so yesterday i was angry and apathetic...........i just gotta give myself the time to go into those funky spaces...........i find when i dive right in and swim around without judging myself i find my life raft: HOPE.
as i thought about the word hope, i thought it's a good acronym for Holding On desPite the Evidence....there is a lot of evidence around me that says we are losing a lot of what we once held to be precious about our country, our planet.......our world......and yet, damnit, i still have this little voice that says "don't give up." hope.
hope for a global chance on consciousness. hope that we can all remember our connection. hope that we will remember how fragile and special and wonderful we are. hope that we will remember how incredible of a home we can make this planet if only. if only..........
the potential is there.
***
i was driving home today. i've been a bit sick the past week or so. one of those really weird viruses that linger. you think you've kicked it out of your system for good so you get back into the swing of life again. as you do so, you feel a wind being knocked out of you, that nasty little virus rearing it's head saying "he he! not so fast sister! i'm still here partying with your immune system!" anyway, i had done quite a few errands and as such, i was feeling bloody tired. which means i am prone to being pissy............ so i'm driving home and come to an intersection. some car (with a person in it of course) was sitting at the intersection, not budging. what the hell is your problem?? i'm thinking. "GO MORON!" i said outloud, waving them through. it wasn't until i saw the smile and the wave that i realized it was my neighbor. suddenly i felt a sense of remorse and guilt. i wanted to shrink into my seat and disappear. she had arrived at the intersection and decided, upon seeing me, to let me go first.
i smiled and waved back, thinking "i'm sorry!" over and over again. i thought about that experience as i drove home. she went from being a clueless moron to my sweet neighbor in a matter of moments. did she do anything to cause this change? not really. she just made herself reconizable. but for some reason, i was more forgiving, even remorseful, because i knew her. i asked myself if this had happened a year ago, prior to her moving in next door, prior to my knowing her, would i have changed my thoughts and thus my reaction?
likely not. she would have remained the clueless moron female driver i encountered on my way home.
i wondered about the possibility of treating everyone as though i knew them. i'm often preaching to others about the importance of remembering our connection. heck, i even refer to that in this blog piece. maybe it's time i put my own advice into practice.
***
ok i just have to bitch about this one. the cost of pizza. ok, i take that back. the cost of good pizza. the kind of pizza that isn't laden with grease. for a large in this town, this will cost you between $20-$25. that's a lot of dough (pun at first unintended--now intended upon recognition) for someone on our budget. i added up in my mind what it costs me to make a pizza from scratch, which i will be doing tonight after looking at our bank account. for a large pizza: flour, maybe a quarter. tomato sauce, around a dollar. throw in some cheese (for me that would be fresh parmesan and mozzarella), oh i'd say $1.50. add some mushrooms, a bell pepper, a couple of tomatoes and some sort of meat (ground hamburger or slice ham), another $3-$4. so for $5-$6 i can make at home what i would pay over $20 for.
of course there are labor costs to consider........... until i can think of a plan to get our government to pay me for my cooking responsibilities, making a pizza for my family remains a labor of love.
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