It. Is. So. Hot!

103 Tuesday. 108 yesterday. 104 today. Lows around 70, which doesn't occur until after 3am. Running the a/c 24/7 which means the air inside is stuffy, albeit cool. I long for the return of normal temps when we open up the house at night and allow that wonderful, cool, clean ocean air inside.

Today the coast breeze kicked in, dropping the temperature into the 90's late this afternoon, which felt good. I never thought the day would arrive when I could find some excitement over a 90 degree reading.

This is the Northwest. Not the Southwest. We that live in the NW choose it for its mild climate. Northwesterner's don't do well in the heat. We melt. We get pissy and moody. We hibernate inside when the temps climb much above 82. We are strong in many ways. Heat is our weakness.

This is ridiculous. There is nothing more to say.

(pic is a representation of what many of us in the nw have been visualizing this past week)

History Channel Uses The "C" Word: Chemtrails

Mr. N was watching "That's Impossible: Weather Wars" last night on the History Channel. I happened to walk by as I heard the narrator say "chemtrail". What the hell? I thought. Did he just say what I thought he said? Sure enough, there on the television screen was a computer graphic and explanation of a chemtrail. It's purpose, according to the narrator? Control the weather.

Of course it was being presented as something currently in development, something likely to be occurring in the future instead of something that has been going on for over a decade (with weather control technology being employed since the 1950's).

Nonetheless I was a bit surprised to hear the "C" word being used. Perhaps it's part of another brainwashing campaign to slowly get us used to chemtrails as being GOOD for us and GOOD for the planet (the 'ole "we're only doing this for YOUR benefit/we're here to HELP you" mantra), much in the way they're slowly indoctrinating the public to accept a jab in the arm of swine flu vaccine. I mean sure, the History Channel will air the conspiracy stuff, but in the end, the viewer is usually left with thinking "oh that will never happen" or "oh that is something that won't happen in my lifetime" or "totally impossible. conspiracy theory stuff".

Oh well, to those who have brushed off my "chemtrail" explanation for the past few years: Believe me now, jack?

For those interested in watching it in its entirety (something I will be doing), it airs again this Saturday, July 25th at 4pm.

Warning: Facebook Can Rot Your Brain

It's true.

I've seen it.

I'm starting to experience it.

After 2 weeks on "the book", I've noticed something happening to my brain. Little cells that once were aware to outer happenings, once concerned about them, once used to creating (hopefully) intelligent and insightful writings to share and inform, are now singing little "la la la la de de la la de da everything is just schwell weeeeeeeeee" songs. After being exposed to games like mafia wars (still don't know what that one's about) and quizzes like "what color should your hair be" and messages from people I haven't seen in over 20 years, some of whom I never really even knew but now suddenly want to know when my birthday is so they can send me a virtual card???

Excuse me whilst I engage in a moment of screaming:

AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH

Facebook could have some real value if only people used it to actually create some sort of change by really informing people of the real shit that's going on in our world. Unfortunately, one can't write personal opinion pieces on F/B. You're given enough space to write about 5 sentences. Most people write just one, two or three sentences. Something that was intentional I am sure.

Not that I'm against the occasional escape from reality.

We all need that escape now and then, but given the amount of time I've found myself spending on F/B and the amount of time I've seen others put into it (F/B has this little indicator where you can check and see who is signed on--and believe me there are people on my "friends" list who seem to be signed on all the time), to me it seems like something that the PTB created to keep us focused in a world of virtual illusion whilst the carpets are pulled out from underneath us one by one. Wouldn't surprise me one bit to learn it was created by people who understand the brain and how it works and as such, F/B was created to tap into the addiction/pleasure centers of the brain.

So I find myself facing a dilemma. Do I take F/B for what it is or do I, now that I have a growing audience, use it to reach across the screen like I do on here and gently but assertively say "Wake The Fuck Up"?

Don't know the answer to that one. Brain cells once used to answer that question need to be recharged.

I wonder if there's a mental detox program for users of Facebook...

Harvest Day

While this wasn't my first harvest, it was our first harvest of carrots. This was after they had been cleaned up and the (massive!) tops removed. I gotta admit, I'm pretty proud of myself. This is the first time I've grown carrots and they came out perfectly. I still have several left in the ground. I also threw in some more seeds for a fall harvest. I chose the smaller variety, both for their size (2-3") and for their sweetness. (I also since learned that those little small fingerling carrots you buy in bags at the grocery store are simply regular carrots peeled and sliced down to a small size. True small carrots like the ones I grew are MUCH sweeter. And another lesson for the kiddies: do not buy carrots with the green tops still attached. That only serves to add weight and they also suck up more nutrients from the carrot root.) Our soil has a lot of clay. While I created my own bed for the carrots (top soil, mulch, etc.), I knew that underneath was clay so I didn't want to grow the lengthy variety. Also in the picture is a few leaves of green leaf lettuce and some swiss chard. All was used in a salad for dinner last night. YUM! Something very satisfying in growing your own foods. Friends stopped in last night and took a sampling of the carrots and some cherry tomatoes which are starting to ripen. Thumbs up were given. We also have peas, spinach (which ain't doing so well for some reason), squash, broccoli, beans, strawberries and a variety of herbs growing, most in pots. If we had the space, I'd be growing fruit trees, blueberries, corn and potatoes.

Entertainment Recommendations

Some things I've been engaged in to occupy myself.

Currently I'm reading "The Life of Pi". I first heard of this book several years ago and, at the time, thought it was about the mathematical term, 3.14. In a way, I was correct in that it is the story of Piscine, portrayed as a young boy and adult male, who goes by Pi or 3.14 in order to escape the teasing that comes along when your name, pronounced with that Indian accent, sounds like "pissing". I am enthralled with this book. I am deeply engaged with the main character. I am taken away with the narration and in particular, the discussion of religion. This is a story of faith and adventure. It almost blinds me with its realness. I have to say I haven't been this taken away with an author's writing style since I first read Hemingway.

We watched a very simple yet moving film last night called "Opal Dream". Set in Australia, it tells of the story of a little girl who spends her time playing with her (supposed) "imaginary" playmates, preferring them to her classmates while her dreamer father has moved the family in order to stake a claim in search of Opal's. All moves along quite nicely until the little girl's two friends disappear, where upon the little girl becomes very ill. What follows is a story of sibling connection, and ultimately, faith in the midst of judgment, struggle and controversy.

Tonight we watched a rather bizarre yet compelling short film called "Light and the Sufferer". It's the story of two brothers, one a college dropout, the other a societal dropout. Upon reconnecting, the two decide to score some quick cash and get out of town. Their plans are diverted, in part by their own choosing and in part by a strange other worldly cat-like being, known as a Sufferer, who are said to follow those who are suffering, who don't believe they have any purpose or worth. Check it out.

Facebook. Yeah, I sold my soul and signed up. I don't know why. I'll likely cancel. I really don't have anyone from my past with whom I can see myself reconnecting with. I have a few local friends who are on Facebook, but I see them enough to not really need to communicate with them in that manner. One friend said it was a great way to connect with friends from the past, especially high school.

Gulp.

High school was a prison for me. College, not much different. In fact, since signing up, I feel like I'm back in those days, at one giant party, where I'm on the outside looking in. Seeing many of my old classmates registered on one another's page is like walking into a giant tub of salt, with me being a giant open wound. For whatever reason, I've never been one to have a large circle of friends. I certainly tried during childhood, but for whatever reason(s), instead of friendship from me, the kids instead wanted me as one of their targets for teasing. Either that or I was simply ignored. As a result, I grew into my teen years moody, rebellious against anything that was considered popular or hip. I discovered solitude was where I could truly be myself without hassle, so I became a bit of a loner, that is until I discovered weed and beer in my late teen years. Then I became the life of the party. However, those relationships made during that time were no more significant or meaningful than the ones made when I was sober. I had a tiny circle of friends who I thought were going to be there for the long haul. However, after I opted to divorce my last husband, they split. Since that time, I've become even more selective in who I allow into my life. And sometimes, I wonder just who I really am. Am I really this sensitive, hesitant introvert or did I become that way as a result of my experiences with relationships? Having long ago opted for sobriety in dealing with groups of people and new faces, I still face those social anxieties and prefer the company of animals, meaningful books, movies and music, and like-minded/like-souled introspective, sensitive nerds. So far, I haven't found such people on Facebook. They're probably out there, like myself, waiting for someone to come to them instead of doing the reaching out.

Corvallis: A Sustainable City?

One of the popular buzzwords flying about these days is "sustainability". In other words, let us create a way of living that can last for the long term with minimal impact on the environment and one another. Corvallis is certainly no exception when it comes to using this word. And yet, from my perspective, the term sustainable, when applied to Corvallis, is used more to imply you're part of the "cool" lefty crowd than it is about true sustainability.

Corvallis is one of the most expensive cities in the state in which to live, with low wage paying jobs and grossly inflated housing prices. Today alone, I saw an ad to rent a townhouse in the CoHo Ecovillage, all for a whopping $1250/month (which, according to the individual who wrote the ad, is a bargain considering the home, pardon me, the townhome, is for sale for only $285,000). I also saw an ad to work for the Corvallis Environmental Center, another organization very much into the "sustainability" movement. The wage? $10/hour.

Both of the entities behind these ads promote "sustainability". And yet, it's basic common sense that $1250/month for rent, $285,000 for the cost of a townhome and $10/hour for employment ARE NOT SUSTAINABLE. These folks need to expand their vision and think long and hard about their concept of "sustainability" because, despite all of the hype, they're missing the boat.

Our local Co-Op, another local entity into the "sustainability" movement, when being questioned by folks in the community via their monthly newspaper, The Thymes, often uses the term "providing a living wage" when referring to their employees. Well given the majority of their advertised positions start between minimum wage and $9/hour, they cannot use that term truthfully.

The folks in the sustainability movement need to expand their viewpoint, turn the mirror on themselves and get real. I realize most are well-intentioned, but having good intentions whilst wearing blinders does not produce positive, lasting results. They need to embrace the concept of money. They need to address the affordability factor. For if even just part of the movement is exclusive, then it cannot be considered sustainable.

Japanese Railway Workers Face Smile Monitoring

I don't know what's creepier. Enforced smile scans on the workers or being greeted by person after person with fake smiles.

I wonder if they offer a good dental plan for workers who have less than appealing teeth.

Biggest Landowner On The Planet

Ah, to be a rich royal elitist wench. QE II takes the cake on this one with an ownership of 1/6th of the planet's land mass.

Sunday Ramblings

Well, another 4th of July has come and gone, my desire to celebrate as dismal as the local fireworks display. You see, I keep growing into this thing called "conscious awareness" and as such, I question everything. Is it really ok to light these fireworks? Each year, I hear dogs howling in distress upon having to be exposed to the noise. Last year, I recall seeing this poor traumatized dog running up and down the street frantically. I wasn't able to catch it. Last night, I couldn't even walk outside and breathe without being exposed to the smell of sulfur. And then there's the whole "freedom" mantra. We aren't free. Well ok, unless you believe in the idea of "freedom is a state of mind", but that simply glosses over the darker side of life. While we always have a choice, sometimes that choice can lead to those who disagree with our choice to interfere with our free will and impose something upon us. And then there's the whole americana bravado that goes along with such a celebration.

Look, I could get into the whole celebration of America had a history of honoring and practicing such things as freedom, truth and justice. But we haven't. So instead of pretending, let's use the 4th of July to truly celebrate the birth of America by looking with an honest eye at where freedom, truth and justice are missing in our culture and creating something new whereby such values are not just words but rather, played out through action. And perhaps, we could find some new practices that don't include getting shit-faced (especially on crappy beer) and watching things blow up while hootin' and hollerin' at the top of our lungs late into the evening hours.

***
I read up more on the upcoming flu swine vaccine, which is set to be released by Baxter this month. Ridiculous, all of the hype and fear, especially since the regular flu killed thousands more than the swine flu did this year. Of course no clinical trials were done, so we're playing russian roulette with another vaccine. The immune system is quite resilient and, for most people, is a much better protector of disease than any vaccine will ever be. I guess vaccines could have their place - if they were to be preserved with natural, safe and organically-based properties. But that isn't the case. And it likely won't be in any foreseeable future.

***
Ok, where in the hell is the consideration with today's youth? I'm not talking about the behavior we all engaged in during our young years. The partying. The loud music. The rebellion. I'm talking about taking ownership of ones behavior. I'm talking about consideration for others. I remember when I would hang out with friends and party. We would hang out in some abandoned field where no one was around or we would hang out at a friend's house and make sure we turned down the noise after a certain hour. Why? So as not to disturb the neighbors. The idea of consideration for others was drilled into my head, as it was for my friends as well. Don't just think of yourself. Think of others as well.

Many of these young people I am speaking of are the same generation of kids I used to care for 15-20 years ago during my stint in daycare. At the time, I saw a trend appearing that I knew was going to result in a generation of kids not having authentic consideration for anyone except for yours truly. These children had both parents working full-time and as such, were in the care of other adults 8-12 hours a day, 5 days a week. I remember thinking "who in the world do these parents think is really parenting and raising their children?" It isn't just quality of time. Quantity is equally as important.

What I saw were tired parents picking up their children, their children begging mommy and/or daddy for x y or z, mommy and/or daddy too tired to argue, too worn out to even deal with, feeling guilty for believing they couldn't spend more time with their children (with many of these families under the illusion they could have it all NOW) and more times than not, child got his/her desire. I could tell which children had learned how to use this to their advantage and as such, were turning in to demanding little tyrants, totally self-absorbed.

I'm not saying it isn't possible not to raise considerate children when both parents are working full-time, but it does take a fairly unique adult with an extra amount of energy to spare and a willingness to do what it takes to make sure such behavior is not allowed to continue. And just as important is a childcare system where the student to teach ratio gap is a small one. The place I first worked had a 17 to 1 student/teacher radio for the preschool room, which I felt was ridiculous. Also equally important are teachers who are willing to step outside of the politically correct box now and then and stop such demanding behavior at the onset, even if it means employing their own instinctive measures that may be contrary to policy. I recall one episode where the Assistant Director was helping me out in the preschool room. One of the moms arrived to pick up her son, a sweet little boy but certainly a demanding little tyrant when he wanted to be. Well, little boy wasn't ready to leave and told mommy "no", to which mommy sighed and again, repeated her request that he get his jacket. Little boy again said "no", only this time with more anger in his voice. Mommy sighs. If looks could speak, she would have said "I don't have the energy to deal with this!"

What proceeded was a round of mommy quietly repeating her request, her voice sounding more weary with each attempt, which only served to add fuel to little boy's repeated refusal to comply. Well finally, the Assistant Director had had quite enough, so she walked over to little boy, picked him up, and, despite his screaming and kicking, took him out to mommy's car, placed him inside and shut the door. All without saying a word. Mommy looked at me as though she were about ready to cry, and, with her head down, walked over to get little boy's belongings and left.

Assistant Director had returned. "Well done," I said, knowing full well as she did that if the Director had caught her doing such a thing, she would have faced possible termination due to the long list of policies, many of which are unnecessary, of the daycare establishment.

"I couldn't take that scene anymore," she said. "Someone had to do something."

Excellent advice.

***
It's been very hot and dry here, temperatures in the mid 90's. Today though we are having the start of a much desired cooling trend. Our natural a/c, the Pacific, has pushed in some clouds. Temperatures are expected to hover around 70 degrees for much of next week, which after 90 plug degree heat, is going to feel refreshingly cool. Oh how I long to live someplace where the temps don't get out of the 70's. Such heat didn't seem to stop people from enjoying outdoor activities, such as the Portland Waterfront Blues Festival, where I watched people on television listen to spectacular music (the best blues band I have heard to date, the name having since slipped my mind, perhaps even better than Stevie Ray Vaughan himself, was heard 1998 Blues Fest on July 4th)...all the while sitting in lawn chairs in the 90 plus degree heat, surrounded by like-behaved folks, bodies glistening with sweat.

Ugh. Not my idea of fun. When I attended, temps were around 70.

***
I thought of something today. My desire for and on-going pursual of self-employment. Whilst this is getting a foot out of the system, my other foot is still in it, helping support the very element that needs to be removed: the banking system. Like the ocean, where everything we throw into the street and waterways ends up there, with every dollar we create or spend (or save for that matter), it all ends up at some bank. Self-employment is very much a positive trend. However, how positive is it really when the very system that is causing so much unnecessary struggle and suffering is allowed to continue on its merry way?

Metallicized Particles Show Up On Doplar Radar: Western Oregon 6/30/2009

While watching the weather last night, KEZI Meteorologist Justin Stapleton explained that, what looked to be rain showing up on radar yesterday was actually metallicized particles resulting from some Coast Guard activities off the Oregon Coast.

Mr. Nina and I of course wanted to know more.

What was in these particles? What were they comprised of?

What were these activities being done by the Coast Guard?

And why on earth would such a thing show up on radar as rain?

Considering Mr. Stapleton has a Masters in Geosciences, you would think he would have more knowledge to share. Likely he does and just as likely, his corporate bosses wouldn't allow him to say anymore more than that.

Seeking A New Life

I should really rename this blog to "rages of fury". Or perhaps "awakening has lead to rages of fury now I seek something better."

After spending yet another spring and early summer in this dry, pollen-infested valley, whereby I have had to hole up inside the past 7 weeks, only to be nailed by a god damn cold virus because some people are simply too inconsiderate at times and don't stop to think that "hey, i'm getting sick, perhaps i should STAY HOME" (honest to god am i the only person who actually thinks this way??)......where was I? Oh yes, pissed off, sneezing and coughing. Holed up for health reasons. Unemployed. Fed up with the system. No, DONE with it. Want my own system. Or at least want the system to really start working FOR me so that I may achieve those things that I desire. I am fed up with being 40 something and still RENTING, still searching for where I fit in, where I belong.

Do I want the mountains? The beach? Both?

It's easy to say what I don't want. Pollen. And valley's. Desert, too. Yuck. Give me cool clean air. I'm tired of having to rely on a/c.

Upon each visit to the ocean, something w/in me says "home". I cry each time I leave. I find myself each time I visit. People say "don't go to the coast. Global warming. Beach erosion." I'm to the point of saying "So what? It's always going to be SOMETHING that will threaten to destroy this planet." I'm done with living life, always looking to see if something dark will ruin my plans. Fuck it. Time to follow my heart. Throw some caution to the wind. Take a chance. I'd rather live 20 years at the coast then another 40 plus years in the valley.

I think.

Better a shorter life lived where you desire than a longer life lived where you don't like.

I think.

How about a long life living where I desire.

Yeah.

I've found some emerging communal-type communities, but so far, they're in the Southwest or other parts of the country that are hot and humid or hot and dry or nowhere near the ocean.

I figure if my vision of some asian-pacific invasion happens, the little army dudes will likely want to head inland.

I like to say "give me a trust fund of a million dollars and I will live just wonderfully."

Can't buy happiness.

Bullshit.

Well, ok, you can buy security and security is contentment and when content it is easier to feel happy.

What would I do if I were to come into a million dollars?

Move.

Well, no, first I'd buy a new car. Newer car, I should say. 2006 Civic Hybrid. '66 Mustang Convertible. 2008 Subaru Forester.

Then I'd sell off--likely give away--a lot of my old crap, hire some movers and go buy myself a chunk of land (5 acres should suffice) on the coast, inland, up in the hills, with a spectacular ocean view where I would build myself a totally off-the-grid home. 1500 square feet should be just fine. I'd have a greenhouse for year-round food production. Chicken coop. I'd spend my days writing and tending to my property. A yurt or two on the property for a music studio/artist studio and for guests.

If money were not necessary or if I were to come into/create that kind of money, that is the life I would build for myself. That is the life I would seek.

That is the life I am ready to live. Now.

That being said I have a simple invention idea. It isn't a green product. It's simple. For women. Cheesy little thing. Not a need, but a want (although it would provide for a bit of simplicity). Totally Americana. Totally would go contrary to a part of my value system, but what the hell. I can't do this lifestyle anymore. I'll do what it takes, even it means putting aside a part of my "soul" for a year or two. With the right marketing it could get me the kind of money I seek to build that life. Heck, I'd even sell the rights to it for the right price. I also have a few books I'm working on, including an e-book. And a demo CD awaits to be given to the right person and/or singer. Once I feel well again, I'll be pursuing all of it with fiery.

Some Thoughts On Michael Jackson

I didn't think I was going to have the desire to post about his death given I'm not one who goes ga ga over the whole celebrity thing, and actually find the whole obsession factor to be very unhealthy to society (although it keeps the class/worship system going). However, his death has given me some things in which to ponder that I have decided to share. Please forgive me if I don't make much sense at times. I'm dealing with a nasty cold virus of some sort that has left me feeling wiped out.

I'm a musician/songwriter/composer and writer. Just like those who share my talents, I'm very sensitive. I tend to pick up on little nuances of human behavior that go unnoticed by most. I have a very strong sense of fairness. I see the "holes" of our system and see how they can be fixed or at least changed to be more equitable and gentle. My emotions tend to be dramatic and large leading to some spectacular displays of mood (others would likely change "spectacular" to pain-in-the-ass). Such emotions are also the driving force behind my creations.

I was wondering about Michael Jackson and others like him, those in the public eye, those in the creative fields and how many succumb to early death for a variety of reasons (suicide, accidental drug overdose, etc.). Being sensitive can be a real challenge in a world that has a system outlined in cold hard individualism. Add to that design being out in the public eye, you're going to have all sorts of people around you, many of whom are simply along for the coat-tail ride in order that they may profit. Unless you have a solid support system around you and have a strong sense of self, it can be easy to break down and lose it altogether. It certainly didn't help he was thrust (pushed in many ways I believe) into the spotlight at such a tender age.

While there has been no conclusive ruling on the cause of his death, my immediate thought, upon hearing it was due to cardiac arrest, was "accidental heart failure due to ongoing use of pharmaceuticals". (Do you ever wonder if the pharmaceutical companies employ some little evil demon to sit behind a desk and count off the number of deaths associated with their products?) Who really knows all of the dynamics behind his death. I just know he was a very misunderstood person living in a world where, unfortunately, people will prey upon you, use you until you can be used no more, spit you out then move on to the next person.

(And isn't it interesting that he become so vilified years ago, but now that he's dead, he's being paraded on every channel, where people are reacting as though Jesus Christ was just pronounced dead.)

I remember listening to him speak years ago, addressing the allegations of child abuse. While thinking he had some serious childhood issues still (understandably) displaying themselves in his behavior, I didn't believe he was a child molester. I recall listening to the interview with a friend and, upon hearing Michael speak about sharing a bed with someone, child or adult, was a very loving thing to do, my friend said something like "Oh, now that's just wrong!" I didn't add anything to the commentary, but I did think about it.

What is so wrong with sharing a bed with another? Couldn't it be a very peaceful, loving thing to do? Must we be so caught up in our western world sexual dysfunction that the moment we think of an adult and non-related child sharing a bed we automatically think something sexually ugly is going on?

Who knows if he molested any of those children. My intuition always said "no", but sometimes such feelings are, of course, wrong. I was more interested in examining his comment and the harsh backlash he received from Conservative Americana. While it's important to be aware there are dark energies and desires waiting to prey on children, to automatically assume one is a molester simply because they enjoy spending time with children and, on occasion, share the same bed, is ridiculous. I've spent a lot of time with children over the years, snuggled with them, even climbed in bed with them. No one's blinked an eye at this, likely because I'm female. However, remove female from the picture and insert male and we freak out. Why is that? Is it because most molesters are male? Is it also because, as a society, we have so dumbed-down our men to the point where it has become uncomfortable (because it isn't "proper" or "masculine") for them to show universal human emotions and behaviors such as affection, softness, tenderness?

I'd say a bit of both, although I believe the latter is one that seriously needs to be examined.

Well, ok, my brain is drifting off into another dimension (the one that says "SLEEP") so I need to wrap this up. And Michael, wherever you are, may you allow yourself to be free of those earthly attachments that left you in pain, physical, emotional and likewise. Keep on going and exploring until you find peace. Don't listen to any being who tries to tell you that you gotta go through judgment or share your lessons or that you gotta turn around and come back again because you either didn't complete your contract or because karma requires you to do so. It's all bullshit, very similar to the bullshit you dealt on this planet. Be free. That's all you gotta do.

And here on earth, I'll be keepin' an ear open to hearin' some new tunes comin' out of the Heavens...

Just Who Do We Think We Are?

One of my on-going questions I ask myself is "Who Am I?" I don't know if I'll ever figure it out, let alone grasp it, in my lifetime, but I continue the exploration.

I was listening to a David Icke interview a few nights ago where he was talking about the reptilian influence on the human species. He claims (and there are many other sources that back this up) that a group of Reptilians incorporated some of their DNA into our own and part of that process left us with the inability to see and understand Dark Matter. Upon hearing that, I had one of those inner "hmm yes" moments. Something within resonated with his observation. I had an insight several weeks ago that some time ago, the human species lived a rather communal existance in complete peace - that is until these other wordly beings forced themselves upon us, engaging in a battle. Rather than controlling the planet directly, they opted to control us by implanting some of their DNA into us. As a result, our brain grew what is known in the fields of Human Behavior and Psychology the Reptilian Brain, that part of us that is always ready to react to anything it perceives as a threat, real or imagined. That part of us always on guard, distrustful, willing and able to attack or even kill another without thought.

While of course many people in such fields believe this part of our brain to have originated during the period when we were running from sabertooth tigers and the like, however, there are growing numbers of people who believe this may not provide the entire story:

"Recent work by Russian biologist Piotr Garjajev and some Russian linguistic experts suggests the same thing, and, more specifically, this research may show that junk DNA, rather than being a discard, is “a computer hologram that works with laser-type radiations.” In short, DNA is an extraordinary generator of perceptions, an instrument of virtual reality.

By accepting the link between DNA and emotional and mental activities, we may begin to imagine DNA as a complex program that directs the life process (regulating our metabolism, for instance), but impedes our consciousness from complete manifestation. (see "Possession and Predation - Aliens, Flyers, Clones, and Reptilians / The Enigma of Extraterrestrial Parasites")

Research testimony that includes ancient representations, suggest that DNA was implanted in humanity by Manipulative Extraterrestrials. The fact that over 95% of DNA does not support vital biological living processes suggest that it is conceivable for biological life to exist without any DNA."

So perhaps, not only do we not need 95% of our DNA but that in and of itself, it is interfering with our ability to be who we really are. Pure Consciousness. Pure Awareness. Able to see and know everything.

I know that at times when I want to understand something and struggle to grasp it, a part of me simply knows that anything I desire to know is within my ability to know.

All of which brings me back to my question: Just Who Do We Think We Are?

Is it the clothing on our bodies?

Is it the car we drive or home we live in?

Is it the church we attend?

Is it the color of our hair and eyes?

Is it our opinions?

Is it the foods we like and dislike?

Is it even our beliefs?

I say "no" to all of the above. Who I Am is awareness. I Am the observer. I Am pure consciousness. And it is this knowledge that has been bred out of us, or shall I say that through DNA manipulation, this knowledge has been suppressed from us. How can you ever remove Pure Awareness?

I know at one point I was in a body and could come and go at will. I was in total awareness of all there is to know about the Universe. This isn't some ego observation. It's a deeper knowing.

Religions for years have said our inner voice is small and quiet. Bullshit. It's powerful and ever-present--when it hasn't been covered up via manipulation.

That isn't to say I'm gonna sit on my ass and just observe. How boring would that be? I'm here, I may as well care for and use this body for some enjoyment. And I believe the human species as well as this planet is worth fighting for.

I asked myself today "why do I keep coming back here?" Is it due to lifetimes of conditioning by a system that says I either get one chance or I have to come back in order to learn lessons or even out karmic debt or in order to evolve spiritually. (How is it possible for Pure Consciousness to evolve? How is it possible for The All Knowing to evolve?) Is it due to a desire to keep on returning until I can break free of that prison and alert others, help break free the human species and see it return to what it once was?

Likely a bit of both. Although I do believe in this lifetime, it's certainly more of the latter.

A Beautiful Sunday

There's a wonderful family who lives in our neighborhood. They may be, perhaps, the best neighbors I've ever had. We've spent much time the past few years hanging out with them, in particular their children. They're from Palestine and, likely, by the time some read this post, they will have returned. Mr. N and I have had more than one conversation with them about staying here in the States, naturally not wanting to see any of them harmed by the horrendous acts taking place against their people.

Quite often, while speaking with them, I find myself staring intently into their large brown eyes and asking myself how on earth could any person with any amount of compassion look at them and ever think they're not as worthy as the people of Israel? I ask myself how anyone could ever, for one moment, justify harming them? These beautiful people with such kind hearts. No different, at the core, than any of us.

Knowing them has not only enriched my heart, but my mind as well. Hearing first-hand from one who has lived the violence, lived with the rationing of food and water and virtually all other goods, lived with the military checkpoints, lived with having land taken has deeply moved me to care and know more about the history of these two nations. To know they don't have their own currency. To know it is not uncommon to stay close to home and to learn to dodge bullets. That one put me into one of those situations where I had to take a few moments to let it sink in. Imagine actually hearing gunfire and, at times, experiencing what it's like to have a bullet race by your head. It becomes a way of life. And I would be lying if I said I don't fear for their safety. I deeply fear for their safety. The thought of them returning, despite knowing their particular town is, for now, a safe area, is something that is weighing heavy on my heart.

While visiting with them today, I spoke a lot with the children. Having been here for the last three years, they have become very westernized. The girls spoke of their love of "Friends" (the television show). I've heard them say "oh my god!" and "no way!" when excited. The oldest son, who discovered last Fourth of July he loves pyrotechnics, is into some new game that we played today. Watching them, taking in all of that wonderful pure energy of childhood, in all of its refreshing splendor, I couldn't help but think to what they're returning to and wondering how long that innocence will last.

I'm not a mom, but I most definitely have that mama internal instinct. I want to tell them to be safe. I want to tell them to stay very close to home. I want to tell them how much I've grown to care about them and how scared I am for them. I want to hold them and weep and tell them I will be praying for them every day. I will be holding them close to my heart whenever I look at the Palestinian pin they gave me. I will remember all of the wonderful talks I have had with their oldest girl and the beautiful smile she always gave me, and how smart and aware she is for her age and how wonderfully kind. I will remember the sidewalk art the youngest girl and I did together and how she always taps me on the leg whenever she wants to talk. I will remember watching their oldest boy climb our apple tree (and all of the other trees in our neighborhood for that matter) and the look on his face when Mr. N showed him how to burn things with just the sun and a magnifying glass. I will remember trying Turkish coffee for the first time and being grateful I opted for juice after witnessing Mr. N, normally a daily coffee drinker, quite literally bounce off the walls after just two cups.

They're such angels. Such good people. So kind. Generous. From the start, opening up their home to us. I can't understand the consciousness of the person who could justify doing them harm. No religion or dogmatic set of beliefs is ever worth that. No political motive. No amount of money or power. There simply is no justification. They're just people who want to live their lives peacefully. That's what the majority of us want.

So then why oh why do the few continue to take away this right?

I could answer that, but then that would change the energy of this post and I don't want to do that. I want this post to be about this family and to express how much they have meant to me. Maybe I will make a copy of this and give it to them.

My only regret is that I didn't spend more time with them. Life continues to teach me such things. Let my heart fully take in each moment I have with people I care about. Absorb it all into every pore of my being and don't take any of it (or them) for granted.

You're Worthy Only If You Have Money...And A Home.

Ok, so I don't believe in the value as proposed in the title...AT ALL...but the scum-sucking assholes who deserve to be piled high in a space craft and sent to the sun to be vaporized who control the System and therefore you and I (all knowingly and wilfully) in many ways that most simply don't wish to own up to much less even think about.........these ugly awful snakes believe in it. They believe in it, they promote it and they use YOU AND ME to keep their bullshit of a system going. And it is time for that to change. NOW. Not tomorrow. NOW. Today. THIS MOMENT.

In Flint, Michigan, there are over a thousand homes scheduled for demolition, many due to the foreclosure bullshit. VACANT HOMES SITTING EMPTY WHILE HOMELESS PEOPLE GO WITHOUT. THAT IS INSANE. And what's with this bullshit title of "abandoned homes due to foreclosure"??? People don't ABANDON their homes when foreclosed upon by the fucking corrupt dark forces of the banking cartel. THEY ARE FORCEFULLY REMOVED.

The parisitic nature of humanity repels me. Disgusts me. People feeding on people. It's horrific enough we feed on animals (I'm not a vegetarian although I really long to be--but my body suffers when I've tried so it's a conflict of morals within my being--I hope to evolve my body to a point where it no longer "needs" meat)--but to feed on one another. To use one another. To say "you gotta PROVE yourself through proving/doing__ in order to have __". INSANE. WHO IN THE FUCK GETS TO MAKE ALL OF THESE DAMN RULES?? WHO IN THE FUCK GETS TO TELL ME I GOTTA DO A B C AND D IN ORDER TO HAVE SOMETHING AS BASIC AS GOOD PAYING EMPLOYMENT OR A HOME???

Highlight the elite while ignoring those in need. Here in America, we look to some black dude as our new leader and become all giddy and downright stupid, suffering from illusionary-induced wet dreams in our mind because, WOW, he ain't Bush and WOW AGAIN, HE IS BLACK. Please. The man is whiter than most white people I know. He's an elitist who was groomed to be where he is and who he is.

We give more respect to people "in power", to those who have, than we do those in real need. That in a nutshell sums up our sickness as a species.

But that's who we have been groomed to be. To feed on each other.

To disregard one, to walk away when one is in need when you are in the position to offer some help.

That's who we have been groomed to be.

Hell is on earth. It has many faces. But there's the flip side. The notion of Heaven on earth.

While we may have been "groomed" to be so parasitic (in varying degrees), we're like hair in a way. We can simply train ourselves to wear a new style.

I simply cannot take one more moment of the ugly on this beautiful planet.

Can you?

Random Thoughts For This Friday

*Well, apparently we are to prepare for Round 2 of the Swine Flu. This one is supposed to be more intense. All of course is government speak for "The first batch we made in the lab wasn't potent enough" as well as this little lingo "We're gonna scare ya all up real good now so that when those vaccines come out this fall, you'll run to the nearest clinic and get shot up". Chill out folks. Eat lots of raw garlic and onions. Supplement with vitamin's C, D. Add some herbal stuff like echinecea, astragulus, goldenseal. Check out natural anti-viral/anti-bacterial oils such as oregano, garlic and coconut. And most important of all (a practice most definitely needed by yours truly): Monitor your thoughts. Find the beauty. Take time to relax and chill out. Laugh. Allow yourself to let things go that aren't helpful, even if just for an hour. When upset, respond instead of reacting. Get lots of sleep. Nap when the need arises.

*Economy's starting to improve. Why? Well, it's because job losses aren't as high as they were months ago. Isn't that sort of like someone saying "hey, I see that illness you're suffering from made you lose 50 pounds. You haven't lost anymore weight. Must mean you're all better now!" Kind of hard to really lose anymore jobs at that volume level, ain't it? And even if it is possible, the PTB don't really wanna pull the rug out from under our asses in one full swoop now, do they? Better to give the illusion all is on the upswing. Of course I could be full of it, but then again, maybe not. It is as it is and I don't know anything else for certain beyond that.

*What's up with me and all of this redneck-style blog speak tonight?

*Our garden is coming along nicely. Aside from some sort of crawling critter who has enjoyed some of the leaves on our peas and beans, it looks good. Tomatoes are coming in. Carrots have another few weeks to go. Chard is almost done harvesting. New lettuce and spinach starts are taking off. Strawberries finally coming in (been waiting for weeks!). Our neighbor from China gave us what he says are potato starts, but I think his English confuses him for I believe what we have instead are tomatoes. That's ok. He's a kick in the pants and I love talking with him.

*Earlier today we went to the store. Mr. N encouraged me to try on this pretty summer dress. The "hippie" look is in, which I have always loved since I was a child. I've waited for many many years for such clothes to come back around. Flowing skirts, poetic-ruffly type baby-doll tops and dresses. Love it all. Anyway, it was on sale so I said "ok". I'm not one to pay full retail anymore on clothing, partly because of emerging values, but also because of the affordability factor. I know if I were to come into a million dollars, I'd go on a shopping spree. At least I'd give myself freedom to go out for a day or two and spend money without thinking "I can't afford this put it back." Just one day of "The Joneses" thing would be enjoyable. Anyway....Well, you know how some stores have wonderful lighting and others have lighting that zaps anything positive about your body and accentuates all that is negative? This store accentuates the negative. Good grief. I stared at myself in the mirror. The lines. The pasty color of my skin. Flab in places I didn't know existed (and on those places I know it does, well, W O W). The dullness of my 40 something hair. Fuck, I thought. I look like crap! But, I decided to get the dress anyway. It was so pretty and feminine. Driving home, I was still in the "I am not happy with how I look I look so damn OLD" funk. Flashes of myself as I appeared in that stinkin' mirror kept flashing through my mind. However, now and then the Universe seems to be on my side. Today was such a day. Just as I am thinking all of these ridiculously ugly thoughts about myself, a car carrying two college-aged boys drove past. I don't know if they were high, drunk or just blind (likely just horny), but the passenger, who had been talking with the driver, stops talking, looks right at me, eyes widening, and says "whoa" then proceeds to stare at me, smiling, as they pass. Even this didn't escape Mr. Nina, who laughed and said "you were just checked out honey!" It's been awhile. Today I needed it. Felt good and rather erased the thoughts of earlier. Which leads me to thinking "why did it take someone else to make me feel better?" I thought I was evolving away from that...

*I'm quite the moody person at times and lately, being I've been off sugar and yeast (for the most part--had one slip up and my body certainly reacted), I've been extra moody. I've never been addicted to anything, that I know of that is. I smoked cigs for awhile, but was able to quit without any real noticeable hassle. I drank a lot during my parents divorce in my early 20's and was able to quit that cold turkey without any issue. I've heard of people being addicted to sugar. Perhaps I am one of them. All I know is that I have been having moments where everything in my body and mind is saying "GIVE ME SUGAR NOW". When I have these moments, I also feel really hungry. I've just been riding them out, eating a piece of fruit or some yeast-free crackers I made. Well, a few nights ago I decided to splurge a bit and have some brownies Mr. N had made from a box. One bite and it was like, well, feeding an addict. I could feel the endorphine rush. Oh god it felt so good. Something told me "you'll pay for this" but I told it to shut the fuck up as I stuffed another brownie into my mouth. The next day, uh huh. My body, the part of it that is wise that is, said "See???"

*Aren't you grateful I'm on this planet so you can read such fascinating ramblings? : )

Sign Of The Times: Work For Free.

British Airways is asking thousands of its staff to take unpaid time off for up to month. However, they have the option of working during that time for no pay.

Wow! Sign me up!

N O T.

Just as I decided my days of playing the piano and writing for free were over many moons ago (and a SHAME ON YOU to the publisher of the alchemist, a local paper, who won't cough up a dime for the very writer's and contributors who are keeping his paper going), there is absolutely no way I would ever work for free for any corporation, big or small. Can't afford to pay me for my time? Then let me know when you can and I'll return at that time.

Think British Airway's elitist executives are working for free or god forbid taking a massive cut in their hefty salaries?

This is simply a reflection of the fucked up way we've created the monetary system. If we are going to insist on such a system, then for christ sake, let's bring some BALANCE into it, shall we?

*Close the gap on the wages of executives versus the workers. For afterall, without the workers, there would be NO DAMN BUSINESS GOING ON.

*Sliding scale fees on ALL goods and services. I'm fed up with paying the same damn price for my food, shelter, clothing and other goods and services as my elitist and wealthier fellow humans. Hell, even the middle and upper middle class can get tossed into that equation.

An enlightened populace looks at this in much the same light. A brainwashed, greedy populace thinks worth/ones deserving of __ is based on money/ones ability to pay.

This infuriates me. I'm upset with myself for choosing (some days I believe I was manipulated) to come to this planet for I know there are other civilizations of humans in this galaxy and beyond who are much more enlightened, compassionate, fair, balanced and peaceful and if I had the chance to hitch a ride to such a place I'd take the offer. Changing the system is hard work and most days, I feel too tired to take up the fight in real tangible ways, especially being my ideas are so foreign and freakish. Upset at how utterly dark and unjust the system is. Upset at fellow human beings who continue to vocally support the system by voting in puppet after puppet even after being shown solid evidence that it is those BEHIND the members of government who drive the wheel. Upset that this damn little city I live in has high unemployment, few jobs and very crappy paying at that, and yet a ridiculously expensive housing market that simply refuses to change with the current financial situation.

But whatever, I'm here and I know I need to make the best of it. And yet, god damnit, I don't want to try and make the "best" of it. Been there, done that. Want something NEW that gels with WHO I AM. I'm tired of feeling like an outcast, tired of feeling like a victim of a system I deplore, trying to find my way in my OWN way. I discipline myself to look at what I think and to condition myself to think new thoughts for, while I don't know how effective this is in creating the life I want for myself in its entirety considering what I want is not going to exist in full unless and until some serious positive, peaceful changes take place, at least some empowerment comes out of knowing that what I think are MY thoughts and not someone elses thoughts. Did that make sense?

It's been tough facing the inner crap, but it leads to our own personal truths. My life has not been easy. I can say I've chosen to take this path, but some days I think "if only I knew..." I've been targeted since birth, so it seems. There's been a pattern of encountering people and forces who seem to wish to silence or dismiss/discount my truth. And god damn, it's lonely as hell at times when you feel cut off from the majority. Oh sure, there are progressive people all around me, but they are still fine with the system at large, in so long as one of their "progressive" candidates is in charge. And talking with them about other dimensions, aliens and "secret" societies (put in quotes because they really aren't secret anymore), well, that pretty much puts an end to the conversation.

Last week, I stood outside at night, looking up at the stars, weeping, longing to find "my people" as I call them and have been calling them for years. I've searched high and low on this planet and aside from my spouse and a couple of other friends, I've yet to find this group of people I keep searching for. What's the term, close but no cigar...? So I've been wondering if, perhaps, they're "out there" on another planet. I began wondering that recently after encountering that object/craft in the sky several weeks ago - the one encounter whereby I felt a heartfelt connection. The one encounter where I intuitively knew it would be there for me to see. The one encounter of a craft whereby I wept as it winked out.

Like that U2 song, "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For". I admire those who claim to be settled and comfortable. I don't know. Maybe we all are searching in our own way, some are more aware of the search (need for) than others. Some more likely to admit to such a vulnerability. Sometimes I think what I'm looking for is to be found within, sometimes, on the outside. Since I continue to hear the word "balance" run through my mind when I'm trying to figure something out, perhaps it is a balance of with-in and with-out. Perhaps at the heart of it all, I'm looking to connect with my inner self in a way that my mind and soul are of like, and perhaps I am also searching for this group of people who are also of like. I just know when it happens, I'll simply know.

Stimulus Bill For The Unemployed Gives Then Takes

For those receiving unemployment compensation, that $25 extra a week was a bit of a reprieve, that is until for some, they realized that additional amount pushed them over the food stamp limit. Ah, but here in America, we have the freedom to say "no" to our government without repercussions, right? I mean, certainly Uncle Sam would allow such an individual to turn down the $25 in order to continue receiving food stamps, right?

"And state labor departments are telling jobless recipients they cannot refuse the stimulus increase in order to keep food stamp benefits coming."

For those brainwashed individualists out there who are under the blinding illusion that they would never be in such a situation or that receiving government assistance is akin to the worst possible shame, just remember that one of the core characteristics of any nation (and its people) that proclaims to be about things such as freedom and justice, compassion and fairness is how they treat the most needy of its citizens. If that ain't enough for you, take a trip to Lady Liberty.

What a gesture from our friends in DC. Here's a few dollars to help you out my dear friend the private citizen.

Ok, well, not really.

For our overseas friends, what this means is that in America, when banks and corporations receive bailout funds, they never have to sacrifice a dime. But when you're a private individual and you receive some help, you sometimes have to sacrifice a basic necessity.

Hmm. I wonder if Congress knew this would happen. Some little birdie tells me they did. And wait, I'm not the only one.

"One think tank expert says Congress knew this would happen, but didn't choose to raise income ceilings."

Thank you, my little birdie friend, for the validation.

A Blog About...Nothing.

Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David did it. Maybe I can, too. In blog format.

The old topics are boring me. I'm really no longer interested in things of the political nature. There doesn't seem to be a purpose or point anymore in trying to inform. It is as it is. Maybe I'll just start posting of things, conversations I have with others. Although, most of the people I know are quite normal - certainly none are as eccentric and obnoxious as the characters on Seinfeld.

I could always exaggerate...

Maybe I'll join Facebook, although there aren't really too many people from my past with whom I would like to reconnect (assuming they're even on the network). And it all seems so trendy anyway. Oooh, I'm on My Space, I'm on Facebook, are you? I've never been one to do whatever is hip or popular...

Who knows. For the time being, here's something I experienced yesterday...

Picture it: I'm in bed, sleeping soundly when suddenly, the sound of banging thumping awakens me. What the hell, I think, tossing off my sleep mask, throwing back the covers. In the typical still-sleepy stupor fashion, I walk out into the living room to ascertain what the noise is and where it's coming from.

Next door. Of course. The college boys are out of school for the summer and are being loud.

"Little fuckers," I mutter to myself, wiping the sleep out of my eyes. The banging has continued enough for me to realize it has a rhythm. Drums, I think.

Real drums or those WI drums? I stay still silently and listen.

Definitely real drums.

Great, I think. I love drums. I'm a musician afterall. However, there are only 2 places for drums: 1) Live concert venue; 2) In a soundproof room.

Then I hear the strumming of an electric guitar. The drums have increased in intensity.

Rushing back to the bedroom, I throw on some clothes, thinking no way am I going to put up with this. So I go next door and pound on their front door. Some kid opens it up.

"Yeah?" he asks.

"Is that a real drum set?" I ask.

"Uh huh," he says.

"Yeah, well, I can hear that in my house and it's very loud," I said. "If you boys are going to play drums like that, you need to soundproof the room."

"Ok, I'll tell them to keep it down," he said.

"Drums don't have a volume knob," I said, thinking of the numerous noise issues we've had with young folks while wanting to scream 'young single people under the age of 25 should not be living in their own place'. "Soundproof the room. There are noise ordinances in this city."

"Ok, sorry," he said.

"That's ok," I said. "This time."

5 hours later, the drums started up again. The drumming stopped after 15 minutes.

It started up again 3 hours later, this time for just a couple of minutes.

In the meantime, I have drawn circles on the wall on our adjoining wall in the outline of drums. I will be banging on these spots if I hear that thumping beat again. Perhaps a 6am musical montage would suffice.

Want To Hear Me Freaking On A Thunderstorm?

Click here.

I recorded this yesterday afternoon when we were hit by a severe and highly unusual thunderstorm. It was quite an experience. I have never witnessed rain like that. It was both exhilarating and frightening. Thankfully it only lasted about 15 minutes (I only recorded the first few minutes of it). If that rain had continued, we would have had flooding. These storms popped up all over the state, triggering a tornado (another highly unusual weather event) in one part of the state. Meteorologists reported over 7000 strikes of lightening yesterday alone; 24,000 since last Thursday.

If you can get past my on-going chatter, you can hear some of the intensity of the storm. Listening to yourself is also quite the experience. I still sound the same as I did in 8th grade, much to my annoyance and I was able to see how, at times, certain people (husband included) have said my talking can be a wee bit annoying. More than once while listening to this recording I wished I would simply BE QUIET. When I was a little girl, my parents used to give me those juijy (sp) fruit candies on car trips to keep my mouth occupied on, well, chewing.

The male voice you hear is Mr. Nina, who was braving the storm outside with me as well. When the rain started coming into the carport, we both headed inside and watched rather helplessly as the rain began to flood our patio.