Lifting the Ban on the Military's "Don't Ask/Don't Tell" Policy

The following arrived in my e-mail box this morning. It's about stinkin' time this ban be lifted. How frightened are we of our own sexuality that this should even be an issue? Time to boot the Puritan agenda to the curbside. Homosexuality isn't a disease, afterall. Geesh........

Dear friends,
Repeal "Don't Ask Don't Tell"

1. Watch the video
2. Sign the petition

People choose their line of work for different reasons. After working in various aspects of the film industry, I choose to work with Robert Greenwald because I felt he had a passion to make a difference on key social issues ? issues that I also felt needed 'adjustment'. This work is not always fun, but it does give me and the group I work with a sense of satisfaction knowing we are accomplished our goals with the help of people like you.

During my time here I have been able to meet many other people whose work provides inspiration for their lives. Recently we met a man who studied and worked hard to get such a job. It was a job that he sought because he knew he had the capacity to do it well. It was a job that made a difference in the lives of many US servicemembers and it was a job that he performed honorably with devotion. Unfortunately, he is now prevented from doing this job because of his sexuality.

Watch the video: http://www.democracyinaction.org/dia/track.jsp?v=2&c=jq7iFQ6Ayxh0LBVCWSwzARGLY7VvfefS

Since 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' became law, over 11,000 servicemembers have been discharged (nina here--i highlighted this for emphasis--11,000?! REDICULOUS!!) because of their sexuality. The number of servicemembers who have left on their own volition, or have decided not to re-enlist because of this law is not documented. The government has spent over $363 million dollars in taxpayer money to implement (another emphasis of mine. imagine where that money could be going instead.) this unfair legislation. Dozens of other countries, many of whom have fought side-by-side with our soldiers, allow lesbians, gays and bisexuals to serve openly. Those are the facts and they have nothing to do with a servicemembers passion and skill to perform his duty.

At Brave New Foundation we have fought many battles for people's rights and to shed light on particular subjects, but this battle is different. It is different because it is dealing with sexuality and that is a topic that has long been taboo in this country. It is different because it is dealing with perceptions and prejudices that are ingrained into our very core from years of misinformation about what 'gay' means. We feel strongly that it is time to allow lesbians, gays, and bisexuals to not live in fear of losing their hard won and extremely vital jobs because of their sexuality. Please help us by signing the petition to your Congressmember to LIFT THE BAN and support the Military Readiness Enhancement Act which will allow gays to volunteer to join the military.

The United States was built on personal freedom. It seems incomprehensible that something as personal as a consenting man or woman's sexual preference will not allow them to proudly and openly serve to defend their country. Lift the ban and let them serve!
Thanks for all of your support.

Sincerely,Jim Miller and the team at Brave New Foundation
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UFO Over Corvallis

did anyone else see this big ball of hovering light last night around 10:20pm? heading in a southeastern direction?

we were outside last night watching the skies (we had JUST walked outside actually) mostly checking out the beautiful crescent moon and how it was in alignment with venus and 2 other stars, when we saw this fairly large ball of light--it was bigger than the light of venus. upon closer observation, we both thought it looked like a circular object of yellowish light with a blueish light underneath. (i wish we had a telescope!) at first it appeared to be moving at a good speed. we ruled out a satellite given it was not moving in a straight direction, but rather seemed to be moving back and forth in a sideways motion. we followed it out into the street where it seemed to slow down, hover for a few moments then slowly faded out until it was gone completely.

what's wildly strange is that over the weekend we were reading an article on alien races, who they are, how many they are, who are the "good" guys and the "bad" guys.

seeing this in the sky was fascinating but equally disconcerning. we've each seen a few unusual objects in the sky, but they have been triangular in shape. i've never seen anything like this. certainly we weren't the only ones who saw this. given i'm loud when i'm excited and kept saying "holy crap LOOKIT that!" over and over, i kept thinking one of our neighbors would come outside to see what the fuss was about, but alas, no one did.

anyone else see the same thing? let me know!

Seceding From The US?

Whatcha think? I'm all for it and have been for the past couple of years. This article discusses the growing movement in Vermont to do just that. Similar movements exist in South Carolina, Texas (ironic, eh?) and New Hampshire. I hear Vermont is beautiful....

A Tribute To Paris Hilton

ok, yes i am sinking to a new low tonight. i have deliberately made the choice not to watch or read a thing about this spoiled little skank and her boo hoo latest little fiasco. however, about 10 minutes ago that Velveeta song began running through my mind. ok, it's not CALLED the Velveeta song--i know it's a classical piece but i cannot recall the name. so i'm calling it the Velveeta song. anyway the words "my name is paris, i am in jail" ran through my mind along with the tune. when inspiration strikes, i know to write it down, which i did. this is what i came up with. (for those who don't know the Velveeta song off of the top of your head, here are some lyrics to help: "when the cookbook, calls for cheddar. make it with velveeta it cooks better.")

good lord........... ok, here it is, my first and last mentioning of this i swear.

my name is paris
i am in jail.
you will see me
looking pale.

if you knew me,
you would see.
i'm really not so bad
for a celebrity.

oh sure i suck off
mommy and daddy.
and i laugh at
people beneath me.

i really don't
give a shit
about anything else
but men seeing my tits.

when i get out
i'll go shopping.
i'll get my hair done
then go bar hopping.

it will be like
the good 'ole days.
except for the memories
of my jailbird haze.

Rewatching Fahrenheit 9/11

My work has ended for now and won't begin again until the end of the month. That's given me a lot of free time this week and I've been spending some of it watching movies in our collection. Today's choice was Fahrenheit 9/11. It's been some time since I watched it. I chose to watch it to see how some of the information applies at this point in history and mostly, how it would make me feel today. I gotta admit: I was more moved watching it today than I was when I first saw it.

The images of the injured and dead Iraqi citizens, many of them children, had me crying so deeply, I was practically hyperventilating. Why, I wondered. Why was I more affected today? About the only answer I could come up with was because that damn blood bath is still going on every second of every day, the number of Iraqi civilians dead estimated to be over a million, all largely to GW & Co's. (and their Saudi buddies and god knows who else) agenda to get their hands on that oil.

Also more disturbing to me today was a scene filmed in D.C. A mother of a soldier killed in Iraq wanted to visit D.C. At the time the documentary was made, she was questioning why her son was killed. What was the purpose? The point? She already knew the war was based on lies. Her pain was understandably and undeniably deeper than any pain I can imagine. Upon her arrival outside the White House lawn, she was greeted by a woman sitting inside a tent, protesting the war. The mother listened to her and nodded. However, up walked some uptight, clueless white middle-aged bitch with expensive looking sunglasses and perfectly coiffed hair, talking about all of these protestors being nothing more than a "stage". Well, that sparked the mother's pain. She turns to clueless one and says "my SON died in Iraq and I want to know WHY!" Clueless bitch is also obviously lacking in sympathy, compassion, empathy. Instead of saying something like "Oh gosh, I am SO sorry" she says "well a lot of people have lost loved ones."

Wow. Brilliant answer. Cold hearted wench. For a brief second, I visualized myself having the power to reach through the screen and the space-time continuum and so that I could slap her across the face. I hope she's been redeemed since that film, hopefully by watching it and seeing herself.

My anger and pain likely increased again due to the fact that this f'ing war is still being waged and there are still people who support it, although obviously those numbers have dropped dramatically.

The biggest thing I dislike about this film is Mr. Moore's support of the official story. A bunch of men of middle eastern descent hijacked planes with box cutters. He failed to address the lunacy of that theory. Box cutters?? He failed to address that the twin towers collapsed in the exact same fashion as does a building under controlled demolition. He failed to inquire WHY those planes weren't shot down by our military jets. He failed to mention the insanity behind the FBI saying they somehow, in all of that burned up debris, found the, oh what was it, a passport I believe, of one of the suspected terrorists. A miracle right there that some paper surrounded in cheap plastic could survive such a collision, followed by that massive explosion and resulting heat and fire.

3100 people, all dead. And why? It's one of those questions that have been worked over, discussed, theorized and debated to death in the past 5 years, 9 months. I wonder if we will ever have the real truth presented to us in its entirety. Doubtful. Afterall, according to Uncle Sam, to quote one of Jack Nicholson's characters: "You can't handle the truth!" Can't handle or won't tolerate.......

Ladies and Gentleman: I Present To You The World's Sexiest Legs

I couldn't resist taking this picture. My sweet baby came home from work one evening, removed his dress pants and put on shorts, leaving his socks, dress shoes and top on. This is the result. (And yes, I received his permission to post this.) Lookit them legs! Woo Hoo!! Hot stuff, huh?! Sigh....after 9 years, I still have a crush on him.

I don't know about you, but this brings back memories of my dad from childhood. Only my dad would actually wear his dress slacks as cut-off shorts. So far Mr. Nina hasn't done that one.

A Post Without The Passion

ok, I'm going to try to do just that. write a post without my usual passion woven throughout my words. given what i have to say, i think i can do that. however, just know that the passion is still racing through my veins nonetheless.

i wrote about this on the comment section of one of my previous blogs of this week. the idea is the usage of resources and sustainability. i know those are two buzz words at the moment. but there is something i see that is missing from this topic. something that is likely taboo in our western culture for it likely blasts in the face of free markets, competition and capitalism. that being said, it needs to be addressed. and i welcome ALL thoughts on what i have to present.

i first present the idea that this planet can only sustain so many people living out their lives. we can't deny that one. (if you can, please enlighten me.)

having presented that concept, let me then share the following: given the above statement, is it possible for every one of us to live as the wealthiest do? is it possible for every one of us to own multiple homes, many of which are in the 10,000 square foot and above range, own multiple cars, fly in private jets, vacation at spas? could the planet sustain this lifestyle if every one of us lived this life?

of course not.

so then my question is: Who gets to decide who is allowed to live this lifestyle and who isn't?

now i realize not everyone wants to live this life. however, don't we all have the equal right and worth to pursue such a life? i believe we do. if i didn't, then i'm really playing god/ruler. which brings me back to my question--who gets to make that decision?

imagine if the majority of us decide to set off on that path. what happens when there is only a very tiny amount of land left to build that huge home? what happens when there is little fuel left to power that private jet? who then will decide who gets the land to build the home, the fuel for the jet and who doesn't?

the bottom line is there is only so much this planet can sustain, and yet a real conundrum is created when we remember we all have equal rights and worth. it's a difficult pill to swallow, but it's time to do so now.

Conservative Publication's "Spin" On Hugo Chavez

Each month, a copy of Reader's Digest arrives at our house. It wasn't our idea. It was a Christmas gift from a family member. This little publication does hold some endearing memories for me from childhood though. As a little girl, I used to love staying up late at my grandparents house, reading the joke sections in RD. I hadn't picked up a copy since then until last December. Wow. Talk about slant "journalism".

The latest edition has an article on the most dangerous leaders for the United States. I'll let you take some time to think up that list and then you can compare it to RD's list.................. (Hint: George Bush isn't on there. Neither is Cheney.)



Finished? Ok. Good.

RD's opinion is that the following dudes post the greatest threat to you and me:
1) Kim Jong-Il (North Korea)
2) Bashar Al-Assad (Syria)
3) Mahmoud Admadinejad (Iran)
4) Hugo Chavez (Venezuela)

Ok, first I'll give credit where credit's due. Kim Jong-Il is likely the most dangerous half-baked little fuck on the planet, if only because he shows clear signs of serious mental psychosis on top of his addiction to power and control.

Not surprising are the leaders of Syria and Iran on this list. Our government hates these folks. They pose a huge threat against our desire to take over the middle east. They also support Hezbollah and Palestine.

The most laughable part of this piece was the information on Hugo Chavez. The entire article was written about him--focused on him, with 3 sidebars that highlighted the remaining three. So, according to this article, apparently Mr. Chavez is the greatest threat.

Laughable piece number one:
You know how articles take quotes from pieces and enlarge their size, placing them in the middle of a page. RD chose to use the following quote to blow up: "Chavez spreads cash and discounted oil around in a bid to undermine America's influence." I had to read that a few times to make sure I read correctly. About all I could think of was "and your point is??" So what? Isn't that how market competition is in this global marketplace? God forbid someone try to dominate, much less weaken, the US of A in the marketplace. Think anywhere in the article did RD mention the fact that Venezuela provided energy assistance to low income americans this past year? Hell no. While Hugo's motivations may have been in part to undermine GW, the fact that another leader from another nation stepped in to help OUR OWN FRIGGING CITIZENS because our own government is too busy playing world police and thus spending OUR money that needs to be used here at home for social programs is, indeed, pitiful.

Laughable piece number two:
Chavez charged Israel with committed genocide while saying they criticize Hitler but have done something far worse. Another US publication that supports Israel. When Israel uses violence against the Palestinian's, it's always justified. When Palestine uses violence, they're labeled terrorists. I'd love for this reporter to come to my neighborhood and interview my neighbors down the street, a young family who moved here last summer from Palestine. Let them talk about the land that they and their family have been forced from. Let them talk about having to dodge bullets as they went to work in the morning or walked their children to school. Let them talk about hearing bombs going off on a regular basis. And these beautiful people spoke as though it were just an ordinary part of life.

Laughable piece number three:
Chavez wants to build a pipeline on the Pacific Coast to increase sales to China and India. RD says it's to shake dependency from America, given over 50% of it's oil is sold to the states. Again, so what? And I say "so what" only because America has an equal desire to be the world's best at everything and has been aggressive and at times violent in pursuing such interests. A little taste of humble pie and we can't take it? Please.

Laughable piece number four:
Chavez is building up his military in order to protect themselves from a potential US invasion. Another "and your point is?" Don't they have the right to do this??? When oh WHEN will the US stop thinking WE HOLD THE TRUTH ON HOW THINGS NEED TO BE for the world?! Honest to god, am I the ONLY one who knows that this sort of thinking and resulting behavior only serves to create enemies?? Anyone but me remember the playground bully?

Laughable piece number five:
He's labeled a Socialist and criticized as such, in particular for sharing oil wealth with his citizens. Another fucking individualistic American organization who thinks sharing the wealth is taboo. Why, if we follow that lead, the Oil Companies would have to share some of their billions with little 'ole you and me american citizen. God forbid! God forbid we all ride in the same boat and share in the wealth as generated by OUR country.

Need I remind folks that this is OUR country. When in the FUCK did it become Uncle Sam's country and Corporate America's country? Hasn't this country always supposed to belong first and foremost to the private citizen? The people? The interests OF said people? This country is NOT Shell or Mobile or Exxon's. It isn't IBM's country. It isn't Microsoft's. It isn't Walmart's country either. And it sure as hell is not GW Bush and company's country. It is OUR country. It belongs to us ALL. And it's about fucking time Uncle Sam and Corporate America incorporate that mantra into their psyches before ordinary American's begin to not only accept but ask for help from the "evil" Socialists such as Chavez. (And btw, I've said it before and I'll say it again. TRUE Socialism has yet to exist on this planet.. At least not in our lifetimes. If you study Socialism, you will see that it is a system of fairness. In order to lead a Socialist system, one has to be fair, just and honest. It is a pretty enlightened system and thus requires a level of maturity that we have yet to find amongst our political leaders, here at home and around the globe. We have yet to have a truly enlightened leader in these supposed "Socialist" nations. So attack the leaders and not the philosophy. And also remember that Bush isn't a true Republican just as Clinton wasn't a true Democrat.)

Ok, all that being said I frankly don't trust any of these leaders. All have shown signs of being hugely discriminatory towards women. They're the typical political leader--hungry for power and control. No different than the majority of leaders. (A term, btw, which has become grossly mis-used. It's long past time to redefine what a leader is than we shall see no true leader really exists today in the political arena.) The little squat out of North Korea simply needs to be removed from power and placed in a psychiatric ward. Even Chavez needs some enlightenment--with his announcement that he would rule by decree. He knew what he was doing by consolidating power to garner support. However, given this article was focused on leaders who are a threat to you and I, I'd say it was a blantantly exagerrated and grossly slanted article, especially the information about Israel and Palestine. Again, by a threat to "America", do they mean to joe and jane citizen or is it more about a threat to America's interest in the global marketplace? Funny, isn't it, how Uncle Sam and spouse Corporate America promote a global marketplace--until some country wants to increase their power and undermine ours. Isn't that what America has been doing globally for decades?

Maybe Chavez needs to add the terms "spoiled tyrant" and "whiney baby" when referring to some of our leaders here at home.

Stinkin', Flippin' Mad

Where do I begin? There are so many things upsetting me this morning I could fuel a fleet of 747's with the energy of my anger flowing through me.

There's a beautiful house sitting vacant down the street. It's been vacant for two years now. that's right. TWO YEARS. The owners had it for rent for over a year with no takers. About 8 months in, I phoned them up and gave them an offer. It was a few hundred dollars less than what they were asking for, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. Afterall, it had been sitting vacant for months, so these folks were likely losing money. Well, I was laughed at. They couldn't afford to rent it at that price. But it's been vacant for almost 8 months, I said. And we'd guarantee you 12 months. Nope. That was over a year ago. And it still sits empty and alone. Idiots.

What a fucking waste of a beautiful resource. I could smack people like this upside the head. This place could house about 25 homeless people on any given night. Whoever owns it seems to no longer care about it. The yard has become an eyesore. Looking inside, it's not much better. The beautiful hardwood floors are dusty and scuffed up. There's a dead, rotting tree out back. It sickens me to the pit of Who I Am when I see such irresponsibility. What greedy self-centered fucktards these people must be in order to care so little about something that folks such as my spouse and I would give just about ANYTHING to own, much less live in. On an upnote, Mr. Nina and I discovered a wonderful, lush garden of strawberries in their yard that we've been picking off of the past couple of weeks. We have 3/4 of a freezer bag full already of lush, ripe, delicious and I am assuming, organic strawberries. YUMMY!

I had a hard time, a very hard time these days, wondering how people can support the current system. I question why folks flip out and go into their hardened shells when words like love and compassion and the concepts of socialism and sharing the wealth are presented to them. Do people really think it's ok to create and live in a world where we keep our love and compassion locked up in a safe box as we head out into the world with our hats of rugged individualism and distrust??? WHERE IN THE FUCK IS THE IDEALISM THAT THIS COUNTRY WAS SUPPOSEDLY FOUNDED ON??!! Have we lost it feeding our minds, hearts and souls to the system of greed?!

Our electricity has jumped up once again. This time it's due to a credit that was distributed to Pacific Power by the BPA (Bonneville Power Admin), which the BPA has decided not to offer anymore. Think Pacific Power would eat that one instead of taking it away from their customers? I mean come on, given their rates have jumped a good 30% in the past 7 years or so, you would think someone at that place has an ounce of compassion inside, right? Nope. (Now remember folks, if Nina were in charge, there would be no mega monopolies. Folks would have a variety of sources from which to seek and thus choose from their electricity/energy needs.)

Also up, once again, is our milk (up forty cents in the past 2 months). The price of corn is up due to the demand for ethanol (FOCUS SHOULD BE ON THE ELECTRIC CAR, PERIOD). Blah blah blah. So once again, GOD FORBID Corporate America eat the cost. Pass it on to Mom and Pop and their kiddies.

Insurance premium, up 20%.

I swear, same shit, different day. Me, this one little person, can't do a damn thing about it. I called Puget Power. I called our insurance company. I've told them "what if I refuse?" Sure. Like that's going to scare these corporate pigs. I lose services, that's what happens.

Know what? A part of me doesn't care. Doesn't care one fucking bit. Go ahead, cut me off. I'm sick of feeding into your filth quite frankly. Beyind sick, to be truthful. I've become so filled with disgust towards how things are. I struggle every fucking day in one way or another in how I can cohabit amongst a system that goes so contrary to my values. I put on a smile--a lot. That mask I wear so that others don't see how flipping angry and deeply saddened I am. I listen to self empowerment tapes. I try and find some ounce of gratitude for something every day. Little things to escape from the hell and thus, remember who I really am. But god damn....if this continues on course, the system will break me. And even though I like to think of myself as a fighter, lately I wonder if being a part of this system is even worth it anymore. Being free is better than being a slave.

The only answer I have and keep coming back to is to get busy with others who feel the same way, pool our resources, our talents, our gifts, go buy a chunk of land in some remote location (rocky mountains sounds good to me) and create our own intentional, self-containing community. The idea of being paid $8.50/hour, watching that pitiful wage going towards $700/month for an old, run down house, watching the insurance pigs, the energy fucks, our local city water folks and others like them suck off me until I'm dry is no longer tolerable.

Chemtrails: Friend or Foe?

I was inspired to do some research tonight on the Chemtrail phenomena after reading one of the Letters to the Editor in this week's Eugene Weekly. The writer states that chemtrails are in fact contrails and compared the trails to exhaling and seeing our breath on a cold day. She goes on to say that "A contrail can spread horizontally into a layer thin cirrus clouds." (sic)

Uh huh, I thought. Tell me another. I don't recall seeing the skies covered this way when I was growing up. However, she may be on to something when she writes the following: "It has been estimated that in heavy air-traffic corridors, cloud cover could increase as much as 20% with two opposing effects: solar energy reaching the earth is reduced, causing surface cooling; and reduction of heat loss from the planet resulting in warming." She then refers readers to a website, which oddly enough, I was told by MSIE could not be found.

Hmmm. I'm not a scientist in any way shape or form. However, having studied this whole chemtrail/contrail controversy for the past three years, I've come to the conclusion that something's up. All you have to do is look in the skies to notice. No brainer there. Just here in Corvallis tonight, around 8pm, I noticed a bunch of trails. Three of them came together, forming an "X" in two places. Again, don't recall seeing things like that 20 years ago. So while I disagree with this letter writer that chemtrails don't exist and are really harmless contrails, I do believe she is on to something when she says solar energy from the sun is reduced as a result of these trails. She may not realize she is, in her own way, supporting a pretty popular Chemtrail theory: these trails are being put down not to harm us nor to cull the population (although there are very likely health risks (gastrointestinal, respiratory and weakening of the immune system), which given some of the chemicals they've found but rather to save us. Save us by forming a barrier to reduce the increased heat coming from the Sun. There's strong evidence to suggest that Global Warming is being caused by the Sun. Scientists, including NASA, have said there continues to be an increase in solar activity from our glowing friend. Google this fmi.

I've come across an interesting article to support this theory, at least in part. Check it out. The author provides information which states the earth isn't the only planet in our solar system to be undergoing some pretty dramatic changes. Pluto and Mars, like Earth, have shown signs that they are heating up. Like Earth, the ice caps on Mars are melting. And check out this interesting little tidbit: Mercury has actually cooled and has formed an ice cap. The gas planets are said to be heating up, increasing the amount of radiation being emitted. Yikes!

Hmmm. I'll have to do more research to see if these bits of information are true.

I've always had a hard time accepting that this spraying was some massive attempt on a global scale to reduce the population. Afterall, we all breathe the same air. Somewhere in the back of my mind I've wondered if these trails were forming a barrier in some way, to stop the planet from "warming", or at least slow down the process. This isn't the first article I've come across to suggest this theory. My nagging question though is Why won't Uncle Sam come clean? If this really is about saving the people, why not tell us? Probably the usual fear that we the meager public won't be able to handle such information. That or we may revolt. Riot. Demand. Not what an elected official wants when seeking re-election. A complacent society is easier to control afterall.

Songs To Remember Me By

earlier this morning, i thought about songs that resonate most with who i am. songs i would want played at a gathering upon my passing. their styles are completely different, but they still capture who i really am. the first is frank sinatra's "i did it my way". the second is survivor's "eye of the tiger".

when i think of "i did it my way", i think back to an early childhood memory. a first--learning how to ride a bike. my parents bought me a junky, but cute, little red bike at a garage sale for the experience. the same thing many parents across america have done for years. that's where the normalcy of the experience ends. unlike most, if not all, parents and their children, who use this opportunity to bond and work together, i chose to do it my way. i learned how to ride a bike alone. it was my choice. something i was adament about, too.

i rode around in circles in our garage for hours one afternoon until i got the hang of it. i fell--a lot. i remember getting pretty banged up, too. but i never cried, at least not outloud. instead, i got back on after each fall, determined to master the ability to ride. doing it my way. i remember my mom opening the door now and then, usually after hearing me fall, asking me if i was ok, if i was sure i didn't need any help. in my 5 year old voice, i would insist "i am FINE" and i wanted to "do it MYSELF". so, she would go back inside, i'm sure standing by that door all afternoon until i had finally, at last, learned how to ride that little red bike. in my later years, i apologized to her--and my dad--for not having been able to share in that experience with me as most other parents do. i thanked them for not interfering and letting me truly learn it the way i wanted to.

i remember when i first heard "eye of the tiger". rocky 3. 1982 or 1983. i went to see the movie with a friend, who was equally enamored with sylvester stallone as i was, not to mention our common "girls kick ass" attitude. something about that song resonated deeply with me. it sparked my own ability to survive. i had survived 8 years of teasing and harassment from school bullies. i had survived being raised by a father who was loving one moment and violently hateful the next. i had survived years of family gatherings where alcohol and teasing were the norm. i had survived my mother's on-going pressure to make my only goal in life to be a wife and mom.

the name calling. the screaming rages. the aggressive quieting of my feelings, my thoughts, my desires. betrayal. ignoring. that was my childhood. and i had survived it all. and today, all these years later, having survived a host of other messes, including divorce and sexual assault, i'm still alive and kicking. maybe more weary. but that spark is still there. that kick ass attitude. it is, afterall, who i really am. and no one or no experience will ever destroy that spark.

***
speaking of the rocky movies, for 10 years now i've wanted a punching bag (the standing kind) and gloves. if you have something like this that you no longer use or is collecting dust, i'll gladly take it off your hands. :)

Need Advice on Web Hosting

What is a good web hosting site? I'm looking for something that is inexpensive (under $10/month), or even free. Any ideas? Thank you.

ACHOO! Plagued with Allergies

Is anyone else noticing their allergies to be particularly awful right now? My main culprit is grass--always has been. However, I cannot recall having been bothered this much, especially so many days in a row! It's really irritating me. I go outside, even for just a few minutes, and I'm sneezing my head off. Itching all over. I had planned on taking a break from work and taking a bike ride this afternoon, but after I headed to the store and came home 15 minutes later, sneezing like a mad woman, I decided to take a rain check. I just returned indoors after watering my plants and sure enough, the sneezing had begun.

I noticed it last weekend--even with the cooler weather. I'd head out. I'd sneeze. I'd sit inside for awhile, I'd feel better. When it's warm outside, especially in the early evenings (my absolute favorite time of day, especially in the summer), I WANT TO BE OUTSIDE! Outside and comfortable, I should add. I have some prescription nasal spray I take--it's the only thing I've found that works, although right now it isn't working so well. I do the nasal douching, which at least cleanses out my sinuses and provides some relief. Homeopathic and herbal remedies haven't done a thing. I did shots for 3 years and they didn't do a thing for me either. I later learned the likely reason was that synthetic allergens are used instead of the real deal. How stupid is that?! Once our pre-existing 6 month waiting condition is over though, I plan on going to an accupuncturist (local MD here in town) and trying that for my allergies.

Oh well. Once July hits, I'm better. Although when the field burning begins, I have to hibernate again. Gawd..... Grass allergies annoy me. Field burning though, oh man, you want to get me started on a tirade, ask me what I think about that practice. I'm hopeful for its elimination though, being we have an excellent Rep. in our State Legislature--Paul Hovey out of Eugene--who is a strong proponent of banning this practice. His latest attempt at a bill made it through the Health Committe and stalled, in all places, :::shock shock::: the Agriculture Committee. The grass seed lobby is, of course, huge in this state. Rep. Hovey won't be giving up though. There are talks of the introduction of another bill and perhaps even a ballot measure.

In the interim, pass me a tissue, please.

A Little Bit of Denial A Good Thing? It Is If You're Highly Sensitive.

I noticed something yesterday. Nothing I didn't already know, but still, it was an observation that made me take notice in a new way. I was doing my usual internet browsing, checking out one of the sites for my daily dose of "in the news". Or shall I say "the news you won't find on the MSM". I've been having a lot of stomach issues lately. Mostly it feels as though my tummy is in knots. Yesterday, as I read of the latest doom and gloom news, I paid attention to how my stomach reacted. It had been calm and relaxed--until I read the news. "I heard the news today, oh boy......." I then asked myself "why are you doing this to yourself?"

Maybe there are some people who can keep themselves informed of the happenings around the globe without suffering any health consequences. I have to accept that I am not one of them. I'm a highly sensitive individual. Always have been, always will be. Someone once gave me the book "The Highly Sensitive Individual". I refused to read it for years. When I took the quiz in front of the book and answered "yes" to every question, I groaned. Being highly sensitive in our western world is hard. But it explains the struggles I've had. Words affect me. The moods and actions of others affect me. Music, the arts, the clouds and birds and all of nature, all affect me. Good and bad. I've tried the "let things bounce off of you" approach. I've tried the mind control stuff--training my mind with new thoughts. Doesn't work on me. I am who I am.

Sometimes it's a real curse. It has meant that loud music from neighbors is very disturbing. It has meant that crowds can, at times, send me into a state of claustrophic panic. Traffic, the heat, drunks in loud drunken stupor, even bright lights in stores can all simply be too overwhelming for my nervous system.

Sometimes though, it's a real blessing. It means I am deeply moved by a song, by the smile of a child, by the look in my spouses eyes when he says "i love you". It means I can watch a bird, as I did last night out in our yard, and not only see its aura but feel it's presense and find the experience so amazing, I weep.

This sensitivity of mine is probably, in large part, what drives my passion, what drives my intense need for justice and fairness. What makes me compose the songs that I do. Write what I write. Feel at the level I feel. Misunderstood and unaccepted (mostly by yours truly), it's probably what has, in part, been fuel for my anger, my rage.

As I noticed what my stomach did yesterday upon reading the news, I realized that, for someone like myself, a little bit of denial can be a good thing. Or maybe it's a little bit of "i already know--i just don't need to remind myself of it again". Afterall, my health is all I really have.

More Proof of a Corrupt System Lacking in Compassion

And common sense, I might add.

Mr. Nina has some health issues that warrant a social security disability claim. He's applied for SSI, but of course, like the vast majority of applicants, he was denied. He applied again. Same consequence. This time he visited with an attorney. The news was sobering.

There are five levels that Uncle Sam looks at in order to disqualify you (or qualify you, depending on how you wish to look at it). In order to be approved, an applicant may not make more than $900/month. An applicant may not work full-time (even though he doesn't work full time, it's still considered to be too many hours). Quitting your job doesn't count, either. You have to be forced out due to your disability. Absolutely rediculous.

Mr. Attorney said if/when you get into this situation as outlined above, then you may use our services.

So let me get this straight, SYSTEM. An applicant, who has worked their entire lives and fed THEIR MONEY into the Social Security SYSTEM, who has been abused by employers to the extent that permanent bodily damage has resulted (we already went the Workers Comp route--unless you're in a wheelchair or have a lot of money to compete with Big Business and their host of millions and attorneys, forget it--our attorney told us to settle--said biz was much more powerful. Criminal, ain't it?), said individual cannot receive a dime of disability until they are living in such extreme poverty conditions, which of course as anyone with an ounce of brain matter knows causes such extreme levels of stress it only worsens health issues, and then at that time, likely homeless or living in a one room shack, THEN they can apply and receive benefits. Uh, sure. And what social service agency gives an applicant money for rent??? Only one here in town is Community Services Consortium and their program is so rugged-individualistic-american-worker-dog-slave based, you must agree to take full-time work (which they will constantly monitor your efforts and help you find such work) when the opportunity arises--irregardless of your ability or want or needs.

Even as my income increases and Mr. Nina can therefore cut back on his hours, it still isn't good enough given he cannot cut back on his hours. His disabilities must be shown to interfere with his job and only his employer can cut back his hours as a result. Ok, so wtf do you do when your employer refuses to do just that, even though you have said I AM IN TOO MUCH PAIN TO DO THIS WORK AT THIS LEVEL OF HOURS. ???

It's his damn money. He has the fucking RIGHT to start collecting it whenever he feels he wants to or needs to. PERIOD. Hello?!! Uncle Sam, you are holding his money hostage.

The SYSTEM sucks. It's broken. It's corrupt. It's criminal. It supports the top and screws the bottom. It helps and values the healthy rugged individualist while abusing the vulnerable broken human. When I experience these sorts of things, I lose it. I go off on a ranting rage. What in the fuck am I to do when my value system doesn't mesh with the value system of the world around me?! It's a question I've pondered for years. I have no answers to it. The madness is enough to make you feel insane.

I completely understand why people resort to non-violent criminal activities to make it in the world. At least the only one telling you what to do is your own mind. I keep telling Mr. Nina--self-employment. Self employment. Self employment. Self employment. Either that or sell off everything and go restore some old abandoned cabin. Of course, there are cameras and laws up the ass, so living in hiding, so-to-speak, doesn't seem doable these days--unless perhaps you have a hefty size bank account or trust fund. Money can indeed buy you freedom these days. Sickening, but true.

God damn, this world sucks more than I can grasp. The unfairness. The injustice. We call ourselves a 'Christian Nation', but that is indeed a lie. Perhaps the biggest lie of our times. If Jesus were here today, would he encourage our leaders to invade another nation? Would he encourage Big Business to continue to give themselves huge bonuses and pay increases while their workers struggled? Would he tell the Health Insurance Industry to keep on raising their rates and putting profits ahead of the well-being of the people? Would he be overjoyed to see people working their asses off just to keep a roof over their heads? Would he cheer as he watched people's dreams slip away due to the workaholic slave labor system and the lack of support we provide one another? Would he be estatic to see the polluted oceans and waterways, the chemical spraying of our skies, the destruction of so many of our beautiful forests, the inhumane ways of today's modern farm? Would he turn on the TV and cheer loudly with the rest of the red necks while watching the reality shows, the judge shows and others like it that only serve to keep rugged individualism and blast-thy-neighbor/whoever yells loudest wins alive and well?

WOULD HE?! Or SHE?!

Or perhaps, maybe just perhaps, would he shake his head and slip into a deep state of apathy and depression. Maybe he would cry tears of deep pain. Maybe he would scream in rage at what he witnessed. And then maybe he would talk with our leaders and remind them of who they really are. Maybe he would remind them of the value in all of life. That inherent worth that cannot be bought or sold. That inherent worth that cannot be judged in absolute truth by any living soul. Maybe he would say ENOUGH to the high cost of housing. ENOUGH to the high cost of health insurance. ENOUGH to the fighting. ENOUGH to rugged individualism. ENOUGH to the "dog-eat-dog" and survival of the fittest mentality (it may apply in the animal kingdom but remember we were given a frontal cortex that enables us to experience REASON and LOGIC so there's no excuse for this auto-pilot bullshit we see in today's world). ENOUGH to greed. ENOUGH to poverty. ENOUGH to living lavishly while others go without basic needs. ENOUGH ENOUGH ENOUGH

I see so much in my mind of how things could be, but I also believe the resistance and apathy is greater, so much greater, than any vision I could ever have. Even though I'm not Christian, at least how today's people have defined it, I sure do wish in my heart of hearts that this being Jesus would return. Male or female, I don't care. And not in some silly, stupid armageddon or end times scenario. In a way that only the true being would do--in love and peace. To unite us all. Bring us to our own hearts again. Remind us.

That is my wish.

HPV Vaccine Gardasil: Linked to 3 Deaths, Over 1600 Adverse Reactions

All females (and parents of young girls) who are considering getting this vaccination need to read this report. According to the watchdog group "Judicial Watch", who received their information straight from the FDA under the Freedom of Information Act, there have been three reported deaths and 1637 reactions (of which 371 were serious) resulting from this mass marketed vaccine. While many of the side effects are typical in comparison to other vaccinations, others, including paralysis and seizures, are not.

This is evidence enough to pull the vaccine from the shelves. How many more young girls have to die? How many is too many? One is enough for me.

An Absent Rosie, The View and No "Loose Change"

Before I begin I want to say am not a fan of The View. I've watched it for a moment or two at a time this past year, but overall, the show bores me. Today though I made an exception. The folks who created "Loose Change" were to be on so I made myself watch it from start to finish. In between the moments when I wanted to gag myself (and ok, drooling when seeing Apolo Ono), I waited patiently for that interview. It never happened. Before I turned on the tube, I double-checked the show's website to make sure the Loose Change people would be on. Yep. It said they would be on. However, I noticed that the oooooh so annoying Kathy Griffin would be filling in for Rosie. WTF? I thought. Rosie is the one who wanted these folks on. Why wouldn't she be interviewing them?

Something didn't feel right, so I went to Rosie's website. The only thing she had to say about today's show was that, due to her partner's birthday, she would not be on.

Rosie saying "due to my partner's birthday I will not be on the show tomorrow" holds as much truth as when she said she wouldn't be returning to The View this fall due to a "contract dispute".

We know what (likely) happened. The argument between Rosie and Elisabeth yesterday likely made the producers very nervous. Rosie showed her bosses and America she is not going to step down from her truth-seeking agenda. I'm sure with some help from Uncle Sam, ABC decided to cancel the interview with the Loose Change folks and asked Rosie to take a few days off.

Of course this is just speculation. And it will likely remain speculation for we all know the relationship big business and uncle sam has with We The People. Glossy cover-ups, logic, big-sounding words softely spoken and phony smiles supercede truth.

If I hear of anything different (from credible sources) than my own perspective, I'll update.

France's New Prime Minister: Just Another Corporate Slave Driver

I've been meaning to post this for several weeks now. I heard on PBS weeks back that France's newly elected PM wants to make overtime pay tax-free. The reason? To encourage people to work more. Now there's a brilliant concept if I ever heard one. Brilliant if your goal is to enslave the people and turn them into mindless working robots.

Why the fuck the people of France elected this idiot is beyond my grasp. Of course we do have George W. Bush supporters in this country, even to this day. And that will ALWAYS be beyond my comprehension. Of course, they likely have "elections" in much the same way we do here in the states.

So I guess we can say "so long" to the reasonable work weeks and likely, those afternoon siesta's. What will he do next? Take away the country's mandated vacation?

Sigh. The last thing this planet needs is another conservative, pro-corporate/capitalistic/ greedy workalcoholic leading the way. Where are the true liberals, the tree and people hugging, vacation/nap/break loving, leisurely, laid back, passionate, honest folks? Oh that's right. WE ARE ENSLAVED TO THE CONSERVATIVE WORKALCOHOLICS.

OMIP and Blue Cross Insurance Outrage

Received our insurance premium in the mail today. Blue Cross/OMIP made the "very difficult decision" and raised premiums. Ours is up a whopping 20%.

Very difficult, my ass. Since when in the fuck has our government and corporate sleeze balls ever had difficulty in demanding more of our money?

Of course this warranted a call to OMIP. And of course I spoke to a lowly customer service representative, underpaid and overworked, having absolutely no power for the capitalistic greedy bastard of a company she works for. I began my conversation by saying my issue was not with her but with her company, so I asked her to please keep that in mind once I began my rant. I also told her she was free to record the conversation and play it for the filthy rich executives who use the people to lavish in their mansions and vacation homes, who profit from people's fear, and who are under the ungodly illusion that they must make outrageous salaries and bonuses in order to be "competitive".

I didn't hold back. I began by saying this increase was outrageous, unacceptable and that I would not stand for it. I asked what I could do to challenge it (I was given a website to contact the Board. I don't have much faith in that, but I will be writing them nonetheless.) I raged about corporate greed. I raged about the criminality of health insurance today. I raged about my meager income and how it sure as hell won't be going up 20% to pay for their outrageous premium increase. (Need I remind her of the criminality of the ongoing increase in gas? Need I remind her of the outrageous increases in our energy and water bills this past year? No, but I did.) I pleaded with her to think about what I was saying. I pleaded with her to think about speaking out, join in with others so that we may take back this country by overthrowing corporate bastards such as her employer--to overthrow all organizations and individuals who suck off the poor so that they may surround themselves in wealth. I asked her to imagine what it would feel like to know that instead of making 400% more, her superiors would instead only make 40% more. Imagine what you could do with that extra cash, I said.

Enough is enough. Right?! If you don't think so, if you don't think the time for change is now, today, yesterday, then go the hell back to sleep. When you hear the marching in the streets and the chanting of the people saying "ENOUGH", peacefully yet strongly quietly presenting our agenda to those in charge, maybe then you will decide to open your eyes and join in.

I'm pretty sure about this: If EVERY PERSON who received the same letter as I did in the mail today were to call and e-mail on an on-going basis, WE COULD PUT A STOP TO THIS. If you are such a person, I urge you, I am pleading with you, to call. E-mail. Tell them how you feel about this. Tell them how this will effect your life. Tell them this increase IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Speak out. Together, there's nothing we cannot achieve. NOTHING.

I believe in the human heart. I believe our compassion is stronger than greed, although given the current state of human existance, that doesn't seem to be the case. However, throughout history, we see that all systems run on greed eventually collapse. It is compassion that sustains. Getting through the greed and reaching into the hearts of those who have turned their backs on compassion is needed. How do we do this? I have this silly ideal, or perhaps it isn't so silly, that looking into the eyes of one who is suffering, of one who is showing you their pain, is impossible to ignore. Do it long enough, we began to feel empathy. Maybe what we need is a new Television Station that is dedicated solely to sharing the pleas, the pain, the suffering of the people. 24/7. REAL reality television. No make-up. No scripts. No music. Corporate execs and government leaders are required to watch the channel 2 hours everyday. Have it running around the clock in Corporate Boardrooms, the House, Senate and the Oval Office.

In the meantime, I urge those of you who are suffering unnecessarily, who are aware you are a slave to the system, to begin calling and writing the Big Wigs. Tell them your story. Tell it over and over again. Don't stop telling it until real change happens. Then continue telling it just to make sure these people who have sold their soul to greed actually get it.

What's Really In That McDonald's Chicken McNugget?

check it out for yourself. interesting, but not surprising.

speaking of food, we had a small portion (leftover from a friend) of an AMAZING briskette from grempsey's here in town. i believe it was their bbq briskette. three words: TO DIE FOR. although, a little spicey for my tummy. i'm sensitive to spicy foods, but i just had to inhale this delicious treat.

tonight's menu is homemade vegetarian quiche. no chicken mcnugget's. sorry mcd's.

one other request......

anyone know how to upload musical clips onto blogger? is this possible? i'm going to be meeting with a local production company next month and if all goes well and they like my songwriting abilities, i'll be making some clips for whatever projects they are working on. in the beginning we'd be bartering--they will make me a demo tape in exchange for my work. once that is made, i want to upload brief clips of my material so people can get a taste of what i create. one of my (many) goals i have set for myself is to sell cd's of my music. last week i began to see that as a real possibility. the excitement i felt was almost enough to make me burst inside! i don't want to jinx myself, but if these people are impressed with me, the possibilities with this up and coming company are pretty big! they have good connections and years of experience working out of hollywood. at the moment they're trying to get an idea turned into a tv series on the paranormal. !!!!! one of many things i am fascinated with.

lots of irons in the fire at the moment.......... but i have a desire to see all of my dreams realized--or at least worked on.

In Need of Advice

hey all my blogger readers. i need some advice. mr. nina and i have several ideas/inventions that we wish to see actualized. we're both idea people and over the years, we've been sketching and writing them down on paper. enough of that. any ideas on who to speak with to get some help in this? investors? manufacturers? where do we find these folks? we connected with a former osu professor/inventor a year or so ago who was particularly interested in one of mr. nina's ideas, but he had retired from teaching and inventing and thus was unable to help us.

anyone know of people in the area who we could speak with?

thank you! :)

City Living: Clusterfuck Galore

mr. nina and i traveled to portland yesterday for a mini-family reunion (his side). we took hwy99 up and had a very peaceful, relaxed drive until we reached newberg. we haven't been to the portland area in a couple of years, and i swear to god, even though it doesn't seem possible, the place is even more congested.

we had planned on being there between 12 and 1. we would have reached that goal if we hadn't come to gridlock hell. we made it to newberg at quarter til 1. but once we reached tigard, we sat. moved a few feet. and sat. moved another few feet. and sat. etc. etc. almost 45 minutes later, we arrived at our destination.

as we sat in that traffic, not moving, i reflected on some things, mostly to keep me from screaming or having a panic attack. i first tried distracting myself on a tree, but then the sound of thumping stereos and the smell of car exhaust sort of ruined that experience. i then imagined that, instead of everyone in cars, everyone was on bikes. but then i thought of china and crowds of people pedaling all over the place and, well, that ruined that experience as well. crowds of people are crowds of people. i don't care if they are on a bike or in a car or walking. i despise crowds. especially when i cannot escape them when i want.

there is debate on whether we have over-populated the earth or not. for myself, it isn't just about resources. it's also about comfort. having lived in seattle and portland, having lived in those massive apartment complexes where people are shoved into small spaces like sardines, i can say i find those experiences smothering and unhealthy. i need open spaces. not just to visit--but in which to live.

i can confidently say that, according to my values and my needs, this planet is way too populated. it was scott peck who wrote "city living is not conducive to spiritual growth." while i do not subscribe to the notion of spiritual "growth" but rather it is our human self that evolves into/merges with our already "perfect" state of spirit/soul, i believe he was on to something.

when we finally arrived, we apologized for being late and began relaying our experience, hoping for some sympathy, of which we received little. lol it slipped our minds that they live with this daily. so i walked over to our little nephew, who is not quite 4, scooped him up in my arms and told him he needs to tell mommy and daddy to move out of the city (which they have talked about doing eventually), closer to us, where there was fewer people and more trees. and as only a little child would do, he said: "can i bring my monster truck?" i had to laugh at that.

yes, you can. only if it's the toy variety.

Organic Bee Farms: Doing Just Fine

yesterday's lesson was on money. today's lesson is on what happens when humans interfere with mother nature, or in this case, the bees. as many of us have heard, there has been a significant decline around the globe in the bee population. and lots of speculation as to the cause, which has been everything from disease to EMF fields. and as most of us know, if the bees don't survive, neither do we. no bees means no food.

i came across this piece last week. it may be a good one to put in the "duh" file. hmmm. leaving the bees to do their own thing + not stressing their colonies + not messing with their genes = good crops and healthy bees. sounds like a good plan to me.

Lessons in Finance 101

Ok boys and girls. We're going to talk about money today. It's time to learn what our country's bank account balance is. Check it out here. After seeing where the United States places, we will move on to discuss colors, namely black and red and how they apply to money.

(as linked from piglipstick.blogspot.com)

Is Google Kissing The Ass of Israeli, Too?

i have been online searching for dry cottage cheese. for one of my search queries, i typed in "jewish food store". at the top was the following link from google. i decided to go to it. read it here.

something about this felt very strange to me, so i decided to type in a few more "offensive" terms: nigger, faggot, and spick. this "offensive search result" from google did not appear in any of these searches.

certainly we can agree that the words nigger, faggot and spick are, in and of themselves, much more offensive than the word jew. (and before anyone wants to call me an anti-semite, let me inform you i am half jewish. and...i had members of my family die in the concentration camps.)

google must be part of the business and political culture that continues to suck up to israeli. sigh....

oh and by the way, does ANYONE know where i can find dry cottage cheese? i need it for my nana's blintzes recipe. i have been unable to find it anywhere--both in town and online.

BOYCOTT CORVALLIS SLEEP CENTER

we just finished disposing of their attempt to make good on their original "fuck over the customer" fiasco. two boxsprings, falling apart, one completely collapsed. these were delivered to us under the guise of being "pretty new" and "in excellent condition--top of the line". reality is they were made in 1999 (according to the tag which they stupidly left attached) and from the start, they did not line up. we are now back to where we began: sleeping on an old mattress on the floor (the original mattress we purchased from them failed to support my spouses weight--he's 6'3" and weighs 215. excellent weight for his height but still failed to support his weight--despite the sales person insisting it would. that mattress ended up being disposed of as well--they refused to take it back or exchange it for another and in time told us not to call them again). sleeping on the floor is just lovely when you have back issues. and when you're not in your 20's.

these fuckers have made our sleep lives an utter hassle off and on since 2003. and now it's my turn to put that karma back on them. DO NOT SHOP AT CORVALLIS SLEEP CENTER. these people are liars. they don't know the first thing about customer service. they need a good dose of compassion and reality shoved up their asses. i would do a dance of joy if they went out of business.

What Do We Want?

last summer i wrote a blunt, heart-felt, brutally honest e-mail to kate mucci, co-host of "Out There TV" (as seen on saturday afternoons, channel 12, for local corvallis residents). my e-mail inspired kate to write a column where she put forth some of my questions to the american public. sadly, only 3 people commented and they did nothing but gripe (understandably) about their own problems and whine how we need good leaders to make the changes. that was not my point nor was it kate's point. no real conversation was started. at all. the point was AS INDIVIDUALS, WHAT DO WE WANT FOR OUR COUNTRY AND WHAT ARE WE WILLING TO DO TO CREATE THIS KIND OF ENVIRONMENT?

sigh. dontcha just want to smack some people upside the head at times?! i sure did after reading the dismal commentary.

so i thought to try it again. i'm putting it out there for all of you who want a different social system. a different government. a different world. a different way of living. i will ask you those questions i asked kate. then to be fair, i'll answer them myself.

1) what kind of a world do you wish to see?
2) what kind of a government do you wish to see?
3) what do you value?
4) what would you like to see change?
5) what steps are you willing to take to make these changes?
6) what are you willing to risk (if anything)?

here is how, today, i would answer those questions.

1) my vision is pretty utopic, which i realize according to the dictionary means it's ideal but not practical. bullshit. whatever we can envision WE CAN CREATE. period. that being said, i see a world without hunger, without poverty, without homelessness, without human-created suffering. i see a world where all are truly equal. i see a world where human worth and dignity are valued over money. i see a world with small communities that are self-sustaining. i see a world where all have an equal opportunity to create meaningful work, where our god-given talents and gifts are put to use. i see a world where either bartering is the way or a world where wages are sufficient to provide for the basic expenses: home ownership, food, clothing, transportation, medical/health care. i see a world where work hours are flexible and meet the needs of the employer and employee equally. i see a world where we are encouraged and supported to heal our wounds and talk openly with one another. connect in the way we are meant to connect. i see a world where our air and water are clean. i see a world where monetarily speaking, people are equal--no more class system. i see a world where ALL work is valued. and for those who are unable to work or even unwilling, government-provided income to maintain a livable, dignified existance. (what, honestly, is so threatening to any of us if someone chooses not to work? how does it interfere with my health or happiness? i first came across that discussion in one of the conversations with god books and it's changed my view on the subject.)

2) what kind of a government do i want? a government that is honest, that represents the people, that doesn't tax the people but instead derives revenue from commerce. i want a government that takes care of its people at home and stays out of the nation building business. i want a government that promotes peace and conflict resolution. i see an election process that allows for a variety of parties to run irregardless of money. i see an election process that invites ALL parties to debate in public. i see an end to these lavish campaign dinners and instead free (or sliding scale fees) town halls. if this government does not follow the will of the people, the people can toss him/her out on the street and "hire" another. the articles mentions socialism is anethema to the american psyche. likely very true. if so, our psyche needs some fine-tuning for a fair and just society includes an equal sharing of the wealth and programs to help out those who otherwise lack the ability or support.

3) what do i value? my heart: honesty. love. fairness. kindness. my relationships. peace. quiet. health. nature. animals. my brain: money. power. fame. recognition. acceptance. justice. can these co-exist in ways so that these seemingly polar-opposites don't crush the other? heck if i know. i'm still getting to know myself.

4) what do i want to see change? an end to the chaos. an end to the lying. an end to the game playing. an end to competition. an end to this frantic lifestyle we've helped create. i want to see us look into the eyes of each other and see ourselves. see our common bond. i want our common bonds discussed. i want to see people spending more time (oh so much more time) enjoying the company of one another, enjoying nature, playing again and less time (oh so much less time) working hard to keep up with the joneses, less time working hard so that another may profit.

5) what steps am i willing to make to see such changes? well for starters, i would love to help create a small community of like-minded folks--create a new model of living. i am willing to take the risk in being open and vulnerable in sharing who i am. i am willing to demand more from my employer. i am willing to continue to write and blog and speak out about my ideas. as far as demanding more from our government--that's a tough one. i have utterly no faith in these folks. there may be a few authentic souls of course, but overall, they aren't going to see to it that we are all treated with the dignity and respect and decency and love we each are worthy of. i'm willing to help support an organized movement to create a new system--however, my focus is on a more local level. that is what i feel called to do. (in the interim though i am so flipping worn out at every level imaginable from the healing/awakening/learning work i've been doing--i could use a good 6 months in hawaii on a beach being waited on around the clock my only question of the day being "hmm, i wonder when i should schedule that massage". if i were a wealthy woman--or access to oprah's bank account-- i would have two tickets in hand yesterday!)

6) what am i willing to risk for these changes? right now? not a lot. i'm not strong enough. i feel i take a chance by posting some of my thoughts online (trust me--many of these blogs i post leave me wanting a nap). perhaps when i am stronger or when i feel more of a sense of support--when i can trust in that--feel safe--then i will be willing to be more publically outspoken. i have moments where the desire to continue forward greatly conflicts with a desire to say "screw it all"--sell our belongings, move someplace that is a lot cheaper (in terms of housing for certain), near the mountains, and make money selling crafts. do a lot less of this modern way of living and more of this 'livin' off the land'. as mentioned above, i am--we are-- in such a need of a real vacation. sigh......i can almost feel the breeze on my face.........(please though don't post a suggestion about taking a mental vacation! i do that often. i need to take my body with me!)

let's get the dialogue going!

Death

What a morbid sounding title. It's all I could come up with though. While I usually never have much of a problem finding something to babble on about, coming up with titles is tricky for me at times. I wonder if someone has a blog dedicated to sharing titles that we bloggers can use.

I received one of those phone calls you don't wish to receive this morning. My great uncle died. Considering he's been very sick and in hospice for the past 5 months, his death was to be expected. However, I'm never completely prepared for the words: "they're dead." Even though I didn't know him that well, and even though I have had to admit I never really liked him much and was, overall, always uncomfortable around him, it was still painful news. He's been on my mind all day.

Death hits me at this very strange, scary place, that place where I feel completely vulnerable, completely out of control. I don't like going to that place, although I know the freedom of doing so. I know to avoid that space I keep myself held prisoner in a way.

We won't be going to the funeral for many reasons. While some are logistical, most have to do with the idea that "bonding" with my family, who I have come to describe as familiar strangers, is enough to make me throw up--and I don't mean that in a metaphoric way. I remember when my grandpa died. I was 17 at the time. I adored him. Everyone stood around like zombies. I don't remember any hugging. I don't remember any real talking or reminiscing. I do remember the drinking and my cousin and her friends hurting me with their snide remarks and relentless teasing over god knows what. I remember thanking god I would be 18 soon and could thus stop attending these family events that had quite literally traumatized me since I was a child. I ended up memorializing my grandpa in my own way in the years to come. One such way was by getting married on his birthday. I remember at the time thinking maybe this would help bridge the gap in some way between me and the family. Instead I received grief for having a wedding on a weekday. Oh well. Sometimes you just gotta say 'wtf' and do your own thing.

I heard Sylvia Brown say the following this past week: "Death is a relief. A celebration. We're finally free from life on earth which is the real hell." While I don't believe it is living on earth that is hell (it certainly doesn't have to be anyway), I do believe, or want to believe, that death provides a sense of WHEW. How am I to really know that though? While I believe in past lives and have had enough strange experiences that validate some of my own, I don't recall any of my other deaths, so there is still that great unknown. That's what I fear the most--that fear of the unknown. What will happen to me? Where will I go? What if I don't make it? What if I just linger, lost and alone? My first plan is to explore the universe. A free trip. No expenses. Don't even need fuel. No need to ask some stupid human for a passport or even permission. Just an intention and as such, it is so. That is what I envision as heaven to be. As the line from Field of Dreams goes: heaven is the place "where dreams come true." There is no human interference, no rules. Just support, help. A giant YES.

So....in the meantime, I'm still living as a human on this planet. And as such, death will probably always feel like this great unknown to me--something that feels like it's in my grasp but when I reach out to touch it, it slips away.

Rock on, Uncle B. Tell grandpy and cousin S hi for me. Have a safe trip and come visit me sometime. I'm open to talking in my dreams--I do it quite often. Maybe we didn't do a very good job at connecting in the way humans are capable of. Life goes on though for both of us. Maybe we can start a new connection in a new way with a new understanding. I'd really like that.

Pet Food Recall Update

Here's the latest from the FDA.

Distressing for me to read was to see Drs. Foster and Smith's canned cat food (one variety of Country Classics) being added to the list. Even though we have a dog, we began feeding her their canned dog food a few months ago. I visited their website, assuming there would be a large ad on their front page announcing the recall. There was none. They did, however, have a link (along with the rest of their links) to the pet food recall off to the left. Even though they never use wheat gluten or rice protein in their Country Classic pet food products, and despite their statement that equipment is thoroughly cleaned between batches of food, some of their products may have been made using equipment that had been used to make the contaminated products. They also said some of their products come from Canada and overseas. WTF?! I thought. Overseas?? That can be anywhere. I sent them an e-mail and suggested they buy and make all of their pet food products right here in the states and only use facilities that make pet food products, period. And ONLY USE NATURAL INGREDIENTS. Good lord. Get rid of the fillers. THIS IS A NO BRAINER. Approximately 700 or so customers (or kitties I should say) are affected by this recall and most thankfully, there have been no confirmed reports of illness or death.

I visited Animal Crackers yesterday (they have the best bulk doggie cookies there--excellent ingredients and a LOT cheaper than Petco's selection). There seemed to be a lot more customers than usual buying the more natural pet food products. They also have a sign in the front announcing "make your own pet food, we will show you how". I began doing that months ago and now that we've had this pet food nightmare, I will be increasing that. I'm lucky in that I have a dog who will eat anything as long as I say it's "nummy". She doesn't like lettuce or broccoli but she will eat them if I say "nummy". : )

Late Night News

One reason why it's important to listen to your intuition. I've had a couple of friends nagging me to get a mammogram since I entered the 40's decade a little over a year ago. Something in me has always said "no". Good thing given this article I read today. I don't know why ultrasounds aren't performed instead. They're more accurate and you don't have to deal with that nasty radiation.

Here's another possible explanation for the disappearance of the honeybees (although I still like the cell phone EMF field theory the best).

How bad is the housing market and where is it headed? Here's a rather dark scenario for you to read (if you can stand the typos that is).

Anyone who watches the skies knows some of the trails laid down by planes aren't vapor considering they don't dissipate. Here's an interesting article outlining some of the reasons behind this cover-up.

I need to start searching for some good news stories. This has been a real pisser of a day and perhaps some of it is due to what I'm feeding my brain.......

Going For A Dip In The Lake of Hell Fire

ok so the title is a little insulting. what can i say? i'm mischevious and at the same time, i'm so tired of the evangelical movement--a movement my brother is a part of.

i don't get it either. he's a smart man. a very smart man. incredibly intelligient. cautiously sceptical. contemplative. and yet he fell for the whole fire damnation mantra hook, line and sinker. of course, as he told me, it took a long time and he had a "really hard time" believing what he was being told. of course he did. his better wisdom told him he was being fed a line of shit.

what has me concerned is the stuff they are feeding my niece and nephew. according to their churches website, children are born as sinners. they lack the devine spark until they have accepted jesus christ. it doesn't matter how they live their lives. it doesn't matter how generous they are, how loving or how kind, or even how awful and violent for that matter. as long as they claim jesus died for their sins, THEN they are saved and are thus guaranteed a place in heaven. if they don't claim christ as their savior? god sends 'em into the lake of hell fire for eternal punishment.

typing that makes me shake my head and laugh. how can i not? if they believe in a god that loves unconditionally, how can they also believe in a god that would destroy that very soul he/she/it (ok, for the evangelicals, HE) created? how does this fall under the term unconditional love? unconditional love means you love WITHOUT CONDITION. no "i love you BUT". no "i love you but now i must destroy you." the two don't jive.

it really angers me, all of this religious mind control and brainwashing that goes on. it angers me that this man, this church leader, continued to feed my brother this shit until my brother finally got it. he got it allright. he got it out of fear of punishment. out of guilt. of course he would. our childhood was full of that sort of thing. i was the one who rebelled while he remained quiet and went with the flow. i listened to this church leader once. he was charismatic. he had an energy to him that commanded attention. an energy of authority. he even had me questioning my own belief system until i realized he was using fear to pursuade his followers. and fear isn't love. fear isn't god. i'll give this man this--he knows exactly what he's doing and he's very good at it.

people will do amazing things, things they otherwise wouldn't do, when they are conditioned under the principles of fear. we see this happen with cults, with which i liken the evangelical movement. my brother was searching for his own spiritual truth at the time and unfortunately, he met up with a man who taught a of a different sort of god. a god that was different than the loving, non-judgemental god he had learned about in his brief stints with other churches he had visited, in particular the lutheran church. he met up with a man who takes the bible literally (well, those sections that suit his agenda that is). he met a man who is obsessed with being respected, revered, likely worshipped. he met a man who hasn't a clue as to the real messages as taught by the man jesus. love in action.

when jesus said "i am the way" he didn't mean to worship him--he meant for us to model the example he lived. he knew how to live as one with the god within and he wanted to teach us just that. when jesus said "the kingdom of god is within" he meant it is in ALL of us. he meant that we are EACH a part of god just as he was. when jesus spoke of heaven and hell he was talking about states of being. when jesus spoke of turning our backs on god as a sure fire way of entering hell he meant when we turn away from our own devine spark, our own soul, that part of us that is god, we will experience our own state of hell. to thine ownself be true.

doesn't this make more sense? doesn't this feel more loving? it does to me. and i hope one day it will to my brother as well.

Wage Statistics

This will quiet those people who have told me I'm exagerrating or otherwise engaging in conspiracy.

*In 1960, the minimum wage was 94% of the living wage. In 2003, that number had dropped to 57%.

*In 1960, CEO pay was 41 times that of the worker. In 2004, that number had soared to 431.

*700,000 Oregonians without health care work full time.

*In 1976, the top 1% owned 22% of all household wealth. As of 2000, that number had nearly doubled to 40% (given it's 2007, that number had likely increased).

*64% of people living in poverty work full-time.

There you have it.

Bottom line, the current economy is not sustainable. History teaches us that. There will be a collapse or a revolution (or perhaps a bit of both) unless change happens immediately. There are a myriad of organizations out there fighting for the return of Unions, fighting for worker's rights, fighting for living wage jobs and health care (see below for a few examples). This is a huge battle considering some of the big corporations, like Walmart, are fighting the right for employees to unionize (just another reason not to shop at the place). These organizations are up against some of the wealthiest fuckers who want things to stay as they are. We have news for them. We're sick of being enslaved to a system that supports YOUR ass and YOUR wealth. No more. We're uniting. We're taking back our 4 acres and a mule.

oregonaction.org
hrw.org (human rights watch)
changetowin.org

John Edwards wants to end poverty. Or does he...

I saw an interesting dialogue this morning on BlueOregon.com about John Edwards run for the presidency. Someone was pointing out how bothersome it was to them that John Edwards, with his multi-million dollar estate, would be talking about ways to end poverty. Another person thus responded, questioning why anyone would chastise John Edwards and his millions, especially considering he is a self-made man.

This got me to thinking about a variety of things.

1)Wages. The more you make, the more respect and worth you garner.

2) The term "self-made". Who in the hell is truly self-made? Not one of us. We've all had to rely on the help of others to get where we are. No matter how easy or difficult the road has been, someone has always come along and helped us achieve our next goal. The term "self-made" is an illusion. Those who create the most success for themselves usually have the most support. Not all are born into such a support system and not all of us have the know-how (or trust) to create such a network of support.

3)His plan to reduce/eliminate poverty. While it's a good start, it leaves out many things we as a society seem afraid to address and discuss honestly.
(a) His plan wants to raise the federal minimum wage to a measly $7.80/hour. Why do we even have a minimum wage? Why not instead have a livable wage? We need to talk about this.
(b) He wants to guarantee employment to all those who are "drug free". What does he mean by this? What about people who use marijuana for medical reasons? What about the right to privacy during people's off-work hours? This is just a sign he supports the draconian war on drugs (not to mention the invasive drug testing done by employers and the multi-billion dollar industry created as a result). This war on drugs in reality is a war on the people, usually those who are the most vulnerable, the poorest. While I agree people need to be alert and sober while on the job, on-the-job accidents also occur when workers are sleepy, stressed-out (and who the hell isn't stressed out working a minumum wage job, trying to support themselves and/or a family) or on other prescription drugs that have side-effects. We need to talk about these things rather than just paint the canvas with the illusive phrase "drug free".
(c) He wants to guarantee employment (again, with those minimum wage jobs) to those who are willing to "work hard". Who says what is hard work or not? People who are employed at such employers that pay the crappy wages ARE working hard. Anyone able to keep a roof over their heads on such wages IS working hard. Working hard is over-rated and is part of the rugged indivualistic diatribe we're all brainwashed with since birth. It wears on the body and on the mind. Instead let's talk about working joyfully. Let's focus on helping people find what makes them happy, what brings them joy, and then help them create that out in the world. Let's guarantee every one of us a livable wage. Let's talk about this rather than the mindless "work hard and you will get ahead" diatribe. Let's talk about people's abilities. We're all different. This promise of a minimum wage job if you work hard sounds like a continuation of the slave labor force. We need to work to break that--not continue it for christ sake.

4) John Edwards lifestyle. I would like to pose a few questions for Mr. Edwards. Does he think it possible for every one of us to be afforded his affluent lifestyle? Are we all worthy of such a lifestyle? (If he's smart, he'll answer "yes" irregardless of what he really believes.) If so, does he think the planet can sustain that existance for every one of us? (That answer would be no.) This needs to be discussed. We need to create a vision that outlines the basic minimum existance you and I can afford to live which does not deplete the planet and which does not cause another to go without. Then and only then when he has thoughtfully and honestly answered this question will I think of him more of a real humanitarian who truly does wish to see putting poverty to an end. Ending poverty means we must create a much more equitable playing field. And that means those with the most will have to relinquish some of those resources, or at the very least, change how they, how we live our daily lives.

I'll take all of this one step further. How about we have a system that guarantees us all the basic minimums needed for physical survival: Safe, sound housing. Cleaning running water. Healthy, fresh abundant food. Clean clothing. Health care. Sound good? I'm sure it does. Here comes the tricky part: these things are provided for all and are not dependent upon ones income. That's the part that challenges some of the values of our western world. That's the pill that would be hard to swallow. But swallow it we can. The only qualm I have about such a system is the obvious: we must have government leaders that would see this vision for us all. We must have a deep trust in our government to provide this for all fairly and equitably. And right now, we obviously do not have leaders who are capable or even interested in such concepts. They're too busy sucking off the weakest while lining their own pockets and those of the elite.

I did not have a full understanding of poverty until I lived it. I don't think anyone can have a true understanding of living in poverty until they do. If you don't know what it's like to wonder how you will pay for next months rent......if you don't know what it's like to be sick and unable to afford to go to the doctor because you do not have health insurance....if you don't know what it's like to be low on food and have to eat ramen noodles or peanut butter to get by until food stamps kick in or that next measly pay check is deposited.......if you don't know what it's like to need new clothes or furniture but you don't have the extra cash to buy such things.........if you don't know what it's like to live this way on an on-going basis and if you don't know what it's like to experience the stress and the emotional, physical, mental and spiritual effects...........if you do not know what any of this is like, you do not understand poverty and therefore, you are not fully enough aware of offering up the REAL solutions. I have an idea: for those government leaders who love to spout the "let us end poverty" mantra, let them create a series of discussion groups that are largely comprised of people who live in poverty. let those of us who have lived it or are living it offer the solutions. it begins by asking us what we need.

i'm ready to talk if they're ready to listen.