11.26.2007

Drowning Sensation

That's the feeling I am getting the longer I stay in this town. Drowning.

I gotta get out.

I need a place where there are decent jobs that pay living wages, where I don't have to compete with young girls in their 20's and their perky breasts and their "oh my GOOOOD"'s million mile an hour chatter into the cell phone that is glued to their damn ears, hell, I'd love to eliminate the entire student competition altogether. I need a place where housing is AFFORDABLE and where there is a sign on the town's entrance that says Emotions Welcome and No Flakes Allowed.

And perhaps a town that says "Rest Assured Nina, Your Ex Doesn't Live Here".

In short, I am in the wrong fucking town. I've felt it for years. Just haven't known where else to go. I've done the "God/Universe, show me the way" mantra for, well, years. Asked for guidance in my dreams. Asked for subtle hints. Even have asked for that fucking neon red blaring sign saying "THIS WAY". blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda

I'm to the point of picking up a damn dart and throwing it at a map, blindfolded. Wherever it lands, I shall follow.

I'm ready for a change. I'm ready for a new life. I'm ready to share my gifts and ideas with the world and BE PAID FOR THEM! Jesus fucking christ, I am SO fucking ready for this!! I asked for an opportunity. What If came along. Yeah...we know how that turned out.

Perhaps I need to be more specific. I ask for an opportunity that WILL LAST. Move me forward.

No more fucking dead ends. Been there, done that.

WHERE IS THAT LIGHT I AM LOOKING FOR???

If you see it with my name on it, let me know. I'll come get it. Or else kick it in my direction. My concentration ain't so grand these days. Someone may first have to yell "HERE IT COMES GIRL".

2 comments:

crallspace said...

I really wish the best for you on this. I didn't know you felt that way about the town.

I totally understand how you feel about getting paid for the gifts you can offer. Not the dullness that gets churned out, but the heart of the matter; The real talent you have to give.

(sigh)

I love reading your blog when I take the time. You and Mr. Nina have got to make your way down here.

nina said...

perhaps the feeling is more about how i think and thus feel about my life in general. and yeah--i absolutely do not want one more job that doesn't utilize my desires.