I should really rename this blog to "rages of fury". Or perhaps "awakening has lead to rages of fury now I seek something better."
After spending yet another spring and early summer in this dry, pollen-infested valley, whereby I have had to hole up inside the past 7 weeks, only to be nailed by a god damn cold virus because some people are simply too inconsiderate at times and don't stop to think that "hey, i'm getting sick, perhaps i should STAY HOME" (honest to god am i the only person who actually thinks this way??)......where was I? Oh yes, pissed off, sneezing and coughing. Holed up for health reasons. Unemployed. Fed up with the system. No, DONE with it. Want my own system. Or at least want the system to really start working FOR me so that I may achieve those things that I desire. I am fed up with being 40 something and still RENTING, still searching for where I fit in, where I belong.
Do I want the mountains? The beach? Both?
It's easy to say what I don't want. Pollen. And valley's. Desert, too. Yuck. Give me cool clean air. I'm tired of having to rely on a/c.
Upon each visit to the ocean, something w/in me says "home". I cry each time I leave. I find myself each time I visit. People say "don't go to the coast. Global warming. Beach erosion." I'm to the point of saying "So what? It's always going to be SOMETHING that will threaten to destroy this planet." I'm done with living life, always looking to see if something dark will ruin my plans. Fuck it. Time to follow my heart. Throw some caution to the wind. Take a chance. I'd rather live 20 years at the coast then another 40 plus years in the valley.
Better a shorter life lived where you desire than a longer life lived where you don't like.
How about a long life living where I desire.
I've found some emerging communal-type communities, but so far, they're in the Southwest or other parts of the country that are hot and humid or hot and dry or nowhere near the ocean.
I figure if my vision of some asian-pacific invasion happens, the little army dudes will likely want to head inland.
I like to say "give me a trust fund of a million dollars and I will live just wonderfully."
Can't buy happiness.
Well, ok, you can buy security and security is contentment and when content it is easier to feel happy.
What would I do if I were to come into a million dollars?
Well, no, first I'd buy a new car. Newer car, I should say. 2006 Civic Hybrid. '66 Mustang Convertible. 2008 Subaru Forester.
Then I'd sell off--likely give away--a lot of my old crap, hire some movers and go buy myself a chunk of land (5 acres should suffice) on the coast, inland, up in the hills, with a spectacular ocean view where I would build myself a totally off-the-grid home. 1500 square feet should be just fine. I'd have a greenhouse for year-round food production. Chicken coop. I'd spend my days writing and tending to my property. A yurt or two on the property for a music studio/artist studio and for guests.
If money were not necessary or if I were to come into/create that kind of money, that is the life I would build for myself. That is the life I would seek.
That is the life I am ready to live. Now.
That being said I have a simple invention idea. It isn't a green product. It's simple. For women. Cheesy little thing. Not a need, but a want (although it would provide for a bit of simplicity). Totally Americana. Totally would go contrary to a part of my value system, but what the hell. I can't do this lifestyle anymore. I'll do what it takes, even it means putting aside a part of my "soul" for a year or two. With the right marketing it could get me the kind of money I seek to build that life. Heck, I'd even sell the rights to it for the right price. I also have a few books I'm working on, including an e-book. And a demo CD awaits to be given to the right person and/or singer. Once I feel well again, I'll be pursuing all of it with fiery.