workin' for a living......

i'm ready for a revolution. let's do it. i'm sick of slaving away for a pitiful wage. i'm especially sick of working for a wealthy university who will not pay me a living wage. i have realized a growing apathy with the work i perform. even though my work benefits and helps the disabled student, i'm tired of working the hours i do only to see the reality of my meager paycheck.

this all hit me like a brick wall recently as i added up my hours. my job has finally, after sticking it out for over a year, turned into the kind of job i was told it would in terms of hours. as i excitedly added up my hours i multiplied them by my hourly rate. my excitement was quickly deflated as i saw the amount. i worked this fucking hard for this many hours and this is all i am going to have to show for it? what's frustrating is that if i were doing this same kind of work for say the forestry or engineering departments, my pay would be double what it is. it's all on what we value and that is money and what stands a better chance of bringing in money to the glorified university: science and technology departments or disability services.

i worked under the table yesterday for someone i know who owns a flower shop. i delivered a lot of beautiful flower arrangements in some big ass (and heavy!) vases yesterday. and again, considering the hours i worked and the type of work i was doing (you try loading and unloading a massive arrangement of exotic flowers out of a small sedan), when i added up the amount i would be receiving, i felt deflated. apathetic. the amount of money people in this town spent alone on flowers was in a way, a bit sickening. i felt like a hypocrite passing the old man on the street, hauling his collection of aluminum cans as i delivered my arrangement of flowers to the next unsuspecting customer. that $50 could have provided that man with 2 weeks worth of food.

that's the kinds of things i think about. and it is that kind of thinking that has prompted my spouse and i to stop honoring the retail frenzy holidays. yesterday was the first valentines day that we didn't spend a dime on each other (not that we have a dime to spend on one another this year). in a way it felt strange, but it also felt empowering. it's just one more moment in our awakening, where we realize living life on autopilot and following the crowd isn't what it's cracked up to be. we are more the types to think "ok so that is how things are. it sucks. how can things be better?"

working for a living is certainly at the top of our agenda. how can we create an income that provides us what we need and desire plus doesn't hurt our bodies in the process. (my spouses position requires a lot of lifting, bending, stooping and standing on hard surfaces. my position requires a lot of repetitive movement with a mouse. both of us deal with physical problems as a result.) i certainly don't buy into the 40 hour work week. i never have. it's a ridiculous amount of time to put into something that most of us don't particularly enjoy, taking us away from the very people we have chosen to be with, the very people with whome we would much prefer to be spending the bulk of our time. give me 20 hours a week doing something i love that pays me what i desire and determine i am worthy of. people have a problem with that concept though. i cannot tell you how many times i have been told i am lazy or demanding and my very favorite, "but nina, that isn't how things are." as though the "how things are" is some rule forever cast in stone, never to be touched. please. it's all simply what people have created it to be. and as i always say (to the annoyance of some), "we can create something new together if we really want."

i ask myself "why did i come here? what is my purpose?" quite often these days. while i am not a religious person, i do believe we go on to a different level of existance. i believe in freedom of choice in this "afterworld" and i believe i made the choice to come here as i did (although i have come to believe i am always in a state of "evolvement" and as such was under some real illusions as to my full potential even in this afterworld including the concepts of reincarnation and karma). now the questions have become "WHY?" and "what am i here to do?" i don't know yet but i hope to know soon because i simply am not enjoying my life the way i know i could. and while i have some modicum of hope that there will be changes in the system (i.e.--wealth will be returned to the citizens who need it most, housing and health care will be brought back into a balance so all can afford, employment will be abundant and will provide living wage for all and if this isn't the case, there will be income assistance programs, etc. etc. etc), i am fairly certain this won't be happening in my lifetime. even the most "progressive" of folks still cling to the notions of rugged individualism and capitalism. but i know that no civilization lasts forever. no system, especially a system that creates so much unbalance, will last long without collapsing. my concern, fear actually, is that if this does happen in my lifetime, another system equally as unfair and lacking in values such as respect and sharing will be created.

but that doesn't have to be the case so long as people open their minds to the knowings and desires of the heart and soul. that takes time, something that is indeed lacking in today's modern way of living. our elected officials have failed to address this. the church has failed to address this. business has failed to address this as has the media. our time is focused on things that keep us away from these knowings and desires. but they're still there. and it is my wish for humanity to open up to them and claim them and unite together in a strong spirit of love for change. i'm oh so very ready and oh so very willing. are you?