Saturday Musings

Lots to say today.

It was--is--a beauuuuutiful day today. The first real indication of Spring. The sun was out. Lawn was mowed. Planters and pots cleaned out and, looking too empty against the backdrop of sunshine and freshly cut grass, soon was filled, after a quick trip to the nursery, with pansies, daisies, snap dragon's and other annual's. Afterwards we sat in the sun, watching our puppy dog play with her ball. Tomorrow the bbq comes out of hiding. Next week, we get to work preparing and deciding what kind of a food garden to put in. I am happy to report our lettuce survived the winter. While it didn't really grow, it survived in pots snugged up against the house, so back in the sun it has gone in the hopes it will start to produce. I snacked on a few of the leaves. Nothing like fresh food.

I read through the Portland Alliance, a magazine I had never read before until last week, when I was compelled to pick up a copy. Well, that seemed to be one of those "meant-to-be" moments for right there inside those pages was a man after my own heart and soul and the heart's and soul's of other like-minded folks who have been questioning our monetary-based system and how to design one so that the standard of living for ALL of us will be raised, using machines and technology to provide for such a lifestyle, where the basic fundamental worth and value of all human people are recognized and embraced by all, and where basic rights such as including food, shelter, education and health care, are provided for all. A society where money ain't included in the final picture.

Naturally, I was OVERJOYED to read his words and to know there are ever increasing movement's to establish such a world society. He even mentioned The Venus Project as one such movement. I blogged about that earlier this year. The author of the article, William Daniels, studied the works of a man named Buckminster Fuller. I will be doing the same. There are a lot of new ideas for my mind to embrace, which I know it will. However, wrapping my brain around those ideas will be the challenge. It gives me hope in knowing there are like-minded people all over the globe who believe our planet has the capacity to provide all that we each need, that money need not be the center or even part of it. I'm certainly growing weary of people who talk about the need to reduce the population. Some say by as much as 60% or more. I know to the very core of who I am that THIS IS NOT NECESSARY. It's just a scare tactic meant to keep the basic systems of capitalism/socialism/communism and other unsustainable systems going. Using responsible agricultural and business practices (which are not being employed except for the minority) is at the center of creating such a system.

Along those lines of coincidence and our common connectedness, I had a bit of an experience last weekend in the form of a dream. I was in a grassy field in Oregon, hiding from a sexual predator (white male, 30's, thin build, light brown hair cut in kind of a bi-level). I saw two girls walk by, one about 8, the other around 12 and tried to warn them to stay away from the man. Both were hispanic. The older one was big boned and had very long straight hair. Given I had seen the story about the young girl from California who had gone missing earlier in the week, perhaps I had just brought that into my dream. However, I was not sure who this older, second girl was. I was also unsure as to why I was in Oregon if the (younger) girl was last seen in California. I blew it off as a random event, possibly a friend of the younger girl, that is until a couple of nights ago. While visiting our local co-op, I saw a flyer on their board about a missing 13-year-old hispanic girl from the Oregon coast. She looked very similar to the girl in my dream, enough so that it stunned me for a moment and gave me a chill. I don't know if it's coincidence or not, but I've had enough dreams like this that have later proven to be accurate.

Speaking of, it was my original experience of seeing Laci Peterson in my living room (different house from where we currently live) at 3am to validate the dream I had of her death that sparked an intense fear of the dark, which has only served to royally piss me off given that was one thing I never feared--the dark. At all. It's an odd thing though because I don't feel it every night. There are some nights I am lying in bed, the only one in the house still awake, and I am calm, feeling fine. And yet the next night, I can be almost paralyzed by fear because I think I feel a presence in the living room that wishes to speak with me. Once I turn on a light, the fear vanishes. However, I can be standing in the same place, turn out the light, and I am fighting intense panic. I especially feel creeped out when I am walking away from the living room--as though I feel more vulnerable with my back turned away from whatever may (or may not) be there. Kind of like a child running from the doorway to leap into his bed to avoid that monster that may reach out and grab him from under his bed. I am so embarassed by this but I am so ready to be done with it.

I just don't know how to heal from this one. I do the protection intentions. I've tried facing the fear--taking little steps into the living room, one at a time. I've tried making myself simply sit still in the dark for an extended period of time, especially after I know my spouse and dog are asleep and in another conscious realm. I tell myself I CAN DO THIS I AM CALM. I say things like "I am safe. I am protected." Nothing so far has worked. It's like a huge ball of energy needing to explode. Maybe it's unprocessed terror. I know I was certainly in a complete state of panic and terror when I saw Laci sitting there in our recliner, dripping wet, smiling hugely, sending me a telepathic "Hello! Here I am!". I was so frightened, I couldn't move for a few moments. Given I know I have some sort of ability to communicate with the spirit realm, I really want to "get over" this. One of my desires has been for quite some time to listen to the needs of those who have gone on and relay any messages to their families. And yet, how can I do that with this fear? I can't.

If any of you have any ideas or suggestions of help of any kind, please share them. I've thought about contacting some of the paranormal psychic people I've seen on television but I know they'd charge me quite the fee and, well, my financial status says poverty. Maybe they'd let me bake them some of my magical nut brownies.

I spent a bit of time last night organizing some of my recorded musical files. One of my other fav things is to write music. I have an idea of what to do next with all of these songs I have. I belong to a songwriter's e-mail group (since it's inception in 1998) and read of an independent A & R biz that helps put songwriter's in touch with publisher's, etc. They're rated as being very professional and trustworthy. A rarety in the biz. There's a growing trend of people in the music business who wish to see ALL making a living wage at their art instead of having a couple hundred making hundred's of millions. As long as cash is king, I think it's a beautiful concept. A world where you get to "do" what you naturally love. Contribute it. Have all your needs provided for. Period.

The needs of humanity first. Life no longer being about struggle and survival of the fittest and other archaic, caveperson mentalities. You and I together in the same boat. Same side.

Today I feel hopeful knowing there are others out there thinking the same thoughts and are working to create it all. More hopeful than I have in awhile.