Who I Used To Be......

i was remembering some of the old beliefs i used to have. it's hard for me not to laugh today...not necessarily at myself, but how ridiculous some now seem to me. perhaps though, most, if not all, weren't really beliefs i held. perhaps the truth is that they were someone elses beliefs that were spoon fed to me. and i being the trusting, naive little sponge, soaked it all up. and in doing so, my own voice was left alone in the dark. thank god she's a screamer. : )

here they are in no particular order:

1) i used to believe the gay lifestyle was sinful and that gays and lesbians were going to hell.

2) along those lines, i used to believe in a real place called hell. you know the deal. fire and brimstone. damnation. a devil with the pointed ears and, in my vision, really bad teeth.

3) i used to believe in a god that was male, complete with penis and chest hair. he had an issue with women, too. he didn't like them speaking out too much. again, thank god my inner voice is a screamer.

4) i used to believe women were subservient to men (oh geez, is that a hard one to own). men were the head of the household--their needs came first. (thanks mom.) holding that attitude started my whole struggle with anxiety and panic. put your needs last long enough and you start to lose it.......

5) i used to believe in our government. i used to believe everything they told my television monitor.

6) i used to believe in the american dream. now i see it for what it really is--just a dream. and until people wake the fuck up and demand a different, fairer, just and better society, it will continue to be only a dream.

7) i used to believe people who lived in poverty were worthless, lazy and stupid. life made sure i swallowed, digested and eliminated that pill.

8) i used to believe my family would be there for me no matter what. another equally bitter pill to swallow.

9) i used to support the minimum wage laws. no longer. if it's not a living wage, it's slavery. criminal. period.

10) i used to believe my vote really counted. now with seeing how easy it is to rig a voting machine and upon realizing people are often appointed by a select few THEN elected, well you get the picture.......

11) i used to believe i could have it all if i worked hard enough. tell that to my frazzled, fatigued brain and body. it's a myth created to keep us enslaved to "how things are". the media only shows us those people whose hard work paid off. they fail to spotlight the millions whose hard work does not pay off.

12) i used to believe i had to earn my worth.