What the fuck? Enough already! I am so tired of seeing so much outrage when an imperfect human being lets loose outloud one of his or her prejudices. WE ALL HAVE THEM. Rather than focus on suing or punishing the individual, let's use this as an opportunity for REAL dialogue. Honest, pure, blunt dialogue about the stereotypes, the prejudices and all the "nasty" little thoughts we all hold about one another at times.
Where's this same outrage when gays are attacked with ugly names? Or women who have to use their bodies to make money because daddy has left the scene? Or even when people attack the non-believers (and believers for that matter)? Or the asians? Or the middle easterners? etc. etc. etc.
I'll start the conversation with my own prejudices. This isn't meant to upset anyone, although I realize I'm sure a lot of buttons will be pushed. That's a good thing! That means a painful issue has been triggered. You can't heal from something unless and until it's acknowledged. When I'm in back of a slow driver, I automatically assume it's an asian person. Or an old person. When I'm correct, I say A HA! In my mind, slow drivers are asians and old people. When I hear of a male abusing a female, I think "men are pigs." I also have, something I just realized the past few months, a disgust for mothers--at least ones who look and act a certain way. This is likely due to the relationship I have with my own mother--of which I am now diving deep into the recesses of my pain and confusion after removing the guilt that kept me from doing so. I also hear the "n" word go through my mind when I see a black person do something that upsets me. If you're jewish, I'm likely to think at some point that you're a whiney, wealthy idiot. (And I am half jewish by heritage!) If I see college students driving expensive vehicles, I think "spoiled brat". If you're hispanic, I at times assume you're either lazy or taking over our country. And I also assume if you're a republican or a christian, you are someone whose value system doesn't come close to the superiority that is mine. Actually I will take that one step further. If you either a democrat or a republican or religious, then blah blah blah.....
Some of these thoughts were formed due to direct experience. Take for instance the men are pigs mantra. That came from being raised by a man who verbally abused me and called me names. He had this hatred towards me at times (that was unpredictable) I never understood. One moment he would be so unbelievably ugly towards me, the next, the most loving daddy I could want. Then I married the first guy who asked me (while I ignored those who really cared for me--that was too scary for me) and spent the next 7 years being ignored. Being date raped after I divorced him didn't help matters. The college students who today I sometimes think "spoiled brat" comes from me being raised by a father whose priority was to own the best homes, the nicest cars, while his children went without. A father who cheated on my mother and spent my college money on his mid life "crisis".
Most of the rest were formed due to the crap that permeates our society. None of us are immune to it. Most of us though are unwilling to own those thoughts. It's time we do so. Maybe then the finger pointing will end and honest talk will begin. And it is only through such dialogue that healing and coming together can happen.
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3 comments:
I'm asian and I drive slow, but it has more to do with avoiding unnecessary risk and saving fuel than the slant of my eyes.
I don't know what Imus said, but from what I've gathered it was stupid and insensitive. But you're right, the fact that he said it and is now facing the consequences is better than if he hadn't said it and continued on thinking and believing what he did. IOW, better to inadvertently air dirty laundry than never air it at all.
i wasn't sure what kind of responses i would receive after i made that entry, especially being i shared some of my own prejudices, etc.
if i can express another one, i would rather have the streets full of slow cautious drivers than speeding red neck road ragers. i hope i didn't offend you with my asian driver comment. i realize i risked doing that when i shared in that way. but like you said, it's better to get it out in the open. at least then real dialogue can occur.
I wasn't offended. we definitely need to talk more about race and ethnicity and prejudice (iow, prematurely judging) and I appreciate your honesty. Like you I'm guilty of it also. I look at the greek community on campus and automatically assume the worst (ie, brainwashed mass-consumer, programmed and trained to fully participate in the status quo, bankrupt economic system house of cards on the verge of collapse.):) I also look at some poor white people and assume meth., to name a couple examples, but I'm working on recognizing God in everyone and making that manifest in society.
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