters anyway?
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