I swear, I gotta get someone to help me market a t-shirt and bumper sticker venue so that I can tell the world: Religion: The Original Sin.
Religion of any kind. Christianity. Hindu. Buddhism. Muslim. Judiasm. Even New Age.
I was raised with only minor religious influence. My dad was adament that I not have anything church-like forced upon me. He wanted me to be free to explore this area of life on my own. Even though this was more about his own stuff than it was about my young, influential mind, I am grateful he made this choice. My mother, a Baptist (who is now a lax catholic, a term with which many catholic's end up defining themselves), wanted me to get in some Jesus training, so I hooked up with some girl's group at a small Baptist Church. I got into it for awhile. I longed for a gentle, kind male figure in my life, someone who didn't scare me for certain, and Jesus seemed to be it for me at the age of 9. I went through a stage whereby I would write "Smile! Jesus Loves You!" whenever I could. Like all stages though, I eventually grew out of it. Jesus didn't answer my prayers. He didn't calm my father's rage. He didn't get the kids at school to stop teasing me. Jesus has failed me, just like every other adult 'figure' in my life had. He had abandoned me.
Several years passed when I decided to check into the Catholic church. Something about the mass appealed to me. I found it oddly familiar. I decided to do the baptismal thing at 24, although unlike the other young adults up on the alter with me, I crossed my fingers behind my back when asked if I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I had wised up since childhood and realized Jesus, if he even existed, was a person, just like me. Surprisingly, I felt no guilt over this little white lie. I figure what I was doing was for me and me only and was between me and god or whatever it was I was a part of. All of my childhood unanswered prayers? All of that got buried, only to be uncovered and dealt later. After all, dealing openly with our pains was certainly not allowable back then. Suck it up was the mantra in my house. Either that or bury it and it'll go away.
It wasn't long, maybe 4 years, before I began to outgrow the entire Catholic religion. Going to church every week and being asked to donate money and shaking hands with people who wished me peace, but whom I knew would really not be interested in getting to know me in such a way as to learn what things I was actually in need of peace of had gotten old. Stale. Boring. Fake.
So off I dove into the New Age Movement. It was the mid 90's, the peak of the new age craze. I was a junkie. I got hooked on the idea that I was God. I had the power to shape my life any way I wished. Nothing could stop me with the right thinking, the right intention. Certainly nothing of an earthly nature. I and I alone drove my ship and nothing could stop me from what I wanted to do, how and where.
For awhile, my life began to flow really smoothly. I began making decisions for myself--big decisions--and began to discover the wonders of synchronicity. I was, in many ways, flying high. At the time a very well-meaning friend told me "Girl, you are lit up like a Christmas tree. But, you're not grounded. If you don't get grounded in reality, you're going to get hurt." I dismissed her thought. New Age books told me nothing could hurt me with the right thinking, the right level of intention.
Well, it seems as though just as soon as she told me those very powerful words, my life began to go to hell. Friends were suddenly betraying me, disappearing. Jobs were hard to hold onto. Emotional struggles soon followed. Suddenly I began really feeling these thoughts about how worthless I was. I began thinking my value was based on my income, certainly based on what I did instead of who I was. On and on this went until I sunk into a deep depression, one that continued on for a long time and still lingers a bit.
First Jesus had failed me. Then New Age had failed me. What else was there? What else was there for me to believe in? I hadn't a clue. Around this time, September 11, 2001 came and went. Prompted by an inner urging, I tossed aside all things religious and dove into the underworld of the new world order, the illuminati and the workings of our government and corporations. In doing so I began to see a reality that both the Church and New Age were neglecting to see. The idea that there are people who have intentionally taken away our right to free choice by limiting that choice. There are people who have created a system of enslavement all to serve the Elite Empire. Public Schools teach us to be good little sheep and fall in line by focusing on left-brain dominant learning and by filling our heads with government's version of history, of the world. Once Public School has done it's job, the System doesn't give an 18 year old much in the way of options. It's either flip burgers, pump gas, sign up for duty to support Uncle Sam's Industrial Military Complex/On-Going Global War or spend thousands of dollars entering the higher education system, whereby you may have a little more room to move and freedom (which means: professor isn't gonna call mommy and daddy if you don't show up for class), but other than that, free thought isn't encouraged, not in its purest form. Churches fill our heads with their LEADER'S VERSION of biblical events and truth. Mass Marketing using subliminal messaging directly accessing our computer-like subconscious mind with additional filth, such as you NEED Product X Y and Z if you are to be SOMEBODY. Corporate Food Giants putting toxic chemicals, hormones and pesticides into our food and water supply which creates a host of health issues, ranging from minor to serious and even deadly.
War. Poverty. Minimum Wage. Massive cover-ups into the food we eat, the water we drink and the air we breathe. Skyrocketing cost of living factors. Monopolies galore with little government oversight.
The nightmare of our "free" market system.
And yet, the New Age movement said my reality was based solely and completely on my thoughts alone. I was to focus INWARD to learn that ALL of my own suffering and struggles were all about ME and ME alone.
What a crock of shit.
So for a time, I did the proverbial "throw the baby out with the bathwater". I wanted nothing to do with the New Age idiots. Nothing to do with anything labeled "christianity". Not even anything labeled God. And I stewed. I blamed. I judged. And then I started the process all over again.
But then I began to remember something I read years ago. You know how something will just stick with you like that? You read something, forget about it and then years later it revisits you? That's what happened to me. I had read something about balance. And I realized that pointing the finger outside of myself, looking purely outside of myself, wasn't the answer to end my pain. For in doing that I was giving away all of my power to forces outside of me. I then remembered the wise words of my friend about being grounded in reality while also being open to Source/Life Energy. I had gone from being solely focused on Source to being solely focused on all of the control's put in place on Earth.
The answer for me to escape this cycle was to be found through Balance.
And that's not something the New Age movement had taught me. Oh sure, it was discussed briefly, likely for effect. But damn, try and find some New Age freak who was willing to talk about the System and how it operates and influences our lives was met with the proverbial "I am going to go stick my head in the sand over here on that one" while walking away, fingers in ears, humming the "la la la la la" tune. Look to yourself alone for your own suffering, they say. Uh huh.
And Church people? No better. Pray to Jesus. That's about as in depth as they go.
We affect one another. That's the truth. Others make choices that influence what we do, what we can do. I once remember a conversation with a New Ager who, when I asked what their thoughts were on the child who had his leg blown off by a roadside bomb said, in all seriousness (well, with that glazed la la all is ok look New Ager's seem to wear), "I cannot answer that. That is that child's journey. But they did ask for that experience. That is all I know."
Uh huh. Toddler's walk down the street saying "You know what God? I want to have my leg ripped off. I wanna know what that feels like."
When I presented the idea that, perhaps, this happened because some War Hungry Politician CHOOSE with his own FREE WILL to attack some nation because he felt it would make his dick, ego and bank account larger and as such, sent over brain-washed military young men to plant the bombs, who also CHOSE with their own FREE WILL (well, heavily influenced free will) to plant the bomb, she could only say "Nothing happens to us that we don't ask for."
Sorry folks. I don't buy it. It isn't that simple.
Let's insert some balance into this. Let's say person's X Y and Z make policies, create laws and the like and present them to Joe and Jane and little Sally and Bobby as their OPTIONS for LIVING. Joe, Jane and the little ones are told "this is what you have to choose from" and as such, the family takes it as is. However, this option may create some obstacles. Maybe this option is home ownership. This grossly unregulated system whereby home ownership is not just about providing the basic needs of others but is now seen primarily instead as some insane game to make as much money as possible has made it ever the more difficult to own a home. Joe and Jane are not able to afford a home where they live and so their only other option in their area is to rent. And yet, they desire to remain in their area and own a home. System says "No".
Or maybe the option is employment for Joe. Joe really wants to be a musician and make a living at it, enough to support his family, but the Record Companies all say Sorry, you're too old/Not skinny enough/Not what we're looking for (meaning not marketable enough for us to make millions of dollars off your work). Since there aren't any "Wanted Musician to entertain. $65,000/year with benefits and pension plan" job listings, he instead opts to work on computers and plays the clubs on the occasional weekend.
Or perhaps the option is energy. Joe and Jane don't wish to support their energy company and wish instead for more options, more companies in which to select from. They don't have that luxury. The System has made it such that only one company supplies electricity for homes in their area.
Sad. But that's just how things are is the mantra. However, in reality we KNOW the System doesn't have to be like this. We could have a society where everyone could own his/her own home. We could have a society where musician's were able to make a good living doing what they love. We could have a society where there were several ways of providing oneself energy, several companies in which to choose. (Isn't that what the free market is largely supposed to be about? Competition?)
System says "No". And anyone who wishes to mess with the System can get hauled off to jail, harassed, fine, even killed.
The System has influenced this family's life and has no regard for this family's wishes, needs or desires. Hence, it ignores their thoughts.
However, when one becomes aware of such things, one begins to reclaim his/her own power. You begin to awaken. You begin to get angry (if you aren't angry, you are not awake for anger is that wonderful emotion that tells us THIS IS NOT OK WITH ME). You see things do not have to be this way. You begin to KNOW there are UNLIMITED ways of living, and yet the Oz folks behind the curtain push back and say "NO" repeatedly to those seeking new ways.
That doesn't mean one must stop trying. Our thoughts are powerful. Put to action, together with others of like-mind, they take on even more power. What we put out with that pure intention, that pure knowing will pay us a visit eventually. Others, through their own free will, can either help or hinder that process. And yet, more and more are growing restless. If you're awake or are awakening, you FEEL that energy. And all that is is the thoughts of others in energy form. That is the beginning, the start of new things, new movements, awakening. For once the majority are awake and are embracing freedom and peace in their purest forms, we will want to help one another, we want to WORK TOGETHER to create what we want and desire AND need. Without being told "No". Without resistance. Resistance from the System is simply about fear--fear that the may have to start sharing and letting go of the control.
Together and awake. Focused and aware. 'Tis the way to change. 'Tis the new religion so desperately needed.