I noticed something yesterday. Nothing I didn't already know, but still, it was an observation that made me take notice in a new way. I was doing my usual internet browsing, checking out one of the sites for my daily dose of "in the news". Or shall I say "the news you won't find on the MSM". I've been having a lot of stomach issues lately. Mostly it feels as though my tummy is in knots. Yesterday, as I read of the latest doom and gloom news, I paid attention to how my stomach reacted. It had been calm and relaxed--until I read the news. "I heard the news today, oh boy......." I then asked myself "why are you doing this to yourself?"
Maybe there are some people who can keep themselves informed of the happenings around the globe without suffering any health consequences. I have to accept that I am not one of them. I'm a highly sensitive individual. Always have been, always will be. Someone once gave me the book "The Highly Sensitive Individual". I refused to read it for years. When I took the quiz in front of the book and answered "yes" to every question, I groaned. Being highly sensitive in our western world is hard. But it explains the struggles I've had. Words affect me. The moods and actions of others affect me. Music, the arts, the clouds and birds and all of nature, all affect me. Good and bad. I've tried the "let things bounce off of you" approach. I've tried the mind control stuff--training my mind with new thoughts. Doesn't work on me. I am who I am.
Sometimes it's a real curse. It has meant that loud music from neighbors is very disturbing. It has meant that crowds can, at times, send me into a state of claustrophic panic. Traffic, the heat, drunks in loud drunken stupor, even bright lights in stores can all simply be too overwhelming for my nervous system.
Sometimes though, it's a real blessing. It means I am deeply moved by a song, by the smile of a child, by the look in my spouses eyes when he says "i love you". It means I can watch a bird, as I did last night out in our yard, and not only see its aura but feel it's presense and find the experience so amazing, I weep.
This sensitivity of mine is probably, in large part, what drives my passion, what drives my intense need for justice and fairness. What makes me compose the songs that I do. Write what I write. Feel at the level I feel. Misunderstood and unaccepted (mostly by yours truly), it's probably what has, in part, been fuel for my anger, my rage.
As I noticed what my stomach did yesterday upon reading the news, I realized that, for someone like myself, a little bit of denial can be a good thing. Or maybe it's a little bit of "i already know--i just don't need to remind myself of it again". Afterall, my health is all I really have.
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2 comments:
i was griping to my buddy yesterday about how theres been too much negativity at the forum lately and its bringing me down. i realized or re-realized that there is no end to the list of things wrong with the world. we can continue to waste our time detailing how fucked up things are, or we can choose to focus on how to improve our lives. i'm convinced that we need a sea-change of thinking in this land. people need to just stop and get together more.
i go through periods where i can't watch the news anymore because its the same bs all the time. how fucked up the world is. what new depths humanity has sunk to. but then i'll try again to "stay informed" probably mostly out of habit.
rock on nina
you leave such cool comments. i know that familiar habit you get into--you take a break from the gloom of the news but then you get back into it. sometimes i wonder if how the news is fed to us--sensationalistic--even from the progressive and alternative media--somehow is tapping into a very primitive part of our brain. maybe even the place where addiction behavior is found. or anger. competition. it wouldn't surprise me. the news isn't all that matters--it's how it's fed to us that's equally as important. sometimes it really feeeeels like a struggle to just turn it off. some part of me wants to see more. ugh.
for every awful thing going on, there are so many more positive, loving things occuring as well. i don't want to forget that anymore.
i agree that people need to just get together more. gather. celebrate. talk. share. like those drum circles only instead of drumming, people talk. although drum circles are really a wild experience. i sat in on one once--summer solstice--at avery park. amazing experience.
taking on the world seems like too big of a task. i don't know--maybe ghandi (i think it was he) was right when he said be the change you wish to see in the world. at least there's truth in that in that the only person we can really change is ourselves. all we can do with others is share and influence.
frankly, i've worn myself out with being angry . i need some positive, some fun man! it's all a balance. i lose sight of that too often.
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