too many thoughts for one little brain.......

so many things running through my brain........the evils of capitalism........the lack of democracy in the workplace..........the damaging effects of the individualistic perspective.........the grossly inflated housing market..........the lack of affordable housing and a livable wage...........what to make for dinner........

i once heard a great phrase. "if you want to find something to offend you, you never have to look far or hard."

so many things piss me off..........so many injustices and inequities that i know aren't necessary. that i know can be changed. and yet with each ounce of energy i spend on simply diving into my opinions, entering the pool of my values and thus experience the difficult feelings, i become worn out. little by little.

i think it's time to retrain this tired brain of mine. or at least give it a break....

i often ask "why am i here?" ok, i used to ask that question. now i ask "why did i come here at this particular time?" my feelings have been an excellent indicator in allowing me to discover my own values and beliefs. and yet given my particular set of "rules" runs so contrary to much of the current social system, i simply have to ask "why the fuck did i choose this time in history in which to make an appearance?"

what gives me faith is knowing i am not alone. while i may be in a minority, i know the kind of world i hold in my heart is one that others also share. i'm reading an interesting book (college text book actually) called "health and social justice: politics, ideology, and inequity in the distribution of disease". while the books focus centers on health, it discusses many of the current inequities in today's society and how the following are detrimental to creating positive health states for all: capitalism, lack of a livable wage, grossly low minimum wage, cost of health insurance, our ever-growing global economy and transnational corporations, segregation, lack of pressure/regulations on corporate america to enact policies that put the earth and human well being ahead of profits...........

sigh. until there's a shift in consciousness amongst our government and corporate/business leaders, people will continue to struggle to create the changes they desire so that ALL have equal opportunity for pursuing happiness. until such a time, the shit will continue to blow in the wind.

which brings me back to my brain. my tired brain. she needs a lot of rest right now. self-love. dark chocolate (honestly--it has been proven to raise serotonin levels). i now see the way things are. i have received plenty of validation to support my own views, my own feelings. now i need to put it all on a shelf, give it the time and rest needed to figure out what to do next. if i choose to do anything at all. learning to live amongst the inequalities in a way that is simple and quiet, raise a family, grow as much of my own food as possible, have as minimal of an impact upon this planet as possible.........'tis sounding like a very appealing option for me. question is, is this enough? i don't know at the moment. or to better put it, i awaken to the knowing within me.

until that "awakening" occurs, my body is telling me winter is approaching. i've spent enough time focusing outward. it's now time to turn inward. and rest.