i've been depressed lately. feeling unimportant. feeling as though i have no purpose, no importance upon this world.
yesterday afternoon and today have me thinking differently.
i visited the local food bank yesterday. i always meet the most down-to-earth, fascinating people there. yesterday was no exception.
i walked in and noticed a line. that was ok by me. gave me time to browse through the magazines, free for the taking. i spotted 2 large piles of national geographic mags, dating back to 1962, most in immaculate condition. amazed by this found, i thought 'this must be my lucky day!' some likely are collectors, especially the one with the picture of eisenhower giving the peace sign on the cover.
as i picked them up and returned to get in line, the woman in front of me noticed the load i was carrying. 'find anything interesting?' she asked.
'yeah, i really did!' i said, showing her the mags.
well in time, she and i are talking about our lives. she shared with me her current situation and how if it hadn't been for the kindness of a good friend, she would have been homeless for several months.
breaks my heart to hear that and inspires me at the same time.
she had such a sincerity to her eyes and her voice. those who say the homeless or those at the bottom of the income chain are criminals or lazy have obviously never met one. i have met many and each one has been an angel.
she told me she wanted to buy a picture for this particular friend who had helped her, a picture she found in the thrift store, which shares its space with the food bank, but that she wasn't able to.
why not? i asked.
she looked down and said rather quietly that she didn't have enough money.
how much do you need? i asked.
twenty five cents, she replied.
is that all?! i asked, laughing, digging into my purpose and handing her a quarter.
the look in her eyes touched my heart. pure joy and gratitude.
i told her i would save her place in line while she went and bought the picture. she brought it back and showed it to me. two cows with angel halos over their head.
my friend loves cows and i love angels, she said.
perfect.
it was then her turn to receive her food. i stayed occupied by chatting with an old friend who i saw had been shopping at the thrift store. he's the kind of person who is friends with everyone he meets. close to 90, sharp as a tack and loves to share with you everything he has read, seen, done, etc..
as my quarter friend, as i decided to call her, turned to leave, she looked at me and said "this money you just gave me, you will be blessed abundantly by this!"
ok where are the tissues when you need them??? i thought.
"you know, it's me who needs to thank you. helping you out has made me feel really good. you gave me a real gift today. thank you," i said.
and with that, she and i parted.
that event was beautiful and magical all around, something i feel i was meant to be a part of. today something happened to me that made me feel i was meant to be a part of it as well, and even though it has a happy ending, the event itself, albeit it only a flash of time, was horrifying.
i was out and about, taking care of errands and dropping off some material at my employers office. my next stop was to be the library. at first i wanted to park out back but something told me to park out front, which i did.
as i got out of my car and crossed the street to the library, i noticed a woman walking down the steps, 3 female toddlers in tow. yikes, i thought, both envying and empathizing with the woman. one toddler caught my eye. not quite 3, amazingly beautiful light blonde hair, the kind that is almost white, blue eyes. she looked precocious. turns out i was right.
no sooner had i looked at her did i notice she looked across the street, saw the park, said "PARK!" with great enthusiasm, and off she went, running right out into the street, the woman who was with her occupied with the other 2 toddlers, not seeing this terrifying decision.
instinct took over. without thinking, i ran after her, stayed to her right to block any car from hitting her, thinking a car would hit me instead. thank god the car that was approaching was going slow enough so that it was able to stop. and thank god the woman saw this happen, for she screamed out the childs name (which i don't even recall) and the little girl, thank god, ran back to the safety of the sidewalk, leaving me standing there in the street for a moment, shaken, but oh god so relieved the little girl was safe in the arms of her adult caretaker.
walking up the steps towards the library, the woman called out a "thank you!" to me and went back to telling the little girl how she was never to do such a thing again! one witness, a mama, who was sitting on one of the benches with her young boy, said to me as I walked by, "my heart is racing just watching it from here! i cannot imagine how yours is!"
i smiled, putting my hand on my chest, and said "it should return to normal sometime next year!"
as i went inside, the shock wore off and i was overcome with the desire to cry. tears filled my eyes. thankfully i had on my sunglasses, although i looked around, hoping to find someone i knew. i wanted to be held at that moment. the whole thing also brought me back to my own childhood, where i witnessed one of my best little girlfriends get hit by a car when i was 6. terrifingly horrific thing for anyone to witness, let alone a child. thankfully my little friend survived.
so as i said, something so terrifying for a moment, ended in a way that i can only describe now as absolute relief. and gratitude.
will this little girl remember this event or will it get stored deep within her subconscious along with all the other events that she will experience the first 3 years of her life? i know this woman will remember this event and the one above it forever. for i was given a gift from the universe, a gift that reminded me i am important, that i am here for a reason. and that i do play a part in this magical, chaotic game of life.
nina
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