More Help Wanted Ad Insanity

I realize I'm not scoring brownie points with these employers, but that's ok, considering I'm not the least bit interested in working for them. And besides, I require $15/hour and a casual, friendly, progressive environment, none of which is offered at these slave camps. And so, without further ado, here's more blah blah blah yadda yadda yadda...

Minimum 1 year verifiable as a store manager. Excellent customer service skills, strong leadership ability, experience managing volunteer workers. Computer literate in MS Word, Excel and e-mail software. Valid Driver's License (travel for company business). High School Diploma/GED. Must have good math skills. Excellent oral and written communication skills. Pass pre-employment background check.
JOB DUTIES: Responsible for daily store operations, including supervision and scheduling of staff and volunteers. Oversee the receipt of donated materials and develop effective store sales area. Will do personnel selection, training, supervision and recognition.

The hours on the above position are quite nice. Reliable and consistent, especially for retail. Don't know about the pay, it's one of those DOE things, which usually mean the poverty wage. My beef is the fact that they want you to run the ship and are only willing to provide sick leave and vacation as benefits. No medical benefits. No retirement package. I have to wonder "uh people, what in the fuck are you thinking?"

Onto the next ad:

DUTIES: Stock products to shelves. Face shelves. Rotate merchandise. Use pallet jack/stationary forklift/trash compactor and cardboard bailer. Assist customers and operate cash register as needed.

PAY: $8.15 per hour.

HOURS: 20-40 hours per week. 12am until 8:30am. Must be available any shift, weekends and holidays.

Another utterly absolutely positively crappy slave environment. We'll work you around the clock, any shift, anywhere from 20-40 hours a week. That means we may only need you part time, but you won't be able to hold down any other job given we may decide to up those hours at any time.

Talk about poor management.

I remember speaking with a young college student while shopping at a local 24 hour grocery store. He looked exhausted. I asked him if he was ok. He said he had worked the night before until 11pm and had to come back in at 7am the following morning. I was rather taken aback and said, "That means you weren't even able to get a full 8 hours of sleep". He nodded and said, "yep, that's what they do here."

One last ad for your enjoyment:

REQUIRES: Experience working with children and families in a child care setting. Female to work in all female facility. Effective communication skills. NO nicotine or caffeine use at work. Pass criminal background & drug screens.

HOURS: Part time -graveyard shift working weekends 12:00 a.m. to 8:00 a.m.with the opportunity to pick up extra shifts. Also part time day shift available - exact days/hours to be arranged

Now this is one of my favorites. They run it every 3 months or so, which likely says that's about as long as an employee lasts. Given they want you to work graveyard and won't allow caffeine consumption while at work, plus the drug screenS (plural), well, need I say more... I'm not normally a regular caffeine user, but put me to work on the graveyard shift, which goes against the body's natural chemistry, and I'm gonna need caffeine to stay awake.

I applied to one of these postings in the past and didn't hear back, likely because I lack experience in the social service field. And given what I've come to know, unless you can prove you have experience in the social services field, forget it.

Maybe I should have said I am a caffeine virgin and I thrive working straight through the night.