cell phone chatter

july is the month we celebrate cell phone etiquette. i am totally serious. i heard it on the radio. does that mean i am to be extra tolerant of the cell phone user who is rambling on about what they had for dinner to the invisible person on the other end, standing right next to me in line at the store? or does this mean the cell phone user needs to show the consideration and hang up until they are outside in their car to have their conversation. oh but wait--that would mean they would likely drive away while talking and pose a threat to those around them.

the guy on the radio who announced this month long holiday seemed confused as well to as to the meaning. anyone care to take a stab at this one?

i am not one to multi-task. this has probably weeded me out of certain employment opportunities and was likely behind at least one of my "sorry we must let you go" terminations. ask me to multi-task and i simply get flustered. ask me to focus on one project and i can stick with it for hours. don't even have to stop to pee or eat. i am capable of being that focused. in fact, once i am in that mental space, you can walk up to me, ask me to look at you and ramble off a request. it will appear as though i am both looking at and listening to you. however, looks can be deceiving. i am really still focused on my previous project. drives my husband nuts. he has slowly learned over the years to state the following: "nina. NINA. honey. LOOK AT ME. look at me please," all while tapping me on the shoulder. hearing my name a couple of times, followed by a tap or two usually begins to break the ice. once the other person hears me say "huh?" followed by a look of confusion can be assured i am slowly plugging myself into their reality.

my point is.......how do cell phone users have conversations and drive.....order their espresso's......shop for videos and groceries, etc.? i don't get it. i wouldn't know how even if explained to me. what would likely happen if i were to attempt to talk on the phone and say, oh, shop for groceries. my original intention would be to buy peanut butter, bananas and bread. i would likely leave with jelly, apples and hamburger buns. not too bad of an exchange of course but i would certainly not leave the store with the items in which i was shopping for. imagine if i were shopping for videos. dr. zhivago would be replaced with dr. death, ax murderer.

i have actually seen folks talk on their cell phones while riding their bikes. it used to make me laugh until i saw a young man fall off his bike while attempting such a feat. he had on no helmet and fell into the street, a street that is normally very busy. it obviously wasn't his departure time because miraculously, there was no traffic. he also avoided hitting his head. he did, however, manage to not drop his cell phone. explain THAT one to me would ya?

much to my dismay, cell phones are here to stay as are the public conversations. now they have those phones that have the plug that goes directly into the ear. for those who have hair that covers their ears, you can't even tell they're on the phone. until you realize this, they appear to be having a conversation with themselves. not a bad thing of course considering i do this myself at times. however, some of these folks, when they look at you in the eye, give the impression they are talking TO you. i had that experience a few months ago. honest to god, true story. i was in ROSS, the discount clothing store. i thought i was minding my own business when i heard a woman repeat herself. "hey are you listening to me? hello? i said are you listening to me?" i glanced up and she was looking directly at me. i did what anyone else would do. i looked around to see if she was talking to someone else. nope. no one else but me in the general vicinity. did i know this woman? nope. never seen her before. so i looked at her, pointed to myself and mouthed "me?" she seemed to stare straight through me. it was pretty creepy at this point. then what she said next made me turn and walk away to find the nearest psycho patrol. "fine. look, i said i don't want to be your friend anymore so stop calling me!" as i headed off i thought the words "stop calling me". calling me. huh??? i wasn't calling her. oh wait, i thought, turning around.....noticing she was no longer looking at me but instead was ripping something off her ear, stuffing it into her purse. that's when i understood.

my spouse's boss has one of those things....confuses my sweetie at times......not knowing if boss is talking with him or someone on the other end of that tiny microphone. as i said above, kind of creepy.

it all just feels so pretentious and downright weird to me. i screen my calls in my own home. i cannot imagine wanting to be wired to the world 24/7.

so given it is cell phone etiquette month i have a compromise to offer cell phone users. please keep your conversations quiet and private. you do that and i will promise not to give you dirty looks or think nasty thoughts. and please don't drive or bike and talk. we're counting on you to save the multi-tasking for when you aren't operating heavy equipment.