Could it really be so simple? Could humans and our obsessive need to be wired 24/7 be the cause? If this isn't enough of a reason to toss out our damn cell phones or at least greatly restrict our addictive need of them, I don't know what is.
I've noticed a trend the past year. When I give out a phone number to say, for example, a potential employer or doctor's office, I am now asked for my cell phone number. I'm no longer asked if I even have one. It's just assumed I do. Sorry, I don't own one. And if they are indeed messing up the bees ability to navitage, I can guarantee I never will.
4.17.2007
The Virginia Tech Shootings: The Day After
I watched the first 45 minutes or so of today's convocation. It was heart-wrenching to watch the photos of those who were murdered. Smiling faces, so many of them so young. None of them likely knowing their life would be ending so early.
Then there was the face of the young man who did the killing. Also so very young. His life, too, ending so early. And not surprisingly, learning that he kept to himself. As the man on television went through a brief list of details about this young man, all I could think of was "no surprise there."
What was troubling to me was the labels that were put on him. "Moody." "Social outcast." "Loner." Labels only describe the behavior and are such, so limited and often judgmental. They do not describe the cause, the reasons behind the behavior. I hope the media doesn't glorify his memory with labels. That won't solve a thing.
As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, there is a real opportunity to heal here. An opportunity to talk at a level we still continue to fail in doing. It's so long past the time to remove all of the masks we wear. It's so long past the time to stop the finger pointing. The blaming. The judging. Well perhaps not stop. It's human nature to do these things. But maybe we can really begin to talk without censoring ourselves. And then keep talking until the anger has been expelled, and the pain reached. Once the tears begin to flow, you know you've found the place when things can be understood (or at least accepted), when healing can begin.
I watched Oprah today for the first 20 minutes or so. The conversation again was more about pointing the fingers at others. The audience practically went nuts with applause when one man sternly said Don Imus is a racist and there is no one to blame but himself for his comment. Ok, fine. So he holds that belief. Why? Let's examine that.
Sigh. We get keep getting so close...........
Then there was the face of the young man who did the killing. Also so very young. His life, too, ending so early. And not surprisingly, learning that he kept to himself. As the man on television went through a brief list of details about this young man, all I could think of was "no surprise there."
What was troubling to me was the labels that were put on him. "Moody." "Social outcast." "Loner." Labels only describe the behavior and are such, so limited and often judgmental. They do not describe the cause, the reasons behind the behavior. I hope the media doesn't glorify his memory with labels. That won't solve a thing.
As I mentioned in yesterday's blog, there is a real opportunity to heal here. An opportunity to talk at a level we still continue to fail in doing. It's so long past the time to remove all of the masks we wear. It's so long past the time to stop the finger pointing. The blaming. The judging. Well perhaps not stop. It's human nature to do these things. But maybe we can really begin to talk without censoring ourselves. And then keep talking until the anger has been expelled, and the pain reached. Once the tears begin to flow, you know you've found the place when things can be understood (or at least accepted), when healing can begin.
I watched Oprah today for the first 20 minutes or so. The conversation again was more about pointing the fingers at others. The audience practically went nuts with applause when one man sternly said Don Imus is a racist and there is no one to blame but himself for his comment. Ok, fine. So he holds that belief. Why? Let's examine that.
Sigh. We get keep getting so close...........
Who I Used To Be......
i was remembering some of the old beliefs i used to have. it's hard for me not to laugh today...not necessarily at myself, but how ridiculous some now seem to me. perhaps though, most, if not all, weren't really beliefs i held. perhaps the truth is that they were someone elses beliefs that were spoon fed to me. and i being the trusting, naive little sponge, soaked it all up. and in doing so, my own voice was left alone in the dark. thank god she's a screamer. : )
here they are in no particular order:
1) i used to believe the gay lifestyle was sinful and that gays and lesbians were going to hell.
2) along those lines, i used to believe in a real place called hell. you know the deal. fire and brimstone. damnation. a devil with the pointed ears and, in my vision, really bad teeth.
3) i used to believe in a god that was male, complete with penis and chest hair. he had an issue with women, too. he didn't like them speaking out too much. again, thank god my inner voice is a screamer.
4) i used to believe women were subservient to men (oh geez, is that a hard one to own). men were the head of the household--their needs came first. (thanks mom.) holding that attitude started my whole struggle with anxiety and panic. put your needs last long enough and you start to lose it.......
5) i used to believe in our government. i used to believe everything they told my television monitor.
6) i used to believe in the american dream. now i see it for what it really is--just a dream. and until people wake the fuck up and demand a different, fairer, just and better society, it will continue to be only a dream.
7) i used to believe people who lived in poverty were worthless, lazy and stupid. life made sure i swallowed, digested and eliminated that pill.
8) i used to believe my family would be there for me no matter what. another equally bitter pill to swallow.
9) i used to support the minimum wage laws. no longer. if it's not a living wage, it's slavery. criminal. period.
10) i used to believe my vote really counted. now with seeing how easy it is to rig a voting machine and upon realizing people are often appointed by a select few THEN elected, well you get the picture.......
11) i used to believe i could have it all if i worked hard enough. tell that to my frazzled, fatigued brain and body. it's a myth created to keep us enslaved to "how things are". the media only shows us those people whose hard work paid off. they fail to spotlight the millions whose hard work does not pay off.
12) i used to believe i had to earn my worth.
here they are in no particular order:
1) i used to believe the gay lifestyle was sinful and that gays and lesbians were going to hell.
2) along those lines, i used to believe in a real place called hell. you know the deal. fire and brimstone. damnation. a devil with the pointed ears and, in my vision, really bad teeth.
3) i used to believe in a god that was male, complete with penis and chest hair. he had an issue with women, too. he didn't like them speaking out too much. again, thank god my inner voice is a screamer.
4) i used to believe women were subservient to men (oh geez, is that a hard one to own). men were the head of the household--their needs came first. (thanks mom.) holding that attitude started my whole struggle with anxiety and panic. put your needs last long enough and you start to lose it.......
5) i used to believe in our government. i used to believe everything they told my television monitor.
6) i used to believe in the american dream. now i see it for what it really is--just a dream. and until people wake the fuck up and demand a different, fairer, just and better society, it will continue to be only a dream.
7) i used to believe people who lived in poverty were worthless, lazy and stupid. life made sure i swallowed, digested and eliminated that pill.
8) i used to believe my family would be there for me no matter what. another equally bitter pill to swallow.
9) i used to support the minimum wage laws. no longer. if it's not a living wage, it's slavery. criminal. period.
10) i used to believe my vote really counted. now with seeing how easy it is to rig a voting machine and upon realizing people are often appointed by a select few THEN elected, well you get the picture.......
11) i used to believe i could have it all if i worked hard enough. tell that to my frazzled, fatigued brain and body. it's a myth created to keep us enslaved to "how things are". the media only shows us those people whose hard work paid off. they fail to spotlight the millions whose hard work does not pay off.
12) i used to believe i had to earn my worth.
4.16.2007
Shooting at Virginia Tech (and others like it) is not about guns. Instead it is about something much deeper. Let's begin the conversation...
I watched in stunned sadness as word came out that 33 young people were killed today by someone who was obviously desperate, out of control, feeling they were out of options. Given the person who committed this ugly, violent act committed suicide, we may never know all of the reasons why. In the immediate term, most people don't want to know why. In the long term though, most of us ask that question. Why? What makes someone just snap like this?
I've read some posts today about the shooting and there are some who are using this as a reason to advance their anti-gun agenda. If private gun ownership were outlawed, this wouldn't have happened, they argue. While I understand their passion, it's a flawed argument, one I would think we all would understand by now.
You know the saying. "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Perhaps the more accurate way is saying "People kill people and sometimes their weapon of choice is a gun." We can insert a myriad of items in place of gun: knife, axe, hammer, bomb. Or hands. While a gun provides the option of harming or killing more people than a knife or other such weapon, taking away guns from all citizens is not going to stop this kind of senseless killing.
It is time to talk about our culture in a new way, in a way that's never been done before (at least not in any real public format). I'm not just talking about violence and how it is glorified on television and in the movies. That's been talked about enough. I'm talking about what we value in this society. How we treat one another. How we FEEL about ourselves, about one another. Our fears, our hopes, our dreams. Our pain, our anger, our prejudices. Sorry folks but until we truly get "touchy feely" with one another, we're going to continue to miss the train on this gun and violence issue. Today on Oprah the conversation has begun on Don Imus' thoughts and his following firing. I watched the show for the first 30 minutes (missed the last part--had to tend to doggie duty and get back to work) and did not see ONE person admit to any of his or her own racist, sexist, etc. thoughts. And that's too darn bad. Having an open honest candid conversation as Miss Winfrey advertised it as MUST include that finger being pointed in our own direction as well and not just about what we can do differently but what our own thoughts and actions are and how they contribute to this particular social problem.
I realize I am speaking about two different issues here: gun violence and racist thoughts. But they are related in their own way. Both are the results of unacknowledged pain and fear. We must begin talking about our American Way of Life. Rugged individualism. Capitalism, or shall I instead say greed (not personally against a for-profit system--just against that profit outweighing human dignity, value and worth). Competition. We must ask ourselves what we value and how we define worth.
People shooting others. People shouting racist thoughts. There are reasons why people do this. We must understand why and talk about it. There is a real opportunity for healing here. A REAL OPPORTUNITY. Life keeps tossing these things out at us. Wouldn't it be nice if we actually got it for once as a collective whole?
I've read some posts today about the shooting and there are some who are using this as a reason to advance their anti-gun agenda. If private gun ownership were outlawed, this wouldn't have happened, they argue. While I understand their passion, it's a flawed argument, one I would think we all would understand by now.
You know the saying. "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Perhaps the more accurate way is saying "People kill people and sometimes their weapon of choice is a gun." We can insert a myriad of items in place of gun: knife, axe, hammer, bomb. Or hands. While a gun provides the option of harming or killing more people than a knife or other such weapon, taking away guns from all citizens is not going to stop this kind of senseless killing.
It is time to talk about our culture in a new way, in a way that's never been done before (at least not in any real public format). I'm not just talking about violence and how it is glorified on television and in the movies. That's been talked about enough. I'm talking about what we value in this society. How we treat one another. How we FEEL about ourselves, about one another. Our fears, our hopes, our dreams. Our pain, our anger, our prejudices. Sorry folks but until we truly get "touchy feely" with one another, we're going to continue to miss the train on this gun and violence issue. Today on Oprah the conversation has begun on Don Imus' thoughts and his following firing. I watched the show for the first 30 minutes (missed the last part--had to tend to doggie duty and get back to work) and did not see ONE person admit to any of his or her own racist, sexist, etc. thoughts. And that's too darn bad. Having an open honest candid conversation as Miss Winfrey advertised it as MUST include that finger being pointed in our own direction as well and not just about what we can do differently but what our own thoughts and actions are and how they contribute to this particular social problem.
I realize I am speaking about two different issues here: gun violence and racist thoughts. But they are related in their own way. Both are the results of unacknowledged pain and fear. We must begin talking about our American Way of Life. Rugged individualism. Capitalism, or shall I instead say greed (not personally against a for-profit system--just against that profit outweighing human dignity, value and worth). Competition. We must ask ourselves what we value and how we define worth.
People shooting others. People shouting racist thoughts. There are reasons why people do this. We must understand why and talk about it. There is a real opportunity for healing here. A REAL OPPORTUNITY. Life keeps tossing these things out at us. Wouldn't it be nice if we actually got it for once as a collective whole?
Conscientious Neighbors and Landlords. Do They Exist?
As I have mentioned before, Mr. Nina and I live in a duplex. The rent is outrageous, the place is in need of a new roof, new siding, new carpeting. The walls are thin and the insulation is lacking. The landlord has spoken with us a lot about the economy, how the middle class is dismantling (how he is one of them) how housing costs are outrageous, how wages have declined. We've spoken about the corrupt political system, the war, etc. etc. Despite being on the same page on many issues, this guy lacks a conscience when it comes to gouging us on rent and not keeping his word on needed (and necessary) repairs. When a repair is done, he usually does it and his workmanship is crappy. Two such occasions required a professional to be called in. In short, he's a slumlord. He talks out of one side and yet behaves in the same damn manner at the greedy fucks he bitches about.
Then there are our neighbors. Actually, overall we have excellent neighbors. We were able to get some drug dealers evicted as well as the party-all-night kids. I'm speaking about the neighbors who share our duplex. They come home late at night, anywhere between midnight and 3am, stereo thumping, talking on their cell phones, laughing, singing. This wouldn't be an issue if their driveway didn't happen to share the same wall as our bedroom, which as mentioned above, is paper thin. But it does and so this has been an ongoing problem, one which we have spoken to them numerous times, spoken with the landlord (who gathered us all together and had the neighbors promise us when they came home--late at night only, their stereo would be turned off and they would stop their conversation until they got inside the house). They also have a habit of hitting this particular wall with their car. Yes, you read correctly. We've been woken up several times (the last being a Sunday morning last month around 7am) to the sound of "crash" then "crunch". Talk about terrifying! That particular morning, we went outside and saw that the idiot hadn't even moved his car. I took pictures, called the landlord and left a message saying "You need to talk with them about this. I am afraid they will come crashing through the wall and injure us." I told the landlord they've already damaged the wall--that is visible, I took pictures, etc. Think he called us back?? Nope. I don't know if our neighbors are just utterly stupid, drunk, or completely lacking in courtesy. Likely lacking in courtesy, considering how they have not respected our wishes to "ssshhh" when pulling in the driveway late at night. Last night, we were woken out of a sound sleep at 2:30am by the sound of someone throwing something against the wall. We both leap out of bed, rush outside and notice one of their bicycles. Let me tell you it took everything within me not to take that bike and throw it out into the street. (fuckers don't ever lock up their bikes so any thief or better yet, any homeless person in need of some money let me know and i'll give you the location. why should i care? these idiots do not value their personal property. they drive high end cars, too so it isn't like they are hurting for money.) At this point, my respect for them is gone. GONE. My sleep has been fucked with for so long, my body has shown the signs. I am exhausted from being woken up, at times in a state of panic. My adrenals are likely burned out and in need of some help (i found a medical doctor here in town trained in accupuncture and oriental medicine--and she's covered under our insurance--that was a real blessing and an answer to a very long-requested intention/desire). These fuckers mess with my sleep again, I will fuck with them right back. I now understand the drive for aggressive behavior. Not everyone respects assertive, respectful requests.
We've decided to move. But to where? Are there really any soundly built, safe, up-to-code clean homes (no more apartments or duplexes for us--we are done with sharing walls) for rent in QUIET neighborhoods that are owned by conscientious homeowners who aren't into price gouging, who respect the rights and privacy of their tenants for under $700 a month in Corvallis, who are looking for tenants who take excellent care, both inside and outside, of the property, who treat it as if it were their own home? If so, let me know.
Then there are our neighbors. Actually, overall we have excellent neighbors. We were able to get some drug dealers evicted as well as the party-all-night kids. I'm speaking about the neighbors who share our duplex. They come home late at night, anywhere between midnight and 3am, stereo thumping, talking on their cell phones, laughing, singing. This wouldn't be an issue if their driveway didn't happen to share the same wall as our bedroom, which as mentioned above, is paper thin. But it does and so this has been an ongoing problem, one which we have spoken to them numerous times, spoken with the landlord (who gathered us all together and had the neighbors promise us when they came home--late at night only, their stereo would be turned off and they would stop their conversation until they got inside the house). They also have a habit of hitting this particular wall with their car. Yes, you read correctly. We've been woken up several times (the last being a Sunday morning last month around 7am) to the sound of "crash" then "crunch". Talk about terrifying! That particular morning, we went outside and saw that the idiot hadn't even moved his car. I took pictures, called the landlord and left a message saying "You need to talk with them about this. I am afraid they will come crashing through the wall and injure us." I told the landlord they've already damaged the wall--that is visible, I took pictures, etc. Think he called us back?? Nope. I don't know if our neighbors are just utterly stupid, drunk, or completely lacking in courtesy. Likely lacking in courtesy, considering how they have not respected our wishes to "ssshhh" when pulling in the driveway late at night. Last night, we were woken out of a sound sleep at 2:30am by the sound of someone throwing something against the wall. We both leap out of bed, rush outside and notice one of their bicycles. Let me tell you it took everything within me not to take that bike and throw it out into the street. (fuckers don't ever lock up their bikes so any thief or better yet, any homeless person in need of some money let me know and i'll give you the location. why should i care? these idiots do not value their personal property. they drive high end cars, too so it isn't like they are hurting for money.) At this point, my respect for them is gone. GONE. My sleep has been fucked with for so long, my body has shown the signs. I am exhausted from being woken up, at times in a state of panic. My adrenals are likely burned out and in need of some help (i found a medical doctor here in town trained in accupuncture and oriental medicine--and she's covered under our insurance--that was a real blessing and an answer to a very long-requested intention/desire). These fuckers mess with my sleep again, I will fuck with them right back. I now understand the drive for aggressive behavior. Not everyone respects assertive, respectful requests.
We've decided to move. But to where? Are there really any soundly built, safe, up-to-code clean homes (no more apartments or duplexes for us--we are done with sharing walls) for rent in QUIET neighborhoods that are owned by conscientious homeowners who aren't into price gouging, who respect the rights and privacy of their tenants for under $700 a month in Corvallis, who are looking for tenants who take excellent care, both inside and outside, of the property, who treat it as if it were their own home? If so, let me know.
4.15.2007
UFO Sighting in Corvallis
Anyone else see an unexplained (flash) ball of white light last night around 9:10pm?? NW location. Looked kind of like an airplane light, only larger, then disappeared..... ?
That gives me a laugh. Last weekend my mother and her boyfriend stopped by for about an hour. The talk turned to the coast and Yachats. That's when I said "that's the place where I saw my first UFO." Boyfriend gave me a look like "wow i didn't see that one coming". Mom, who when I told her at the time believed me, gave me a very uncomfortable look, as in "ssshhh change the subject". I've seen it throughout my life. Instead of changing the subject, I just sat there quietly, smiling, and let them begin a new conversation. Fuck 'em for passing up such an exciting conversation.
The one I (and Mr. Nina) saw at Yachats was triangular. When it passed overhead the street lights flickered and two went out. It was completely silent. And massive. Hard to pick out details considering it was night. Being it was my first one, I was both terrified and exhilirated. All of the hair on the back of my neck stood up on end. I had tears coming out of my eyes as I clung to my hub, the two of us saying "oh my GOD do you see that? do you really see that?" Our next encounter came in the summer of 2005 at the height of the perseid (sp) meteor showers, shortly after midnight. I saw it first and immediately yelled "HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THAT HONEY!". It was also triangular and I saw it suddenly appear as if entering our galaxy (which I am confident it was doing just that). It then finished banking, straightened and headed due south. We followed it for a few moments until we couldn't see it anymore. I was jumping up and down, yelling (likely waking up our neighbors in the process) while Mr. Nina kept trying to quiet me. His attempts failed of course. I was too into the experience, too excited.
When it disappeared, I felt this emptiness, this sadness. A part of me wanted to go with them. Maybe they'd take me--us--in as family. Assuming of course they are beings from a distant galaxy and aren't really just some of our own flying government/military made craft........... I no longer have a definitive opinion on that one. Actually for most everything that goes on in our world, these days I seem to have an "i really don't know" sense.
That gives me a laugh. Last weekend my mother and her boyfriend stopped by for about an hour. The talk turned to the coast and Yachats. That's when I said "that's the place where I saw my first UFO." Boyfriend gave me a look like "wow i didn't see that one coming". Mom, who when I told her at the time believed me, gave me a very uncomfortable look, as in "ssshhh change the subject". I've seen it throughout my life. Instead of changing the subject, I just sat there quietly, smiling, and let them begin a new conversation. Fuck 'em for passing up such an exciting conversation.
The one I (and Mr. Nina) saw at Yachats was triangular. When it passed overhead the street lights flickered and two went out. It was completely silent. And massive. Hard to pick out details considering it was night. Being it was my first one, I was both terrified and exhilirated. All of the hair on the back of my neck stood up on end. I had tears coming out of my eyes as I clung to my hub, the two of us saying "oh my GOD do you see that? do you really see that?" Our next encounter came in the summer of 2005 at the height of the perseid (sp) meteor showers, shortly after midnight. I saw it first and immediately yelled "HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THAT HONEY!". It was also triangular and I saw it suddenly appear as if entering our galaxy (which I am confident it was doing just that). It then finished banking, straightened and headed due south. We followed it for a few moments until we couldn't see it anymore. I was jumping up and down, yelling (likely waking up our neighbors in the process) while Mr. Nina kept trying to quiet me. His attempts failed of course. I was too into the experience, too excited.
When it disappeared, I felt this emptiness, this sadness. A part of me wanted to go with them. Maybe they'd take me--us--in as family. Assuming of course they are beings from a distant galaxy and aren't really just some of our own flying government/military made craft........... I no longer have a definitive opinion on that one. Actually for most everything that goes on in our world, these days I seem to have an "i really don't know" sense.
4.13.2007
Cost of Milk Up Thirty Cents a Gallon
jesus christ....... eventually i'm going to be forced into a water only diet (well in terms of beverages that is). i went to the co-op today to get a few items and noticed my non-fat lockmead milk had jumped thirty cents. i can't afford organic so i opt for lockmead because they don't use that nasty growth hormone. i realize the cost of fuel is up, but lockmead comes from junction city, so why the over 10% increase i'm not sure. i asked the cashier and he wasn't sure. i sighed as i said "my income sure isn't keeping up with any of this." i added something that got me a very hesitant, strange look. "you know what? it's time for me to approach my employer and say ok. we have a problem here. my food items are climbing. fuel costs are up to $3/gallon. therefore i need to charge more for my services that i provide for you as an employee." it was tongue in cheek--kind of. behind it was a real fire, a real desire to see not only myself do this but to have an employer who would actually give a crap and agree with my demand, er, request.
anyway the look i got........ the cashier (an older man with whom i have spoken on several occasions) finally said "well that's not how things are done" to which i slapped my hand on the counter, gave him a big smile and said "but that is how things COULD be done, right?"
i have never been one to be told "that's just how things are". never never never. goes completely against who i am. i may be what one would call middle age (or perhaps the truth is i'm slowly entering that stage) and it's taken me a long long time, but i think i'm starting to really find my voice. and use it. either that or i'm having a mid-life crisis. maybe a combination of both. thank god i'm not menopausal. yikes. all i know is i have this huge ball of anger and pain inside of me that continues to grow, threatening to consume me if i don't get all of this shit out. i've worn that happy, pleasant face long enough. i've smiled when inside i want to spit on the person in front of me. i've said "that's ok" WHEN IT WAS NOT countless times. i've pretended, i've hid, i've run away, all out of fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being the only one left standing on the podium, alone with my voice and nothing else. but i can only hide for so long. like it or not, my body is saying, screaming actually: "GET THIS SHIT OUT OF HERE AND BE YOURSELF". yesterday i sat in my car alone and listened to queen's "we are the champions". i had it cranked, tears streaming down my face as i heard that beautiful soul freddy mercury cry out, emphasizing each word, "and we'll keep on fighting, 'til the end". that's me. my voice is being heard and will continue to be heard as long as i'm on this planet.
can you imagine a world where employees and employers actually bargain with one another and come up with an agreed upon wage TOGETHER??? imagine all of the service sector employees having that power! with unions essentially a thing of the past, something must be done so all employees have a real voice. this "at will" crap passed in oregon took away rights from the employee and handed them over to the employers. an employee has ALWAYS had the right to terminate his/her employment relationship. so this bullshit of a mess was created for employers. i read one moron's blog awhile back who supported the "at will" situation, calling for even MORE rights for employers. he is an employee and not an employer, which i found even more interesting. as he stated (paraphrased of course): "an employer should be allowed to fire someone who decides to become a cross dresser." wtf??!! number one, AN EMPLOYER ALREADY CAN. this dipshit is under the illusion that an employer cannot do this. an employer can fire you for ANY REASON or for NO reason and that reason does not have to be provided, nor does it have to be truthful. sure we have anti-discrimination laws, but what good are they when an employer can one day send you packing without a reason? it is then up to YOU to prove your side and trust me, unless it's a class action suit, no attorney will take a case against an employer, not even a small employer. mr. nina and i have experienced that one first hand.
and number two, an employer should NOT be allowed to fire someone because they decide to dress in the opposite gender. anyone remember the 80's???? shoulder pads and bland pant suits and ties and that hideous look of pulling back all of ones hair so that a women looked more like a man??? i always despised that look but i sure as hell support the right of people to dress as they deem fit (appropriately for the environment of course).
so back to my milk crisis. i was tempted to put it back on the shelf. i may stop buying milk and switch to rice milk or soy milk. there are some good brands--but hmmm they are typically even more expensive so why did i even bother considering that idea???
i need to own some land so we can have our own dairy cow. or a goat or two. some chickens for eggs. plant our own veggies. let's see, i should be able to do that here in corvallis for about, hmmm, say around $300,000.
looks like i'm gonna have to ask for that raise afterall.......
anyway the look i got........ the cashier (an older man with whom i have spoken on several occasions) finally said "well that's not how things are done" to which i slapped my hand on the counter, gave him a big smile and said "but that is how things COULD be done, right?"
i have never been one to be told "that's just how things are". never never never. goes completely against who i am. i may be what one would call middle age (or perhaps the truth is i'm slowly entering that stage) and it's taken me a long long time, but i think i'm starting to really find my voice. and use it. either that or i'm having a mid-life crisis. maybe a combination of both. thank god i'm not menopausal. yikes. all i know is i have this huge ball of anger and pain inside of me that continues to grow, threatening to consume me if i don't get all of this shit out. i've worn that happy, pleasant face long enough. i've smiled when inside i want to spit on the person in front of me. i've said "that's ok" WHEN IT WAS NOT countless times. i've pretended, i've hid, i've run away, all out of fear of abandonment, fear of rejection, fear of being the only one left standing on the podium, alone with my voice and nothing else. but i can only hide for so long. like it or not, my body is saying, screaming actually: "GET THIS SHIT OUT OF HERE AND BE YOURSELF". yesterday i sat in my car alone and listened to queen's "we are the champions". i had it cranked, tears streaming down my face as i heard that beautiful soul freddy mercury cry out, emphasizing each word, "and we'll keep on fighting, 'til the end". that's me. my voice is being heard and will continue to be heard as long as i'm on this planet.
can you imagine a world where employees and employers actually bargain with one another and come up with an agreed upon wage TOGETHER??? imagine all of the service sector employees having that power! with unions essentially a thing of the past, something must be done so all employees have a real voice. this "at will" crap passed in oregon took away rights from the employee and handed them over to the employers. an employee has ALWAYS had the right to terminate his/her employment relationship. so this bullshit of a mess was created for employers. i read one moron's blog awhile back who supported the "at will" situation, calling for even MORE rights for employers. he is an employee and not an employer, which i found even more interesting. as he stated (paraphrased of course): "an employer should be allowed to fire someone who decides to become a cross dresser." wtf??!! number one, AN EMPLOYER ALREADY CAN. this dipshit is under the illusion that an employer cannot do this. an employer can fire you for ANY REASON or for NO reason and that reason does not have to be provided, nor does it have to be truthful. sure we have anti-discrimination laws, but what good are they when an employer can one day send you packing without a reason? it is then up to YOU to prove your side and trust me, unless it's a class action suit, no attorney will take a case against an employer, not even a small employer. mr. nina and i have experienced that one first hand.
and number two, an employer should NOT be allowed to fire someone because they decide to dress in the opposite gender. anyone remember the 80's???? shoulder pads and bland pant suits and ties and that hideous look of pulling back all of ones hair so that a women looked more like a man??? i always despised that look but i sure as hell support the right of people to dress as they deem fit (appropriately for the environment of course).
so back to my milk crisis. i was tempted to put it back on the shelf. i may stop buying milk and switch to rice milk or soy milk. there are some good brands--but hmmm they are typically even more expensive so why did i even bother considering that idea???
i need to own some land so we can have our own dairy cow. or a goat or two. some chickens for eggs. plant our own veggies. let's see, i should be able to do that here in corvallis for about, hmmm, say around $300,000.
looks like i'm gonna have to ask for that raise afterall.......
4.12.2007
Governor Kulongoski Vows to Bring Attention To Hunger Problem....By Living on Foodstamps for a WHOLE Week!
My response? Big fucking deal. The amount he and his wife are living on is ridiculous, too. $65 for the week, which adds up to $260 a month. That's about the maximum two adults can receive.
If he wants to impress us, let's see him live for a month on $100 for he and wifey. He and other law makers too. Hmm, I may be onto something here. It would certainly be a wake-up call to require all of our legislatures to live for a month on $100 dedicated for food. Actually I'd take it one step further and have him work one of the myriad of low wage jobs (which I now define as any job that has not kept up with the cost of living) then move into a run down rental, thin walls, drafty. Maybe throw in some loud neighbors. Do that for a month, then I will be impressed.
Speaking of food stamps and hunger, I have been attempting to reach the director of the Linn Benton Food Bank at Community Services Consortium for over 6 weeks now. I've e-mailed him three times in those 6 weeks, expressing my concerns over the food bank situation here in Corvallis. I never even received an acknowledgment from the guy. Flake. The last time I e-mailed him I said I was feeling dismissed and said he had 24 hours to respond or I would be contacting the Executive Director, which is just what I did this morning. This is a community agency and this is how they treat local citizens within that community who have concerns? Not impressed. Oh, there are some good folks down there for sure, but I have dealt with a couple of real, um how do I say this, losers? Certainly people who don't give a shit about those in need in this community, and at the very least, haven't a clue as to what it's like living in poverty. I remember one woman we spoke with a few years ago when we were in need of rental assistance. At the time my spouse and I were looking for work and were clients of Voc. Rehab (another agency with some questionable emloyees). As I've stated, our families are utterly lacking when it comes to providing us support, love, etc. etc. So we were pretty much on our own, making a hellish situation all the more hellish. Anyway, this woman was rambling on about how we would both be required to eventually find full time work and was questioning why we were having such difficulty in doing so. My spouse and I then found ourselves justifying our lives to this woman. We had shared our situation so many times with local community agencies, we had grown tired of it, so we got a bit emotional. Well, rather than find compassion within that cold, prissy heart of hers, she pursed her lips and said in this very snooty voice, "well perhaps this program wouldn't work for you. You do need to remain calm when working with us." Calm? Who in the hell can be calm when you have been facing homelessness month after month plus dealing with health issues that certainly were being made worse due to living in poverty? I wish I had said something to her along those lines, but instead we apologized for our tears.
Before we left she said 'we have an excellent program here to help you find work." We just snorted. Each of us had used their "excellent" program. All they did for me was give me a list of websites to visit (websites I was already visiting) and proofed my resume. When I asked if there was anything else they offered I was told they would be contacting me. No phone call ever came. Being I had had to call in over half a dozen times just to connect with someone and make an appointment, I let that one go. My spouse had pretty much the same experience.
Anyway, back to my concerns I've had about the local food banks. In a nutshell, the food sucks. It's unhealthy, overprocessed and I cannot tell you how many items I end up throwing away when I get home because they are expired. And I'm talking about salad dressings, soy milk, yogurt and mayonnaise. Essentially what our "charitable" grocery stores are doing is giving away food items they can no longer sell, instead giving it to the poor. That's right, the poor will take anything, right? Well that practice the food banks and grocers are participating in is only serving to perpuate that falsehood. One of my myriad of business ideas is to form a non-profit that addresses this issue. The need is there. People, irregardless of their income, are worthy of fresh, healthy, abundant food. Period. End of story.
My other issue is the amount of food. Mr. Nina and I used to live in South Corvallis and as such, visited the Tunison Food Bank. After moving to the northern section of town, we noticed the food bank that serves our area gives out a lot less food. Seeing the food shelves pretty barren is becoming more frequent.
I realize our federal government has been channeling (stealing) OUR money into this god damn war, into the war on drugs and into the pockets of corporations and others who DO NOT NEED ANY FURTHER CASH. As such, social services programs are suffering greatly. People scream that our government needs to stop the practice. I completely agree. However, I'm pretty tired of waiting for our government to cough up a conscious and do what is right for the people. Therefore, I think it is time for the community of Corvallis to begin its own "Redistribute the Wealth Program". There is a lot of money in this city. A lot of wealth. Enough so that maybe we can build a model community right here--a community where everyone has his/her basic needs met--safe, sound, affordable housing, fresh food, clothing. So let's begin by asking those who have the most cash to give: the wealthier, private citizen; the profit-making bigger business--will you step up to the plate and help? This woman is tired of hearing all of this talk from people in this community about progressive leadership, progressive politics. Progressive means forward thinking, not doing things the same. Take a look around our streets, our neighborhoods. There is a real poverty problem in this community that is only growing and why? Because the system keeps spinning the same model, day in and day out. So let's truly be progressive and talk about REAL ways to end this very fixable problem.
If he wants to impress us, let's see him live for a month on $100 for he and wifey. He and other law makers too. Hmm, I may be onto something here. It would certainly be a wake-up call to require all of our legislatures to live for a month on $100 dedicated for food. Actually I'd take it one step further and have him work one of the myriad of low wage jobs (which I now define as any job that has not kept up with the cost of living) then move into a run down rental, thin walls, drafty. Maybe throw in some loud neighbors. Do that for a month, then I will be impressed.
Speaking of food stamps and hunger, I have been attempting to reach the director of the Linn Benton Food Bank at Community Services Consortium for over 6 weeks now. I've e-mailed him three times in those 6 weeks, expressing my concerns over the food bank situation here in Corvallis. I never even received an acknowledgment from the guy. Flake. The last time I e-mailed him I said I was feeling dismissed and said he had 24 hours to respond or I would be contacting the Executive Director, which is just what I did this morning. This is a community agency and this is how they treat local citizens within that community who have concerns? Not impressed. Oh, there are some good folks down there for sure, but I have dealt with a couple of real, um how do I say this, losers? Certainly people who don't give a shit about those in need in this community, and at the very least, haven't a clue as to what it's like living in poverty. I remember one woman we spoke with a few years ago when we were in need of rental assistance. At the time my spouse and I were looking for work and were clients of Voc. Rehab (another agency with some questionable emloyees). As I've stated, our families are utterly lacking when it comes to providing us support, love, etc. etc. So we were pretty much on our own, making a hellish situation all the more hellish. Anyway, this woman was rambling on about how we would both be required to eventually find full time work and was questioning why we were having such difficulty in doing so. My spouse and I then found ourselves justifying our lives to this woman. We had shared our situation so many times with local community agencies, we had grown tired of it, so we got a bit emotional. Well, rather than find compassion within that cold, prissy heart of hers, she pursed her lips and said in this very snooty voice, "well perhaps this program wouldn't work for you. You do need to remain calm when working with us." Calm? Who in the hell can be calm when you have been facing homelessness month after month plus dealing with health issues that certainly were being made worse due to living in poverty? I wish I had said something to her along those lines, but instead we apologized for our tears.
Before we left she said 'we have an excellent program here to help you find work." We just snorted. Each of us had used their "excellent" program. All they did for me was give me a list of websites to visit (websites I was already visiting) and proofed my resume. When I asked if there was anything else they offered I was told they would be contacting me. No phone call ever came. Being I had had to call in over half a dozen times just to connect with someone and make an appointment, I let that one go. My spouse had pretty much the same experience.
Anyway, back to my concerns I've had about the local food banks. In a nutshell, the food sucks. It's unhealthy, overprocessed and I cannot tell you how many items I end up throwing away when I get home because they are expired. And I'm talking about salad dressings, soy milk, yogurt and mayonnaise. Essentially what our "charitable" grocery stores are doing is giving away food items they can no longer sell, instead giving it to the poor. That's right, the poor will take anything, right? Well that practice the food banks and grocers are participating in is only serving to perpuate that falsehood. One of my myriad of business ideas is to form a non-profit that addresses this issue. The need is there. People, irregardless of their income, are worthy of fresh, healthy, abundant food. Period. End of story.
My other issue is the amount of food. Mr. Nina and I used to live in South Corvallis and as such, visited the Tunison Food Bank. After moving to the northern section of town, we noticed the food bank that serves our area gives out a lot less food. Seeing the food shelves pretty barren is becoming more frequent.
I realize our federal government has been channeling (stealing) OUR money into this god damn war, into the war on drugs and into the pockets of corporations and others who DO NOT NEED ANY FURTHER CASH. As such, social services programs are suffering greatly. People scream that our government needs to stop the practice. I completely agree. However, I'm pretty tired of waiting for our government to cough up a conscious and do what is right for the people. Therefore, I think it is time for the community of Corvallis to begin its own "Redistribute the Wealth Program". There is a lot of money in this city. A lot of wealth. Enough so that maybe we can build a model community right here--a community where everyone has his/her basic needs met--safe, sound, affordable housing, fresh food, clothing. So let's begin by asking those who have the most cash to give: the wealthier, private citizen; the profit-making bigger business--will you step up to the plate and help? This woman is tired of hearing all of this talk from people in this community about progressive leadership, progressive politics. Progressive means forward thinking, not doing things the same. Take a look around our streets, our neighborhoods. There is a real poverty problem in this community that is only growing and why? Because the system keeps spinning the same model, day in and day out. So let's truly be progressive and talk about REAL ways to end this very fixable problem.
4.11.2007
Don Imus--Why All The Hoopla? (no pun intended, btw)
What the fuck? Enough already! I am so tired of seeing so much outrage when an imperfect human being lets loose outloud one of his or her prejudices. WE ALL HAVE THEM. Rather than focus on suing or punishing the individual, let's use this as an opportunity for REAL dialogue. Honest, pure, blunt dialogue about the stereotypes, the prejudices and all the "nasty" little thoughts we all hold about one another at times.
Where's this same outrage when gays are attacked with ugly names? Or women who have to use their bodies to make money because daddy has left the scene? Or even when people attack the non-believers (and believers for that matter)? Or the asians? Or the middle easterners? etc. etc. etc.
I'll start the conversation with my own prejudices. This isn't meant to upset anyone, although I realize I'm sure a lot of buttons will be pushed. That's a good thing! That means a painful issue has been triggered. You can't heal from something unless and until it's acknowledged. When I'm in back of a slow driver, I automatically assume it's an asian person. Or an old person. When I'm correct, I say A HA! In my mind, slow drivers are asians and old people. When I hear of a male abusing a female, I think "men are pigs." I also have, something I just realized the past few months, a disgust for mothers--at least ones who look and act a certain way. This is likely due to the relationship I have with my own mother--of which I am now diving deep into the recesses of my pain and confusion after removing the guilt that kept me from doing so. I also hear the "n" word go through my mind when I see a black person do something that upsets me. If you're jewish, I'm likely to think at some point that you're a whiney, wealthy idiot. (And I am half jewish by heritage!) If I see college students driving expensive vehicles, I think "spoiled brat". If you're hispanic, I at times assume you're either lazy or taking over our country. And I also assume if you're a republican or a christian, you are someone whose value system doesn't come close to the superiority that is mine. Actually I will take that one step further. If you either a democrat or a republican or religious, then blah blah blah.....
Some of these thoughts were formed due to direct experience. Take for instance the men are pigs mantra. That came from being raised by a man who verbally abused me and called me names. He had this hatred towards me at times (that was unpredictable) I never understood. One moment he would be so unbelievably ugly towards me, the next, the most loving daddy I could want. Then I married the first guy who asked me (while I ignored those who really cared for me--that was too scary for me) and spent the next 7 years being ignored. Being date raped after I divorced him didn't help matters. The college students who today I sometimes think "spoiled brat" comes from me being raised by a father whose priority was to own the best homes, the nicest cars, while his children went without. A father who cheated on my mother and spent my college money on his mid life "crisis".
Most of the rest were formed due to the crap that permeates our society. None of us are immune to it. Most of us though are unwilling to own those thoughts. It's time we do so. Maybe then the finger pointing will end and honest talk will begin. And it is only through such dialogue that healing and coming together can happen.
Where's this same outrage when gays are attacked with ugly names? Or women who have to use their bodies to make money because daddy has left the scene? Or even when people attack the non-believers (and believers for that matter)? Or the asians? Or the middle easterners? etc. etc. etc.
I'll start the conversation with my own prejudices. This isn't meant to upset anyone, although I realize I'm sure a lot of buttons will be pushed. That's a good thing! That means a painful issue has been triggered. You can't heal from something unless and until it's acknowledged. When I'm in back of a slow driver, I automatically assume it's an asian person. Or an old person. When I'm correct, I say A HA! In my mind, slow drivers are asians and old people. When I hear of a male abusing a female, I think "men are pigs." I also have, something I just realized the past few months, a disgust for mothers--at least ones who look and act a certain way. This is likely due to the relationship I have with my own mother--of which I am now diving deep into the recesses of my pain and confusion after removing the guilt that kept me from doing so. I also hear the "n" word go through my mind when I see a black person do something that upsets me. If you're jewish, I'm likely to think at some point that you're a whiney, wealthy idiot. (And I am half jewish by heritage!) If I see college students driving expensive vehicles, I think "spoiled brat". If you're hispanic, I at times assume you're either lazy or taking over our country. And I also assume if you're a republican or a christian, you are someone whose value system doesn't come close to the superiority that is mine. Actually I will take that one step further. If you either a democrat or a republican or religious, then blah blah blah.....
Some of these thoughts were formed due to direct experience. Take for instance the men are pigs mantra. That came from being raised by a man who verbally abused me and called me names. He had this hatred towards me at times (that was unpredictable) I never understood. One moment he would be so unbelievably ugly towards me, the next, the most loving daddy I could want. Then I married the first guy who asked me (while I ignored those who really cared for me--that was too scary for me) and spent the next 7 years being ignored. Being date raped after I divorced him didn't help matters. The college students who today I sometimes think "spoiled brat" comes from me being raised by a father whose priority was to own the best homes, the nicest cars, while his children went without. A father who cheated on my mother and spent my college money on his mid life "crisis".
Most of the rest were formed due to the crap that permeates our society. None of us are immune to it. Most of us though are unwilling to own those thoughts. It's time we do so. Maybe then the finger pointing will end and honest talk will begin. And it is only through such dialogue that healing and coming together can happen.
4.09.2007
Speaking Out......But Is Anyone Listening?
i've concluded, no wait, i've fully accepted my existance is shit. or perhaps i should say i've fully accepted those things about my life i despise. it's an awful feeling--one i've avoided for quite some time in my attempts to change my life. sometimes though you've just gotta accept things as they are.
i was asked a few weeks back "what if this is all there is for you?" holy crap, i thought. absolutely no fucking way is that ok, tolerable, acceptable for me.
i liken the feeling to having your heart torn apart, your guts ripped wide open and thus you are bleeding, in need of help and yet no one sees. no one cares, at least not enough to help.
i've had so many of my dreams and goals gone unmet for simply too long. i'm fucking tired of going it alone. i'm too fucking tired to continue going it alone. course, it isn't like i haven't been asking for what i need. and want. i have. i just keep receiving the "NOPE" sign. i can't rely on mr. nina anymore than i already do. he's experiencing the same mental/emotional state.
living in poverty certainly can do this to a person. when you desire to own a home and when you desire to find/create employment that pays you a wage that ensures you will own a home--when this ongoing process continually fails to be achieved, something begins to happen to the psyche. call it a breakdown. i don't know what else to call it. what makes it even more difficult is when you are someone like myself, an idealist, the type who can accept reality but who also knows "things do not need to be like this", whose value system doesn't even come close to the capitalistic/rugged individualistic approach of our society.
it's even more painful when you have immediate family members who see you struggle, who themselves are doing swimmingly well financially and yet who don't do a damn thing to help. and when you ask for some help, you're met with judgement. my mother, who is doing very well financially, just sold her home for around $400,000. she is moving in with her boyfriend so they are combining households and therefore a lot of items must go. there are two things she knows my spouse and i have been in need of: a platform for our mattress and a couch. she has a platform she decided to get rid of. and yet she gave it to my brother and his wife. their income? over $100,000/year. our income? just under $25,000. yep. sounds fair to me.
anyone know what it's like to be the black sheep of the family? to be neglected, ignored? it's excrutiatingly painful. and i know i need to stop wishing and wanting for things to be different. but how do you do that? as long as i have a heart capable of experiencing emotions, this will always be painful. i believe in sharing the wealth. looking back on my childhood, i realize i always have. i shared my money with my brother countless times. gave him money to help him get through college. never even thought of asking for it back. yet when i asked him for money--the one time i did--a couple of years back, he said no. and yet this fucker, this greedy son of a bitch, this flaky lying asshole, just a few years ago when he took this good paying job, told me it would finally be wonderful to be able to help out family financially if someone ever needed it. as he said "afterall, that's what family is for. always there for you in whatever way possible, right?" i had tears in my eyes at the time, thinking "he's finally coming around!"
LIE. fucking fucking LIE.
i have a dream. i have many dreams. i dream of home ownership. i dream of having a child. i dream of having my own non-profit. i dream of seeing my music sung. i dream of writing a regular column for a publication. i have networked with so many people over the years in this town. i've written to oh so many "famous" type folks who i admire, who i believe in, offering my gifts, talents, skills. i've written the talk show folks saying I NEED HELP CREATING MY LIFE. whenever i hear of something, whenever life has brought something to me that says "follow this", I FOLLOW IT. and each and every fucking time it's a false lead. goes nowhere. i've become oh so pessimistic as a result. it's hard not to. i've resisted the apathy, oh god how i've resisted it. but it is there.
i need a life coach. i need someone who can help me realize and create my goals. i can do it with that support, that guidance. i need someone who will stick with me. (i say that because for awhile i was a client of vocational rehabilitation and within 2 months of sticking me with a job coach, they terminated my services--without warning. i begged them to reconsider as my job coach was wonderful. i asked if she would then work with me on a volunteer basis, saying i really needed the assistance. she couldn't--or wouldn't--do that. my motto: if you're unreliable, if you're a flake, STAY AWAY FROM ME.) i'm seeing a counselor to deal with the emotional pain of life. and yet i need so much more than that. my greatest pain i have realized is knowing i have yet to achieve the goals, the dreams i have set for myself. I CANNOT DO THIS ALONE. I NEED HELP.
of course i know life coaches charge, usually $75/hour or so. i don't have that kind of money (if i had the kind of career i long for I WOULD, course then i likely wouldn't need a life coach so that point is kind of mute, eh?). the counselor i'm seeing is free for x number of sessions (long story on that one that i won't go into).
blah blah blah. as i so often feel, i am screaming, but is anyone listening????????????
i was asked a few weeks back "what if this is all there is for you?" holy crap, i thought. absolutely no fucking way is that ok, tolerable, acceptable for me.
i liken the feeling to having your heart torn apart, your guts ripped wide open and thus you are bleeding, in need of help and yet no one sees. no one cares, at least not enough to help.
i've had so many of my dreams and goals gone unmet for simply too long. i'm fucking tired of going it alone. i'm too fucking tired to continue going it alone. course, it isn't like i haven't been asking for what i need. and want. i have. i just keep receiving the "NOPE" sign. i can't rely on mr. nina anymore than i already do. he's experiencing the same mental/emotional state.
living in poverty certainly can do this to a person. when you desire to own a home and when you desire to find/create employment that pays you a wage that ensures you will own a home--when this ongoing process continually fails to be achieved, something begins to happen to the psyche. call it a breakdown. i don't know what else to call it. what makes it even more difficult is when you are someone like myself, an idealist, the type who can accept reality but who also knows "things do not need to be like this", whose value system doesn't even come close to the capitalistic/rugged individualistic approach of our society.
it's even more painful when you have immediate family members who see you struggle, who themselves are doing swimmingly well financially and yet who don't do a damn thing to help. and when you ask for some help, you're met with judgement. my mother, who is doing very well financially, just sold her home for around $400,000. she is moving in with her boyfriend so they are combining households and therefore a lot of items must go. there are two things she knows my spouse and i have been in need of: a platform for our mattress and a couch. she has a platform she decided to get rid of. and yet she gave it to my brother and his wife. their income? over $100,000/year. our income? just under $25,000. yep. sounds fair to me.
anyone know what it's like to be the black sheep of the family? to be neglected, ignored? it's excrutiatingly painful. and i know i need to stop wishing and wanting for things to be different. but how do you do that? as long as i have a heart capable of experiencing emotions, this will always be painful. i believe in sharing the wealth. looking back on my childhood, i realize i always have. i shared my money with my brother countless times. gave him money to help him get through college. never even thought of asking for it back. yet when i asked him for money--the one time i did--a couple of years back, he said no. and yet this fucker, this greedy son of a bitch, this flaky lying asshole, just a few years ago when he took this good paying job, told me it would finally be wonderful to be able to help out family financially if someone ever needed it. as he said "afterall, that's what family is for. always there for you in whatever way possible, right?" i had tears in my eyes at the time, thinking "he's finally coming around!"
LIE. fucking fucking LIE.
i have a dream. i have many dreams. i dream of home ownership. i dream of having a child. i dream of having my own non-profit. i dream of seeing my music sung. i dream of writing a regular column for a publication. i have networked with so many people over the years in this town. i've written to oh so many "famous" type folks who i admire, who i believe in, offering my gifts, talents, skills. i've written the talk show folks saying I NEED HELP CREATING MY LIFE. whenever i hear of something, whenever life has brought something to me that says "follow this", I FOLLOW IT. and each and every fucking time it's a false lead. goes nowhere. i've become oh so pessimistic as a result. it's hard not to. i've resisted the apathy, oh god how i've resisted it. but it is there.
i need a life coach. i need someone who can help me realize and create my goals. i can do it with that support, that guidance. i need someone who will stick with me. (i say that because for awhile i was a client of vocational rehabilitation and within 2 months of sticking me with a job coach, they terminated my services--without warning. i begged them to reconsider as my job coach was wonderful. i asked if she would then work with me on a volunteer basis, saying i really needed the assistance. she couldn't--or wouldn't--do that. my motto: if you're unreliable, if you're a flake, STAY AWAY FROM ME.) i'm seeing a counselor to deal with the emotional pain of life. and yet i need so much more than that. my greatest pain i have realized is knowing i have yet to achieve the goals, the dreams i have set for myself. I CANNOT DO THIS ALONE. I NEED HELP.
of course i know life coaches charge, usually $75/hour or so. i don't have that kind of money (if i had the kind of career i long for I WOULD, course then i likely wouldn't need a life coach so that point is kind of mute, eh?). the counselor i'm seeing is free for x number of sessions (long story on that one that i won't go into).
blah blah blah. as i so often feel, i am screaming, but is anyone listening????????????
4.05.2007
Rosie O'Donnell Refusing To Remain Silent
While I don't normally follow the lives of celebrities and therefore, do not post about them, I am making an exception for Rosie. As most know, she's been questioning the events of 9/11 publically the past several weeks. And as some know, she has been ridiculed for it. Viciously.
On this morning's The View, Rosie went on a 9 minute rant about the events of 9/11, in particular talking about WTC Building 7, claiming buildings do not fall in that manner unless there are explosives involved. She went on to say they are going to have a Physics Professor on The View to talk about the physics of melting steel and building collapse. Also of interest, she talks about going outside of the U.S if you want the "truth" of what's really going on in the world. She reminded some of us while educating others that the media is controlled by just 4 corporations, including ABC, who of course airs The View.
The beauty of this is that her words went out to upwards of 30 million viewers, many of them elderly folks and stay-at-home mom's who are less inclined to be politically involved let alone interested in knowing the facts about 9/11.
It's become obvious she will not remain silent irregardless of corporate or public/peer pressure. I applaud her for her courage to speak from her heart for she is certainly risking her career over her search for truth. We salute you Rosie. Rock on!
On this morning's The View, Rosie went on a 9 minute rant about the events of 9/11, in particular talking about WTC Building 7, claiming buildings do not fall in that manner unless there are explosives involved. She went on to say they are going to have a Physics Professor on The View to talk about the physics of melting steel and building collapse. Also of interest, she talks about going outside of the U.S if you want the "truth" of what's really going on in the world. She reminded some of us while educating others that the media is controlled by just 4 corporations, including ABC, who of course airs The View.
The beauty of this is that her words went out to upwards of 30 million viewers, many of them elderly folks and stay-at-home mom's who are less inclined to be politically involved let alone interested in knowing the facts about 9/11.
It's become obvious she will not remain silent irregardless of corporate or public/peer pressure. I applaud her for her courage to speak from her heart for she is certainly risking her career over her search for truth. We salute you Rosie. Rock on!
4.04.2007
Bras and Breast Cancer. Is There A Link?
about 15 years ago or so, while living in seattle, i saw an archeologist give an interview on television about a study she had done on women who wear bras and breast cancer. it was a bit of an accidental study. the inspiration came about during one of her travels, this time to an island in the pacific. she was inside her hotel room. the housekeeper was busy cleaning in the bathroom. in time, the housekeeper came into the main room, holding the archeologist's bra with a look of confusion on her face. she asked what it was. at first, the archeologist thought she must be joking. nope. housekeeper hadn't a clue what it was and had in fact never seen such a thing before.
so the archeologist told her what it was then asked if women on their island ever wore them. nope. the archeologist then asked her about breast support, especially for the more full-figured gals. the housekeeper simply continued to look at her as though she hadn't a clue what she was talking about.
well this got the archeologist to thinking about the possibility that perhaps bras were less of a necessity and more of a fashion statement. (for those who want to think men invented this contraption, wrong. it was a woman.) as she studied the locals on this particular island, she noticed that there was a near 0% incidence of breast cancer. she also concluded that even full-figured women could do just fine without a bra. they relied on the muscles underneath the breast to provide support, which again according to the archeologist, strengthen when a bra is not in use to provide such support. after spending a good year or so studying the issue, she concluded that those countries where bra wearing was either non-existant or rare, the women overwhelmingly had very low breast cancer rates as compared to nations where bras are the norm. this included mexico, which have high levels of pollution. other factors such as diet and ethnicity did not have nearly the bearing as did whether the women wore bras or not. (i wish i had written down this woman's name. i need to do some research and see if i can find her study.)
after seeing that, i essentially stopped wearing a bra. i had always found them uncomfortable and unnecessary, irregardless of whether they were the proper fit or not (and as most bra websites proclaim, most of us gals have been wearing the wrong size). now and then, when i feel it is necessary, i will wear one. but most days, nope. i'm carefree and loving it. in fact, i support legislation allowing women to go topless, just as men do. there'd be a lot of weirdness at first, but we'd get used to it. it's just a body afterall. when it's hot i want as few clothes on me as possible, just like the guys do.
several weeks ago i was watching the tyra banks show. she had on a medical doctor and the two of them were talking about bras. the medical doctor actually RECOMMENDED wearing a bar 24 hours a day for full-figured gals. my god, i thought. how many women, especially young women watched that and are now not only wearing these contraptions 12 plus hours a day but all night, too? so........the other day i was thinking about this as i strapped one on. i wondered if there was anything else on the internet about a possible link between bras and breast cancer. my search was quick and easy. there were lots of studies, but this one, which appeared first, caught my eye. it has no shock value and is very straight forward in presenting the findings. check it out.
the American Cancer Society proclaims there is no scientific proof of such a link.
it does make sense that there may be such a link. the lymphatic system is necessary for removing toxins from the body. when they are restricted in any way, they cannot do their job properly. imagine the results when the lympathic system is restricted on a daily basis for hours on end.
irregardless of whether there is or is not a link, i will not be returning to my bra days.
so the archeologist told her what it was then asked if women on their island ever wore them. nope. the archeologist then asked her about breast support, especially for the more full-figured gals. the housekeeper simply continued to look at her as though she hadn't a clue what she was talking about.
well this got the archeologist to thinking about the possibility that perhaps bras were less of a necessity and more of a fashion statement. (for those who want to think men invented this contraption, wrong. it was a woman.) as she studied the locals on this particular island, she noticed that there was a near 0% incidence of breast cancer. she also concluded that even full-figured women could do just fine without a bra. they relied on the muscles underneath the breast to provide support, which again according to the archeologist, strengthen when a bra is not in use to provide such support. after spending a good year or so studying the issue, she concluded that those countries where bra wearing was either non-existant or rare, the women overwhelmingly had very low breast cancer rates as compared to nations where bras are the norm. this included mexico, which have high levels of pollution. other factors such as diet and ethnicity did not have nearly the bearing as did whether the women wore bras or not. (i wish i had written down this woman's name. i need to do some research and see if i can find her study.)
after seeing that, i essentially stopped wearing a bra. i had always found them uncomfortable and unnecessary, irregardless of whether they were the proper fit or not (and as most bra websites proclaim, most of us gals have been wearing the wrong size). now and then, when i feel it is necessary, i will wear one. but most days, nope. i'm carefree and loving it. in fact, i support legislation allowing women to go topless, just as men do. there'd be a lot of weirdness at first, but we'd get used to it. it's just a body afterall. when it's hot i want as few clothes on me as possible, just like the guys do.
several weeks ago i was watching the tyra banks show. she had on a medical doctor and the two of them were talking about bras. the medical doctor actually RECOMMENDED wearing a bar 24 hours a day for full-figured gals. my god, i thought. how many women, especially young women watched that and are now not only wearing these contraptions 12 plus hours a day but all night, too? so........the other day i was thinking about this as i strapped one on. i wondered if there was anything else on the internet about a possible link between bras and breast cancer. my search was quick and easy. there were lots of studies, but this one, which appeared first, caught my eye. it has no shock value and is very straight forward in presenting the findings. check it out.
the American Cancer Society proclaims there is no scientific proof of such a link.
it does make sense that there may be such a link. the lymphatic system is necessary for removing toxins from the body. when they are restricted in any way, they cannot do their job properly. imagine the results when the lympathic system is restricted on a daily basis for hours on end.
irregardless of whether there is or is not a link, i will not be returning to my bra days.
4.02.2007
In The News.........On My Mind
a local eugene news station reported on this last night, essentially saying the damage was mild. tell that to the residents of the village who have seen their homes destroyed. i wonder what they would have said if this had swept through a village of mansions. uh huh...... how terrifying for these folks. some days i look into the universe and say why do these things have to happen to the poorest, the most peaceful and vulnerable of folks? when is karma gonna bite the ass off of those who create war and greed?
i also saw something on the Wall Street Journal Report on late night television last night that made me sit up and say "what the fuck?!" apparently circuit city is laying off a percentage of its work force. (see the yahoo coverage here.) however, there's a "bright" side to this scenario. the employees who are laid off are going to be allowed to reapply for their old positions--at a lower pay. how maria b (the host) was able to report that without emotion or any sign of "what the fuck" expression on her face is beyond me. imagine your employer announces "sorry. we are going to have to lay you off. however, you can reapply for the same position. just at a lower wage."
my spouse had a customer visit the store in which he works. a man in his late 40's or early 50's. he said "i've lived in this area for 30 years and i have never had so much trouble finding work! what in the hell is going on?!" i wish i had been there. i would have given him a hug and said "i'll tell you what's going on. i'm not sure whether it's some planned conspiracy or not, but i do know that employers care more about profits than they do for their workers. there are fewer jobs as a result, meaning workers are given more responsibilities, usually for less pay. [my spouse can vouch for that one!] low wage retail jobs continue to fluorish. why? because people's wages have not kept up with the cost of living, in particular housing and health care and as a result, they can only afford to shop at the mart stores and the dollar tree. disposable income ain't what it once was, you see. uncle sam hasn't done a damn thing to return this economy to a place where ALL classes of individuals were seeing gains in their pocket books. ceo's are making 300-400 times what their workers are, compared to 30 times back in the 70's and 80's." there is likely some age discrimination going on as well. i've experienced it myself. i've applied for countless office positions and inevitably when i've revisited the employer to see who they hired, it's overwhelmingly been a female who is not over age 25 or so. i've been told i am overqualified oh so many times (which could be a polite way of saying "you are too old").
i think a lot about solutions. i may bitch and vent a lot, but i also spend an equal amount of time thinking about changes, answers, solutions. one such possibility is for those of us who are in the same or similar boat to combine our knowledge, our resources, our skills and talents and form our own business(es). a couple of years ago i put up some flyers, seeking such individuals. i only received a handfull of calls--from folks who said "can you get me a job?" none were interested in my idea--they just needed work. yesterday. despite my frustration, i could only empathize. i met a guy here in corvallis who owns an e-bay resale store. he used to work at HP and after realizing he wasn't going to find decent employment again, decided to go into biz for himself. i love stories like that! it reminds us we don't have to be victims of the slavery practice that is commonplace in today's employer/employee relationship. it gives me hope. hope that perhaps some day i will actually connect with other folks such as myself who are open to the idea of going into business together (which btw WHERE ARE YOU?! i'm into the idea of a non-profit, focused on eliminating poverty through new policies, new ways of thinking). hope that more and more people will do the same. for it would surely be an exciting kick-in-the-pants moment to see employers like circuit city advertise the following: "help wanted. will pay a living wage. willing to train. please. where are you? we are desperate!"
i also saw something on the Wall Street Journal Report on late night television last night that made me sit up and say "what the fuck?!" apparently circuit city is laying off a percentage of its work force. (see the yahoo coverage here.) however, there's a "bright" side to this scenario. the employees who are laid off are going to be allowed to reapply for their old positions--at a lower pay. how maria b (the host) was able to report that without emotion or any sign of "what the fuck" expression on her face is beyond me. imagine your employer announces "sorry. we are going to have to lay you off. however, you can reapply for the same position. just at a lower wage."
my spouse had a customer visit the store in which he works. a man in his late 40's or early 50's. he said "i've lived in this area for 30 years and i have never had so much trouble finding work! what in the hell is going on?!" i wish i had been there. i would have given him a hug and said "i'll tell you what's going on. i'm not sure whether it's some planned conspiracy or not, but i do know that employers care more about profits than they do for their workers. there are fewer jobs as a result, meaning workers are given more responsibilities, usually for less pay. [my spouse can vouch for that one!] low wage retail jobs continue to fluorish. why? because people's wages have not kept up with the cost of living, in particular housing and health care and as a result, they can only afford to shop at the mart stores and the dollar tree. disposable income ain't what it once was, you see. uncle sam hasn't done a damn thing to return this economy to a place where ALL classes of individuals were seeing gains in their pocket books. ceo's are making 300-400 times what their workers are, compared to 30 times back in the 70's and 80's." there is likely some age discrimination going on as well. i've experienced it myself. i've applied for countless office positions and inevitably when i've revisited the employer to see who they hired, it's overwhelmingly been a female who is not over age 25 or so. i've been told i am overqualified oh so many times (which could be a polite way of saying "you are too old").
i think a lot about solutions. i may bitch and vent a lot, but i also spend an equal amount of time thinking about changes, answers, solutions. one such possibility is for those of us who are in the same or similar boat to combine our knowledge, our resources, our skills and talents and form our own business(es). a couple of years ago i put up some flyers, seeking such individuals. i only received a handfull of calls--from folks who said "can you get me a job?" none were interested in my idea--they just needed work. yesterday. despite my frustration, i could only empathize. i met a guy here in corvallis who owns an e-bay resale store. he used to work at HP and after realizing he wasn't going to find decent employment again, decided to go into biz for himself. i love stories like that! it reminds us we don't have to be victims of the slavery practice that is commonplace in today's employer/employee relationship. it gives me hope. hope that perhaps some day i will actually connect with other folks such as myself who are open to the idea of going into business together (which btw WHERE ARE YOU?! i'm into the idea of a non-profit, focused on eliminating poverty through new policies, new ways of thinking). hope that more and more people will do the same. for it would surely be an exciting kick-in-the-pants moment to see employers like circuit city advertise the following: "help wanted. will pay a living wage. willing to train. please. where are you? we are desperate!"
4.01.2007
Income Inequality in America
most of us are aware that there has been a growing gap between the rich and the poor for the past 30 years or so. question is, are we as a nation ok with this? if you've read anything in my blog you know my opinion on this subject. personally, i want to take this to a whole new level and see an end to the class system. i cannot comprehend why it would be some sort of a threat to see everyone on an equal playing field. the system seems so archaic to me, so utterly devoid of this jesus and god business 95% of us like to go on about.
the article appears in the new york times, but here's a brief synoposis of it found on blue oregon, along with commentary/discussion, including a little blurb posted by yours truly.
the article appears in the new york times, but here's a brief synoposis of it found on blue oregon, along with commentary/discussion, including a little blurb posted by yours truly.
Hubby's Dream Car
to be fair, i decided to post this beauty for mr. nina. while his dream is a 1966 gto and this one is a 1964, it's still a gto. also taken last summer. he had a 66 a few years ago and unfortunately due to a job layoff, he was forced to sell it. it was so beautiful. black with black interior. he bought it up in portland and drove it home at 120 mph. the reasons for that are twofold. one of course, it's a gto and you just cannot drive a muscle car 65 mph. they demand speed. second, and most important, it was getting dark and the headlights didn't work on the thing, so he was racing to beat the sunset. when he arrived home, he revved up the engine so that i would come out and look at it. he needn't have done that--i heard him coming up the street. but i did run outside, where suddenly i was back in time, a giddy young teenager, waiting for my handsome hot prince to pick me up in his bad boy car. he leaned out the window and said in a deep voice, winking at me with a devilish smile, "wanna go for a ride little girl?" i actually squealed, clapped my hands and jumped into the car. around the block we went. there were no seatbelts in the car (being it was made before seatbelts were mandatory) and being the interior was vinyl, i slid all over the place. it didn't have an "oh shit" handle, so i had to hold onto the dash. several weeks later that ceased being an option. one sunday afternoon, while out on a little joy ride, hubby punched the gas pedal a little too hard. we jolted forward at such an intense rate, the dashboard fell off into our laps. at first we were in shock, then we started to laugh. hysterically. aaahhhh, how i miss that car. how he misses that car--terribly. one day he shall buy another one. one day soon............
Dream Car
i drool over these beauties, honest to god. this was taken last summer at a local hot rod car show. when i was in high school, i didn't have posters of sexy young men. i had posters and pictures of 1964-1967 mustangs. back then, cars seemed more reliable than the opposite sex.....
3.30.2007
Menu Foods Recall Update
as posted today on the ASPCA website:
Breaking News From FDA Confirms ASPCA’s Suspicions on Pet Food Toxin
Presence of Melamine Identified in Contaminated Food
ASPCA Media Contact
NEW YORK, March 30, 2007— Three days ago, the ASPCA® (The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals®) cautioned that aminopterin was an unlikely suspect in the illnesses and deaths of animals that ingested the recently-recalled contaminated foods—a suspicion that was today confirmed by the U. S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA).
In a news conference held today, the FDA announced that further laboratory testing identified the presence of melamine in food samples from the recalled lots. Melamine, which is not highly toxic in general, is used to make durable plastic household products; cleaning products; hard, stain-resistant laminates; flame-retardant foam and in soundproofing.
“Melamine at high doses causes a pronounced diuretic affect in dogs and rats, as well as the development of crystals in their urine,” said Dr. Steven Hansen, veterinary toxicologist and senior vice president with the ASPCA, who manages the ASPCA’s Midwest Office, including its Animal Poison Control Center (APCC). “The twist in the tale is that melamine itself has a very high safety margin, especially when compared with a toxin such as aminopterin.
“Cats, however, are a very sensitive species, and can react adversely to many chemicals and drugs,” continued Dr. Hansen. “Because of their unique physiology, we suspect that they may also be more sensitive to the adverse effects of melamine.
“Further, crystals in urine have been reported by veterinary diagnosticians and clinicians in some of the pets affected by the contaminated foods. However, the direct connection between melamine and renal failure, especially in cats, is not clear and requires additional investigation.”
The ASPCA recommends that the treatment of pets for kidney failure, which has been directly linked to ingestion of the contaminated food, should continue. “It is imperative to stay in close contact with your veterinarian and follow their direction,” said Dr. Hansen. “In addition, if you have any suspicion that your pet is displaying signs other than those previously noted, and believe these are directly linked to ingestion of the contaminated food, you should notify the FDA immediately.”
Adverse effects or deaths of pets conclusively linked to eating the contaminated foods should be reported to the FDA. The FDA has also posted answers to frequently asked questions about the recall at http://www.fda.gov/cvm/MenuFoodRecallFAQ.htm. Additionally, the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) has a wealth of resources at http://www.avma.org/aa/menufoodsrecall/default.asp.
Breaking News From FDA Confirms ASPCA’s Suspicions on Pet Food Toxin
Presence of Melamine Identified in Contaminated Food
ASPCA Media Contact
NEW YORK, March 30, 2007— Three days ago, the ASPCA® (The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals®) cautioned that aminopterin was an unlikely suspect in the illnesses and deaths of animals that ingested the recently-recalled contaminated foods—a suspicion that was today confirmed by the U. S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA).
In a news conference held today, the FDA announced that further laboratory testing identified the presence of melamine in food samples from the recalled lots. Melamine, which is not highly toxic in general, is used to make durable plastic household products; cleaning products; hard, stain-resistant laminates; flame-retardant foam and in soundproofing.
“Melamine at high doses causes a pronounced diuretic affect in dogs and rats, as well as the development of crystals in their urine,” said Dr. Steven Hansen, veterinary toxicologist and senior vice president with the ASPCA, who manages the ASPCA’s Midwest Office, including its Animal Poison Control Center (APCC). “The twist in the tale is that melamine itself has a very high safety margin, especially when compared with a toxin such as aminopterin.
“Cats, however, are a very sensitive species, and can react adversely to many chemicals and drugs,” continued Dr. Hansen. “Because of their unique physiology, we suspect that they may also be more sensitive to the adverse effects of melamine.
“Further, crystals in urine have been reported by veterinary diagnosticians and clinicians in some of the pets affected by the contaminated foods. However, the direct connection between melamine and renal failure, especially in cats, is not clear and requires additional investigation.”
The ASPCA recommends that the treatment of pets for kidney failure, which has been directly linked to ingestion of the contaminated food, should continue. “It is imperative to stay in close contact with your veterinarian and follow their direction,” said Dr. Hansen. “In addition, if you have any suspicion that your pet is displaying signs other than those previously noted, and believe these are directly linked to ingestion of the contaminated food, you should notify the FDA immediately.”
Adverse effects or deaths of pets conclusively linked to eating the contaminated foods should be reported to the FDA. The FDA has also posted answers to frequently asked questions about the recall at http://www.fda.gov/cvm/MenuFoodRecallFAQ.htm. Additionally, the American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA) has a wealth of resources at http://www.avma.org/aa/menufoodsrecall/default.asp.
3.29.2007
the sun is out but the skies are no longer clear
a few weekends ago my sister in law was visiting. it was a beautiful day, unusually warm. she had our nephew with her, a robust, active toddler. being cooped up in our small home was not going to be an option, so we decided to take a trip to the park. while my nephew and hubby played in the sandbox, my sister in law and i sunned ourselves on a bench. glancing up at the sky, i noticed the trails as they were laid down by aircraft. i pointed them out to my sister in law, who said "wow, that's cool!" not necessarily, i said. just watch and see if they dissipate.
they didn't. they simply spread out, taking on a cloud-like appearance, in time simply drifting eastward. sister in law was shocked and pondered the idea of what it could be. i tried to explain to her what i knew. i wish i had had access to this video at the time for her to watch.
who knows why this is happening. what's the reason? will we ever know? population control? weather manipulation? is it to save us or harm us? we're all exposed to this shit. government officials, private citizens. we all breathe the same air so the idea of population control is a hard one for me to wrap my brain around. it is naively suggested that we pressure our elected officials to respond. i've done that and haven't received one response to date. dennis kuccinich addressed the idea of chemtrails back in 2001 as part of a bill he sponsored. he later removed it. i hope to hear him address this as he campaigns around oregon.
i do find it interesting that "diseases" such as chronic fatigue began popping up in the mid 1990's, around the time this phenomena was said to have started. there's also been a rise in allergies, asthma and bone pain in the last 10 years as well.
when i was first introduced to this topic, i was sceptical. so i began watching the skies. i immediately noticed that some planes were laying down something that simply was not dissipating. one such summer evening i watched the trail for an hour and 20 minutes--plenty of time for a regular vapor trail to have dissipated. didn't happen. i remember thinking "dissipate, dissipate. prove me wrong. show me this doesn't exist." i also noticed that evening that my throat felt very scratchy, an unusual thing for me to experience. this was before i began reading the suspected side effects of chem spraying.
today, i notice these trails on a near daily basis here in my part of oregon. just something i've become used to. my usual response is to sigh and shake my head. in the last several years i've noticed my short term memory really suffers at times, even when i feel rested and healthy. i've had moments when i am in tears, trying to remember something i just said. after watching this video i saw where short term memory loss is one supposed side effect. i also begun having year-round sinus issues and some days, near debilitating fatigue. i've just chalked it up to living in poverty, struggling to create meaningful work for myself so we can get out of this lifestyle. however, maybe the effects from my environment are also to be found in the sky. god help us all if this is true.
they didn't. they simply spread out, taking on a cloud-like appearance, in time simply drifting eastward. sister in law was shocked and pondered the idea of what it could be. i tried to explain to her what i knew. i wish i had had access to this video at the time for her to watch.
who knows why this is happening. what's the reason? will we ever know? population control? weather manipulation? is it to save us or harm us? we're all exposed to this shit. government officials, private citizens. we all breathe the same air so the idea of population control is a hard one for me to wrap my brain around. it is naively suggested that we pressure our elected officials to respond. i've done that and haven't received one response to date. dennis kuccinich addressed the idea of chemtrails back in 2001 as part of a bill he sponsored. he later removed it. i hope to hear him address this as he campaigns around oregon.
i do find it interesting that "diseases" such as chronic fatigue began popping up in the mid 1990's, around the time this phenomena was said to have started. there's also been a rise in allergies, asthma and bone pain in the last 10 years as well.
when i was first introduced to this topic, i was sceptical. so i began watching the skies. i immediately noticed that some planes were laying down something that simply was not dissipating. one such summer evening i watched the trail for an hour and 20 minutes--plenty of time for a regular vapor trail to have dissipated. didn't happen. i remember thinking "dissipate, dissipate. prove me wrong. show me this doesn't exist." i also noticed that evening that my throat felt very scratchy, an unusual thing for me to experience. this was before i began reading the suspected side effects of chem spraying.
today, i notice these trails on a near daily basis here in my part of oregon. just something i've become used to. my usual response is to sigh and shake my head. in the last several years i've noticed my short term memory really suffers at times, even when i feel rested and healthy. i've had moments when i am in tears, trying to remember something i just said. after watching this video i saw where short term memory loss is one supposed side effect. i also begun having year-round sinus issues and some days, near debilitating fatigue. i've just chalked it up to living in poverty, struggling to create meaningful work for myself so we can get out of this lifestyle. however, maybe the effects from my environment are also to be found in the sky. god help us all if this is true.
3.27.2007
Story ideas for the Corvallis Gazette Times
i'm sure this isn't going to win me any brownie points with our local paper, but these things have just gotta be said. our local paper could use some real improvement. i've written a couple of the editors and shared my ideas for improvement, which included the idea of a weekly or bi-monthly column written by yours truly, all of which fell on deaf ears.
so today i put on my imaginary "editor" hat and have decided to hand out the following ideas for our local reporters.
1) do an in-depth report on the homeless in this city. dig up what you can on the homeless youth, families and single individuals. talk with city government about their plans for dealing with this. see what the university and other wealthy biz are doing to help put an end to this problem. see if any plans are in the works to build more shelters.
2) let's talk about the idea of establishing a living wage in this city. while we already have one, it only applies to city workers doing work for private employers. let's discuss the idea of establishing this guideline for all workers. controversial, yes. but that makes for a good read.
3) housing. it's grossly over-inflated. families have left corvallis and moved to albany. rentals are over-inflated. talk to the renters who would like to own but cannot afford it. talk to those who are looking into neighboring towns to buy. it's time to bring this issue to the spotlight, both locally and nationally. so far the talk has been limited, the focus being "housing bypassed inflation over two decades ago. that's just the way it is." let's talk about how this happened and why and what can be done about it to ensure all people who wish to own can afford to do so.
4) hey, bennett hall. mr. business reporter. i've got a business for you to investigate. remember the phone call we had about this back in 2004? when you said if i were to come up with just one more person who had a similar experience to contact you and you'd do a piece? and remember when i called you in 2006 and said i had met two more individuals who had lousy customer service from this place of business? remember you asked for their phone numbers and said you'd contact them? remember how you failed to do that? remember how you then ignored my phone calls to inquire what was going on? well i want you on it again. the sleep center on 9th street. lousy customer service bordering on abusive. selling defective products. and lying to customers. call up those folks whose information i gave you. and feel free to hear my story again as well.
5) let's do a report on that low frequency bass that comes equipped on so many stereos today. let's discuss the health hazards. let's let the community know this technology was first created as a weapon by our military. there are many private organizations throughout the country who are trying to get this technology outlawed in their community. they have been successful. you can remind our city council and mayor that i sent several e-mails to our then mayor and then local ward representative about this and never heard back. you can also speak with local police and let the one officer who told me my idea to get this banned in our local community would "never happen" that he doesn't know what he's talking about.
6) kip schoning. it's time someone bring this greedy sob to the spotlight. last weekend my spouse and i unknowingly looked at one of his properties (we didn't see the "cash for your house" sign until after the fact). slumville. see if he pays people off to keep his name out of the da's office and out of the newspaper. run medical tests to see if he has a conscious, too.
7) the meth problem. talk to police. they know the deal. talk to neighbors who have had these folks in their neighborhood (including yours truly). talk to the users and dealers themselves. contact our governor and ask him why the numbers haven't dropped since pseudoephedrine was removed from store shelves. cover the addiction angle, the poverty angle, the treatment angle.
8) to liven things up, let's do a "person of the week" piece. let's find those people who are doing good deeds, often without recognition. there are angels all over. let's find them and let people know that, despite the gloominess of our world right now, there are miracles to be found.
so today i put on my imaginary "editor" hat and have decided to hand out the following ideas for our local reporters.
1) do an in-depth report on the homeless in this city. dig up what you can on the homeless youth, families and single individuals. talk with city government about their plans for dealing with this. see what the university and other wealthy biz are doing to help put an end to this problem. see if any plans are in the works to build more shelters.
2) let's talk about the idea of establishing a living wage in this city. while we already have one, it only applies to city workers doing work for private employers. let's discuss the idea of establishing this guideline for all workers. controversial, yes. but that makes for a good read.
3) housing. it's grossly over-inflated. families have left corvallis and moved to albany. rentals are over-inflated. talk to the renters who would like to own but cannot afford it. talk to those who are looking into neighboring towns to buy. it's time to bring this issue to the spotlight, both locally and nationally. so far the talk has been limited, the focus being "housing bypassed inflation over two decades ago. that's just the way it is." let's talk about how this happened and why and what can be done about it to ensure all people who wish to own can afford to do so.
4) hey, bennett hall. mr. business reporter. i've got a business for you to investigate. remember the phone call we had about this back in 2004? when you said if i were to come up with just one more person who had a similar experience to contact you and you'd do a piece? and remember when i called you in 2006 and said i had met two more individuals who had lousy customer service from this place of business? remember you asked for their phone numbers and said you'd contact them? remember how you failed to do that? remember how you then ignored my phone calls to inquire what was going on? well i want you on it again. the sleep center on 9th street. lousy customer service bordering on abusive. selling defective products. and lying to customers. call up those folks whose information i gave you. and feel free to hear my story again as well.
5) let's do a report on that low frequency bass that comes equipped on so many stereos today. let's discuss the health hazards. let's let the community know this technology was first created as a weapon by our military. there are many private organizations throughout the country who are trying to get this technology outlawed in their community. they have been successful. you can remind our city council and mayor that i sent several e-mails to our then mayor and then local ward representative about this and never heard back. you can also speak with local police and let the one officer who told me my idea to get this banned in our local community would "never happen" that he doesn't know what he's talking about.
6) kip schoning. it's time someone bring this greedy sob to the spotlight. last weekend my spouse and i unknowingly looked at one of his properties (we didn't see the "cash for your house" sign until after the fact). slumville. see if he pays people off to keep his name out of the da's office and out of the newspaper. run medical tests to see if he has a conscious, too.
7) the meth problem. talk to police. they know the deal. talk to neighbors who have had these folks in their neighborhood (including yours truly). talk to the users and dealers themselves. contact our governor and ask him why the numbers haven't dropped since pseudoephedrine was removed from store shelves. cover the addiction angle, the poverty angle, the treatment angle.
8) to liven things up, let's do a "person of the week" piece. let's find those people who are doing good deeds, often without recognition. there are angels all over. let's find them and let people know that, despite the gloominess of our world right now, there are miracles to be found.
3.26.2007
on being offline.......
had one of those computer weeks last week. you know the kind--when the computer doesn't behave the way you want it to, doesn't listen to your begging, pleading and words of wisdom...doesn't even respond to bribes (hey, i promise to clean you with that compressed air once a week and i promise to remove my piles of crap from the tower). so i called a local repair guy, took it in and waited as it sat. day after day. i finally called this morning and said hey, what's up? dude says "sorry, i haven't got to it yet. don't know when i will." rather than wait, i decided to go pick it up. a friend had offered to check it out--for free--so i took him up on the offer.
well this friend of ours obviously has the cosmic touch because once his hands were on it with the simple move of turning it on, all was working just fine. looking up at me with a smile he said, "this seems to happen to me." bless you, i said, patting him on the shoulder, picking up my tower, kissing it as i gently placed it in my car where i drove home only to find upon my arrival a power shortage. damn.
the substation in need of repair happens to be in my neighborhood, so i set out to speak to the repair people to find out what caused the outage. the culprit? a squirrel--likely the squirrel that plays merrily in our yard, using our potted plant containers to bury his walnuts while tormenting my squirrel-crazed dog. i got a little teary-eyed as the guy in the hard hat told me what happened. apparently this happens fairly often. i thought squirrels were smarter than that.
so sending out a wish for the little squirrel, i headed inside and tried to keep myself busy. i was not able to work. i couldn't do laundry or vacuum. so i played the piano and read for a few hours. just as i was thinking "ok this is getting ridiculous and i am getting cold", with a thundering hummm, the lights came back on. yippie!! i thought, racing back to the office/spare bedroom/junk room. with careful urgency, i plugged everything into it's right place, fired 'er up and prayed for the same cosmic result as earlier in the day. i needn't have worried. she worked just fine.
i had close to 300 e-mails, all of but 5 i deleted (please don't think i'm that popular. i'm on a few e-mail lists is all). and i noticed something. i felt kind of indifferent. kind of let down, actually. i thought i'd feel more excited, being online again. the truth is, at its best the computer is a convenience. at its worst, an addictive diversion.
i had a lot of very cool things happen to me during those days i was offline. i spent more time with my dog. i had some excellent conversations with my spouse. i napped. i was certainly outside more. i read more, even meditated and experienced some cool insights. and the best part? i was totally detached from the events of the world (i don't watch tv news except for the weather). when i first realized i may be without my computer for a few days, i was tense inside. agitated. but as those days passed, i missed it less and less. i felt, in a way, a sense of relief.
all because i disconnected from the virtual world and connected more with the real world around me. something i will do more of...........
well this friend of ours obviously has the cosmic touch because once his hands were on it with the simple move of turning it on, all was working just fine. looking up at me with a smile he said, "this seems to happen to me." bless you, i said, patting him on the shoulder, picking up my tower, kissing it as i gently placed it in my car where i drove home only to find upon my arrival a power shortage. damn.
the substation in need of repair happens to be in my neighborhood, so i set out to speak to the repair people to find out what caused the outage. the culprit? a squirrel--likely the squirrel that plays merrily in our yard, using our potted plant containers to bury his walnuts while tormenting my squirrel-crazed dog. i got a little teary-eyed as the guy in the hard hat told me what happened. apparently this happens fairly often. i thought squirrels were smarter than that.
so sending out a wish for the little squirrel, i headed inside and tried to keep myself busy. i was not able to work. i couldn't do laundry or vacuum. so i played the piano and read for a few hours. just as i was thinking "ok this is getting ridiculous and i am getting cold", with a thundering hummm, the lights came back on. yippie!! i thought, racing back to the office/spare bedroom/junk room. with careful urgency, i plugged everything into it's right place, fired 'er up and prayed for the same cosmic result as earlier in the day. i needn't have worried. she worked just fine.
i had close to 300 e-mails, all of but 5 i deleted (please don't think i'm that popular. i'm on a few e-mail lists is all). and i noticed something. i felt kind of indifferent. kind of let down, actually. i thought i'd feel more excited, being online again. the truth is, at its best the computer is a convenience. at its worst, an addictive diversion.
i had a lot of very cool things happen to me during those days i was offline. i spent more time with my dog. i had some excellent conversations with my spouse. i napped. i was certainly outside more. i read more, even meditated and experienced some cool insights. and the best part? i was totally detached from the events of the world (i don't watch tv news except for the weather). when i first realized i may be without my computer for a few days, i was tense inside. agitated. but as those days passed, i missed it less and less. i felt, in a way, a sense of relief.
all because i disconnected from the virtual world and connected more with the real world around me. something i will do more of...........
3.20.2007
Waking Up to the Bullshit
something quite magical and chaotic and wonderful and deeply frustrating happens when one awakens to the bullshit they've been fed since birth. you begin to see the truth behind the crap that's shoveled at you from the religious folks, who claim suffering ends once you accept that some mythical male died for you and who is now seated in some throne behind beautiful gates next to another male--the BIG male that is............from school teachers who claim truth is to be found inside outdated, biased textbooks..........from political leaders who claim "you can trust us. we have your back."..........from business leaders who claim capitalism is fair and just..........from those morons who love to "blame the victim"............from mental health professionals who focus on putting those who are different, often because they ARE awake, into a mold instead of focusing on "fixing" the insanity of the system.........
here's a yawn article i found this morning for those of you (us) who know we're underpaid. if you are awake, you won't buy into the bullshit. if you are still in 'la la everything is just fine' or 'it must be me' land, you'll likely (sadly) think "hmm, they're right. i'm not underpaid. i was wrong." as i told a former employer, who tried to pull the similar line of crap on me as outlined in this article, "it doesn't matter to me what x down the road, who has the same or similar job, is paid. 45% of my income is going towards my measly little one bedroom apartment. and being i have to help pay for my benefits, at the end of the month, i have some loose change leftover. stop looking at what everyone else is paying and focus on the reality of my life, the reality of housing costs in this area, the reality that income has simply not kept up with existing as a functioning, housed, clothed, insured human being."
here's a yawn article i found this morning for those of you (us) who know we're underpaid. if you are awake, you won't buy into the bullshit. if you are still in 'la la everything is just fine' or 'it must be me' land, you'll likely (sadly) think "hmm, they're right. i'm not underpaid. i was wrong." as i told a former employer, who tried to pull the similar line of crap on me as outlined in this article, "it doesn't matter to me what x down the road, who has the same or similar job, is paid. 45% of my income is going towards my measly little one bedroom apartment. and being i have to help pay for my benefits, at the end of the month, i have some loose change leftover. stop looking at what everyone else is paying and focus on the reality of my life, the reality of housing costs in this area, the reality that income has simply not kept up with existing as a functioning, housed, clothed, insured human being."
3.19.2007
Shock and Awe and the American Psyche
I'll get right to the point. I find it utterly incomprehensible that any sane, loving, caring person can for one second stomach the concept of "shock and awe". Four years ago we were all mislead, lied to by a group of power-hungry, oil-thirsty, control addicts. "Shock And Awe" was the war campaign slogan. To see this blatant display of human evil and violence flash across my computer screen as though the media were simply informing us of some benign happening is something I cannot take. I do not see how ANYONE can.
What in the fucking hell is wrong with our values in this country? Am I missing something? Since when did it become OK to slaughter thousands of civilians FOR NO GOOD REASON? And even IF there were some logical, legitimate reason, when did it become ok to CELEBRATE such an occasion?
I'm about ready to kiss this greedy, profit-mongering, self-centered, rugged individualistic bullshit excuse of a country good-bye. Is it so much to ask for a peaceful life where fairness and honesty are in play? Is it too much to ask for leaders who care more about preserving life for all people above and beyond their addictive need to be seen and hold that gavel of power? Is it too much to ask for work I enjoy that pays a living wage and offers benefits and hours that are doable to my needs? And is it too much to ask for this wage to pay for a home of our own (land included)?
Apparently so. At least right here in the good 'ole us of fucking a. Land of the free, home of the brave. And don't forget, shock and awe.
What in the fucking hell is wrong with our values in this country? Am I missing something? Since when did it become OK to slaughter thousands of civilians FOR NO GOOD REASON? And even IF there were some logical, legitimate reason, when did it become ok to CELEBRATE such an occasion?
I'm about ready to kiss this greedy, profit-mongering, self-centered, rugged individualistic bullshit excuse of a country good-bye. Is it so much to ask for a peaceful life where fairness and honesty are in play? Is it too much to ask for leaders who care more about preserving life for all people above and beyond their addictive need to be seen and hold that gavel of power? Is it too much to ask for work I enjoy that pays a living wage and offers benefits and hours that are doable to my needs? And is it too much to ask for this wage to pay for a home of our own (land included)?
Apparently so. At least right here in the good 'ole us of fucking a. Land of the free, home of the brave. And don't forget, shock and awe.
3.18.2007
weeks worth of obsies and rants
before i launch, i'd like to say i hate the whole google/blogger partnership. i certainly didn't like being forced to create a google account in order to access my blog page.
what a week. ate out a couple of times because my hands were too damn cramped up from editing i perform for 8 measly bucks an hour for the glorified elitist university. first place, taco bell. order got fucked up--two times. i saw and met the kid who was preparing it. he was high as a kite. given his demeanor, it was likely on the herbal stuff. i could have done something but being i know what it's like to work for a large employer, doing the grunt work for a pitiful amount of money, making the whole scenario akin to slave labor, i let it go. hell, i'd have to be high as well to work in fast food. besides, the young kids working there are friendly and don't give adult visitors that "ok hurry up and order" gaze. second place, KFC. home to the "we have jacked up our prices and reduced our portions by 25%. home to the "ok hurry up and order" gazers.
call me old fashioned. i like things to stay the same. both places change their menus too often and fill up the space with massive pictures of supposedly mouth-watering food that doesn't look a damn thing like the real deal. so many visuals overwhelm me. just make a list of what you have and forgo the obnoxious photos, please. anyone remember the movie with michael douglas, falling down? remember the scene where he walks into a burger joint, places an order, sees the "real deal" and demands they make him a burger that looks like the ones in the picture? they refuse until he pulls out a semi-automatic. i love that scene! while i don't support putting guns in the faces of fast food workers, it would be nice if people would refuse the food until it is cooked as advertised.
sigh. all of this just peeved me off, making me think "i need people" to be doing this cooking shit for me. i'm sick of being poor. sick of living in a society that still doesn't really address the issues of poverty. it is fucking DRAINING. and it doesn't help when you live in a city that has few jobs, most paying poverty wages and housing (ownership and rentals) that continue to skyrocket while local city officials think the answer is to build more apartments (cram 'em in like sardines) and "affordable" housing. by that they mean housing that starts around $135,000. still too rich for those making $8-$10/hour, wouldn't you say?
hey, i was published this week. of course it was without permission. a local publisher recently launched a new publication. he had advertised for local freelance writers a few months ago, to which i applied--twice. first attempt, he claims he never received and asked me to resubmit, which i did. despite his promise of "i will get back to you", he failed to do so. just for the heck of it, i decided to check out his rag, er mag. as i read through the "from the publishers desk" section, i noticed words that sounded familiar. i glanced down and saw my name attached to them. the bastard had used a portion of my cover letter/application, whereby i was offering my thoughts on why i believed his publication would be useful for our community, all without my permission! i called the number in the publication, left a message. the publisher called me back and gave me what was essentially a line of shit. first he tried to insist he had the right to use and publish any e-mail that came to him, without permission. lawyers told me that, he said, to which i said "you need to get yourself a new attorney." i said that was a private e-mail i sent you in response to a position. i was a potential employee seeking work with you. do you really think if i were to apply at a local employer, they could use my information as they saw fit for business purposes? hell no!
at first he tried saying he received so many e-mails, he didn't remember who i was. oh but wait, then he vaguely remembered me. then suddenly, WOW--he remembered who i was. he then tried to butter me up by saying "well i had planned on using you but i didn't see a manuscript". he said there was no attachment (amazing how his memory suddenly came back to him, eh?). i said "of course there was no attachment. i sent you a writing sample at the end of the e-mail, as i noted in my opening paragraph." i then said "if you really were interested in me, i would think you would have simply sent me an e-mail, saying no writing sample was included." he also continued his sleazy sales attempt by saying "well i thought i was doing you a favor. you had such nice things to say about my idea i thought people would read your words and say 'wow, what a nice lady she is.'" to that i said "i don't need you convincing people about how nice i am." please. what an i d i o t. but i will give him this--he sure is good at making shit up on the fly. he will go far in publishing.........
what he did was obvious. he used my words to promote his publication. i said as such and said "can you understand how that feels? you failed to keep your word in getting back to me after i applied but then used my words anyway to promote yourself? that falls under the definition of sleazy to me." he apologized--profusely, he said. but i still didn't buy it. he had a smarmy energy to him. i may be a crabby, disgruntled grump, but at least i am real. i don't try and manipulate my way with people with sleazy tactics. but what can i say? he's an editor, a publisher, a salesman. that's how many of them are. the last one i worked for was very much the same way. give you a smile while lying through his teeth in some fashion. and, like this guy, full of excuses.
as i hung up he said "please make sure and read my publication again". i laughed and said "ha" or some such brilliant word.
so what's up in the news department. i'm too lazy to post links, even though i know those draw my readership. you'll just have to google this stuff yourself this time. rosie o'donnell has now come out of the closet--again you could say. this time about 9/11 and what really happened to the WTC buildings. is it a publicity stunt or her own truth? a bit of both? likely it is her own truth that she is handling in such a way as to keep her publicity in a positive or at least respectable light. also in the news is a revisitation to an old story--about the kid from alaska who, in 2002, paraded across the street from his school with a "bong hits 4 jesus" sign. it's going to the supreme court tomorrow. the headline is hysterical. "'bong hits 4 jesus' case goes to high court" jay leno would have a good time with that one. terrorist mastermind KSM is said to have been responsible for planned attacks on the Plaza Bank in Washington State in 2003, according to the Pentagon. only thing is, Plaza Bank didn't open until 2006. ah, what prolonged torture will do to a person. oh well, it's all ok. it will all get covered up or explained in some way. reading all of this ongoing shit has made me realize it's too heavy for me to carry. i have my own life to focus on. it's a world full of lying pigs for sure oh but wait, we cannot use the word pigs anymore now because it may offend the muslims. google that one too. if you find nothing, look it up on david icke's website. politically correct insanity only furthering the move to censor us all, irregardless of how brilliant or stupid we may sound.
we watched the first season of "weeds" on dvd. i have mixed thoughts on it. there are real issues for sure, but it seems most of the emphasis is on fucking others and getting high. maybe that's what they have to do in the subarbs to stay sane? i guess if i lived in that mold i'd be insane, too--just in a different way than i feel i am now.........the best part of the series is the theme song. and they all live in little boxes made out of ticky tacky and they all look the same.
what a week. ate out a couple of times because my hands were too damn cramped up from editing i perform for 8 measly bucks an hour for the glorified elitist university. first place, taco bell. order got fucked up--two times. i saw and met the kid who was preparing it. he was high as a kite. given his demeanor, it was likely on the herbal stuff. i could have done something but being i know what it's like to work for a large employer, doing the grunt work for a pitiful amount of money, making the whole scenario akin to slave labor, i let it go. hell, i'd have to be high as well to work in fast food. besides, the young kids working there are friendly and don't give adult visitors that "ok hurry up and order" gaze. second place, KFC. home to the "we have jacked up our prices and reduced our portions by 25%. home to the "ok hurry up and order" gazers.
call me old fashioned. i like things to stay the same. both places change their menus too often and fill up the space with massive pictures of supposedly mouth-watering food that doesn't look a damn thing like the real deal. so many visuals overwhelm me. just make a list of what you have and forgo the obnoxious photos, please. anyone remember the movie with michael douglas, falling down? remember the scene where he walks into a burger joint, places an order, sees the "real deal" and demands they make him a burger that looks like the ones in the picture? they refuse until he pulls out a semi-automatic. i love that scene! while i don't support putting guns in the faces of fast food workers, it would be nice if people would refuse the food until it is cooked as advertised.
sigh. all of this just peeved me off, making me think "i need people" to be doing this cooking shit for me. i'm sick of being poor. sick of living in a society that still doesn't really address the issues of poverty. it is fucking DRAINING. and it doesn't help when you live in a city that has few jobs, most paying poverty wages and housing (ownership and rentals) that continue to skyrocket while local city officials think the answer is to build more apartments (cram 'em in like sardines) and "affordable" housing. by that they mean housing that starts around $135,000. still too rich for those making $8-$10/hour, wouldn't you say?
hey, i was published this week. of course it was without permission. a local publisher recently launched a new publication. he had advertised for local freelance writers a few months ago, to which i applied--twice. first attempt, he claims he never received and asked me to resubmit, which i did. despite his promise of "i will get back to you", he failed to do so. just for the heck of it, i decided to check out his rag, er mag. as i read through the "from the publishers desk" section, i noticed words that sounded familiar. i glanced down and saw my name attached to them. the bastard had used a portion of my cover letter/application, whereby i was offering my thoughts on why i believed his publication would be useful for our community, all without my permission! i called the number in the publication, left a message. the publisher called me back and gave me what was essentially a line of shit. first he tried to insist he had the right to use and publish any e-mail that came to him, without permission. lawyers told me that, he said, to which i said "you need to get yourself a new attorney." i said that was a private e-mail i sent you in response to a position. i was a potential employee seeking work with you. do you really think if i were to apply at a local employer, they could use my information as they saw fit for business purposes? hell no!
at first he tried saying he received so many e-mails, he didn't remember who i was. oh but wait, then he vaguely remembered me. then suddenly, WOW--he remembered who i was. he then tried to butter me up by saying "well i had planned on using you but i didn't see a manuscript". he said there was no attachment (amazing how his memory suddenly came back to him, eh?). i said "of course there was no attachment. i sent you a writing sample at the end of the e-mail, as i noted in my opening paragraph." i then said "if you really were interested in me, i would think you would have simply sent me an e-mail, saying no writing sample was included." he also continued his sleazy sales attempt by saying "well i thought i was doing you a favor. you had such nice things to say about my idea i thought people would read your words and say 'wow, what a nice lady she is.'" to that i said "i don't need you convincing people about how nice i am." please. what an i d i o t. but i will give him this--he sure is good at making shit up on the fly. he will go far in publishing.........
what he did was obvious. he used my words to promote his publication. i said as such and said "can you understand how that feels? you failed to keep your word in getting back to me after i applied but then used my words anyway to promote yourself? that falls under the definition of sleazy to me." he apologized--profusely, he said. but i still didn't buy it. he had a smarmy energy to him. i may be a crabby, disgruntled grump, but at least i am real. i don't try and manipulate my way with people with sleazy tactics. but what can i say? he's an editor, a publisher, a salesman. that's how many of them are. the last one i worked for was very much the same way. give you a smile while lying through his teeth in some fashion. and, like this guy, full of excuses.
as i hung up he said "please make sure and read my publication again". i laughed and said "ha" or some such brilliant word.
so what's up in the news department. i'm too lazy to post links, even though i know those draw my readership. you'll just have to google this stuff yourself this time. rosie o'donnell has now come out of the closet--again you could say. this time about 9/11 and what really happened to the WTC buildings. is it a publicity stunt or her own truth? a bit of both? likely it is her own truth that she is handling in such a way as to keep her publicity in a positive or at least respectable light. also in the news is a revisitation to an old story--about the kid from alaska who, in 2002, paraded across the street from his school with a "bong hits 4 jesus" sign. it's going to the supreme court tomorrow. the headline is hysterical. "'bong hits 4 jesus' case goes to high court" jay leno would have a good time with that one. terrorist mastermind KSM is said to have been responsible for planned attacks on the Plaza Bank in Washington State in 2003, according to the Pentagon. only thing is, Plaza Bank didn't open until 2006. ah, what prolonged torture will do to a person. oh well, it's all ok. it will all get covered up or explained in some way. reading all of this ongoing shit has made me realize it's too heavy for me to carry. i have my own life to focus on. it's a world full of lying pigs for sure oh but wait, we cannot use the word pigs anymore now because it may offend the muslims. google that one too. if you find nothing, look it up on david icke's website. politically correct insanity only furthering the move to censor us all, irregardless of how brilliant or stupid we may sound.
we watched the first season of "weeds" on dvd. i have mixed thoughts on it. there are real issues for sure, but it seems most of the emphasis is on fucking others and getting high. maybe that's what they have to do in the subarbs to stay sane? i guess if i lived in that mold i'd be insane, too--just in a different way than i feel i am now.........the best part of the series is the theme song. and they all live in little boxes made out of ticky tacky and they all look the same.
3.07.2007
Google "Kip Schoning"
a week or so ago i posted a piece about foreclosures in the corvallis/benton county area. one of the persons who has at least one such property is local real estate "professional" (a term i use loosely), kip schoning. today i decided to google his name, see what else i could find. wow! seems as though greed has caught up with mr. schoning and some old fashioned karma is running after him faster than a nascar driver. here's just a sampling of what i found:
http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2006/01/331878.shtml
http://www.ci.corvallis.or.us/council/mail-archive/ward1/msg07301.html
http://www.topix.net/content/cj/9472562118916414048
http://www.indymedia.org/en/localfeatureswire/archive367.shtml (scroll down about 1/3 to get the story)
as i said in my original post, if you see a red door with a sign out front that says either "for rent" or "cash for your property"--RUN AWAY!
http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2006/01/331878.shtml
http://www.ci.corvallis.or.us/council/mail-archive/ward1/msg07301.html
http://www.topix.net/content/cj/9472562118916414048
http://www.indymedia.org/en/localfeatureswire/archive367.shtml (scroll down about 1/3 to get the story)
as i said in my original post, if you see a red door with a sign out front that says either "for rent" or "cash for your property"--RUN AWAY!
2.28.2007
in search of a couch
My spouse and I are looking for a couch. We prefer a solid color, brushed/soft fabric, green or burgundy or purple/plum color. Must be comfortable--NO SAGGING. We can haul and are willing to spend up to $125. If anybody in Corvallis is looking to sell such a couch, please leave me a comment. Please help! We've been sitting on a worn out, ugly plaid couch with scratchy, torn up fabric for years and have finally saved up enough to get us something nice. It's been so uncomfortable, we've had to put plywood under the cushions. That helped for awhile but now the padding is worn out, so sitting on it is literally a pain in the ass. We've resorted to putting a comforter on it for some extra padding. Ugh. : )
you say you want a revolution........
i love the beatles. i love their music. and while i love love love their song "revolution", i've always had issue with the line "but if you wanna talk about destruction, don't you know that you can count me out." ok, maybe not always. in the past, back when my wages were decent and health care and housing affordability wasn't a really big issue, i loved the song in its entirety. i believed the problem was that i needed to free my mind instead. and i could resist the need to revolt in an aggressive way because, afterall, don'tcha know it's gonna be allright.
well "allright" has yet to happen and i have grown up and out of the new age/hippie la la land to know that freedom is not just a state of mind. and today i am tired of hearing rich types spew such mantras. being poor in america 30 plus years ago was a lot different than it is today. take my dad. he grew up in the 40's, poor as you can imagine. his mama worked part-time in a dry cleaning facility. papa was a jeweler, who oddly enough in his eccentric ways, refused money for his services but rather, suits. despite all of this, they owned a home. it wasn't glamourous by any means. in fact, it was old and run down. but they owned it and the land that it sat on. today if you are poor, you can barely afford to rent a home much less own it. bottom line, incomes have not kept up with the cost of, well, everything. back then you could be poor and yet still own a house and get by with just one person working.
today as i wrote out my bills, i longed to write "electricity monopoly" and "insurance monopoly" in the "pay to" section. and one look at my city of corvallis water bill brought forth a scream. $58 fucking dollars?! upon closer inspection i noticed, quite inconspicuously, a little note that said as of february 1st, water would be rising approximately 4.3% per month. nice of them to tell us this after the fact. 4.3%. hmmmm. my hourly rate did jump up last month. let me calculate how much................. .025%. water bill, up 4.3%. electricity up another 7% this past year (approximately 35% in the past 5 years). rent, 10%. my income, up .025%. spouses, up .050%. yep, seems fair to me!
i wonder if john lennon is paying attention. if so, i wonder what he would have to say today.......
well "allright" has yet to happen and i have grown up and out of the new age/hippie la la land to know that freedom is not just a state of mind. and today i am tired of hearing rich types spew such mantras. being poor in america 30 plus years ago was a lot different than it is today. take my dad. he grew up in the 40's, poor as you can imagine. his mama worked part-time in a dry cleaning facility. papa was a jeweler, who oddly enough in his eccentric ways, refused money for his services but rather, suits. despite all of this, they owned a home. it wasn't glamourous by any means. in fact, it was old and run down. but they owned it and the land that it sat on. today if you are poor, you can barely afford to rent a home much less own it. bottom line, incomes have not kept up with the cost of, well, everything. back then you could be poor and yet still own a house and get by with just one person working.
today as i wrote out my bills, i longed to write "electricity monopoly" and "insurance monopoly" in the "pay to" section. and one look at my city of corvallis water bill brought forth a scream. $58 fucking dollars?! upon closer inspection i noticed, quite inconspicuously, a little note that said as of february 1st, water would be rising approximately 4.3% per month. nice of them to tell us this after the fact. 4.3%. hmmmm. my hourly rate did jump up last month. let me calculate how much................. .025%. water bill, up 4.3%. electricity up another 7% this past year (approximately 35% in the past 5 years). rent, 10%. my income, up .025%. spouses, up .050%. yep, seems fair to me!
i wonder if john lennon is paying attention. if so, i wonder what he would have to say today.......
2.25.2007
a leak in the housing bubble here in benton county
a visit to foreclosures.com shows there may, at least, finally be a noticable leak in the housing bubble. housing in benton county, in particular corvallis, is so obscenely over-priced. i first visited the foreclosure website around 4 years ago. at that time, there was only a couple of foreclosures in corvallis and one in philomath. today? 14. 26 more are in preforeclosure status. one of the sufferers? kip schoning, local real estate mogul turned slumlord. ah, karma is a beautiful thing, ain't it? if you see a property with a red door and a for rent sign, run as fast as you can, far far away. my spouse and i have checked out several of these properties in the past when we have been in the market for a home to rent. we walked away from each property, laughing. NO THANK YOU in one of the homes, the floor actually slanted. i remember thinking how in the hell can this be legal to rent?
while a part of me doesn't wish to see people lose their homes, the part of me that longs to own a home of my own and is oh so tired of being pissed as hell that despite both my spouse and i working we are not able to afford one, well, i want to see something change. i want to see the bubble burst (or at least spring a leak) and home prices brought back down to where they should have remained--keeping up with inflation. i know that would mean a lot of financial suffering for many, but hell, that has been my life for long enough. if people have to deal with loss so that folks like myself and my spouse can finally get into a home of our own, then so be it. i've been screaming for years my ideas on sharing the wealth, my thoughts about balance and how economies collapse when they are out of balance for so long. who has listened? certainly no one of real importance (to the world that is).
one day, perhaps very soon, people will remember my words and they will say "maybe she had a point. maybe we should have listened to her."
while a part of me doesn't wish to see people lose their homes, the part of me that longs to own a home of my own and is oh so tired of being pissed as hell that despite both my spouse and i working we are not able to afford one, well, i want to see something change. i want to see the bubble burst (or at least spring a leak) and home prices brought back down to where they should have remained--keeping up with inflation. i know that would mean a lot of financial suffering for many, but hell, that has been my life for long enough. if people have to deal with loss so that folks like myself and my spouse can finally get into a home of our own, then so be it. i've been screaming for years my ideas on sharing the wealth, my thoughts about balance and how economies collapse when they are out of balance for so long. who has listened? certainly no one of real importance (to the world that is).
one day, perhaps very soon, people will remember my words and they will say "maybe she had a point. maybe we should have listened to her."
2.23.2007
a modicum of hope for the MSM
ok, so it's a local news station. hope is hope i figure. i have no link for this given i just witnessed it on tv less than 15 minutes ago. eugene's KMTR news station aired a report on this evening's 5pm broadcast about the x-ray scanning machine at the arizona airport--the one that gives screeners an intimate view of what's underneath our clothing. renee mccullough, one of the news anchors, was covering the piece and added that two other airports were considering adding this technology sometime in the upcoming year. i don't recall what the other two airports are as i wasn't paying close attention. however, what she added at the end prompted me into alert mode. she said, "well, that is three places i won't be traveling to this year." wow. a sign of defiance. it's about time. "rock on sister!" i said to the tv screen, raising a saluted fist into the air as a sign of solidarity.
the look on her face was a combination of "woops" and "darn right". her co-anchor smiled as well in a way that said "yep, she said it allright" and "ok what do we do next".
if we all say "no" to traveling to airports that use this invasive means of looking for box cutters, etc., they will have no choice but to listen to us. start a new trend. "if you wish to view my private cohorts, i won't be passing through your airports."
the look on her face was a combination of "woops" and "darn right". her co-anchor smiled as well in a way that said "yep, she said it allright" and "ok what do we do next".
if we all say "no" to traveling to airports that use this invasive means of looking for box cutters, etc., they will have no choice but to listen to us. start a new trend. "if you wish to view my private cohorts, i won't be passing through your airports."
2.20.2007
little bit o' this, little bit o' that........as heard on talk radio
i haven't listened to talk radio in years. i used to listen to it at a former place of employment to pass the time. lately, given the tedious and boring nature of my current job, i realized i needed some outside distraction to make the time pass quicker. thus i began listening to talk radio again. i was hoping for more progressive or at least more balanced talk. i searched and searched. not even npr could enlighten or soothe me........ if it's possible, these freaks have become even more ridiculous in their babbling barrage of bullshit.
1) john edwards came out today and announced israel is the greatest threat to world peace. according to michael savage, anyone who supports that position is an anti-semite. did you know that? i'm jewish (by blood only) and while i can't quite say if they are THE greatest threat, they certainly don't score any bonus points for peace with me. (i'm not a fan of john edwards but i am silently cheering him for having the balls to bring the other side of middle east politics to light.)
2) rush limbaugh has been nominated for a nobel peace prize. i know, i know. are you peeing your pants yet from hysterical bursts of laughter? i haven't heard yet for what and that continues to be my question. i'm thinking it's a public relations ploy. if anything, it gives me a good case of the giggles whenever i hear him plug the news. the day rush is a nobel peace prize winner is the day i convert to his brilliant political philosophy.
3) our own albany/corvallis company morse bros. is changing its name to "knife river". (check on the spelling if you wish. i'm too lazy.) knife river is a mega corporation based out of north dakota. they currently "own" (a polite term for "sleazy takeover") 60 other companies. they have owned morse. bros. for the past 9 years, but for some reason, are only now deciding to change the name. why? well according to morse bros. it is to "better serve our customers". ok and how many people are going to buy that with a smile and a nod? watch out all vendors and customers of morse. bros. things are about ready to go even more corporate on your watch and dollar.
4) our brilliant oregon legislatures have decided not to pass legislation making it a traffic offense to talk on the cell phone whilst driving. instead, they decided on a bill that said police may ticket a driver if they are noticeably distracted as a result of talking on their cell phone. now see, the thing is, police can already ticket a motorist for showing signs of being distracted whilst driving, irregardless of what the driver's chosen "distracting" activity is. no way will this change the behavior of stupid ass motorists who "think" they can drive and talk at the same time. while i dislike government intrusion, after having experienced numerous near-miss collisions myself and having witnessed numerous near-miss collisions not to mention the numerous times i have seen people run red lights and stop signs, all resulting from people driving and talking, i was in strong support of ticketing these morons.
5) and once again, the people in the state of oregon are crying how we need more money, more taxes raised, for our children, our schools. give me a break. tax the corporations at the level they deserve to be and you'll have your funding. until then, quit expecting your neighbors to cough it up. start running the schools like any other business and STOP running it like a beaucratic governmental nightmare that it is. lookit the truth, people. and speak up about it. this ongoing whine of "we need more money" has yet to fix the fiasco of public education. i had the privilege to speak with and interview the former assistant superintendent of corvallis public schools a few years ago when i was a freelance writer for a local publication. also sitting in on the meeting was someone from accounting. i was shown a chart. 85 cents for every dollar given to education goes to teacher's salaries and benefits. that's right. EIGHTY-FIVE CENTS. that means a whopping 15 cents goes to our kids. a large part of the problem was, if you haven't already guessed, the huge increase in health insurance coverage.
6) lots of backlash aimed at and against illegal immigrants that is, in my opinion, misguided. lets throw it where it belongs... on the employers who hire these folks... on government officials, who now brilliantly are discussing whether to give these folks social security and workers comp. benefits. but of course what the people don't want to see, or won't see, or can't see because they're too glued to the babble that comes out of the mouths of the MSM and talk radio garbage, is that our government obviously wants these people infiltrating into our country. there's money to be made from hiring an illegal. big biz and uncle sam know that and thus, will allow it to continue. just follow the money and you'll find the answers. and given the upcoming North American Union, a beautiful marriage of america, canada and mexico, we will only see more of the same.
6) did you know that america is going to hell quickly, in large part, because gays and lesbians are allowed to continue living together and are allowed to adopt? i did not know that. dang. and here i foolishly thought it was due to government corruption and big business greed. whew. at least now i know who to blame. ranting about uncle sam and his mistress big "bosom" biz was getting very tiring!
1) john edwards came out today and announced israel is the greatest threat to world peace. according to michael savage, anyone who supports that position is an anti-semite. did you know that? i'm jewish (by blood only) and while i can't quite say if they are THE greatest threat, they certainly don't score any bonus points for peace with me. (i'm not a fan of john edwards but i am silently cheering him for having the balls to bring the other side of middle east politics to light.)
2) rush limbaugh has been nominated for a nobel peace prize. i know, i know. are you peeing your pants yet from hysterical bursts of laughter? i haven't heard yet for what and that continues to be my question. i'm thinking it's a public relations ploy. if anything, it gives me a good case of the giggles whenever i hear him plug the news. the day rush is a nobel peace prize winner is the day i convert to his brilliant political philosophy.
3) our own albany/corvallis company morse bros. is changing its name to "knife river". (check on the spelling if you wish. i'm too lazy.) knife river is a mega corporation based out of north dakota. they currently "own" (a polite term for "sleazy takeover") 60 other companies. they have owned morse. bros. for the past 9 years, but for some reason, are only now deciding to change the name. why? well according to morse bros. it is to "better serve our customers". ok and how many people are going to buy that with a smile and a nod? watch out all vendors and customers of morse. bros. things are about ready to go even more corporate on your watch and dollar.
4) our brilliant oregon legislatures have decided not to pass legislation making it a traffic offense to talk on the cell phone whilst driving. instead, they decided on a bill that said police may ticket a driver if they are noticeably distracted as a result of talking on their cell phone. now see, the thing is, police can already ticket a motorist for showing signs of being distracted whilst driving, irregardless of what the driver's chosen "distracting" activity is. no way will this change the behavior of stupid ass motorists who "think" they can drive and talk at the same time. while i dislike government intrusion, after having experienced numerous near-miss collisions myself and having witnessed numerous near-miss collisions not to mention the numerous times i have seen people run red lights and stop signs, all resulting from people driving and talking, i was in strong support of ticketing these morons.
5) and once again, the people in the state of oregon are crying how we need more money, more taxes raised, for our children, our schools. give me a break. tax the corporations at the level they deserve to be and you'll have your funding. until then, quit expecting your neighbors to cough it up. start running the schools like any other business and STOP running it like a beaucratic governmental nightmare that it is. lookit the truth, people. and speak up about it. this ongoing whine of "we need more money" has yet to fix the fiasco of public education. i had the privilege to speak with and interview the former assistant superintendent of corvallis public schools a few years ago when i was a freelance writer for a local publication. also sitting in on the meeting was someone from accounting. i was shown a chart. 85 cents for every dollar given to education goes to teacher's salaries and benefits. that's right. EIGHTY-FIVE CENTS. that means a whopping 15 cents goes to our kids. a large part of the problem was, if you haven't already guessed, the huge increase in health insurance coverage.
6) lots of backlash aimed at and against illegal immigrants that is, in my opinion, misguided. lets throw it where it belongs... on the employers who hire these folks... on government officials, who now brilliantly are discussing whether to give these folks social security and workers comp. benefits. but of course what the people don't want to see, or won't see, or can't see because they're too glued to the babble that comes out of the mouths of the MSM and talk radio garbage, is that our government obviously wants these people infiltrating into our country. there's money to be made from hiring an illegal. big biz and uncle sam know that and thus, will allow it to continue. just follow the money and you'll find the answers. and given the upcoming North American Union, a beautiful marriage of america, canada and mexico, we will only see more of the same.
6) did you know that america is going to hell quickly, in large part, because gays and lesbians are allowed to continue living together and are allowed to adopt? i did not know that. dang. and here i foolishly thought it was due to government corruption and big business greed. whew. at least now i know who to blame. ranting about uncle sam and his mistress big "bosom" biz was getting very tiring!
2.15.2007
workin' for a living......
i'm ready for a revolution. let's do it. i'm sick of slaving away for a pitiful wage. i'm especially sick of working for a wealthy university who will not pay me a living wage. i have realized a growing apathy with the work i perform. even though my work benefits and helps the disabled student, i'm tired of working the hours i do only to see the reality of my meager paycheck.
this all hit me like a brick wall recently as i added up my hours. my job has finally, after sticking it out for over a year, turned into the kind of job i was told it would in terms of hours. as i excitedly added up my hours i multiplied them by my hourly rate. my excitement was quickly deflated as i saw the amount. i worked this fucking hard for this many hours and this is all i am going to have to show for it? what's frustrating is that if i were doing this same kind of work for say the forestry or engineering departments, my pay would be double what it is. it's all on what we value and that is money and what stands a better chance of bringing in money to the glorified university: science and technology departments or disability services.
i worked under the table yesterday for someone i know who owns a flower shop. i delivered a lot of beautiful flower arrangements in some big ass (and heavy!) vases yesterday. and again, considering the hours i worked and the type of work i was doing (you try loading and unloading a massive arrangement of exotic flowers out of a small sedan), when i added up the amount i would be receiving, i felt deflated. apathetic. the amount of money people in this town spent alone on flowers was in a way, a bit sickening. i felt like a hypocrite passing the old man on the street, hauling his collection of aluminum cans as i delivered my arrangement of flowers to the next unsuspecting customer. that $50 could have provided that man with 2 weeks worth of food.
that's the kinds of things i think about. and it is that kind of thinking that has prompted my spouse and i to stop honoring the retail frenzy holidays. yesterday was the first valentines day that we didn't spend a dime on each other (not that we have a dime to spend on one another this year). in a way it felt strange, but it also felt empowering. it's just one more moment in our awakening, where we realize living life on autopilot and following the crowd isn't what it's cracked up to be. we are more the types to think "ok so that is how things are. it sucks. how can things be better?"
working for a living is certainly at the top of our agenda. how can we create an income that provides us what we need and desire plus doesn't hurt our bodies in the process. (my spouses position requires a lot of lifting, bending, stooping and standing on hard surfaces. my position requires a lot of repetitive movement with a mouse. both of us deal with physical problems as a result.) i certainly don't buy into the 40 hour work week. i never have. it's a ridiculous amount of time to put into something that most of us don't particularly enjoy, taking us away from the very people we have chosen to be with, the very people with whome we would much prefer to be spending the bulk of our time. give me 20 hours a week doing something i love that pays me what i desire and determine i am worthy of. people have a problem with that concept though. i cannot tell you how many times i have been told i am lazy or demanding and my very favorite, "but nina, that isn't how things are." as though the "how things are" is some rule forever cast in stone, never to be touched. please. it's all simply what people have created it to be. and as i always say (to the annoyance of some), "we can create something new together if we really want."
i ask myself "why did i come here? what is my purpose?" quite often these days. while i am not a religious person, i do believe we go on to a different level of existance. i believe in freedom of choice in this "afterworld" and i believe i made the choice to come here as i did (although i have come to believe i am always in a state of "evolvement" and as such was under some real illusions as to my full potential even in this afterworld including the concepts of reincarnation and karma). now the questions have become "WHY?" and "what am i here to do?" i don't know yet but i hope to know soon because i simply am not enjoying my life the way i know i could. and while i have some modicum of hope that there will be changes in the system (i.e.--wealth will be returned to the citizens who need it most, housing and health care will be brought back into a balance so all can afford, employment will be abundant and will provide living wage for all and if this isn't the case, there will be income assistance programs, etc. etc. etc), i am fairly certain this won't be happening in my lifetime. even the most "progressive" of folks still cling to the notions of rugged individualism and capitalism. but i know that no civilization lasts forever. no system, especially a system that creates so much unbalance, will last long without collapsing. my concern, fear actually, is that if this does happen in my lifetime, another system equally as unfair and lacking in values such as respect and sharing will be created.
but that doesn't have to be the case so long as people open their minds to the knowings and desires of the heart and soul. that takes time, something that is indeed lacking in today's modern way of living. our elected officials have failed to address this. the church has failed to address this. business has failed to address this as has the media. our time is focused on things that keep us away from these knowings and desires. but they're still there. and it is my wish for humanity to open up to them and claim them and unite together in a strong spirit of love for change. i'm oh so very ready and oh so very willing. are you?
this all hit me like a brick wall recently as i added up my hours. my job has finally, after sticking it out for over a year, turned into the kind of job i was told it would in terms of hours. as i excitedly added up my hours i multiplied them by my hourly rate. my excitement was quickly deflated as i saw the amount. i worked this fucking hard for this many hours and this is all i am going to have to show for it? what's frustrating is that if i were doing this same kind of work for say the forestry or engineering departments, my pay would be double what it is. it's all on what we value and that is money and what stands a better chance of bringing in money to the glorified university: science and technology departments or disability services.
i worked under the table yesterday for someone i know who owns a flower shop. i delivered a lot of beautiful flower arrangements in some big ass (and heavy!) vases yesterday. and again, considering the hours i worked and the type of work i was doing (you try loading and unloading a massive arrangement of exotic flowers out of a small sedan), when i added up the amount i would be receiving, i felt deflated. apathetic. the amount of money people in this town spent alone on flowers was in a way, a bit sickening. i felt like a hypocrite passing the old man on the street, hauling his collection of aluminum cans as i delivered my arrangement of flowers to the next unsuspecting customer. that $50 could have provided that man with 2 weeks worth of food.
that's the kinds of things i think about. and it is that kind of thinking that has prompted my spouse and i to stop honoring the retail frenzy holidays. yesterday was the first valentines day that we didn't spend a dime on each other (not that we have a dime to spend on one another this year). in a way it felt strange, but it also felt empowering. it's just one more moment in our awakening, where we realize living life on autopilot and following the crowd isn't what it's cracked up to be. we are more the types to think "ok so that is how things are. it sucks. how can things be better?"
working for a living is certainly at the top of our agenda. how can we create an income that provides us what we need and desire plus doesn't hurt our bodies in the process. (my spouses position requires a lot of lifting, bending, stooping and standing on hard surfaces. my position requires a lot of repetitive movement with a mouse. both of us deal with physical problems as a result.) i certainly don't buy into the 40 hour work week. i never have. it's a ridiculous amount of time to put into something that most of us don't particularly enjoy, taking us away from the very people we have chosen to be with, the very people with whome we would much prefer to be spending the bulk of our time. give me 20 hours a week doing something i love that pays me what i desire and determine i am worthy of. people have a problem with that concept though. i cannot tell you how many times i have been told i am lazy or demanding and my very favorite, "but nina, that isn't how things are." as though the "how things are" is some rule forever cast in stone, never to be touched. please. it's all simply what people have created it to be. and as i always say (to the annoyance of some), "we can create something new together if we really want."
i ask myself "why did i come here? what is my purpose?" quite often these days. while i am not a religious person, i do believe we go on to a different level of existance. i believe in freedom of choice in this "afterworld" and i believe i made the choice to come here as i did (although i have come to believe i am always in a state of "evolvement" and as such was under some real illusions as to my full potential even in this afterworld including the concepts of reincarnation and karma). now the questions have become "WHY?" and "what am i here to do?" i don't know yet but i hope to know soon because i simply am not enjoying my life the way i know i could. and while i have some modicum of hope that there will be changes in the system (i.e.--wealth will be returned to the citizens who need it most, housing and health care will be brought back into a balance so all can afford, employment will be abundant and will provide living wage for all and if this isn't the case, there will be income assistance programs, etc. etc. etc), i am fairly certain this won't be happening in my lifetime. even the most "progressive" of folks still cling to the notions of rugged individualism and capitalism. but i know that no civilization lasts forever. no system, especially a system that creates so much unbalance, will last long without collapsing. my concern, fear actually, is that if this does happen in my lifetime, another system equally as unfair and lacking in values such as respect and sharing will be created.
but that doesn't have to be the case so long as people open their minds to the knowings and desires of the heart and soul. that takes time, something that is indeed lacking in today's modern way of living. our elected officials have failed to address this. the church has failed to address this. business has failed to address this as has the media. our time is focused on things that keep us away from these knowings and desires. but they're still there. and it is my wish for humanity to open up to them and claim them and unite together in a strong spirit of love for change. i'm oh so very ready and oh so very willing. are you?
2.07.2007
summing up global warming......
........as heard last night on coast to coast radio. cannot recall the name of the guest--i tuned in late and only listened for about 15 minutes. the discussion at the moment was global warming, the on-going debates people and the science community engage in--is it a natural cycle or is it human caused. as this guest said, it doesn't matter at this point. he nailed it when he said "the air is a mess. we need to clean it up."
2.04.2007
Just An Example of What Greed Has Done To Our Beautiful Planet
in our species non-stop quest for wealth, we once again see how the need for greed can cause us to do terribly abusive things to the world around us. in this case, people are cutting down trees, destroying what once was a pristine rain forest, in order to claim a few nuggets of gold. it appears as though most of these folks are poor to begin with so their plight, i can honestly and heartfully understand. i know from experience the desperation one feels when living in poverty. i know the stress and the fatigue that goes hand-in-hand with living in poverty. i know the frustration and the anger one feels when watching others bank accounts go through the roof while you work every bit as hard just to make enough to pay the rent and utilities. deep inside you know "this isn't right." and most importantly, "things don't have to be this way."
i want to believe that if i were faced with an opportunity like this, i wouldn't throw my respect for this planet out the window, the way so many of the already wealthy/elite have done. what happens when this forest has been forever destroyed? has our search for riches rendered us blind and worse, utterly uncaring as to the long term consequences? what good is all that wealth when our planet is no longer able to sustain our lifestyles and begins bumping us off (as she is already showing signs of doing)?
i swear to the cosmos we are desperately in need of a new way of living, a new way of being. but first comes first. we need a new way of THINKING.
it's easy to say we need to take away the wealth from the elitists and redistribute it. it's easy to think changing political figures will equally solve the problem. but change has to come from awakening to something new and different, to knowing things can be different. something that doesn't come from inside a book or church. something that comes from within. i'm not a religious person for sure, but when i think about this, that is how i define "god". that part of us that has always been there. that part of us that isn't influenced by the rules of our families, our communities, our society. it's something that cannot be defined. but when you are in tune with it, you know it ain't going anywhere. it's solid. and it always has concern for the well being of everyone and everything. always.
we've lost that. we've lost it in our quest for more. we've lost it in our desire to please those who tell us they are in charge. we've lost it from being told who are are and who we aren't. we've lost it in our anger and in our rage. we've lost it in our apathy and sense of powerlessness, instead thinking of "that's the way things are" as something that is permanent.
i love the song "amazing grace". while i can do without the phrase "that saved a wretch like me", there is an energy that song talks about--that sense of grace. that sense of remembering who you are. it is going to take us remembering that if we are ever to actually see the kind of world we all like to talk about: a world of peace for all life forms.
i want to believe that if i were faced with an opportunity like this, i wouldn't throw my respect for this planet out the window, the way so many of the already wealthy/elite have done. what happens when this forest has been forever destroyed? has our search for riches rendered us blind and worse, utterly uncaring as to the long term consequences? what good is all that wealth when our planet is no longer able to sustain our lifestyles and begins bumping us off (as she is already showing signs of doing)?
i swear to the cosmos we are desperately in need of a new way of living, a new way of being. but first comes first. we need a new way of THINKING.
it's easy to say we need to take away the wealth from the elitists and redistribute it. it's easy to think changing political figures will equally solve the problem. but change has to come from awakening to something new and different, to knowing things can be different. something that doesn't come from inside a book or church. something that comes from within. i'm not a religious person for sure, but when i think about this, that is how i define "god". that part of us that has always been there. that part of us that isn't influenced by the rules of our families, our communities, our society. it's something that cannot be defined. but when you are in tune with it, you know it ain't going anywhere. it's solid. and it always has concern for the well being of everyone and everything. always.
we've lost that. we've lost it in our quest for more. we've lost it in our desire to please those who tell us they are in charge. we've lost it from being told who are are and who we aren't. we've lost it in our anger and in our rage. we've lost it in our apathy and sense of powerlessness, instead thinking of "that's the way things are" as something that is permanent.
i love the song "amazing grace". while i can do without the phrase "that saved a wretch like me", there is an energy that song talks about--that sense of grace. that sense of remembering who you are. it is going to take us remembering that if we are ever to actually see the kind of world we all like to talk about: a world of peace for all life forms.
2.01.2007
Are You A Disgruntled Worker?
if so, i have just the website for you. come on all you oregonians. come one come all, all of you willamette valley workers. visit and vent, all you under-paid workers of corvallis, albany, portland, salem, eugene. let the world know how truly disgruntled you are. release some pressure without doing something that will land you in jail. stick it to the "man" who sticks it to you everyday.
ok, i've run out of cliches. go have some fun!
nina
ok, i've run out of cliches. go have some fun!
nina
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