Stinkin', Flippin' Mad

Where do I begin? There are so many things upsetting me this morning I could fuel a fleet of 747's with the energy of my anger flowing through me.

There's a beautiful house sitting vacant down the street. It's been vacant for two years now. that's right. TWO YEARS. The owners had it for rent for over a year with no takers. About 8 months in, I phoned them up and gave them an offer. It was a few hundred dollars less than what they were asking for, but I thought I'd give it a shot anyway. Afterall, it had been sitting vacant for months, so these folks were likely losing money. Well, I was laughed at. They couldn't afford to rent it at that price. But it's been vacant for almost 8 months, I said. And we'd guarantee you 12 months. Nope. That was over a year ago. And it still sits empty and alone. Idiots.

What a fucking waste of a beautiful resource. I could smack people like this upside the head. This place could house about 25 homeless people on any given night. Whoever owns it seems to no longer care about it. The yard has become an eyesore. Looking inside, it's not much better. The beautiful hardwood floors are dusty and scuffed up. There's a dead, rotting tree out back. It sickens me to the pit of Who I Am when I see such irresponsibility. What greedy self-centered fucktards these people must be in order to care so little about something that folks such as my spouse and I would give just about ANYTHING to own, much less live in. On an upnote, Mr. Nina and I discovered a wonderful, lush garden of strawberries in their yard that we've been picking off of the past couple of weeks. We have 3/4 of a freezer bag full already of lush, ripe, delicious and I am assuming, organic strawberries. YUMMY!

I had a hard time, a very hard time these days, wondering how people can support the current system. I question why folks flip out and go into their hardened shells when words like love and compassion and the concepts of socialism and sharing the wealth are presented to them. Do people really think it's ok to create and live in a world where we keep our love and compassion locked up in a safe box as we head out into the world with our hats of rugged individualism and distrust??? WHERE IN THE FUCK IS THE IDEALISM THAT THIS COUNTRY WAS SUPPOSEDLY FOUNDED ON??!! Have we lost it feeding our minds, hearts and souls to the system of greed?!

Our electricity has jumped up once again. This time it's due to a credit that was distributed to Pacific Power by the BPA (Bonneville Power Admin), which the BPA has decided not to offer anymore. Think Pacific Power would eat that one instead of taking it away from their customers? I mean come on, given their rates have jumped a good 30% in the past 7 years or so, you would think someone at that place has an ounce of compassion inside, right? Nope. (Now remember folks, if Nina were in charge, there would be no mega monopolies. Folks would have a variety of sources from which to seek and thus choose from their electricity/energy needs.)

Also up, once again, is our milk (up forty cents in the past 2 months). The price of corn is up due to the demand for ethanol (FOCUS SHOULD BE ON THE ELECTRIC CAR, PERIOD). Blah blah blah. So once again, GOD FORBID Corporate America eat the cost. Pass it on to Mom and Pop and their kiddies.

Insurance premium, up 20%.

I swear, same shit, different day. Me, this one little person, can't do a damn thing about it. I called Puget Power. I called our insurance company. I've told them "what if I refuse?" Sure. Like that's going to scare these corporate pigs. I lose services, that's what happens.

Know what? A part of me doesn't care. Doesn't care one fucking bit. Go ahead, cut me off. I'm sick of feeding into your filth quite frankly. Beyind sick, to be truthful. I've become so filled with disgust towards how things are. I struggle every fucking day in one way or another in how I can cohabit amongst a system that goes so contrary to my values. I put on a smile--a lot. That mask I wear so that others don't see how flipping angry and deeply saddened I am. I listen to self empowerment tapes. I try and find some ounce of gratitude for something every day. Little things to escape from the hell and thus, remember who I really am. But god damn....if this continues on course, the system will break me. And even though I like to think of myself as a fighter, lately I wonder if being a part of this system is even worth it anymore. Being free is better than being a slave.

The only answer I have and keep coming back to is to get busy with others who feel the same way, pool our resources, our talents, our gifts, go buy a chunk of land in some remote location (rocky mountains sounds good to me) and create our own intentional, self-containing community. The idea of being paid $8.50/hour, watching that pitiful wage going towards $700/month for an old, run down house, watching the insurance pigs, the energy fucks, our local city water folks and others like them suck off me until I'm dry is no longer tolerable.