5.16.2009

Deceased Relatives and Dream Visitations

Have you ever had a dream where a deceased relative (or friend, animal companion, etc.) visited you? I've had many throughout my life. Tonight, I recalled one I had last year, where my grandpa visited me. At the time, I had been experiencing a bothersome emotional state, where I realized I was angry with my grandpa for his part in raising my mother to dismiss "negative" emotional states. My mom's great when you're happy. But sad, angry, depressed and other such "negative" states? Forget it. This has made it difficult to bond with her, difficult to share certain experiences, difficult at times to even trust her. In trying to forgive my mother, I took a look at her childhood in an attempt to figure out where she learned this in order that I may empathize through this understanding. In my search, I realized it was largely due to her parents. Well, being my grandmother is still alive and is not the type to discuss such things, I decided to do some cosmic venting to my grandpa who died when I was a teenager. I yelled out to him: "I'm so angry with you for not showing mom that it's OK to be angry or sad or upset or depressed or afraid! This had a real effect on me, causing me a lot of unnecessary pain!" I really let myself go with the feelings I was experiencing. After this little bit of cosmic venting, I let it go.

A few weeks later, I had the dream. I was in a barn, up in the rafters. Grandpa was a farmer during much of his early adult life, so a barn seemed to be a good setting. I recall thinking "this is weird. I've never visited a barn in my dreamstate before!" Not knowing what to expect, I simply sat still, waiting, until I looked up and there was grandpa, in one of his typical dress attire's I had seen him in as a child: work pants and a heavy flannel shirt. He was carrying a rake, which he put down as he stopped in front of me. I looked at him with excitement and smiled. I always love seeing him in my dreams. I've missed him very much since his death some 25 years ago. I was going to say something but he spoke first.

"I'm so sorry honey. I should have done better. I could have done better. I'm so sorry what I did caused you pain!" He looked me in the eyes as he spoke. A single tear ran down his cheek. Well, at that, I burst into tears and we embraced.

"It's ok grandpa. It's really ok. I understand. I'm sorry I got so angry with you!" I said.

Forgiveness is a beautiful experience, the ultimate healer, no matter what state of mind one is in.

We held each other for, well, what seemed to be a long time in dreamland. He then pulled away, looked at me and smiled. It was then that I woke up, a sharp feeling of pain and longing in my heart, my eyes still wet from having cried. My tears, obviously shed in this dimension as well.

I miss you, grampy.

5 comments:

Mike-Julie said...

Nina, I have had people that have passed show up in my dreams like my father and great-grandfather. I didn't know that the old man I kept seeing was my great-grandfather until I seen a picture of him. I was surprised but glad to find out who he was. Nice post.....Julie

Nina said...

that is really wild about your great-grandfather. yes, what a surprise! i love experiences like this. helps me maintain faith in life beyond. thanks for posting.

Devin said...

Very interesting post as always Nina-I tend to see people in my dreams -and actual people not just what you would call impressions of them -that I have no effin idea of who they are!!!! I would give anything to see a loved one that passed in a meaningful dream!! best to you as always!!

Nina said...

i experience that too--dreams of people who i think "who are you??" maybe tell yourself to ask the next time that happens. and if you wish for a loved one to appear to you in the dreamstate, you can always ask. sometimes i do that--and sometimes it works. kinda like life--you can ask for something from someone, and if they don't want to, they won't. if they do, they do it in their own time. :)

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