A Poem And Some Song Lyrics

I journal almost daily and have been doing so since I was 18. I recall my first journal entry. It was late May. I was two weeks away from graduation and was estatic to finally be escaping the prison walls of the public school system. I remember how excited I was about an upcoming party (aside from graduation, my main priority at the time). An outdoor party...which began with me falling into a hole at the horse arena that was on the property. Well, let me re-state that. My right leg fell into said hole. However, I was able to retain my beer, only spilling a bit, to which I thought was a spectacular accomplishment. Even though I was in a lot of pain, no way was I about to miss out on a great party. The night ended with me hobbling into bed, drunk as a skunk, sore as hell, but delighted over the adventures of my evening.

Back to my journal entry. As I wrote, I recall saying how "uncool" parents were and that, when I became a parent, I would be "cool". Totally cool. I would let my daughter go to parties without adult supervision. I would let her swear. I would let her smoke weed. I would let her drink. Hell, in my 18 year old mind, I was intent on drinking and smoking with her.

I have no children, but I know if I did, I would certainly not be "cool". At least not until my child were 30. Maybe 40.

Sometimes when I journal, a string of words come to me in the form of a poem you could say. Rarely do these creations rhyme nor do they follow any particular rule. Sometimes they come out of the blue as this one did. Here's something I wrote a few weeks ago at midnight (yes, I date and time my journal entries). It's rather dark, but, well, that's me at times.

i wonder
lots of things...
is despair
a temporary hole
or merely
a forever battle...
despair.
the human condition
awakening
to the prison
of the mind
and attempted
prison
of the system
convincing us
of some lie
of powerlessness...
they, the saviors
we the cattle
seeking their refuge...
refuge, really
being a
pit of sand
from which
we will never
awaken
lest we step out
of its sinking grasps
of lying arms.

***
I'm sure by now most of you have heard of Sandra Cantu, the little girl who was murdered by the 20 something woman and mother in Tracy, California in a way that, to this day, I cannot stomach hearing about or processing. Sometimes I write songs to help me deal with such things...those times when my mind simply cannot wrap itself around some human-caused/created event. I originally had the idea to write a song for Sandra yesterday when I was sitting at my piano, playing some covers and some of my own compositions. The melody came to me first. It is light in a childlike way and flowing yet with an air of somberness to it (by use of a minor chord in a couple of spots), so I knew I wanted the words to be mostly innocent yet with some of the reality of her death tied in, ultimately having it be about her life force still shining brightly, still aware, still very much alive. Below is what came to me. It's simple, really, but it fits the melody (which some day blogger will allow for us to post audio files so I can include the music as well). It isn't finished yet, still need one more verse, and I am not satisfied with the rainbow reference, but until I have something else, it stays put.

She was a little girl, laughing.
She was a little girl at play.
Until that fateful day.
Until that fateful day.

Trusting as she,
as any girl should be.
But sometimes such things
are not seen.

Life brings to us
moments so dark
making us wonder why.

And yet I look at that rainbow
and what do I see
I see that little girl
smiling back at me.