merry fucking christmas

every year it seems people become more distressed over hearing the phrase "merry christmas". this political correctedness is way overblown. aren't there more things to direct emotional distress towards than someone wishing you a sincere merry christmas?

i'm not christian. the phrase doesn't bother me. i'm not african. greeting me with "happy kwaanza" doesn't offend me either.

that being said i will tell you what bothers me. the entire holiday season bothers me. THE PRESSURE. the on-going pressure everytime you step outside your house. the pressure you feel when every other commercial on television shows the scenes of family gathered around the table and tree. the pressure you feel when you connect to the internet and are bombarded with articles with pretty little ads showing snow and fires and upper middle class secure happy family, assuming every one has that life. the pressure you feel when the phone rings and family members for whom you feel no connection with want to know what your plans are so that you can get together (because it IS the holidays afterall) and keep the illusion going of the "picture perfect" family where you are really not there to share who you are and to be known and accepted for who you are but instead are merely a fixture. at this point, you could simply paint my picture in with photoshop for my family pictures. the meaning would still hold the same value.

that being said, i am nostalgic. i do have a heart that still has some warmth and tenderness to it. i do long for the norman rockwell painting to become reality in my life. i long to own that little home in the woods, a fresh dusting of snow having fallen on christmas eve, a warm fire having being lit in the fireplace, my spouse and i blissfully happy, watching our child--or children--giggle enthusiastically as they open their presents. all of us happy. healthy. secure.

secure because we are one of the lucky ones who just happen to make our dreams a reality. or secure because our government has snapped out of their crime spree and is now putting revenue back into the hands of the people, ensuring all have the equal opportunity and support--on going--that enables ALL to achieve their dreams.

until such time, i will likely slip into my grinch "merry fucking christmas" shoes. that is when i'm not crying my heart out over what i wish had been....what i wish i had.......what i wish could be.......