Holiday Shoppers

Mr. Nina wanted to pick up a few things, take care of a couple of things today. Non-holiday things.

You do realize, I told him, that we will be competing with holiday shoppers.

Yes, yes, he said. It will just be a series of quick trips, he promised.

Uh huh, I thought.

So we first head off to Albany to his list of stores.

As I've blogged before, I am not a shopper, least of all I am a mall shopper. Never have been, never will be. Never have understood the fascination of my female counterparts to spend hours fighting crowds, noise and stuffy environments just to find a pair of 3" heels. (And ok, never have understood the fascination with heels either. They're uncomfortable as hell and they are next to impossible to walk in, I don't care who you are.) While I love OWNING clothes, shoes, make-up, lotions, potions and candles, it's the process of SHOPPING for them I could do without. I'd rather do my shopping through catalogs and online, although I do love to browse quiet gift shops and bookstores.

Shopping at the mall??? During the holidays??? NO THANK YOU.

Our first stop, Costco. Ugh. That was a quick trip to obtain membership. There was literally a sea of people. That's all you could see--people everywhere. After seeing the scene being played out in front of our eyes, Mr. Nina decided we'd return to spend after the holidays. I immediately agreed that was a good plan.

Our next stop, Target. Holy crap what a nightmare. Hell exists. I have proven it, I have seen it with my own eyes, I have felt it's energy gripping my chest, threatening to smother me with its bright lights and SPEND SPEND SPEND SHOP SHOP SHOP hysteria. Massive SUV's fighting for a parking spot creating traffic jams everywhere. After spending a good 10 minutes both looking for a spot and being trapped in one of the "jams", I said "that's it, let's do this another time."

Nope. We were here and that was that.

So we find a spot and meander around the traffic snarls, into the store, but not before checking to see if the woman in front of us, who had tripped and fallen, was ok (she was wearing 3" heels--I rest my case). Poor thing, she was so embarassed and thankfully, not hurt.

As we enter the store, we both stopped and stared. "Shit," I muttered under my breath. Did we dare enter the gates of hell with the people pushing massive red carts, children crying, mothers looking exhausted, fathers and men with their pained looks on their faces, store clerks and those damn employee radios they carry that they have turned all the way up, and every third person having a conversation on their cell phone which how in the hell could they even HEAR anything to being???

Did we???

We did. Grabbing my hand, Mr. Nina said "stay by my side" and taking a deep breath, we went in search of worm poop. Yes, worm poop. The website said our local Target carried it.

At first we tried finding it on our own, but were unsuccessful. So we finally found a clerk, a young girl more than half our age. Given the look she gave us, she had no clue what we were talking about so she asked a co-worker, a boy maybe a year or two older than she. He got a good giggle after hearing us tell him what we were looking for. "Like, no dude, like I've never heard of the stuff, dude," he said, but pointed us in the direction of the dog and cat food. Maybe we'd find it over there.

Wrong. Mr. Nina took one side while I took the other and we couldn't find it. We did however manage to temporarily lose one another, which set off a series of our names being called in the aisles until we finally found one another, each of us saying things like "where WERE you" and "why didn't you stay with me".

We decided to check with the folks at customer service. So...Squeezing through the crowds, we made it over there. Then we saw the line. The line leading into phase II of hell. NO WAY was I standing in that line, I said. I had already maxed out my crowd tolerance and was in need of fresh air and a shot of whiskey.

So we proceeded to find two other employees, one outside, who both gave us the dazed and confused look when we asked about the worm poop product. Mr. Nina finally said, "let's get the hell out of here." Best idea he'd had all day. So we left.

But not before waiting for a good 5 minutes in our car, waiting for the traffic jam in front of us to clear. We then drove around a couple of back ways trying to find a way out. Nope.

Cheezits Wipes, I thought, this is like a prison! What do these stores do? Only provide one way in and one way out? By this point I was telling Mr. N to just drive over the damn curb and grass.

Well, we obviously made it out unscathed as I'm home typing this entry. We did make one last stop though--a local nursery. We were greeted by a beautiful, sweet dog. And given we were only one of about 5 people in the entire setting, it was a very nice experience. Lots of pretty, soft lighting, the sounds of water ponds and wind chimes filled the air, the smell of pine and everygreen relaxing the senses. As I told Mr. Nina, for anyone who wishes to know something about me, just look at that scene at Target and know that is the direct opposite of what I am, then turn around and look at this place and know that this is a lot closer.

I did notice something. I realized why we choose to live here instead of in Albany. Even with the traffic today here in town, that was nothing compared to Albany. It was an energy, that energy that is created when mass amounts of people flood the concrete jungles of suburbia in search of the perfect gift, gadget or .

Maybe things would be more peaceful if instead of looking for the latest gadget or overpriced item made in China, they simply were in search of worm poop.


nolocontendere said...

Haha, great musations and observings! Thank you for the chuckle and reinforcing my determination to steer clear of any crowded environment this month.

Worm poop? Is that some hippie vitamin?

nina said...

lol,yeah you could say that--a hippie vitamin--for plants though.

tkn said...

Sounds like a real shopocalypse!

did you find worm poop at the nursery?

nina said...

nope. no worm poop--just a pretty poinsetta.