a myriad of ramblings.....

sick again today. woke up with a sore throat. being spouse works with the public and the clientele who visit the store are too inconsiderate to stay home when they're sick (they need their alcohol after all), he brings home all sorts of nasty germs. of course it could also be due to the trails that were laid in our skies all weekend. no one is positive what they contain. all sorts of wild theories and speculations. only person i know who to believe anymore is myself.

i am in the process of a grievance complaint filing with a staff member of a local government agency. one of my complaints (a minor one in a list of some pretty major episodes) was having to withstand the person's body odor. her grooming habits were deplorable. her hair was usually matted--rarely combed--stringy. her clothing was old and wrinkled. she usually appeared as though she had just rolled out of bed. no shower. nothing. utterly disgusting. i would have asked for another person but i was assigned her and was told she was my only choice. i was told this was the week she would be meeting with those investigating my complaint. ironic as it is, a friend of mine was at this agency a couple of days ago and happened to see this woman. my friend called me up and said: "i hardly recognized her. her hair had been cut and washed and she curled it, too."

bitch. i truly despise that kind of mentality. so phony. she only put herself together because she knows she is meeting with a group of her peers to discuss a compliant that has been lodged against her. apparently it's ok for her to look like shit and smell even worse for her clients. but when it comes to a staff investigation, she finds the energy to make herself presentable. what a joke. i hope these folks are smart enough to notice this feigned act...... and it is saddening to me given i used to feel empathy for her in this regard. i thought she dressed like this because she was too depressed (and in need of help) to find the energy to put herself together. jokes on me apparently.

had to once again get assertive with the idiot who owns our home. major plumbing clog this week--couldn't take a shower without standing in 8 inches of water. he found a plumber for us, a time was scheduled. we were good to go until idiot calls us up and said the plumbers had to reschedule. he said if it was a problem, give him a call. well, it was a time that wasn't doable for us, so spouse calls him up and said as such. idiot then begins whining "but that's the only time the plumbers can come". spouse ended up saying "want me to call the city? you get a plumber out here this afternoon as originally discussed." idiot whined more, stating he'd have to call every plumber in the book. spouse said "that's not my problem." well, i don't know if he had to call every plumber or not, but one did arrive in the time slot we had put aside.

we've had to start saying "that's not my problem" to the idiot. he whines to us why he can't fix this or that. he whines why he's late. he whines why he doesn't show up as scheduled. "sorry, not my problem. just fix what needs fixing." he has the nerve to complain about his financial situation when he owns two homes, has a very good job with benefits (as does his wife) and owns two cars. last time he tried to pull that crap on me i interrupted and said "you could be in our situation. one car that needs a lot of repairs. crappy employers that grossly underpay us and provide us no benefits. and half of our income going to housing." he had nothing to say. of course not. it's his greed that is part of our equation of struggle.

jesus christ, so many people in need. i belong to an e-mail list where we swap things we no longer need. the majority of the e-mails contain items wanted rather than offered. and many are big ticket items. furniture. cars. clothing. sometimes even jobs. and a growing number of people needing information on private insurance. one woman wrote, saying she was pregnant and had been unable--UNABLE--to find a private insurer because her pregnancy was a "pre-existing condition" and therefore, pregnancy claims would not be covered. !!!!!

it is no wonder the united states has an unsually high infant mortality rate.

ah, the thrills of living in an individualistic, capitalist society. i swear, before i leave this planet, i am going to write a book that will change the thoughts of others. (i'll even put in subliminal messaging if i have to. just kidding!) in all honesty, it is my desire to see our world, at the very least our country change to one that is less individualistic and more focused on connection. it is a deep need i have. i often see the numbers 9:11 on my clock. it strikes me as odd--and i have often wondered if it means there's another attack in the works. however, i have come to believe it has a deeper meaning. i have been seeing it to remember how i felt on that day and the days that followed 9/11. i was utterly unable to look at others and feel fear or feel the need to compete, to judge, to hate. i wanted to embrace everyone with whom i came in contact. i felt that common connection. i saw us all together in that one boat--so in need of one another, yet so afraid to acknowledge it. even when i believed the government's story, i didn't wish to see retaliation. i wanted justice--accountability--but not more of the same violence that was behind the events of that day.

perhaps it is time i write that book..........