What If Productions, the production company I have raved about, the company I hooked up with earlier in the year and made several recordings of my music, has dissolved. Very sad, disappointing news in and of itself. However, what has me pissed the farm fuck off and I mean P S S E D is the fact that these two men failed to inform me of this news. I had to e-mail the audio engineer to find out. His reason for not telling me himself at the onset? He had ASSUMED my spouse had heard, for you see, the other partner is a customer of my spouses, so he assumped Mr. Nina had been told of the news and had then passed it along to me.
WRONG. First of all, Mr. Nina is under no obligation to be the one to inform me of such news. That is THEIR RESPONSIBILITY. And even if Mr. Nina had been told of this news, good lord, don't they see that to make themselves LOOK GOOD this news should still be coming DIRECTLY FROM THEM?! Without any prodding from me as well??!!
I would say the business didn't fail--THEY failed. They failed because they are flakes. They failed because this didn't mean as much as them as it should have. Hell, honestly, a couple of times I felt I had more enthusiasm than did they. Certainly more enthusiasm than the audio engineer.
I don't know what to make of any of this, or for my (professional) life for that matter at this point. Having recently lost my job, my intention was to work with them musically speaking, perhaps even doing other odd jobs for them as well when their pilot was launched and when they were up and running as a successful company. Now I realize that not every business succeeds, but jesus h. fucking christ, where is the consideration here?! I gotta say I feel backed into a corner, directionless, hurt, disappointed (extremely disappointed).
I have had too many similar situations in regards to my music in this area. Too many promises broken when it comes to my music and I have truly had it. Words are cheap and too many use them as pieces of toilet paper.
Anyway, a very disappointing situation. I am so fucking sad. My music, well, it's hard to put into words, but my music is probably my most special part of my life and who I am. It's such a part of my heart, of my being. In a sense, it's Me. I feel as though the guiding forces of the Universe have said, once again (this is certainly not the first disappointing news I've received when it comes to getting my material published), "No". And I don't get it. I really do not get it. At all. Maybe some day I will. Although as I have come to understand, the magic of the universe does work through us all, bringing us opportunities. After that, it's up to the people involved to continue that magical process. So ok... That's been my beef--it has been the PEOPLE fucking things up for me. ENOUGH!!!!!
I am fucking finished with the flakes. I want people to come into my life who will 1) keep their word, 2) believe in me and in what they do and 3) be respectful and considerate.
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I'm sorry about What If, Nina. That's too bad. Too bad they turned out to be flakes and too inconsiderate to even give you a call.
All I can say is don't let your music die still inside you. Keep writing and playing because you can. There are many of us who wish we had the ability but don't. Use your gift, even if the financial rewards aren't there right away.
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