On Love and Marriage......

i was reading the rant this morning of a young woman who is frustrated with her spouse. they married young, had kids right away. she doesn't feel that spark anymore and feels as though she's the only one intent on working on the relationship. and yet, she laments "are relationships really this much work?!" poor thing. i've been there before.......

this caused me to reflect back on my own experiences. we live in a culture that says once you meet the right one, everything will be heavenly. we live in a culture that promotes romantic love instead of the realities of trying to mix daily life with love. i grew up like a lot of young girls, fantasizing about my prince coming to rescue me. my childhood felt like a prison at times, so i often fantasized to bring myself some relief. however, in doing so i was focused on someone else freeing me, someone else making me happy. i'd meet mr. right and everything would be wonderful.

to all searchers of love and newly married people--THIS IS AN ILLUSION. lol

mr. nina and i met in our 30's. and while the story of our meeting is indeed one for the fairy tale books (i gotta share that story one day--it really is cool and, :::sigh:::, oh so romantic), we have both had to learn that happiness is based on many factors. having a partner you feel very connected with brings an overall sense of belongingness and has, at least for us, erased a lot of the lonliness we had both felt, but it is not the miracle cure so many seekers seem to think it is.

back to the young woman's rant. yes, relationships do require work, although i don't like that word. our society is obsessed on the word "work" as though everything worth having is worth sacrificing--the more the better. (anthony hopkins laughed when told "you must work really hard". he said "i haven't worked a day in my life.") i like the phrase "tending to". it's like if you ignore your own self, you start showing signs of trouble. pay attention to your partner. show appreciation regularly. play together. check in with one another regularly. listen. most importantly, perhaps, be the kind of partner you want in return. and don't forget to snuggle and touch often--daily is best. sometimes it is in those moments of silence where everything is understood, everything is ok.