A Tribute to the Cell Phone User

I wrote this in June of 2006 and I can't recall if I posted it here or not. I'm too lazy to go through my blog and see if I did, so I decided to post it/repost it. I also modified it somewhat, too. One of my biggest pet peeves is the cell phone user who shops at the store and talks, waits in line and talks, sits next to me ANYWHERE and talks, walks down the street and talks, bikes and talks, and my biggest one of all: drives and talks.

I don't own a cell phone for many reasons, one being I would rarely use it and would likely lose or misplace it. Another being the most basic plans are ridiculously expensive (if i could find one for $10/month that offered 30-60 minutes of time, I'd sign up--just to have in a potential emergency). And lastly, the health dangers.

Anyway.....here ya go. Enjoy. Or not.

"hi! yeah! i'm on my cell phone! yeah, i'm in a store! just thought i'd call you up and say hey. i have nothing really new or important to tell you, but being i have one of these call phones, which means i am super important, i had to call you up anyway. yep, i'm standing right next to someone and i am having this conversation and no i do not think i am bothering this person! i am super important afterall! and super important people like me do not consider the idea that i may be bothering others around me as i have my meaningless conversation with you. so ok i am buying tuna right now. hmm, so many brands to choose from. which brand do you think i should buy? oh wait, i have another call i gotta put you on hold..... hey there! what's up?! oh nothing, just shopping for some tuna right now. i KNOW isn't that SUPER IMPORTANT news?! hey, i gotta call you back later i'm on another call. ok, see ya.......... ok, i'm back. did ya miss me?? LOL!! ok, well i picked out my tuna now i am looking at soup. wow my life is SO important that i just have to share all of this with you RIGHT NOW!! i cannot possibly stand to miss out on any phone calls either because, after all, I AM SUPER IMPORTANT! ok i am at the checkout line. no that's ok i can keep track of what i owe and pay the cashier and bag my groceries PLUS talk with you all at the same time and give you the attention YOU deserve. afterall, us SUPER IMPORTANT people know how to multi-task better than most other people! ok now this is weird, the cashier is yelling my total at me and she is giving me a really mean look. HOW RUDE. wow, what a crabby thing SHE is today! she just snapped my money out of my hands! she must be having a bad day or something. and wow, the people in line are giving me dirty looks too. boy did i pick a bad day to go shopping or what??!! LOL!!

ok i am done with that now i am going out to my car. i am loading my groceries. isn't this an EXCITING conversation you are having with me?? ok i am getting into my car and i am starting the engine. oh wow, my windows need cleaning!! ok i am driving away and now i am coming to an intersection and i am still driving and HEY that person just honked at me and flipped me off! whatever could i have done to them? geesh, afterall i am just another SUPER IMPORTANT person having a SUPER IMPORTANT conversation on my cell phone..."