Random Thoughts For This Friday

*Well, apparently we are to prepare for Round 2 of the Swine Flu. This one is supposed to be more intense. All of course is government speak for "The first batch we made in the lab wasn't potent enough" as well as this little lingo "We're gonna scare ya all up real good now so that when those vaccines come out this fall, you'll run to the nearest clinic and get shot up". Chill out folks. Eat lots of raw garlic and onions. Supplement with vitamin's C, D. Add some herbal stuff like echinecea, astragulus, goldenseal. Check out natural anti-viral/anti-bacterial oils such as oregano, garlic and coconut. And most important of all (a practice most definitely needed by yours truly): Monitor your thoughts. Find the beauty. Take time to relax and chill out. Laugh. Allow yourself to let things go that aren't helpful, even if just for an hour. When upset, respond instead of reacting. Get lots of sleep. Nap when the need arises.

*Economy's starting to improve. Why? Well, it's because job losses aren't as high as they were months ago. Isn't that sort of like someone saying "hey, I see that illness you're suffering from made you lose 50 pounds. You haven't lost anymore weight. Must mean you're all better now!" Kind of hard to really lose anymore jobs at that volume level, ain't it? And even if it is possible, the PTB don't really wanna pull the rug out from under our asses in one full swoop now, do they? Better to give the illusion all is on the upswing. Of course I could be full of it, but then again, maybe not. It is as it is and I don't know anything else for certain beyond that.

*What's up with me and all of this redneck-style blog speak tonight?

*Our garden is coming along nicely. Aside from some sort of crawling critter who has enjoyed some of the leaves on our peas and beans, it looks good. Tomatoes are coming in. Carrots have another few weeks to go. Chard is almost done harvesting. New lettuce and spinach starts are taking off. Strawberries finally coming in (been waiting for weeks!). Our neighbor from China gave us what he says are potato starts, but I think his English confuses him for I believe what we have instead are tomatoes. That's ok. He's a kick in the pants and I love talking with him.

*Earlier today we went to the store. Mr. N encouraged me to try on this pretty summer dress. The "hippie" look is in, which I have always loved since I was a child. I've waited for many many years for such clothes to come back around. Flowing skirts, poetic-ruffly type baby-doll tops and dresses. Love it all. Anyway, it was on sale so I said "ok". I'm not one to pay full retail anymore on clothing, partly because of emerging values, but also because of the affordability factor. I know if I were to come into a million dollars, I'd go on a shopping spree. At least I'd give myself freedom to go out for a day or two and spend money without thinking "I can't afford this put it back." Just one day of "The Joneses" thing would be enjoyable. Anyway....Well, you know how some stores have wonderful lighting and others have lighting that zaps anything positive about your body and accentuates all that is negative? This store accentuates the negative. Good grief. I stared at myself in the mirror. The lines. The pasty color of my skin. Flab in places I didn't know existed (and on those places I know it does, well, W O W). The dullness of my 40 something hair. Fuck, I thought. I look like crap! But, I decided to get the dress anyway. It was so pretty and feminine. Driving home, I was still in the "I am not happy with how I look I look so damn OLD" funk. Flashes of myself as I appeared in that stinkin' mirror kept flashing through my mind. However, now and then the Universe seems to be on my side. Today was such a day. Just as I am thinking all of these ridiculously ugly thoughts about myself, a car carrying two college-aged boys drove past. I don't know if they were high, drunk or just blind (likely just horny), but the passenger, who had been talking with the driver, stops talking, looks right at me, eyes widening, and says "whoa" then proceeds to stare at me, smiling, as they pass. Even this didn't escape Mr. Nina, who laughed and said "you were just checked out honey!" It's been awhile. Today I needed it. Felt good and rather erased the thoughts of earlier. Which leads me to thinking "why did it take someone else to make me feel better?" I thought I was evolving away from that...

*I'm quite the moody person at times and lately, being I've been off sugar and yeast (for the most part--had one slip up and my body certainly reacted), I've been extra moody. I've never been addicted to anything, that I know of that is. I smoked cigs for awhile, but was able to quit without any real noticeable hassle. I drank a lot during my parents divorce in my early 20's and was able to quit that cold turkey without any issue. I've heard of people being addicted to sugar. Perhaps I am one of them. All I know is that I have been having moments where everything in my body and mind is saying "GIVE ME SUGAR NOW". When I have these moments, I also feel really hungry. I've just been riding them out, eating a piece of fruit or some yeast-free crackers I made. Well, a few nights ago I decided to splurge a bit and have some brownies Mr. N had made from a box. One bite and it was like, well, feeding an addict. I could feel the endorphine rush. Oh god it felt so good. Something told me "you'll pay for this" but I told it to shut the fuck up as I stuffed another brownie into my mouth. The next day, uh huh. My body, the part of it that is wise that is, said "See???"

*Aren't you grateful I'm on this planet so you can read such fascinating ramblings? : )